posted September 01, 2016 11:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The short ones are the best.

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They always are!

posted May 24, 2017 01:01 AM            

Q: How do you communicate with a fish?
A: Drop it a line!

Q: Why did the fish cross the road?
A: Cause it was hooked!

Q: What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
A: Take a cod, any cod.

Q: Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?
A: Just for the halibut!

Q: Why are fish so smart
A: Because they swim in schools!

Q: What does the pope eat during lent?
A: Holy mackerel!

Q: What is the richest fish in the world?
A: A goldfish

Q: Where do fish sleep?
A: In a river bed

Q: Where do football players go shopping in the off season?
A: The tackle shop.

Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can't tuna fish.

Q: What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away?
A: "You bass-tard!"

Q: What do you call a fish with a car?
A: A carfish!

posted September 24, 2019 06:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
"It's always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally."

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posted June 16, 2020 06:01 PM            

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

The barman exlaims, "And you can talk!"

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him, "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?"

"That's right," replies the barman.

The duck asks again, "The circus? With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?"

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?"

The barman answers, "That's right!"

posted July 27, 2020 06:01 PM            

Now there's an offer you can't turn down!

posted July 27, 2020 06:28 PM            

Civil ware (silverware)

What did they drink from?