posted April 07, 2014 09:07 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Oh well, **** happens, the solo concert I wanted to go to (17th may) was cancelled.

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posted April 07, 2014 09:31 AM              

the 13th june thingy will be in his hometown, much closer to where I live than the other location as a matter of fact. AND it is in the very same theatre I have been seeing EVITA this year, I have been there so often in the last year it seems - actually the people in my hotel greeted me b name the last time! I wasn`t aware that I left an impression. lol)

But the problem the CRUX is I am going to be on a concert, an open air, with many musical actors, not just him, but him as well, and that will be the Whitsunday open air on 9th june!
Meaning seeing him on monday AND friday that week.

That is, too much. I suppose, too close to each other, timewise. which wsa the reason I picked the 17th may cause it gives him enough time to completely forget my face again.

But within 4 days? That is not much time in between.

posted April 07, 2014 12:50 PM              

I did not even notice before, but they sent me the confirmation mail of my booking for 13th june (we all KNEW I would get a ticket, don`t we? ).

category 2, row 2, seat 2

posted April 07, 2014 01:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Greetings, Indigo

To tell you the truth, I have two clues on which I base my hunch I'm not a nutcase after all:

1. prophetic dreams (since they come true, my mind must be linked to reality, invisible or not)
2. the joy connected with my spiritual experiences (there's no real joy in madness)

But almost everyone around me thinks I'm nuts when I speak about these things, so...who knows??

---

Yes, but time isn't linear. The fact that we can 'observe' other eigenstates via our subconscious mind doesn't mean we aren't delusional. Brian Cox wonders if he's gone batty everyday.

'Precognitive' and 'prophetic' experiences became commonplace in my late adolescence. I just wouldn't accept it as such.

I certainly go off of hard evidence when determining these things. But I also ran myself through a battery at 19 to evaluate my mental / psychiatric state as things were, 'changing', shall we say? Schizoid, (but now I really do wonder if they just weren't controlling for the fact I had a metaphysical upbringing? I seem more schizotypal, to be honest), OCD, GAD, and PTSD.

It's interesting; even as I was constantly evaluating the veracity and legitimacy of anomalous phenomena (and the mental states of those reporting them) I wasn't prepared for one of my close friends in college to develop schizophrenia. I look back, though, realising all of the classic signs were there from day one. She's gone on to be independent (a musician) who's just a rather, 'colourful', personality.

My partner swore she was having a spiritual awakening. He and I never saw eye to eye on cases. But, I knew he wasn't crazy .... Still. When everything I knew is declaring one thing to me - especially at that young age - I had no other 'option' but to follow the trail carved by the black and white.

She turned against all metaphysical approach - believing it to have 'made her crazy'. She un-enrolled, returned back to her home town, re-enveloped by a traditional Christian, 'astrology is evil', rural, somewhat backwards mentality.

We didn't speak for many years. I guess by the time we reconnected on Facebook around 30, the 'bad blood' had cleared out. Strange times.

Any rate. She seemed quite joyful. So, it's interesting you say that. It makes me wonder if ... my partner was right. And I was wrong. Even my superior thought it was a bizarre thing; he didn't know what to think. I was a total debunker in those days, though; using Occam's Razor to slice through everything. To ribbons.

Hm. That ... makes me think.

posted April 07, 2014 02:27 PM            

I remember it not being a spontaneous, or impulsive thing; not like my meandering apologetic missives late at night in an effort to assure him that I missed him - yet still wasn't answering. His justification for calling me crazy.

posted April 07, 2014 02:35 PM              

Such a courage, both of your, Tgem and you, Indigo. I admire you for it.

posted April 07, 2014 03:16 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Of course
My birthday is ...

Let me know when you have got it and I'll edit it out..

---

Got it. And his? I realise you're lacking the time.

I'm intrigued by the SUN-UNION conjunctions. My husband is a SUN-UNION as well. I don't think his Twin is here - and if she is, we both know who that is. Heh.

posted April 07, 2014 03:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Is he really forcing me to do THAT?
Well I can`t make it for the 16th may, but I could go to the solo concert on 13th june, somehow I could (I wondered what the universe had in mind changing my schedule such that I have a short friday, only morning of working, and all afternoon off - so that would make it possible for me to go there).

the 13th june thingy will be in his hometown, much closer to where I live than the other location as a matter of fact. AND it is in the very same theatre I have been seeing EVITA this year, I have been there so often in the last year it seems - actually the people in my hotel greeted me b name the last time! I wasn`t aware that I left an impression. lol)

But the problem the CRUX is I am going to be on a concert, an open air, with many musical actors, not just him, but him as well, and that will be the Whitsunday open air on 9th june!
Meaning seeing him on monday AND friday that week.

That is, too much. I suppose, too close to each other, timewise. which wsa the reason I picked the 17th may cause it gives him enough time to completely forget my face again.

But within 4 days? That is not much time in between.

---

posted April 07, 2014 03:34 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Reasons, Ceri. Reasons. You don't have to know them.

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I know.

posted April 07, 2014 03:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Got it. And his? I realise you're lacking the time.

I'm intrigued by the SUN-UNION conjunctions. My husband is a SUN-UNION as well. I don't think his Twin is here - and if she is, we both know who that is. Heh.

But he's oh-so-very earthly. Heh. So I hesitate to call him a TwiWeFlame. But those who are here to have significant relationships with them are hardly chopped suet.

---

posted April 07, 2014 03:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
'And, of course, this message will self-destruct in T-minus 12 hours. "

LOL
Thanks for sharing, Indigo. You rock!

---

Thanks, LeeLoo. My age and love of the original Mission: Impossible is showing in that, I suppose. But it's the least shameless thing I've done since writing - and actually sending - that. Heh.

Re-reading it today was a curious experience. I half-wonder, did I give up too easily? He was just afraid. I stopped believing. I was the one who began to ignore my inner knowing.

Like your situation, tgem. I feared an ultimate rejection once cards were on the table.

Was it not as bad as I imagined? Oh, no. It was ten thousand times worse.

But I was still there at the end of it. Still breathing. (Barely.) Still able to take that hard step forward. The one that proves I can leave this moment behind. But, oh, was I stuck in it for a long, long while. Swimming in the misery of that memory.

The whole thing confuses me.

You love a woman more than you've loved anyone - tell her she's your soulmate, even say you love her one sudden, impulsive moment after she's moved states, and begun dating another man exclusively, because YOU wouldn't reveal your identity to her at any point during your complicated, then 4-year, distance 'relationship' (your word - not hers) and SHE ruined your life, broke your heart and betrayed you to where you now wax poetic on how you're simply going to be alone because no one else ranks in comparison?

Then, when she tosses aside everything she knew about everything she knew, because YOU finally told the truth, making that even possible, YOU turn tail and deny everything? After the times in which YOU couldn't make it any more clear - because she waited for you to make it perfectly plain? And STILL, YOU call HER crazy and adopt a policy of 'deny everything'?

THEN, when she says enough is enough, you STILL don't go - just stick around and drop pitiful remarks and statements designed purely to inflict pain? To wound? You do everything but say, 'GO AWAY!' and when she does - you can't accept it? You hang on? You refuse to actually acknowledge that you GOT WHAT YOU WANTED?

Sigh.

Wish we hadn't lost the series in the process. Then we not only hurt each other, but several other people - including our fans.

Anyhow. I can only move forward. That's the only direction.

posted April 07, 2014 04:02 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
lol

I did not even notice before, but they sent me the confirmation mail of my booking for 13th june (we all KNEW I would get a ticket, don`t we? ).

category 2, row 2, seat 2

I swear I did not plan this, but seeing the 2`s one after each other.

---

posted April 08, 2014 02:13 AM            

That came through at 23:11 my time via my costar's character in our current project.

posted April 08, 2014 05:24 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
'Reality is nothing more than a string of perceptions in concert seeking pattern and time.'

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posted April 08, 2014 05:28 AM              

I donīt have it anymore, but I think what I wrote in there, was basically how the moment you dream something, you think something, it manifests as some form of reality, at least in an emotional/ spiritual sense.
And if two or more people dream the same dream, the possibility of this reality becomes much more condensed, closer to manifesting in the physical dimension.

posted April 08, 2014 05:42 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Thanks, LeeLoo. My age and love of the original Mission: Impossible is showing in that, I suppose. But it's the least shameless thing I've done since writing - and actually sending - that. Heh.

Re-reading it today was a curious experience. I half-wonder, did I give up too easily? He was just afraid. I stopped believing. I was the one who began to ignore my inner knowing.

Like your situation, tgem. I feared an ultimate rejection once cards were on the table.

Was it not as bad as I imagined? Oh, no. It was ten thousand times worse.

But I was still there at the end of it. Still breathing. (Barely.) Still able to take that hard step forward. The one that proves I can leave this moment behind. But, oh, was I stuck in it for a long, long while. Swimming in the misery of that memory.

The whole thing confuses me.

You love a woman more than you've loved anyone - tell her she's your soulmate, even say you love her one sudden, impulsive moment after she's moved states, and begun dating another man exclusively, because YOU wouldn't reveal your identity to her at any point during your complicated, then 4-year, distance 'relationship' (your word - not hers) and SHE ruined your life, broke your heart and betrayed you to where you now wax poetic on how you're simply going to be alone because no one else ranks in comparison?

Then, when she tosses aside everything she knew about everything she knew, because YOU finally told the truth, making that even possible, YOU turn tail and deny everything? After the times in which YOU couldn't make it any more clear - because she waited for you to make it perfectly plain? And STILL, YOU call HER crazy and adopt a policy of 'deny everything'?

THEN, when she says enough is enough, you STILL don't go - just stick around and drop pitiful remarks and statements designed purely to inflict pain? To wound? You do everything but say, 'GO AWAY!' and when she does - you can't accept it? You hang on? You refuse to actually acknowledge that you GOT WHAT YOU WANTED?

Sigh.

Wish we hadn't lost the series in the process. Then we not only hurt each other, but several other people - including our fans.

Anyhow. I can only move forward. That's the only direction.

Thanks for 'listening' to my impromptu rant. I ... still have some feelings there with which I'm dealing. No matter how I deny them.

---

posted April 08, 2014 06:15 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Do you have many Chiron aspects? (awakening through pain, healing through love, wounds meant to awaken, the healer first is wounded and provokes wounds, thus understanding how and where you both need to heal?)

---

Interestingly, our composite (Tropical) CHIRON is on ALGOL and opposes my natal MOON-URANUS, and his SATURN-KARMA. So there's that ...

But synastrically, my MARS loosely opposes his CHIRON (4°); my CHIRON also widely squares his VENUS (3°), but more telling, hits that 19° VENUS/MARS and PSYCHE/EROS MP. Around 2°.

Otherwise, my KARMA exactly quincunxes his CHIRON.
His KARMA loosely opposes mine. (And I do mean loosely. It counts only if I count my natal MOON opposite. Almost 7°. But since it makes it a DW, and there are parallels ... hard to say. Ahh, orbs again.

My VENUS widely squares his CHIRON, too. 4°.

So, hm.

Looks like mutual VENUS-CHIRON squares.

There's also an exact trine of his CHIRON to my JUNO.

My CHIRON is quincunx his MERCURY-URANUS (2°) which is exactly conjunct my VALENTINE. There may be something to that. (His CHIRON opposes my LUST 2°; I believe mine trines his.)

I think his CHIRON is quindecile my NEPTUNE. Since it's widely conjunct his SUN, and is also my 7R, that curious.

Oddly enough, my CHIRON is trine his JUPITER (11R) 1°. His is 8° from trining my JUPITER. But it's trine my SATURN 2°.

Again, if you count my MOON aspect, then his SATURN is opposite my CHIRON 6°.

posted April 08, 2014 07:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Do you have many Chiron aspects? (awakening through pain, healing through love, wounds meant to awaken, the healer first is wounded and provokes wounds, thus understanding how and where you both need to heal?)

---

Our synastry and composite is filled with Chiron...that explains things:
My chiron squares his sun, Saturn and Cupido
Trines his moon, mercury, mars and MC
Conjuncts his chiron
Opposes his Uranus
Sesquisquare his karma

His chiron conjuncts my mercury and chiron
Sextiles my ASC
Trines my Saturn and neptune
Sesquisquare my venus and alma
Square my Ceres

Chiron to Saturn and mercury are DW's...

Pffft...I don't know who was supposed to heal who more, but I can vouch for all the pain....

posted April 08, 2014 07:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Interestingly, our composite (Tropical) CHIRON is on ALGOL and opposes my natal MOON-URANUS, and his SATURN-KARMA. So there's that ...

But synastrically, my MARS loosely opposes his CHIRON (4°); my CHIRON also widely squares his VENUS (3°), but more telling, hits that 19° VENUS/MARS and PSYCHE/EROS MP. Around 2°.

Otherwise, my KARMA exactly quincunxes his CHIRON.
His KARMA loosely opposes mine. (And I do mean loosely. It counts only if I count my natal MOON opposite. Almost 7°. But since it makes it a DW, and there are parallels ... hard to say. Ahh, orbs again.

My VENUS widely squares his CHIRON, too. 4°.

So, hm.

Looks like mutual VENUS-CHIRON squares.

There's also an exact trine of his CHIRON to my JUNO.

My CHIRON is quincunx his MERCURY-URANUS (2°) which is exactly conjunct my VALENTINE. There may be something to that. (His CHIRON opposes my LUST 2°; I believe mine trines his.)

I think his CHIRON is quindecile my NEPTUNE. Since it's widely conjunct his SUN, and is also my 7R, that curious.

Oddly enough, my CHIRON is trine his JUPITER (11R) 1°. His is 8° from trining my JUPITER. But it's trine my SATURN 2°.

Again, if you count my MOON aspect, then his SATURN is opposite my CHIRON 6°.

I suppose the answer is 'yes, I think so?'

---

"There's also an exact trine of his CHIRON to my JUNO."

We have this in our composite...

posted April 08, 2014 09:28 AM              

Definitely a Chiron theme. That Moon-Uranus must be felt like an arrow through the heart on both sides. And combined with Saturn-Karma...

But Chiron heals in the end when the people involved have an epiphany, when they become aware of the fact that those 'inflicted' wounds are actually something they've been carrying within themselves long before they met, wounds from the past, soft spots that have always been there, self-inflicted or inflicted by others. The other is just pointing them out in order to be healed.