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mirage29
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posted July 02, 2012 01:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Despina, Your physical symptoms?

Stephen Arroyo describes Saturn crossing from 12th, over the Ascendant and into the 1st House.

Arroyo (p.89) observes that as Saturn gets within a 6* orb from a house cusp, that "there is often some sort of event, experience, or realization that is clearly related to the entire period just ending, and to the basic meaning of the house that Saturn is leaving."

Stephen Arroyo describes Saturn is "often felt as the 'hand of destiny' reaching into our lives...". (p.91)

Arroyo notes that "While Saturn crosses the Ascendant and remains in the 1st house, often there are also marked physical changes. Losing weight effortlessly is common, occasionally even to the point of looking emaciated. The physical energy is often quite low, manifesting as tiredness, poor digestion, and at times feelings of depression." (p.90)

Stephen Arroyo's book is very "meaty" and dense-- no fluffy reading here!! Needs to be read with courage; his counsel is for those who need to or want to grow in maturity.

(Not the "milk" of the word, but strong meat...)

______
ref. c 1978,1992. Stephen Arroyo. Astrology, Karma & Transformation : inner dimensions of the birth chart -- 2nd ed. CRCS Publications.

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mirage29
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posted July 02, 2012 02:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
@Despina, Hope this helps a bit regarding your concerns about CHIRON in the Fourth, in aspect to The Moon.

In her work with clients, Astrologer Barbara Hand Clow found that "individuals with Chiron in the fourth house are intense, brooding, deep, and often nervous." (p.56)

Barbara Hand Clow relates that these clients are "teachers about Chiron depth, and they are very misunderstood individuals..." (p.56)

She says that "The most striking energy revealed in my clients is resonation with suffering humanity or compassion." (p.56)


B.H.Clow further observes that "...Chiron in the fourth signifies a suffering early childhood which marks the psyche. These people know about pain because they have lived it intensely. Therefore they know when someone else is suffering." (p.56)


In regards to Chiron aspecting the Moon, I think Barbara Hand Clow describes the aspect as difficult because the individual isn't aware of their intensity of feelings; and that other people can feel and react to that.

Chiron and Moon together work to enable your soul to experience its' feelings so that processing can go on inside.

Barbara Hand Clow writes "...we cannot know ourselves without journeying deep within by means of dreams, exploring past lives, or relating our present-day emotional experiences to deep feelings inside. Therefore, the Moon is a critical vehicle for Chiron to connect feelings to the deepest subconscious. If we can't feel what our spiritual essence might be, it is hard to get in touch with it." (p.134)

_______
ref. [c1993] Barbara Hand Clow (1987) Chiron: rainbow bridge between the inner and outer planets. --2nd edition, Ninth Printing 2008. Llewellyn Publications.
p.56, 134.

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mirage29
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posted July 02, 2012 04:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Jovian, thankyou for sharing about when you and your brother were just little ones; about the many times you were uprooted and replanted back then. So much duty when you have a younger brother so close in age! He probably was very mean to you.

With all your mutable jove-ness, and a sensitive cancer moon you must have absorbed a lot of what had been going on with your mom. Do you have aries in your ic, with uranus transit your 4th right now? (guessing) You have chiron there too? Probably wanted to cheer her up a lot?

I can imagine your recent relocation, and circumstances stir up that feeling state a bit... I hope you have some good friends.

Sorry about your seized up van... THAT really sucks! I remember you saying you had to go rescue that van. You let friends borrow it? They didn't pay attention to fluids?? What's with that? Job hunting gets complicated...


I would think that having a van would feel more secure--- if you suddenly lost your place to live, you always have the shelter of your car, and the mobility to go to the place 'where the weather suits your pores'.

You know, I think we are people who really care, and we all want to do such a good job but we're all so RUSHED! Thank you Jovian, and Despina and Linda Jones. (Hi, Steppenwolf)

The Universe has been serving POSITIVE 'corrective' experiences through you all. (And it's been way overdue!!!) I get scared sometimes after I've shared so much. Even stings. BUT gyod Jovian! you had me pegged soooo well when I'd dropped those posts! How'd you get so good at knowing people?

I've been without a way to speak... now my gemini fingers do the talking and moving--- sooo much better...

Love and appreciate you all!


(Jovian, The 'just a dream' song connects with me so well... Thankyou so much for that... )

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Jovian
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posted July 02, 2012 03:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi guys. This lady has some good self-help articles. You guys here might be beyond some of this, but new bits of insight can be found everywhere, I think.
http://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/index.htm

Narcissism, Co-dependency, Relationship Addiction, Forgiveness, Honouring One's Emotions, Creating a new future, Ego--the enemy of Self, Healing Dysfunctional Childhood Conditioning ...and even Healing Past Lives Affecting Your Current Life.

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Jovian
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posted July 02, 2012 05:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mirage--such wisdom you are sharing! …And you are adept at recalling such appropriate quotes, references, and song lyrics. Regarding your anxiety about sharing so much...I must commend you, then, for the depth and honesty of what you've shared here, in spite of your fears. We are all creating a space with what we share. ...Thank you for your comments of thoughtful concern.

And Despina—I don’t mean to harp on it, but you seem remarkably aware for your age. I’m so glad you can share yourself with us. Especially considering that depression--I really feel for you!

Mirage…Ha—yes—I do have Chiron in 4th. Yes—Aries like the rest of my generation. That Uranus recently hitting fourth coincided with end of relationship and new residence—so cookbook, as I’ve mentioned!

I agree that I absorbed a lot from that early environment. …Actually, I was the one who always had to best my younger brother! All that Sag, I guess. It’s in my later years that I felt guilty for it…meanwhile, he has shared how he felt guilty for picking on me--which I really hadn’t felt any lingering effects of, that I was aware of. …Again--everyone has their own perspective on the past. But really, we were very close-—going through the same situation together. I don’t know what I would have done as an only child. I know he has been my brother before.

My mother has said that as children we “just knew how to behave.” Now, of course, this seems unhealthy …to realize that children shouldn’t have to be behaving like little adults, walking on eggshells because you want to do whatever you can to preserve your sense of being connected to your mother, not wanting her to snap at you. An adaptation mechanism, like the sort we all make in some way to our imperfect situations, I suppose, right? And moving all the time: Mirage and Despina--you guys are aware and conscious that this is disruptive to children. My mother, on the other hand, was oblivious to the effects.

...My mom has no maternal instincts, and in fact we have since discussed that she does not like small children. Some women are like this. (I do love my mom... We are friends now...as much of a friend as I need my mother to be, which is honestly not much. She has felt guilty for the past, as much as her evolution currently allows her to see about herself.) …I’ve thought it would be great if in society we could give the babies and little kids to those really maternal people, who seem to be just made for taking care of little ones, for those first few years of life.

Yes—I don’t know what to say about relocating. I’ve of course thought about how my early years of always being “the new kid” in school may have affected me. I suppose in some sense it goes along with who I am--always one foot inside and one outside, keeping a bird’s eye view of things, being friendly with all, but not ever feeling a part of a community. …I think some of that is more reflective of soul age. Many of us are at this point…and don’t feel particularly connected to any place. …Am I off the mark on this one? Though, I do go through spells when I yearn for my own abode-—my own piece of land that no one can displace me from. …A theme with echoes across lifetimes. It will happen if it is due to.

…Yet, the break-up of the relationship was difficult for me. I reacted more strongly than perhaps the Sag part of me thought I would. Almost six years—my longest relationship! A stability and consistency of person--and place--that I was very reluctant to let go of and didn't realize I needed. Not a great reason for maintaining a relationship, I know. My reactions to the situation brought into stark relief for me just how much I value that sense of comfort and reliability, despite how much less than ideal I realize the relationship was. Yes—Cancer moon speaks to this. ...Despina also mentioned clinging to a relationship for stability.

Re: my beloved van… Yes! I did value it as a camper on wheels. We often slept in it while on the road. I had just put a lot of money into it to fix it…even though it was an older van. It should have been good to go, so either the garage effed it up, or it could have simply been its time to die. …My generous friend who is out of the country has lent me a vehicle for now… Serendipitous blessing. It’s an old farm pick up truck. Oh, I am looking COUNTRY driving this thing, honey!

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Jovian
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posted July 02, 2012 05:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know, I was just feeling how remarkable it is that we can all share here, despite the current state of apparent upheaval in our respective lives. I think there is something to be said for being able to contribute something meaningful to others, in the midst of one’s own less-than-satisfactory current life situation. Perhaps it is that very status—of being in a state of not knowing, not being currently on some “track” in life…of being in a transitional stage of life, when you don’t know what’s next for you, when your mind and heart are open to answers and insight--that allows this kind of exchange? As Mirage shared in a recent quote—we are able to tap into a moment of genius, when focusing attention on a particular area for a spell. It is a time of very raw realness, for us, perhaps… Truly—a time we could even see as one to be grateful for.
XO

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Jovian
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posted July 02, 2012 07:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Despina… I see your son has Capricorn moon...and I shared that my brother has Cap moon (in 12th house. My moon is in 8th). My father was the absent parent—mainly because my mother moved away with us, further and further—though we did travel to see him a few times a year, and he was certainly not the kind of unstable person your ex is. Yes, dad was therefore the idealized absent parent, in a way. My brother did eventually choose to live with him, when he was 14. …I followed and also moved. I guess I did perceive my mother as unstable at the time, and I hate to say it but I did not respect who she was then. (I was just a teenager, of course, and certainly have a wiser view of things now.) I do feel for your and Mirage's positions--the heartbreak of feeling that disconnect from one's children.

Wow, such questions from a little boy! With those placements, I am feeling like you are going to have to be both the authoritative father as well as provide the motherly warmth of a loving home...on whatever level that is possible. You may feel insecure in response to his challenges, with his Saturn conj your MC, but I’d say don’t let him get into the habit of not respecting the decisions you make for the family. With that Cap moon, he is perhaps wanting to have order, boundaries, and a respect for some authority in his life (and perhaps you seek this too--if you also have Cap moon?), even with that independent Sun/Asc/Jupiter. If I may, I really would advise against that indulgence-because-you-feel-guilty thing. You are going to have to embrace some of that Arian pioneering confidence yourself (the quality you've rejected--and seek in a mate--in it's position as your Descendant, some would say)...Shedding some belongings may be painful for him, but there must be a way to do it that makes him feel like he has choices and some agency in his life. Your attitude and presence is very important, here. Whatever may come--you are doing the best you know how to do with what you know at the time!

You are in a vulnerable state right now, and feeling guilty. But eventually, when you find a point of inner stability and self-confidence, you may want to find a way to share with him your feelings and reasonings, in a way he can understand and that make him feel secure yet respecting of you. You want to mold him into a man who respects women. Perhaps then, when you are not feeling so guilty and insecure and sensitive to his doubts about you, he will find a way to share his own feelings. He is likely very sensitive to your own inner state, whether he knows how to articulate this or not with his Cap moon/Chiron. (Is your Moon also in 4th?) And unfortunately, he may not realize his father’s true nature for years to come.

You know, you mention his Sun/Jupiter/Asc conjunction. I also have this, but in Sag. …So, part of me just wants to shrug and say, “Eh--he’ll be FINE!!”

Just some musings, Despina. Maybe a helpful thought in there, or not. You are a smart, self-aware cookie. ...You and he are going to be fine.

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Despina
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posted July 02, 2012 09:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Despina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello Mirage <3 Thank you again for all of the wonderful support and astro bits... you're so kind!

I played the 2nd Movement of Barber's concerto (slightly less brooding than his first, although I like the latter too), but never perfected it. I was preparing for an examination when my son was born, and shortly thereafter my teacher informed me that I was actually getting worse with every lesson. I quit, and haven't touched the cello since. Probably have the sheet music to Barber around here somewhere, as well as the piano accompaniment on CD. Perhaps I could pull it out and give the cello a proper farewell before parceling it off? It's been seven years, a full Saturn cycle on one piece, lol :-)

Jake liked it all (I think it's the low vibrations), would be interesting to see what my son makes of it! I don't think he even knows what a cello is. Seems strange, since it was the focal point of my own childhood, but I had a very love/hate relationship with it. I loved to play, but with all of the competitions, exams, and performances, I found it majorly stressful.

The Arroyo has some stellar reviews online, and seems to cover an awful lot! Have put it on my wishlist for now <3 Looking up the ephemeris, I DID in fact have an unforgettable (awful!) experience once Saturn came within 6 degrees of my Asc. Wouldn't exactly call it an epiphany, 'though. For the first year or so that Saturn transited my 12th house I was haunted by my past. Outside events kept ripping open old wounds I hadn't acknowledged, and I felt as 'though I were taking tea with my demons on a daily basis. However, I then had a bunch of Venus and Jupiter transits which distracted me from my inner life, and I'm not sure I really worked through what was brought up as a result.

Perhaps that's why it's all hitting so hard right now. Tired, yes, emaciated, yes! Down to a size 2 despite my best efforts, and fainting all over the place. Passed out and slammed my head off of the kitchen tiles when Saturn hit my Ascendant exactly, two months back. Knocked myself out cold, had no idea where I was when I woke up and couldn't move so just lay there in agony for a few hours. As I said, this transit is PHYSICAL! Anyone else in the grips of Saturn or Chiron right now? (Chiron was exactly squaring my natal Saturn and Chiron when I had my accident as well, so it could be a little bit of both). I'm curious to see if we're experiencing similar transits right now, perhaps Neptune might be at the heart of all of this emotional upheaval and seeming indirection? I feel it in the air.

Anyways, big big hugs, to Mirage and everyone else on here... I have some more writing in me tonight for Jovian, just need to break up these posts with a quick coffee break :-)

P.s. Thanks for Barbara HC's quotes too! That last one is particularly insightful <3

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Jovian
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posted July 02, 2012 10:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am glad to hear you have pulled out your cello and your son will hear you play! I feel that is something you may find he will be proud of you for--your competence in that, despite how "rusty" you may feel now.

Whaa?? Despina! Slamming your head on the floor?! I'm glad you are OK! Saturn is now in my 10th. I’d certainly love to effortlessly lose weight—but at the risk of slamming my head on the floor? Hmmm. Lose weight--concussion---lose weight--concussion... It's really a toss-up in my mind right now.

Indeed, let's see just how our current experiences are reflected in the stars. You are correct in your sense of the current influences, it seems...


T. Saturn continues to roll back and forth in square to my Moon, currently applying about 2 degrees.
T. Uranus is applying within one degree to Chiron conjunction.
T. Neptune is making T-square to my Neptune-Saturn opposition, within one degree.
T. Chiron is currently 0.05 from a semi-sextile with my Chiron.
And in other news, Pluto is applying within one degree to conjunct my Venus.

No—-not much going on here!!!

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Despina
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posted July 02, 2012 11:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Despina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And I'm back... Dearest Jovian, you seem like such a beautiful soul! I can't really explain how it feels to find such support at a point where I'd given up on finding any at all. I'm not a huge fan of these 'transitions', especially when they involve that Neptunian limbo-land one finds in between taking the leap of faith and landing (hopefully!) on your feet. Neptune's been transitting my 4th house for what seems like an age. At sea, but certainly no sailor... I'm glad to hear you've found peace in it all, however. I think I spoke briefly of losing my home last year; Neptune and Chiron were ganging up on my my 4th house Jupiter. I had been living in fear of losing it for some time, and oddly enough when it came down to it, it was something of a relief as I didn't have to be afraid anymore. Is that the kind of 'peace' you're talking about?

Of course, letting go of a relationship is a lot harder than letting go of some bricks and mortar. I find the support and stability a significant other can offer so appealing that leaving can be terrifying. It takes a hell of a lot of courage, and you seem to be coping so well... you're an inspiration, really! You say you were surprised at your reaction because of the Sagg influence? Well hell, I have Mars conjunct Uranus in Sagg squaring Venus in Pisces. According to the textbooks I should walk away with no regrets and straight into the arms of some beau du jour, only to do the very same thing to him. I call bullsh*t! I need space in a relationship to be sure (my last boyfriend was horrified at my suggestion that we have a bedroom each, for instance), but I still very much want my guy around and only have eyes for him (well, okay, I've only had eyes for my GREAT loves).

[...]

Anyways, just wanted to share my story since there seemed to be some similarities (not the silly crushes thing, that's all mine!). As for the constant moving about and feeling as 'though you were out of place as a kid... do you think that could be a 4th house Chiron thing? My little one goes to a very conservative school; he's the only non-white, non-catholic kid in there, and that I can see, none of the other kids have single parents, or young parents. He doesn't feel that he fits in anywhere. Apparently the other kids don't believe he was even born in the country, and tell him he's a liar for saying otherwise.

Granted, my son only tells me these things when I'm in the middle of disciplining him over something or other... You're so right about that "indulgence-because-you-feel-guilty thing"! I fall for it each and every time. I hadn't really factored his withholding in general because he's picking up on my insecurities, but I think you might be right. He IS very sensitive. I try very hard not to let anything uncomfortable I'm feeling show. Still, if he's picking up on them anyway it's a bit pointless - I'll have to find a happy medium somewhere. My moon is in the third, actually, so it shouldn't be impossible. And as for embracing Aries, I don't know! I have Mercury there, but have never dated one, or even befriended one... My north node is in Taurus in the 7th, and I generally fall for Taureans. Maybe I'll find some self-confidence in those articles you linked. I HAVE been trying to develop it, but, as I said somewhere previously, family keep sticking their oars in and I doubt myself as a result.

And yes, the Sun/Asc/Jupiter thing is amazing to watch... I'm a bit jealous to be honest! Such a jovial configuration :-) Thanks so so much for all of the wonderful advise! I really appreciate it. And big big hugs from a fellow wanderer <3

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Despina
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posted July 03, 2012 12:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Despina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jovian:
I am glad to hear you have pulled out your cello and your son will hear you play! I feel that is something you may find he will be proud of you for--your competence in that, despite how "rusty" you may feel now.

Whaa?? Despina! Slamming your head on the floor?! I'm glad you are OK! Saturn is now in my 10th. I’d certainly love to effortlessly lose weight—but at the risk of slamming my head on the floor? Hmmm. Lose weight--concussion---lose weight--concussion... It's really a toss-up in my mind right now.

Indeed, let's see just how our current experiences are reflected in the stars. You are correct in your sense of the current influences, it seems...


T. Saturn continues to roll back and forth in square to my Moon, currently applying about 2 degrees.
T. Uranus is applying within one degree to Chiron conjunction.
T. Neptune is making T-square to my Neptune-Saturn opposition, within one degree.
T. Chiron is currently 0.05 from a semi-sextile with my Chiron.
And in other news, Pluto is applying within one degree to conjunct my Venus.

No—-not much going on here!!!


Oh God, just seeing this now Jovian! I hadn't banked on Pluto to boot... It was squaring my Venus when I got involved with my ex-husband, and when I got involved with a married man after him (if you can believe anyone can be stupid enough to so obviously choose heartbreak for herself and others so soon after having her heart broken). The soon-to-be five year crush I was talking about was shortly after the others too, still under the influence of Pluto. I've never loved anyone so passionately or deeply before, or after that transit. In a sense, I find that a little sad, but they were so damned painful... I don't know. How are you holding up? I had Saturn square my Moon about a year ago I think (losing track of time here!). It wasn't so bad... I was just finding it difficult to balance work and family, like there wasn't enough time in the day. But perhaps a transit from Saturn to Capricorn is pragmatic like that, it might be more harsh for the sensitive Cancer Moon. I'd imagine a semi-sextile from Chiron to Chiron would be quite healing 'though (they say, after all, that it's felt most strongly when it aspects itself, no?). Throwing Uranus into the mix... Funny that you're healing others over the internet, since computers are a Uranus thing. I guess it explains the moving too, since your Chiron is in the fourth. And Neptune... I don't even try to understand Neptune transits to be honest, I've found it's better to just go with it :-P

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Jovian
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posted July 03, 2012 05:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Despina... Zoinks--some story you've got there. Now don't go pulling a Mirage on me and making it disappear. (Ha--"mirage"--disappear).

I'll be back later! Take care.

EDIT: I lied, it's almost midnight and I didn't come back later --unreliable Sagg that I am. I want to thoughtfully reply tomorrow. ...Considering that past you've had...you should really give yourself some credit that you are doing as well as you are. You are so young yet, sweetheart...and look at all you've learned in life already. No telling what you'll be like when you are my age.

YOU are beautiful, Despina!

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Jovian
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posted July 04, 2012 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pink Martini - Hang on Little Tomato
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jz706sJMjg

.....

The Killers - Human
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIZdjT1472Y

* * Where is your Dancing Angel (37530) * *

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Despina
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posted July 04, 2012 06:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Despina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Jovian:
Hi Despina... Zoinks--some story you've got there. Now don't go pulling a Mirage on me and making it disappear. (Ha--"mirage"--disappear).

I'll be back later! Take care.

EDIT: I lied, it's almost midnight and I didn't come back later --unreliable Sagg that I am. I want to thoughtfully reply tomorrow. ...Considering that past you've had...you should really give yourself some credit that you are doing as well as you are. You are so young yet, sweetheart...and look at all you've learned in life already. No telling what you'll be like when you are my age.

YOU are beautiful, Despina!


Thanks Jovian! I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered wiping it all clean... I'm feeling a little exposed, but I'll resist the urge a little longer at least.
Happy 4th! :-)

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Jovian
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posted July 04, 2012 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know, if you want to edit and remove stuff I really do understand. ...I was thinking about it, in light of Mirage saying the same--that she felt a bit anxious. Here we are, sharing as if we are in a private chat room. lol ...You shouldn't be left feeling uncomfortable. I am glad that I got to read it, and if you want to later erase--I wouldn't think less of you! I really appreciate that you've shared yourself...that goes for Mirage, as well. Just getting it out and knowing that someone read your story, even if you take it back, I think is still helpful! ...You really just never know what someone else has experienced. XO

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Jovian
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posted July 04, 2012 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, regarding your realizing that you go for men who will rescue you in a way you wanted your father to...IDK that sounds pretty typical to me...and not to be embarrassed about, but rather I am impressed you can see these things at your age. ...Regarding both sexes being attracted to a mother--yes, I was reading something like this just the other day.

For sure my insecurity in this area was highlighted as I was recently ending this relationship. Truly, I can be a baby wanting a partner who is a mother! But, on the other hand, I'm recently wondering what is the problem if partners provide each other what the other needs? Perhaps we each have such gifts to give someone. I'm not talking about co-dependency here. I guess I'm feeling at this point that I've done a boatload of work on myself for years--which I needed to do, by myself. (At the same time, I *worked off* a bunch of fairly short (1-2 year) karmic relationships that were apparently part of my lot to take care of this lifetime. ...Honestly, it was like checking them off a list.. "Another one done--Next!") At this point, I am finally sensing that I may be finally due for a relationship where we are mutually, equally drawn to each other...someone whom I can help heal and who can help heal me...in ways that only a certain partnership can do. (Me: Venus SQ Chiron; and Venus SQ Pluto widely) ...That *feels* like part of my path, anyway.

I have to say this insight is really specifically spurred by a certain someone I met about a year ago (part of this Pluto CONJ Venus episode), who I am simply ob-sessed with. It is rare for me to feel this way...and only one other time, many years ago, did I come close to feeling so strongly about someone, but that time was a hard lesson for me--an unrequited, karmic episode that I needed to go through to come to appreciate the power of love, I think.

Anyway, I sense it to be a potentially very important relationship in my life, though we each have perhaps our own groundwork to continue to lay for a while, before it is appropriate and ideal. I sense we've known each other before, but that this is finally not a dreary karmic clean-up pulling us together. As well, at this point I realize that such a strong, rare feeling means someone I am fated to be with, so I can let it unfold and become all it is meant to be, rather than act with that desperation I would have in my younger years--and I sure did! ...Not that I am not impatient--I just can't help that. But I guess I feel confident that such a strong feeling cannot be *for nothing.* (I think that as one's current incarnational cycle winds down, one is not starting things with new people, but finishing and enjoying them with those they have history with.) THAT would be a really cruel joke from the universe. But again--I know I won't die if for some reason it doesn't happen. I've learned a lot, even in dealing with the emotions I've had just in contemplating a relationship with this woman. ...The right thing for me will come along, sooner or later...I guess that is the wisdom I have thankfully earned at this point.

Hmm...and honestly, my last relationship I think was about security...someone who *wouldn't leave,* I felt. I wasn't ready for the true risk of being with someone I could feel deeply about; and I wasn't feeling okay enough about myself to be vulnerable. I'm not all the way there, but this feeling I have for this person is inspiring great effort in me. It is very invigorating.

EDIT: So, you had mentioned how easily I seemed to be 'moving on' after my recent ended relationship, and that is why--these haven't been *great loves* I've had to part with! That one that I mentioned, the unrequited one from years ago...now THAT one took years to process. It was unbearably painful. For my mental well-being, I had to push it from my mind and move on...only to have it resurface in my mind years later, with the distance of time, for it to be processed, which took about another two years I'd say...during which time I came to see our past-life connection, and the reason why it was not meant to be. ...I guess the intensity of that was also a big part of why I was in no way capable of entering into a deep relationship afterward--that had been too incredibly painful.

...I'm so glad you brought up your relationship stuff, as it allowed me to articulate..and realize just where I am at at the moment in that realm. And that was very helpful for me--so thank you.

God, I keep thinking of more to add here... Part of my own healing was also healing issues of physical vulnerability from past lives, as well... I had mentioned somewhere back some lifetimes of sexual abuse. So, it is only now that I am feeling like I can be fully "vulnerable," on a variety of levels, in a way that makes for a fulfilling relationship, you know?

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mirage29
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posted July 06, 2012 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just taking a few minutes to check here. My roommate is on vacation and this computer belongs to them. Will come back when I get time and privacy again.

PLEASE DON'T GO AWAY you guys??

Jovian, I haven't read your last post but am printing it out to read later.

Despina, please don't balk? Please don't pull a 'mirage'? (Hey, is that like a T-Bow?)

Hang on to the vine little 'maters'...

We're dancing humans, Jovian! :laugh:

You know, the three of us who are "sharing" our stories are @ 15-16years apart from each other. There is soooo much to share from our perspectives. Experience = wisdom... and that isn't always just measured by years.

Love you guys, and invite "others" to share if they're willing?

Jovian, is your moon @ 23-26 degrees? What degree is it? Is your 3rd/9th house intercepted? or 2nd/8th? Are you born on a Sunday? I was... it was 'pentecost sunday', whitsunday. (Any wonder how I get my zeal and zest! ha! filled with Spirit!! I can't help myself? )

Notice that we registered on LL in May 2012?
There's got to be astrological significance to that! I have an idea about our charts. Still thinking about it.


My 37530 Dancing Angel is 23.10.30 in TAURUS, decl is 23.12.11N. My 6th House begins 22.38.08 TAURUS, decl 22.10.05N.
(Makes it my job to dance? It's vital to my health? ha-ha. Nurtures me, being trine my Moon? dunno)

81 TERPSICHORE (dance) is 2.49.27 SR AQUARIUS in the 2nd House. My 2nd starts at 15.48.21 CAPR. Trine my MC 0a. MC is 2.30.34 Libra.

(Where's yours?)

Love you all, gotta go. XO

We've got a real opportunity right now to learn from each other??

We May Never Pass This Way Again...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd6zYQPCgsc



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Jovian
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posted July 06, 2012 10:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There you are, my dear Mirage! …Now WHO said anything about going away? Though, after each blathering post I make here in this Plutonian thread---AKA The TMI Thread—I wonder if finally people will look askance at me and realize how arrogant I am, what a freak I am, etc. etc. I tease you about same, but I certainly have annoying, nagging insecurities-- not wanting to be ‘rejected,’ etc. blah-dee blah blaaah!

…This is my new favorite website. I can easily spend a whole day browsing old info here (so much has been shared…and the old-timers here have seen some of the same topics come up, over and over!), …and neglect looking for a J-O-B, though I have $50 left to my name. Such a lazy S-O-B. I admit it! …I just like to keep most of my emotional energy for my own inner work and musings. Job is a job… Pfft. Saturn in sixth…some karma there about routine, etc. that I’m probably ignoring…to the detriment of my immortal soul! Hell’s bells! Hellfire and damnation!

Secondarily to becoming instantaneously rich somehow, it would be nice to be passionate about something…. I always envied those who say “I can’t believe I get paid to do what I love!” Hmm…what comes to mind that I ‘love’ to do is have sex…but not sure I can find a way to make money at it that I’d feel good about. (…Hey—I’m “bringin’ it” to the TMI thread today!) Now come on—that’s an instance where “Do what you love and the money will follow” would just not work, right? I do have a P/T small business on weekends though—not a big money-maker at the moment…trying to make it more of an income. …So, I do have to make the effort to shift my mind to the material world once in a while. Hmm... or can one subsist on wild raspberries? No, I also need Honey BBQ Fritos quite regularly—I guess I will have to make some money.

Indeed--I’d also been meaning to again extend our open invitation for any additional contributors/playmates here in our Dancing Angel/Pluto/TMI Thread! No contribution too big or too small. Tell us what your favorite TV show is at the moment…tell us about what hobby or project is currently obsessing you…what song is stuck in your head…tell us if you are mad, as I am, that some of the Taco Bells took away the Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito …Tell us if it annoys you we’ve highjacked this thread, far away from what its title suggests! (Where is that Steppenwolf, anyway? That kid’s always working!) …Tell us how many times you’ve been married…how many times you’ve not been married….what is troubling you at this very moment? What's making you happy at this very moment? Tell us what you still hope can happen in this lifetime…what you’d like to have happen in your next or parallel life…what animal/s you think you might have been in the past...what’s your favorite color and why do you like it… …Other topics ideas for the coffee klatsch, guys? We are flexible!

What a cathartic and also joyous outlet we have here. Thank you, LL and all here who make this environment possible. And dear dance partner Mirage—your energy is so important to allowing my own Dancing Angel to emerge here. Truly, truly. <hugs>

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Jovian
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posted July 06, 2012 10:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay…have to slow down my dancing a bit now to answer your questions. You know—Despina said she was jealous of my apparent joviality, but really, I often appear quite serious. This place is a lovely respite. As well, I don’t know but that those transits are somehow contributing – that un-graspable Neptune thing that she mentioned not bothering to try to assess. …Indeed—should we? No! More wine! More dancing!

…Oh yes--I said I was going to slow down the music now… Yes--that IS intriguing—that we are about the same number of years from each other. Hee hee. Re: wisdom and experience… It is interesting to notice the different seemingly natural abilities and gifts that each person has...perhaps gained over lifetimes? Or are certain characteristics inherent to each individual soul from the beginning? Are we learning a d@mned thing here, or only treading water? The more things change,...

...Well, I was feeling a bit sheepish after going on with advice about Despina’s situation with her boy…Me—with NO kids in this lifetime. (Well, I do have a Uranus/Child/Spirit/Karma conjunction that I feel a bit anxious about! Something in my future? Very strange feeling about it.) As well, your own feelings about your past with your kids, Mirage…I feel you are quite hard on yourself, though I know we need to process things in our own way, to learn whatever we are to learn.

Honestly, I couldn’t be a single parent. Aside from the fact that I have no interest in having kids, and I’m quite self-absorbed at this point, …as you mentioned Mirage having no support is a very difficult thing! I can’t imagine having full-time charge of little kids, by myself. …I do have two much younger siblings from my father’s second marriage that I spent a lot of time watching after —you know, the teenage child who becomes the free babysitter. I was quite resentful at the time. I was rather depressed myself and without adequate support and understanding at the time (and obviously unaware of my own sadness and rage that I wouldn’t deal with until years later). I had a few moments when I could realize how someone could shake or otherwise hurt their child in frustration because you are so overwhelmed, with no apparent solution.

It seems a shame that parents have to feel so alone and frustrated, that they “should” be able to do it all themselves, and that there are no apparent helpful outlets. My mother would also come home, like Despina’s, upset that the dishwasher wasn’t started, or that we hadn’t taken the meat out of the freezer...though my gosh—we were not left alone for days like her. (...I was wondering how someone unravels the effects of a past such as hers. She is exceptional--not a young soul.)

Additionally, do you think that you felt you were societally “expected” to have kids? I’ve wondered why my mother had kids. She seems pretty clueless about it herself, though I do think she might have thought it would help her marriage. Like Despina’s mother, she doesn’t seem to remember a lot of things from my childhood years. She was not really “present” when she was present, I suppose. Her Aquarian sun couldn’t really get into little kid stuff. Additionally, she had her own past with an undemonstrative family heritage. ...I don’t even really have memories before age five or so. …Though of course in the bigger picture, we are born into just the right circumstances for our particular soul growth…and it is likely a theme you have started lifetimes before…so the question is moot. I was meant to experience a feeling of abandonment. It’s been a long-running theme for me—and I think quite a common one for many.

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Jovian
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posted July 06, 2012 10:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
…Now, on to something somewhat related to this board—astrology! Wow—we all joined at same time! Let us know what you come up with, when you get to it. …Yes—also born on Sunday—how did you know?! Yes—moon at 24…so it aspects all those planets you have around that degree. We have a LOT of connections, me and you, Mirage. Your Uranus CONJ my moon (look how zany you make me!), your MC (I think, sorta?) CONJ my Pluto, Asc CONJ my Sun, NNode CONJ Merc, Chiron CONJ my NNode, Merc OPP Merc, and a wide Sun OPP Sun. …And are our moons sextile? Zowie.

Despina is your Sun SQ Mars? That is my case. It could be your Sun is CONJ my Mars, and your Mars CONJ my Asc/Jupiter. Mirage's sun is CONJ your Chiron.

...Mirage, your Dancing Angel is square Pluto..AND parallel Pluto (Deep, intense dancing angel!) and your Vesta (devoted to being a dancing angel!). Ohh--AND it is conjunct your Eros! (Sexy dancing angel! …Are you blushing?). And now I also see more evidence of your interest in having FUN! Sun parallel Jupiter and Uranus! Zeal and zest!

I think Despina has hers trine her Jupiter (abundantly dancing angel!) in her 9th house? She is learning how to dance…and will then teach the rest of us! Opposite Neptune…dreamy dancing angel! Trine Amor..a loving dancing angel!

My Dancing Angel is at 28 Virgo, square Mercury… She has trouble expressing herself (and often dances alone, dontcha know…though is allowing her wings to be seen a bit here!) She is conjunct Lucifer and Alma (Fallen angel!) Square DNA and opposite Memoria...she remembers being a dancing angel!

Terpsichore is 26 Leo…trine Mercury. Ahh, that’s easier!

(I am listening to your song as I write this. …Making me cry, you are, Mirage, dang you. …Indeed--a precious moment in time, as our paths cross…)

…Now this intercepted house business…maybe you can give me a synopsis. I’ve been meaning to learn. In my case, in Placidus 2nd/8th “swallow” all of aquarius and leo…if you know what I mean. It’s close, but indeed, Pisces is on cusp of 3rd. And Taurus and Scorpio swallow 5th/11th, so Taurus is on cusp of 5 and 6, etc.

WHY am I once again the one glomming the thread, here? (Yes, I love the word, "glom." My mother used to say when she thought we were shoveling food too fast--"Don't glom your food!")

...You guys have nothing to unload?


...And where is that Jake/Snake Charmer?

You know, Despina, you express yourself so beautifully... "at sea but certainly no sailor." And about being amidst the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future! ...Thank you so much for putting your heart out there. It is a precious thing. You are beautiful...right now, just as you are.

...Enjoy the weekend, friends!

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Despina
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posted July 07, 2012 02:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Despina     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ah, the TMI thread! What a glorious title, Jovian. I too have been worried about the oh-so-unattractive word vomiting I've been doing here of late. What was it supposed to be about again? Past lives? Oh dear. Considering the Neptunian vibe, I'm sure we'll get back to that at some stage... We're engaging in a circuitous circumlocution of Ouroboros, after all - the prima materia of the psyche itself; It's bound to come back up eventually. And yes, the last sentence owes at least in part to the cheapest red wine available at my local garage. Some say you can either sink or swim, failing to perceive the third option: drink it all in (or up, if you prefer!).

The snake charmer has had a drama filled couple of days... "Nothing to unload" - you were kidding, right Jovian?! <3 I'd wanted a kid since I was about twelve. Think it might have been about healing my own childhood by fostering another (silly, I know, NOW). I wasn't planning on starting so soon 'though, or on being a single parent. Ah well! I absolutely adore babies, and love children, so aside from the crippling self-doubt it's all good. I've spoken to people who had to take care of younger siblings as children and were thus put off having any of their own, so I don't think your story is all that uncommon Jovian. It takes a lot of self-awareness to make that kind of a decision, I think, and I really respect you for it. Media makes motherhood out to be Mecca (to keep the industry going, I think. Lot of money to be made in formula milk and the Shrek franchise). I do think a lot of women doubt themselves for not buying into it, the results of which can be disastrous in the long run.

Note: I'm done ranting, for the time being at least. Dancing, I could certainly go for! The angel is indeed in the 9th, trine Jupiter and opposite Neptune. On the money again, Jovian! Terpsichore in 8th house Gemini, opposing that old 2nd house Saggitarius Mars/Uranus conjunction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4d7Wp9kKjA (That's Let's Dance with David Bowie, if it doesn't load). I loved the Seals & Crofts too, Mirage! Can't wait to read more from you once you get proper access again <3 And anyone else who'd care to join in. It's a party, honest!! I think it's finally time to succumb to slumber, but I'll be back. I was thinking a post about all that fun(!) Pluto/Venus crush stuff, or sex, might be in order. Anyone game? Lol :-) Xx

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mirage29
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posted July 08, 2012 08:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My Cher Divas!! Just popping in for a few seconds...

Oh! You know what we need here?

We need to tell them The Truth, girls.... hey!

Eurythmics, Sweet Dreams http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJE_Sc1Wags&feature=related

My angels!
Bette Midler Is That All There Is? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpn_xu81ySo&feature=related



AND howz'about a little showy TMI walkin' music... oh yeah!! walk it out...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39YUXIKrOFk
Right Said Fred- I'm Too Sexy (original)

Keep those xxxxxxxx up! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZfnBT4lVZ_Q&feature=related
Rusty Warren

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Jovian
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posted July 08, 2012 10:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Also just popping for a moment, here. !

OMG that ... song, Mirage!

Thank you--I'd never heard Rusty Warren before!

Despina-- What a situation you have there. You poor thing. ...That guilt b.s. from her--oh brother. She really has lost it, if you don't mind me agreeing (though, I understand that we can still be protective of those we are close to: "Hey--only I can call my mother crazy! lol). Have you ever looked at the synastry between the two of you to glean any insight?

...Sometimes treading water is indeed all we can do for certain periods in life...and it really is an accomplishment. ...In the meantime, do you want me to come over and punch her in the head for you??

Yes--I'm all about the TMI! ...Or rather, Ouroborus, says the snake charmer. Love to get into the deep stuff. Maybe it is my Sun-Pluto quintile...and Pluto conj MC.

A Plutonian video response to Mirage's...the sexy Eurythmics song, Love is a Stranger. One of my fave's:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6f593X6rv8

XOXO

EDIT: Took out that slang word above. ...In case we are in danger of being sent to the principal's office! X^p

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mirage29
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posted July 09, 2012 03:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mirage29     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
so baby here it comes again love ...

talk to me 'want to dive into your oceans ... are they raining with you?' Oooh, then make me the sea, oh make me the sea!!

TMI Neptune's -- liquids, spirits, nether worlds, addictions, boundaries, and LL land!

Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzFnYcIqj6I&feature=related

Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE&feature=related

Back in 1986 I could have been a Robert Palmer girl... yeah, a long time ago for me!

I Didn't Mean To Turn You On http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d51FaknDwzA&feature=related

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Jovian
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posted July 09, 2012 11:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jovian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ah yes--The Eurythmics have it covered—Pluto AND Neptune. And you with that Urania conj Neptune...I should have seen that coming.

Ooh, Mirage…you are gonna get us all sent to detention, for sure! …Well, if we are in for a few weeks, we can work on our band—Despina on cello, me on clarinet…and Mirage in her slinky dress, faking the guitar. ...AND whomever else comes along who wants to join!! We each gotta have our own unique instrument/talent. (Open auditions for a kazoo player, this Wednesday...please see me for details.)

Hmm—some kind of wacky classical/ klezmer/ pop hybrid? That should cover all the sentiments we want to express. …What’ll we call it? I’m liking that Ouroborus term--snake eating its tail, things coming full circle, the whole enchilada of life that we are speaking of here. …The Ouroboros Ensemble! ...or, just Ouroboros? …Other ideas?

Mirage--get to work composing some original music for us, okay? ...So, our influences-- so far--are Eurythmics, the k******s lady, and others we've referenced here, Weird Al, David Bowie, Yogananda tunes, etc. as well as astrology ...and whatever else comes along to inspire us.

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