posted April 05, 2015 09:10 PM            

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.

The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.

The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."

The blonde says,"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.

The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at them and hops off down the road.

Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says..

(Are you ready for this?)

It says,

posted April 28, 2015 08:59 PM            

1. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

5. "Do you know the name Pavlov?"
"It rings a bell."

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

posted June 19, 2015 02:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
And now the nerd edition:

1. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

2. I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

3. Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

4. Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

5. "Do you know the name Pavlov?"
"It rings a bell."

6. A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.
“Irrelevant.”

7. What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!

8. A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies “For you, no charge”.

9. Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

10. An optimist sees a glass half full. A pessimist sees it half empty. An engineer sees it twice as large as it needs to be.

---

posted August 15, 2015 11:45 AM            

The same place I found that lawyer joke also had this one:

God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

I didn't get it at first...but realized it's because all lawyers go to Hell.

posted August 28, 2015 07:55 PM            

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?
He's 0K now.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. All he has to do is to hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

posted September 25, 2015 05:08 AM            

"What's up?"

A direction. It's the opposite of down.

"I'm going to go jump in the shower."

That sounds dangerous. Don't break your neck.

"I've got to run to work."

You'll be late if you do that, you'd better drive your car!

"Kiss my foot!"

Okay. *puckers lips and moves face towards the person's feet*

"I want to review you for the test next week."

Aww, I'm flattered that you want to know more about me, but I wasn't a significant figure in US History. You should review the chapters we went over in class instead.

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

Well, I would hope so. If you can't, you might need to see a doctor about that.

(Offhand description of a controversial philosopher friend that everyone parodied)

He complains about conventional cant, but he loves Immanual Kant.

(Upon meeting a person named Destiny)

I take it you don't believe in free will, then? Well, a lot of people are claiming you belong to them and seeking you out, so you might want to keep a low profile.