posted September 17, 2012 12:57 PM            

It all happened because I shared my moon. I am here for you to do the same thing.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 17, 2012 03:51 PM            

Oh, Thank you for saying that...I feel so bad when my intensity hurts others!
I really didnt mean to hurt anyone, but with a saggy stellium, sun/merc/neptune and also my pluto conjunct venus/ac....i am sometimes blunt and always intense and can't hide it! A bad combo for some, others find it a breath of fresh air!

posted September 17, 2012 04:01 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 17, 2012 04:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:

I'm thinking about those individuals who have affected me the most, it has been because they aspected my moon. While the moon is a sensitive relationship spot for most people, in considering this unaspected concept I am really thinking of how hard it has been for my moon to express itself in said relationships...thus, a terrible frustration and loneliness in intimate relationships--the one place my moon wants to find full expression. A feeling like I am very affected, yet can't articulate that or come close to sharing and giving what I have. ...It is an all-or-nothing thing. Hitting that moon is like whammo and too much to take, in fact ...But on the other hand, NOT hitting it is like, "why bother having a relationship?"

I can therefore see how it is so much easier to have a relationship with little to no moon contact for me. No risk! Easy! Light! Fun! I guess we all can have a similar reaction to moon vs. no moon relationships?

...And perhaps my moon being in the Western hemisphere (right side of chart)--where it is receptive to others, rather than affective, as Eastern hemisphere placements are--is also difficult for me? Most of my planets are in Eastern Hemisphere. Definitely vulnerable having Moon in less familiar Western Hemisphere.

I feel like that part of me is so very different from the rest of how I make myself known, of how I express myself... It is a completely undeveloped, needy baby that is just too vulnerable to risk exposing. Thus, it is too sensitive to rejection to begin with (coupled with Venus in Capricorn, perhaps), that it is rare it gets its foot in the door, anyway, to have the chance to really express itself. And what would it have to give, anyway, if it is a big, needy baby itself? Ugh.

...And I'm thinking of my habit of blushing so easily. I really can't hide when I am expressing something that I feel vulnerable about. My face gets red before the words even come out of my mouth, on the rare occasion that I'd even express something that I felt so vulnerable about. ...Is that related?

Though part of me hates talking about this stuff, the other part realizes it is illuminating for me.

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posted September 17, 2012 04:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:
Great. Put myself out there with all that...and everyone is gone. "That's a pretty big matzoh ball hanging out there," to quote Seinfeld. (Unaspected cancer moon Jovian is ready to delete!)

...Everyone here can't be Jewish.

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

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Ugh...sorry again, I deeply appreciate your words!
I had to make a long trip to pick up my daughter last night...didnt get back until 3 a.m.!!

posted September 17, 2012 05:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Awww Gabby
We have such a sweet, little group here. I love it. We, Unaspected Moons are sweet girls

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posted September 17, 2012 05:40 PM            

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it. I certainly agree it is much easier to share when you sense others can sympathize and somewhat understand where you are coming from..

I also have a lot of Sag going on: Sun/Asc/Jup/Neptune/Merc. Yes--I think it is harder when the fire expression is so strong and easy, compared to the vulnerable moon positions we are talking about. It's like I am afraid others will think it so strange for me to express this other side, and I couldn't bear to see their reaction to this needy side, so different from capable Sag side that they "know" me as.

Ami is right--the moon is vital. In Hindu astrology, it is the moon that is paramount. Think how at peace and fulfilled we might be, if we could integrate our moons. As it is, sometimes I feel so empty inside--as if there is a cavity where my heart should be. It almost feels like it can't be filled in this earth plane....but I guess that is the challenge to try.

posted September 17, 2012 06:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:
Hi Gabby. Oh yes--the long trip you had mentioned. You made it!

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate it. I certainly agree it is much easier to share when you sense others can sympathize and somewhat understand where you are coming from..

I also have a lot of Sag going on: Sun/Asc/Jup/Neptune/Merc. Yes--I think it is harder when the fire expression is so strong and easy, compared to the vulnerable moon positions we are talking about. It's like I am afraid others will think it so strange for me to express this other side, and I couldn't bear to see their reaction to this needy side, so different from capable Sag side that they "know" me as.

Ami is right--the moon is vital. In Hindu astrology, it is the moon that is paramount. Think how at peace and fulfilled we might be, if we could integrate our moons. As it is, sometimes I feel so empty inside--as if there is a cavity where my heart should be. It almost feels like it can't be filled in this earth plane....but I guess that is the challenge to try.

You know...I have Pluto 4 degrees from my MC, so I can't say I don't also have that desire for getting into the deep stuff. That is certainly what I find most worthwhile and interesting.

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With all your saggy being full optimism and happiness..do you ever feel like there is 2 sides of you?

Do you find you emotionally criticize yourself or behavior whenever you forget to be serious, and accidentally slip into being carefree and happy for few minutes??
One moment i'm a carefree, light hearted person, until this dark cloud hits, the moon kicks in and starts judging and criticizing.

My mind will start racing, going over everything ive said or how ive acted and start picking me apart.
I instantly feel bad and go back into my shell. I feel embarrassed and wish i could erase every action and word from the moments i wasn't critiquing myself!
I've asked people before was i out of line? And they look at me, like what are you talking about?
I just wish this energy would leave me alone! Its like my mom is in my head hating on me!

Ugh, thats probably just the moon energy in virgo, its a curse! LOL
Heaven forbid anyone actually criticize me...i'd just burst out in tears...! Not really, well i used to be that way at times.

posted September 18, 2012 12:00 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:

This certainly felt familiar to me:
...At the same time I hate talking about this, I really feel a need to exercise and develop it. Life feels quite meaningless right now without integrating and using that moon. So sad, really. It is demanding my attention at this time in my life. It will just get worse if I don't rip the Band-Aid off and be willing to start off as a vulnerable baby in that department. So, this is a good exercise.

Ugh... All the work I've done on myself, and there's this gaping hole in this department. So hard to not judge it all as something I should be done with by now.

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Your doing this in the perfect time!! There is no right or wrong in healing, everything happens at the absolute perfect time! If you waited until now to work on this, it means you knew the time wasn't the right before now. So be glad you didn't waste time trying to heal something, before it was ready to be healed!

You can't judge in love, and that includes judging yourself...love trumps!!

Its amazing that you see the strength in vulnerability...vulnerability is the foundation of healing. The hurdle most aren't strong enough to get over is, accepting they have to go back to being vulnerable in order to heal! It's too scary, it was vulnerability that allowed them to be hurt in the 1st place.

Then the fact that being vulnerable leaves you open to feeling hurt again, you can feel like your weaker. But its this pain, and knowing you don't have a crutch, there's no band aid's, no cover it up, you either learn new ways to handle life or live with gaping holes...this forces you to change.

It forced me to start searching inside for new ways to handle things, ways that protected me. Then i get upset at myself when i leave myself not protected, and end up hurt.

posted September 18, 2012 12:19 PM            

quote:

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Your doing this in the perfect time!! There is no right or wrong in healing, everything happens at the absolute perfect time! If you waited until now to work on this, it means you knew the time wasn't the right before now. So be glad you didn't waste time trying to heal something, before it was ready to be healed!

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This happens at times—you know something to be true, and you’ve encouraged others in that same way at times…but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else in order to fully apply it to yourself, or to apply it at a new level. …I guess that makes me think of the "wounded healer" concept of Chiron.

Gabby, your words are so wise and thoughtful and caring. Thank you. IDK, for having an "unaspected moon" your sensitive caring is well and aptly expressed here. Maybe there is something to Ami's concept of it as a gift.

…It is interesting to sense part of me feeling that "embarrassed" thing at this moment, at someone "bothering" with me. As we have mentioned—that feeling of not feeling we are worth anyone’s time. Oh--this feeling is taking me back, even to childhood, when a teacher or someone took an interest in me, and I could barely handle it, my face getting red, looking down and being too shy to speak. It usually resulted in a awkward moment, with me--the mute child--not able to respond to whatever way they were kindly acknowledging me. Though, I thereafter remembered those teachers fondly for sure. Gosh, it is really hard for me to feel I am worth anyone’s time! I am crying over this.

…On the other hand I notice part of me, because I was in a good mood or something yesterday—possibly feeling a bit better for having shared here—wanted to just “get on with it” and not go further, deeper, with this conversation… forgetting in an instant what I’ve experienced over and over-- that true healing takes time.

The Sun, etc. (Jupiter conj. Asc) side of me has no problem with attention—that kind of acknowledgement of those qualities about myself—probably too confident in myself, sometimes. …Again, some kind of schism between two parts of myself… Unable to grasp just how deep and significant this issue is. …And I *should know* by now, with all the work I’ve done, how deep things go! I know how often I’ve had to cycle back through things, again and again, at different levels. (The self-judgment thing seems like another big issue that I don’t know how to go about dealing with.)
And again, maybe a feeling that others will just get tired of dealing with me, my concerns not worth their time, so I don’t want to be open to that—getting deeper and then being abandoned. …I guess I just have to take that chance and keep talking it out. There are not guarantees when it comes to people. "There are no guarantees…" Well, that sounds like a response I must have built up by feeling let down and abandoned early on in life.

…I guess there is always writing, as you shared that you have done, Gabby. I used to write, years ago, to just get thoughts and feelings outside of my head and heart.

Thanks so much for your interest, Gabby. It is hard to take, but it is priceless to me.

...I am realizing that there have been times when I've seen others getting attention and interest for their sensitive emotions, etc., on message boards, etc., and I have felt jealous and judgmental. It is said that jealousy is a clue that the thing we covet is something we need but are judging our self for wanting. ...Ugh--such a big baby! This is hard! Yes, it is hard to allow one's self to feel "weak."

As well, I feel starkly aware of all that you have shared about yourself, and feel remiss in feeling you have been the one offering all the kind responses to me thus far. ...IDK, Gabby---that is very hard for me to take--not being the one offering sympathy and advice, and being on the other side of it. I guess we have to replenish our stores sometimes, and be the recipient sometimes.

posted September 18, 2012 12:57 PM            

But with me...im always around...lol! When i find ppl that are genuinely open, its rare and we end up being forever friends!

posted September 18, 2012 03:20 PM            

"I Am A Rock" by Simon And Garfunkel

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island

I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock,
I am an island

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
------LEADS TO-----
LOL(this is just for fun)

"All By Myself" by Eric Carmen

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin' love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
But when I dial the telephone
Nobody's home

All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore

Hard to be sure
Some times I feel so insecure
And love so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be, all by myself anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live, all by myself anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
And makin' love was just for fun
Those days are gone

posted September 18, 2012 07:43 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 18, 2012 08:22 PM            

quote:

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I understand running from what you need most because the fear of getting it, then losing it is almost worse than never having it at all!

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...For sure.

You're really killing me here, Gabby. ...Earlier today, when I read that response, it was too much. Not only were you open to listening and offering compassionate wisdom, you then were offering praise for being "open to love," etc. I started bawling. Too much! It is hard to take all of such love in. I don't even know what else to say.

Isn't it sad that we are all so wounded? But, yes--at the same time hopeful that we can always change.

posted September 18, 2012 08:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:

YES, great idea SS. Do you want to start a thread for YOUR Unaspected Planet, as each planet is quite different when it is Unaspected. Talk about it and ask for others to join it. I know we used to have an Unaspected Sun, but I have not seen her for awhile, but put it up and share about it. I would love to learn, too! xoxo

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posted September 18, 2012 09:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
GREAT Song!

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posted September 18, 2012 09:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:
...For sure.

You're really killing me here, Gabby. ...Earlier today, when I read that response, it was too much. Not only were you open to listening and offering compassionate wisdom, you then were offering praise for being "open to love," etc. I started bawling. Too much! It is hard to take all of such love in. I don't even know what else to say.

Isn't it sad that we are all so wounded? But, yes--at the same time hopeful that we can always change.

Yes, music is very meaningful to me. ... I do have Simon & Garfunkel's Greatest Hits. Good one.

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Thank you!! Your helping me also...i think we are all giving each other hope and reassurance that love and kindness is out there. I find very few ppl healthy enough to appreciate love or strong enough to love! You always think oh, if i love them they will blossom! They will appreciate it so much...they will love me!
But, it doesnt work like that! If they havent started and don't realize the have a battle, to become vulnerable again, then your love is going to stress them out! They are going to grow resentful because your pouring down on them everything they are trying to push far away from themselves, so they don't get hurt. Your love hurts them because it brings up all their deepest fears.

Its nice not to be rejected or passive aggressively hurt because you care, its nice to find people who are strong enough to be open and receptive to love! Thank you!

posted September 20, 2012 05:50 AM            

You'll have to share some goofy photos with us.

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I was just reading over the lyrics to that Simon & Garfunkle song. ...Some part of me does feel that way. I don't know if it is necessarily unhealthy, in the way I sense it. I feel very mental sometimes...I guess kind of not human in a way. Sometimes I don't understand the kind of "mammalian" need for warmth and affection. Ugh. This moon does seem so disparate from the rest of me.

I have family and siblings who live close to each other (though far from me), and who visit each other often...someone's birthday/ wedding/ whatever every dang weekend, it seems. I don't know how they do it. I could care less. I love them all dearly, but have no need for getting together with them in mundane ways. IDK...maybe I've managed to embrace "Arian" selfishness. Us Chiron in Aries folk have that prerogative, right? Ha.

posted September 20, 2012 07:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Hey...i figured out to post pictures!!!
I was able to put up some of my weird Halloween(goof ball) pics!

THANK YOU JOVIAN!!!

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Good for you. You are further along than I am

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted September 20, 2012 06:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jovian:
Ha! That's great about your photo posting abilities. It is fun to add stuff to posts. So much fun stuff out there to grab.

You'll have to share some goofy photos with us.

But then, sometimes I am overcome by need for some intense connection with someone, that no simple friendly camaraderie will satisfy. ... Now in that case, I do realize that there is something I need to learn, some way to grow and heal and mature myself first; and that jumping almost compulsively into some connection with someone is not the answer. At least I know that much at this point, after many years...though I certainly feel it is still a temptation. I am glad to see myself being more whole and healed and grounded lately, in that sense.

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I feel exactly the same way! Its like if there is not a meaningful purpose in a relationship, if im not learning and gathering information to help heal, then i want to be alone so i can process all the information ive gathered.

I don't like superficial relationships and i know hardly anyone could handle the intensity that i live with inside my heart and head...it feels like im here to gather, to learn and to share what ive learned...nothing else even seems to matter.

I love relationships because i get to see myself, i see things i need to change in order to be a better partner, parent, person...then i need alone time to figure out why i was't that way to begin with, what created the lacking and how to change it.
My end goal is to the best i can be for others, i wonder when do i get to the part where i'm in the middle of life, ppl around and im happy, not feeling isolated anymore?

posted September 20, 2012 06:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Good for you. You are further along than I am

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