posted August 06, 2013 01:16 AM            

Interesting...I didn't know that. I have sun square saturn 1 degree. Although I am not a male nor was my father cold or abusive, he did pass when I was younger (I also have pluto and venus not aspecting each other in 4th house that may reflect this in my chart.)

I am overly hard on myself about everything and still super shy. I used to be really insecure but this has been getting better with age.

posted August 13, 2013 01:51 AM            

My relationship with my Dad (Leo) was actually not bad. He's a goofball, I felt more mature, but I loved him and he was very loving as well. More verbally so, than showy. My relationship with my Mom (Scorpio) was tenuous. She was the stricter parent, and she moved away when I was 13 (hated her for hurting my father, and struggled with her leaving for a while). We're close now, and even when I was mad at her, I still called her all the time.

I feel like for me, Saturn/Sun really affected my self-esteem.. I was so inside my head, plotting out every next move and determining what other people's reactions would be. I'm very intuitive, so much that I could plot out an entire conversation and know how it would end before I even said a word.

Saturn was a hinderance, and still provides learning experiences, but as mentioned above, I feel like I was able to overcome it a lot. I still am a little shy, but I feel like I've found really great ways of expressing myself (I love work, and I work in customer service, and I am over the top outgoing with customers).

My Saturn also squares my Pisces (11 degree in 6th) Moon and Virgo (18 degree in 12th) Venus with both having a 4 degree orb. Throw Virgo (9 degree in 12th) Mars in with a 5 degree orb.

posted January 30, 2023 05:11 PM            

I was a Daddy's girl because I was the only child he was allowed to keep - when he met my mother he was a widower. His wife died and her mother lied to the state to get custody of the kids and she alienated them (or tried to, it only really worked on one of them) against Dad. So when he and my mother had me, he was very attached.

However, he was also military, so he was gone most of my childhood. However, when he was home, he deferred to my mother on discipline and didn't really protect me from her excessive punishments and resentment of me (she didn't want me) when he was around. He retired when I was in my teens due to his health. He'd had colon cancer when I was ten and I remember visiting him in the hospital. His kidneys failed and I spent a lot of time with him in hospitals. When Mom died, I took care of him by myself (don't get me started on my so-called siblings) and when I couldn't anymore I trusted my stepbrother (the one who'd been alienated)'s offer to pay for a nurse to look after him at home - he stuck Dad in a nursing home instead and convinced Dad to give him Power of Attorney though I was the one visiting and taking him out and everything else. My mom's kids (the siblings I grew up with) acted like, not my dad, not my problem (I still resent them for that to this day), so I was ever the dutiful daughter until he died.

Stepdouchebag had changed my number on file at the nursing home so I didn't find out he died until the day after (died Christmas Eve, found out Christmas 2008) and he would have had him cremated and taken the ashes if a cousin who worked at said nursing home hadn't called me. Turns out, he didn't tell his siblings Dad died either. Whole messy drama. No one is speaking to him because this was the final straw for stunts he'd pulled and his arrogant, entitled attitude. His older siblings tried telling him what the deal was, that their grandmother was greedy (money from the state to care for them) and a liar but he never wanted to hear it. I met her once, and thought her a very unpleasant woman.

Stepdouchebag was jealous of me because "Dad kept me" - his lying grandmother had him believing Dad didn't want his kids instead of having them stolen essentially. Either way, I don't even want to hear his name much less ever see him again. Oh, and Stepdouchebag? Also Sun in Leo. I don't hate him, I have a cold disregard for him. I'm also disappointed because he could be a better person than he is but he chooses not to be.

However, in the intervening years, I've had some time to reevaluate my feelings about my dad. I essentially hero-worshiped him growing up. I clung to him because we were two introverts against my extroverted mother who just had to have the attention all on herself (she was a narcissist) and she made us both miserable. Everything was about her and we'd roll our eyes because when is she going to shut up? We were alike in many ways. But I also realized how distant he could be. He wasn't a physically affectionate person whereas I was - when I was smaller it was fine, but as I got older, hugging him was like hugging a pole. I'd try to kiss him and he would jokingly make a face. We bonded over our love of nature and being outside and he was a hell of a mechanic. He loved fishing more than anything. We could be quiet together (my mother always acted like it was a personal offense to be quiet around her). So we had that kind of connection, but there was always a distance.

Personally, the Sun-Sat conj just makes me feel more serious. More inhibited. But I have
a bit of a wicked streak. I call myself a Junior Cappy because I have always identified more with Capricorn than Leo. Turns out my Draconic sun IS in Capricorn so that could be it, but growing up, I never really felt like a Leo.