posted June 13, 2012 04:20 AM            

I had forgotten the words... God isn't just a spirit--God is that meta-palpable force that glues molecules together.

In my 20s I spent hours and hours singing Yogananda song "I am the Bubble Make Me The Sea." I'd sing out my heart and my life to God who is and was everything to me! The song is so Neptune, isn't it? Oceans and seas...

Another inspiring Yogananda song from the past that moved my soul to more and deeper radical commitment is this song. "I may go far, farther than the stars...BUT...I will be Thine always, My Lord, I will be Thine Always."

This is all from my past!

Back in college I read Autobiog of a Yogi, AND the book Seth Speaks:The Eternal Validity of The Soul. (1970s) I never became a student of any kind of Eastern religion, but did attend satsangs and various sorts of meetings sporadically over a span of years.

Joined an Edgar Cayce Study Group in college. Attended throughout college years---they were my FAMILY. I hold these sooo dear in my heart! They put up with me and my testy teenaged self. They were grandmothers...but now that can't be THAT old. :smile:

I had become "an atheist" as a teen, then turned "agonistic." (This is a story for later.)

Also in early 1980s became a postulant in a cloistered monastery (catholicism). (Julie Andrews "maria" problems? Ha! Oh yeah Jovian, you would pee your pants laughing at 'situations' I kept accidently falling into: God DEFINITELY is fun and has a great sense of humor...)

But PLEASE understand I'm NOT religious, I just love the Lord! and I love His Creation. AND (maybe unfortunately) I have no problem with swearing like a sailor, hip-hop artist, or whatever!! Of course, I use careful restraint around others who don't. But really now, some swear words do make very expressive adjectives, nouns, particles, verbs-- uh.... Well, you know?? I've walked down MANY streets this lifetime and some dark alleys on my earthwalk. Call it "contrast"... great revealer. (Ohh, the great riches of much experience!)
-----
[thunder storm here, gotta go]
[back on Jun23,2012]
-----
I've walked a strange corridor as a Christian. Much condemnation for owning one's OWN plate of beliefs. Perplexes them. It's "complicated."

Then a big mistake I made in this life was being my own harsh judge. Lived in my own jail. Formed a picture in my mind "of me" based on the "mirror" in other people's eyes. Unfortunately I based 'who I am' on some shock, humiliation, and the degradation of "me." Some abused their power over me, abused sacred trust of authority when they were in positions of help, crossed the line, acted out behaviors inhumane!! I was intentionally harmed in my body, emotions, finances, and spirit.

It's taking layers of realization, because I continually defend them inside. I "understand" too well. That's the hard work for me. I "assumed" they were okay to trust; that they lived by honor AND made honest mistakes, and had an unintentional misunderstanding. But some did evil.

I kept waiting for them, I kept making it "okay" that I was being abused. I thought they'd eventually see... see that I was not a threat to them. I kept the faith that they would eventually would come around... but THAT never happened because that's not who they are... they were NOT me but I gave them credit. they were un-worthy!

And throughout life, as I even walked among those with the Greatness inside, 'they' never saw. It creeps up on you... where you come to define your own self as unreachable, as incorrigable. I was a definitive despicable "lost cause." A mirage. I still search to find my "Self" through reflections, only now using a different mirror. I'm not a lie or deception or an evil being : I exist for real. Pinnochio searched for himself hiking through some REALLY bad environments. Mistake after mistake.

I study the awesome physics up above reflected through people, experiences, angles, blends, and all the descriptive designs God fashioned in the big sky : through this I'm learning to "see" myself.

Astrology is helping me to find "me" and to see 'others' better and bette. I'm trying to assess and understanding 'what' happened, then I'll point my feet to what's right for me and walk. I still search to claim all those missing parts--- but not only my own!! I'm taking survivors with me...

My chart hemisphere emphasis is Southern [above the horizon] and Western [right side of chart]. My Sun is just under the Descendant, in the 6th House. My NATURAL instinct is service to others.
NorthNode in 1st House means I must define who I am and what I mean 'for myself.' Other's feedback is important.

It's not easy for me because I was "garbage can" for too many close friends and family--so naive. They worked at cross-purposes and it was intentional. I was sleeping with monsters and trusting enemies. In my life I've had little human intervention that aligned me to incredble grace.

Through devastating Pluto transits of Sagittarius I came to a reckoning with the suicidal feelings that would come and I kept hidden for so long. Yep, I found out that some 'folk of my past' were actually ****** to find out that I was still alive... HUH! wild... and you know what I got out of all that? I've found LIVING to be the very BEST revenge!

I kinda like that....

posted June 15, 2012 08:08 AM            

Well, I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner and left you hanging.

...I'm going to respond anyway. I was glad to hear your story of your earlier years. I do feel it jibes with what you said earlier, about there being a subset of people along a similar path. ...I was imagining you sitting in a circle as a college-age student, with all your older lady friends. That seems rather remarkable to me--that you would've been so confident and independent in your own search at that age.

posted June 15, 2012 08:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:

Recently came across this research site. Some asteroids had references to wars.
http://markandrewholmes.com/asteroid.html

---

...I was just reviewing our rambling thread here, and noticed this site you had offered. I think I had overlooked the site, as it seemed so non-descript, but there are really some useful interpretations there.

posted June 15, 2012 09:38 PM            

I ended the ORIGINAL post in the weeee hours of that morning. It wasn't my final product. (Borrowed-computer I use doesn't have wordprocessing.)

Time flew!!! Was 'unintentionally' up all night under the influence of chiron I wanted to be brave and DO it -- not run away like I've been doing in my life. BUT there was no way for me to print it without posting. Didn't want to lose my work. I THOUGHT I could do my errands then come back quickly.

Took a two-hour nap then bolted out the door to make sure to connect with unreliable city bus. Had a hot jostling bus ride to destination, then a stop-and-go aggravating two-hour-plus ride back home. By the time I got home, I was sooo tired that I could barely stand myself!

Still, I was determined to do "the tweak" to my original post before too many read it---it wasn't "finished!"

Needed to smooth the first paragraph,
to soften the last paragraph,
then to ADD that 'piece de resistance'--
apply that FINAL music url that would balance and wrap it all together so tight, (or be at least approach my own final satisfaction)!!

I wanted to balance the
Yogananda [I Will Be Thine Always] with the
GLAD song [Until Your Love Broke Through]:
BOTH OF THESE TOGETHER "told" my story!

So I kept re-sending and re-sending but my 'revision' just wouldn't go through!!

At first I thought it was the internet...

Had planned to send LindaJones a certain url for her dream about iQ. Found it and created a new Tab and that post went through!

Quickly went back to Asteroid Themes to send my new revised version--- AGAIN the thread STILL wouldn't take the tweak. Tried ?for more than an hour!

Yes Jovian, THEN my 'worrier' came in. Combined with aggravating day, I suddenly panicked. Realized my posts have been way too 'heavy' and I imagined the worst: that I was being blocked out by the moderator... I don't know... yeah, I panicked! Decided to delete. Post wasn't "right" without the changes, so nothing would be better than incompletion.

Hey, words are like sex... it's about an exchange of essence, an exchange of life's rich living experience! I know, I'm just a little too serious. People just want to hang around and have escape... My escape is not like theirs! h-no:

Thank you, and I ask everyone for your great ability to understand, as always :smile:

posted June 15, 2012 09:52 PM            

Just read your post and the others on this page (still have to find time to read the remaining portions of this thread).

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you're very, very sweet.

If you're having trouble posting, try divvying up your post into 2 or 3 posts. I think there's a limit to how many words you can put into one post.

Yup I know 'cause I've run into that problem before. So this very wordy person found the perfect solution - divvy up the post.

posted June 15, 2012 09:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jovian:
Linda - I am always touched by how gracious you are toward everyone, ever honoring others, as one might read about an ancient, humble people who treated every visitor to their home as an “honored guest.”

---

Aww Jovian, thank you *courtesies*

posted June 15, 2012 11:59 PM            

I do understand how one's mind can start making things up. (Linda was having problems with posts sticking on her threads as well.) Thanks for sharing that-—it makes me feel better about when I do the same thing ...worry about posts, that is. You were worrying...and I was worrying that I had taken too long to respond! ...But I would suggest that you are indeed free to share whatever you had posted before. I thought we had already de facto established this thread as having a "heavy" vibe...as well as any other vibe we are moved to share. Hmm...granted, I jumped onto this thread as a newbie, and Steppen was kind enough to not dictate that it stay on any specific course. In the future, perhaps we can initiate such musings on another of the more free-form boards? Yes, I am grateful that we have been allowed to interact so freely here thus far.

...I am going away for the week, and will be in the rural boonies with no internet.

In honor of your adventures, here is Weird Al, "Another One Rides the Bus."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nmPXPKLWe4

posted June 16, 2012 01:51 AM            

------- POSTING COMPUTER MYSTERIES ------
BTW, your June 15, 11:59pm post popped before my eyes long AFTER I posted the list of urls FOR June 16, 12:40am
Hm-m-m, THIS could explain how I manage to 'miss' posts!
-------------------------------------------------------

Good luck on your trip! What a good time to be away! Uranus Square Pluto in coming weeks. Be at peace...

posted June 21, 2012 11:13 PM            

The death of Ray Bradbury on June 5, 2012 saddens me. I'd read his short story The Fog Horn more than 40 years ago. The metaphor was so stark, so surrealistic... A piece about humanity, this is the story of "us." The Deep which calleth unto deep.

Out of the Depths...

quote:

---

BRADBURY : ". . . Strange. One night, years ago, I was here alone, when all of the fish of the sea surfaced out there. Something made them swim in and lie in the bay, sort of trembling and staring up at the tower light going red, white, red, white across them so I could see their funny eyes. I turned cold. They were like a big peacock's tail, moving out there until midnight. Then, without so much as a sound, they slipped away, the million of them was gone. I kind of think maybe, in some sort of way, they came all those miles to worship. Strange. But think how the tower must look to them, standing seventy feet above the water, the God-light flashing out from it, and the tower declaring itself with a monster voice. They never came back, those fish, but don't you think for a while they thought they were in the Presence?"

---

quote:

---

more BRADBURY . . . "For all our engines and so-called submarines, it'll be ten thousand centuries before we set foot on the real bottom of the sunken lands, in the fairy kingdoms there, and know real terror. Think of it, it's still the year 300,000 before Christ down under there. While we've paraded around with trumpets, lopping off each other's countries and heads, they have been living beneath the sea twelve miles deep and cold in a time as old as the beard of a comet."

---

Selah.

The words to Paramahansa Yogananda's song, "O God Beautiful" once rolled over and over in my spirit. Added to the layers of revelation in my soul. Words, ...' In the Mountains Thou art High, In the River Though art Restless, In Thy Oceans Thou art Grave [deep].... '

So... How deep is YOUR Love?

A friend recently reminded me of a story I heard a long ago and have had much time and experience in my life to comtemplate. Pain is an excavator. The cavern it leaves behind forms a space that Love can fill.

quote:

---

BRADBURY:
"Yes, one of the [dinosaur] tribe."
"But they died out!"
"No, only hid away in the Deeps. Deep, deep down in the deepest Deeps. Isn't that a word now, Johnny, a real word, it says so much: the Deeps. There's all the coldness and darkness and deepness in a word like that."

---

Ray Bradbury describes the fog horn as a tower with a big "Voice" calling out "I'm here, I'm here," but was actually sending a false message across the waters. The sea creature he refers to as a "monster" hears the fog horn. The fog horn lured the creature to swim the three-month journey from the bottom of the oceans to surface and find that 'other' who was like "I".

quote:

---

BRADBURY:
The Fog Horn blew.
And the monster answered.
A cry came across a million years of water and mist. A cry so anguished and alone that it shuddered in my head and body. The monster cried out at the tower. The Fog Horn blew. The monster roared again. The Fog Horn blew. The monster opened its great toothed mouth and the sound that came from it was the sound of the Fog Horn itself. Lonely and vast and far away. The sound of isolation, a viewless sea, a cold night, apartness. That was the sound.

---

Among the asteroids, this describes the pain of Chiron in my life. Unfortunately I was "older" (~24 yrs old) when I hit my "first Chiron square." (Barbara Hand Clow) Chiron rx in Aquarius, 2nd House. Progressed Chiron has been in my P'12th House for several years. Harsh.
Now, in June 2012, transiting Chiron and Neptune travel together through my intercepted 3rd house natally.

It is my fervent wish that we all find the internet here to be a bridge, that it will lead us to right relationships, that it can be a place where we can come to know ourselves 'as we are known', and extend to one another the oceans unconditional love in seas of compassion. May this world become a better world, just because we came this way... blessed.

quote:

---

BRADBURY: . . . Think of it, waiting a million years; could you wait that long? Maybe it's the last of its kind. I sort of think that's true. Anyway, here come men on land and build this lighthouse, five years ago. And set up their Fog Horn and sound it and sound it out toward the place where you bury yourself in sleep and sea memories of a world where there were thousands like youself, but now you're alone, all alone in a world not made for you, a world where you have to hide.
But the sound of the Fog Horn comes and goes, comes and goes, and you stir from the muddy bottom of the Deeps, and your eyes open like the lenses of two-foot cameras and you move, slow, slow, for you have the ocean sea on your shoulders, heavy.

---

The sea creature's desire stirred an act of ascension. The longing to be connected, to feel once more the spiritual and emotional security, comfort and safety of bonding with those of its own kind, to be reconnected to that ineffable substance of "home" embedded in its ancient memory.

The creature took a gamble. What had been submerged was overcome by the light of joy and the chance that the dream was real. Faith rose inside. Awakened belief received an unfortunate slap of reality for Bradbury's 'monster'. It had dreamed a dream that was there not to be--- at least just YET for the creature.

But what about us?

Will we sing the heartsong that 'One fine day, we'll be together...(oh yes we will, yes we will)'?

I see many parallels in the story of Ray Bradbury's "The Fog Horn." I feel Chiron, I feel Sedna. I feel a collective, the existence of a subset in our present world of human beings... A physically reincarnated group of souls who have been in a half-sleep, awakening to a 'certain' call. Some await messiah. Some have been crying in their Dark Night; others can see gold etchings on the horizon under the ink sky.

Ya Komme! O quickly come...

MORE - "More" from Mondo Cane - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJIenypXh9w

Reference---
Ray Bradbury (c1965). The Vintage Bradbury : Ray Bradbury's own selection of his best stories / with an introduction by Gilbert Highet. Vintage Books, A division of Random House, Inc., NY. July 1990 edition. pp 266-274.

LECTURE: An Evening With Ray Bradbury... 'The Hygiene of Writing' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W-r7ABrMYU&feature=relmfu

posted June 26, 2012 07:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jovian:
“Well, if you want to know, Mom, I'm quite depressed. I haven't changed my clothes in three days. Though, I did manage to brush my teeth today, which I consider quite an accomplishment.”

---

This had me in stitches, as it pretty much sums up where I'm at right now. What you said about depression representing a soul cry for significant changes is so true too. The way I relate to people has to completely change - perhaps pluto going over my moon will help with that. I AM afraid to tap into it all, terrified, even.

I want to know what it's all about, what I'm supposed to be learning, what the meaning of all this suffering is. I feel like I need to go back to the start to figure all of that out as these relationships are karmic; it's like we're actors in a play, switching roles from life to life, but to what end? And another part of me just keeps repeating the mantra 'let it go, let it go, let it go'. Jeff Green's description of first house Pluto fit me to a T, must get a hold of the book. I'm doing alright taking some time off to rediscover myself. I've also been enjoying reading the astrology and some science fiction...

Quote of the day:

"On every side, above, below, before, beyond, blaze steady fires of amethyst and topaz and ruby, emerald and diamond and ultramarine - drift upon drift of them, burning against the blackness or veiled in filaments and gauzes of hypnotic allure. They are, she realizes slowly, stars. The unwinking suns of space. She is floating amid the glory of the universe, seeing without eyes the incomprehensible vast unhuman beauty of the void".

posted June 27, 2012 12:04 AM            

…How do you solve a problem like Mirage? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? (Sung in the voice of the uptight nuns in the abbey, if you still can’t hear me). Yes, yes, yes--how can we not adore the fiery, independent, yet naïve Maria? Postulant in a monastery…wow! Some seeker you are.

I am the bubble, make me the sea. …That was one of my favorites as well. I would imagine the sea, and that feeling of dissolving of the ‘little self’ into the ocean of all existence. So soothing of mental tension—-Piscean indeed. Yes, I Will Be Thine Always - another soothing one.

Thank you for replacing your posts. I like trying to understand where you are coming from, where you've been, where you are going. ...Everyone's story helps us understand ourselves better. And your self-expression is one-of-a-kind! Oh my friend--what "confusion and inconvenience?" Then I will also have to apologize for all the prattling on I’ve done here. You’ve already wasted a good 60 seconds of your life reading just this insignificant post of mine...not to mention all the others. If you don’t feel free to express yourself, then how will I? Your expression has allowed my own. Sincerely. I'm glad you found value in that experience.

…This is from the cafeastrology description of NN in Sagittarius: “We cannot inspire others to have faith in us when we do not have faith in ourselves. When we act bravely and impulsively, working on intuition and faith, we free ourselves from the inner turmoil of doubt and too much logic, and find an inner balance that enriches our lives and our souls.” Mmmm.
http://cafeastrology.com/nodesofthemoon.html

I was looking at your chart, as close as I can perceive it, with what you’ve given. In the world of Magi Astrology-- as limited as “their”(whoever the mysterious wizards are behind the curtain) level of evolution is (not too abstract or soulful)—I still can’t help notice the ‘planetary geometry’ you have, which would be considered significant to that school of astrology. (What can I say-—I always loved geometry in school…Yes—a design of god, as you say). That 9th house Pluto is at the apex of a symmetrical formation of six (!) planets between 24 and 27 degrees (not to mention Chiron)…all increasing in power by their connection, says Magi. (I guess it’s not technically Planetary Geometry by their precise definition, as the planets involved make mostly minor aspects, but it is still quite significant, says me). I’d say that finding a spiritual/metaphysical worldview that makes sense of the world is very important to you. As well, your sensitivity to the hypocrisy of certain dogmatic followers of religion would be confirmed by this strong Pluto placement as well. …Oh, that Moon conj MC (right?) square Mercury—that must contribute to the doubts you have about your expressions here—logic versus emotions. I think you may have mentioned this before—forgive me. …I hope I don’t come across as insensitive when I encourage you to stop worrying about it…. I just hate to think of you or anyone fretting or feeling badly about such a thing here--not that I'm the arbiter of what's appropriate here, but I just want to contribute to the same type of atmosphere that I'd appreciate for myself. Hmm… I just also realized that Sun in the sixth house (Virgo) might contribute to wanting to be a perfectionist in self-expression? (You say it is just below the descendant? A sixth house description is more apt for you?)

Your heliocentric chart has a lovely grand trine of Earth, Venus, and Jupiter. Again, Magi would suggest that aspects to Earth represent how you express those energies to all the people on Earth… something like that. I wish I knew more interpretations of that to suggest. According to some, there are no axes, no moon nodes, no houses to consider, so the geometry is of more importance; though, there seems to be much yet to discover in that area of study, and researchers are trying different things to see what sticks, including placing heliocentric placements in the geocentric chart. Some suggest the heliocentric represents more of your enduring soul, or higher self, apart from the specific personality issues of this lifetime (i.e. it is the view from ‘above’—as opposed to the myopic view from our location on this earth). Here are some concepts about heliocentric, from an essay:
http://www.astrologysoftware.com/resources/articles/heliogeo.asp?orig=

“The heliocentric chart when used with the geocentric chart is the obvious companion and describes clearly that information long sought for by modern geocentric astrology. Here is the general type of configuration, in effect, for the entire system at the time of birth. Heliocentric astrology is itself the picture or graph or archetype that many modern forms of descriptive psychology have attempted to put into words. Here is a picture of the inner self that can be absorbed and considered by all manner of astrologers. With an understanding of the basic pattern of our system, we can more usefully move to the geocentric chart for the particular circumstances of personality, in and through which this type of individuality will work. Pervious to this time, we have had to determine all of this using only the geocentric chart. A fine analogy to the difficulties involved in such an inquiry is that of making sense out of our personal life without going to the center and first learning to know of God and our deeper Self. Once we understand our center, what we are within our personality, we can take up the circumstances and difficulties inherent in personal existence with confidence and realization of this person we are.”

An LL thread about helio:
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/207182.html

Anyway--just another tangent I was inspired to go off on, for whatever it's worth.

Well, I’ve got to get to bed. Here is another older song that I somehow missed and only recently discovered that I enjoy very much. Richie Havens’ Follow. I thought of you, Mirage, at the lyric, “And don’t mind me 'cos I ain't nothin' but a dream.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjefIsixrfU

…And a "hello" to everyone else! Hi Linda—nice of you to say. Despina, glad to see your follow-up post! Steppenwolf--your gentle, kindly nature allows us all to share with open hearts here. ...And any assorted and sundry lurkers. What a lovely bunch.

I don't mean to sound saccharin here--I really sincerely appreciate the opportunity to connect and share here. ...Maybe I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop--some fear that everyone will realize I'm really an @ssh0le! Sorry for the crudity. It's interesting to observe what comes up when sharing oneself like this. Very useful...as Mirage has mentioned with her recent episode!

posted June 27, 2012 03:16 PM            

I notice you! Please, don't feel that you're just "prattling on" here-- You Create Presence. People come here specifically to read what you have to say about things. In fact, this song describes the effect I watch "you" have on people here sometimes Jovian ....

Roberta Flack - Killing Me Softly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpNdMIAnKko

Ooookay!---> The Name of "Jovian" - Hmmm!! Let me see..., Could it be named after JUPITER???? (voice of church-lady, Dana Carvey on snl) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWHOIowtzXA&feature=related

Jovian, thanks for the astrological info. I'm a beginner... and right now VERY much under the "influence" of wacky transits... Reading your posts are NOT a waste of time... I just need to print them out so I can read later and savour your expressions. Mull over the things you've said. So sorry, I suck at being able to pay attention.

I'm glad you're safe. Say hello to the daisies for me. Do some incredible writing, and healing, and relaxing.... and don't let the skeeters bite.

posted June 27, 2012 04:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
for friends here. . . .

Roberta Flack - BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS - by Paul Simon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=k49yMJE8jyg

---

posted June 28, 2012 07:48 PM            

Funky Chicken Dance - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0kMUTm_iDc

You've Got To Be Carefully Taught - (South Pacific) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKzn8aHyXg

Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah - Gay Men's Chorus of Washington, DC http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9JnzrShCMQ&feature=related