posted April 28, 2014 04:14 PM              

The loss of a dream touches our child heart, it is so painful

I hope to find the right words to say this to you, but I am confident that with your many tangible qualities of heart and mind and your outer and inner beauty, also your keen intelligence and perception, all of those and more, I am confident you can bring this dream of love into reality and live it. Maybe creating this connection with somebody who has a certain degree of inaccessibility prevents you from doing that. It may seem harmless at first, but what if it's a trap?

posted April 28, 2014 04:40 PM              

and yes I know you are right, Leeloo (not about that aquarius man though. ), but I am not yet ready to, I don`t know, emotionally actualize it.
I probably will be talking still about him, but hopefully it will become less and less with time.

posted April 29, 2014 10:33 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
I'm so sorry Ceri- I wish you would have had better news..I just don't know what else to say other than I feel your hurt and surprise about how wrong you were. As I am feeling the same thing over the last month...how could I be/have been wrong? Sending you hugs 💙

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posted April 29, 2014 05:23 PM              

thank you very much for your words. And they are very true.
I think sometimes we limit ourselves too much and fixating too much onto romantic relationships (though of course it would have been nice).

I curiously do not even feel the need or urge or wish to put as many miles between him and me as can be. I still want to see him on that Whitsunfestival (but he will not be the only one there).
It is just a matter of modifying my perspectivem, that`s all.

posted April 29, 2014 05:28 PM            

But what would your verdict be on that synastry? Does it have a soulmate potential?

Anyway, the aspects are as follow (him first)

Sun quincunx Moon 1
Moon trine Sun 2

Sun quincunx Mercury exact
Mercury trine Sun 3

Sun square Mars 1
Mars conjunct Sun exact

Sun sextile Neptune exact
Sun conjunct KARMA 2
Sun trine UNION 1

Sun conjunct DSC exact

Moon sextile Moon 3

Moon trine Mercury 3
Mercury opposite Moon 2

Moon trine Venus 2
Moon conjunct Mars 2
Moon quincunx Pluto exact
Moon square KARMA 1

Mercury trine Mercury 3

Mercury trine Venus 1
Mercury trine Mars 1 (Grand Air Trine)

Mercury square Pluto exact

Venus conjunct NN 2
Venus opposite Chiron 3
Venus trine AMOR exact
Venus trine ANGEL 1

Mars conjunct Mercury 5
Mars conjunct Venus 4
Mars trine Mars 4
Mars square Saturn exact
Mars trine PSYCHE 1

Jupiter square Moon 3
Jupiter square Jupiter exact
Jupiter sextile Neptune 1

Saturn conjunct Sun 1
Saturn square Saturn 2
Saturn trine PSYCHE 1

Uranus semisquare Sun exact
Uranus semisquare Saturn exact (Uranus is on the MP of my Sun/Saturn square)

Uranus conjunct IC 1

NN square Sun exact
NN opposite Saturn exact

EROS conjunct PSYCHE 4 (very wide)

UNION opposite Jupiter exact

ATLANTIS conjunct Vertex exact

SPIRIT conjunct SPIRIT 1
SPIRIT conjunct ALMA 1

ALMA conjunct NN exact

DSC conjunct Mercury 1
DSC conjunct Venus 2

And my Sun is also in his 7th house, 7 degrees from his DSC.

posted April 29, 2014 05:49 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Selene:
Hey, guys! I once wrote that i've been seeing 11:11 and 22:22 once again all the time, and now i think it has manifested in a man that came into my life out of the blue and started pursuing me. And what's fascinating me is the fact that i like him a lot as well. At least he's giving me these heart-pound reactions i've been craving for so long. And when i saw our synastry, i also was surprised about all the connections. More with the planets, though, not the asteroids.

But what would your verdict be on that synastry? Does it have a soulmate potential?

Anyway, the aspects are as follow (him first)

Sun quincunx Moon 1
Moon trine Sun 2

Sun quincunx Mercury exact
Mercury trine Sun 3

Sun square Mars 1
Mars conjunct Sun exact

Sun sextile Neptune exact
Sun conjunct KARMA 2
Sun trine UNION 1

Sun conjunct DSC exact

Moon sextile Moon 3

Moon trine Mercury 3
Mercury opposite Moon 2

Moon trine Venus 2
Moon conjunct Mars 2
Moon quincunx Pluto exact
Moon square KARMA 1

Mercury trine Mercury 3

Mercury trine Venus 1
Mercury trine Mars 1 (Grand Air Trine)

Mercury square Pluto exact

Venus conjunct NN 2
Venus opposite Chiron 3
Venus trine AMOR exact
Venus trine ANGEL 1

Mars conjunct Mercury 5
Mars conjunct Venus 4
Mars trine Mars 4
Mars square Saturn exact
Mars trine PSYCHE 1

Jupiter square Moon 3
Jupiter square Jupiter exact
Jupiter sextile Neptune 1

Saturn conjunct Sun 1
Saturn square Saturn 2
Saturn trine PSYCHE 1

Uranus semisquare Sun exact
Uranus semisquare Saturn exact (Uranus is on the MP of my Sun/Saturn square)

Uranus conjunct IC 1

NN square Sun exact
NN opposite Saturn exact

EROS conjunct PSYCHE 4 (very wide)

UNION opposite Jupiter exact

ATLANTIS conjunct Vertex exact

SPIRIT conjunct SPIRIT 1
SPIRIT conjunct ALMA 1

ALMA conjunct NN exact

DSC conjunct Mercury 1
DSC conjunct Venus 2

And my Sun is also in his 7th house, 7 degrees from his DSC.

---

Very strong synastry, Selene. Can't get better!

planets on angles, vertex, nodes
sun/moon DW
venus/mars DW
sun/mars DW
moon/mars DW
moon/jupiter DW
sun/saturn DW
and I suspect even moon/pluto DW with a quintile
and god knows how many other DW might be in this wonderful chart
good mercury aspects
regular pattern
eros/psyche and other love asteroids connected
chart rulers conjunct
5th house ruler conjunct 8th house ruler and probably other rulers connected if you look for them

posted April 29, 2014 05:57 PM              

I haven't even looked at the list of your aspects. Now looking at it, you just add those other DW you found and the other great aspects like Moon/Moon, Moon/Venus, Sun/Venus to what I saw just visually and you have...a bellissima synastry!

Most likely there's a chance of great happiness in this union for you, because all three interlinked configurations (trapezoid, cross, kite) involving practically all planets point to the apex of the Kite, your Moon/Jupiter/Eros conjunction, and in Leo.
The only weaker point of the chart is his Venus kinda lonely, but apart from the important Mars sesquisquare, it does trine your Amor, sextile your Valentine, semisextile your Alma/Spirit and dispositor is Uranus conjunct your Valentine and IC and his Venus luckily in such a major position, on the Node.

posted May 01, 2014 07:08 PM            

I know. It hurts. So much.

I couldn't BELIEVE that all of those events and experiences culminated in Jace getting married. The questioning, "Why then?". I'm probably never going to understand, here, on Earth, why all of these things happened. But they did. Just as they have to each of us looking for the appropriate cubbyhole for the whole shebang.

Sending you lots of hugs and healing thoughts.

With all my heart.

posted May 01, 2014 11:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Lavender,

thank you very much for your words. And they are very true.
I think sometimes we limit ourselves too much and fixating too much onto romantic relationships (though of course it would have been nice).

I curiously do not even feel the need or urge or wish to put as many miles between him and me as can be. I still want to see him on that Whitsunfestival (but he will not be the only one there).
It is just a matter of modifying my perspectivem, that`s all.

And yes you are right, in the end this really is about me, my growth and transformation, and he was an important part in this. And no I do not regret ever having met im or whatever you usually say in similiar situations.
Course it hurts, but I really think, the thing that does hurt is the taking back of expectations or hopes.

---

posted May 02, 2014 02:43 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:
I'm so sorry both you and Indigo have had such a rough time these last couple of weeks. There's a lot of love and encouragement here for you both

---

Thank you.

it is bizarre though, I do not feel like I am *supposed* to feel.

There is pain, yes, though not really surprise. I knew it was likely something like that was going to happen since he mentioned his future mother in law last june. Just didn´t know when.

But at the same time, reading it (and ********* awful journalism that article is! There is not even the writer of the article mentioned anywhere°!), I felt a pang of relief. Why relief?
Not sure. Maybe just because now that it has happened it cannot get any worse and I can start getting out of the hole.
In a way it also even feels like I can act more normal around him now, because any kind of (romantic) pressure is taken out of the equation.

posted May 03, 2014 06:21 AM              

It is what it is. And it isn`t a surprise.
As you all know it`s not like we ever were together, not like this is really a surprise (maybe the timing, but that was a question of `when`rather than `if`). It`s not like I could say I didn`t know, didn`t anticipate it.
It`s not like I didn`t know the way THIS was headed for me, but you know how it is, sometimes the heart just wants what it wants, and you refuse to listen to your own reasoning and walk right into some kind of emotional underworld with your eyes wide open.

(one of the things my Venus-Pluto-natal-theme seems to push me into now and then, probably does not help that my Isis-Osiris-conjunction is squared by Pluto, too).

But yeah as I said, it didn`t come as a surprise, though of course it still feels like an emotional shock. And it probably needs to feel that way.

Of course it is painful, very much so. Maybe it is unreasonable, maybe irrational, maybe I could have spared me this if I had walked away (emotionally) from this much earlier. (could I even have done that, really?)

But in a way I needed him to push me where I needed to go, like a catalyst if you so want.

Well, of course it sounds like I am overdramatizing, and maybe I am (but my Saturn in Cancer in 8th house and Cappy Venus square Pluto and fixed Moon in fixed house just has real difficulties in letting go, even if it is just a thought, dream, idea, or feeling. Moving on easily is something for mutable Venus and Moon I suppose, but not for me, though eventually I have to and I always do).

What I think where the problem really is is hat I have allowed this nice fantasy or even that initial real spark (which Is till believe was there; seriouly I can`t be THAT wrong. lol) become a dream, then a hope and maybe almost a semi-expectation.
Letting go of a dream or mindset inside, is not that easy.

Also, I do still like him, he is a great performer, and it is always a joy seeing him perform, I just have to adjust my perspective and not make more of it than it really is. C `est tout.

Which is the process I have been going through for the last days, hence my silence.

In a way it feels liberating to me, and even in relation to him, cause that confusion is gone now, and I can take back my projections and see (and appreciate him) for what and who he is.
nice guy, good performer, and most obviously not mine.
(I don´t think this contradicts the psychic connection, but there is a difference between this and manifesting reality. I have always known and said that, and now I get to experience it. Again. Oh Come on universe, don´t I expect a little breathing pause now and then? ).

oh and just or the record, of course I will still go on and on about our charts endlessly, probably. lol

Well, it did feel like a 10 of swords experience. But I also read that this is a stage-card, painting things even blacker than they actually are. Drama-queen-card.

I had pulled three tarot cards for where I am headed now on Beltane, and got Ace of Wands - fool - 2 of cups (with Temperance for the present timeframe) - hardly a spread I would have expected.

Anyway, but as much as I of course liked the spread I had for where I am heading now, of course right now I am still in the temperance-mode.

And no, please no emotional commitment, I am kinda disinterested in getting emotionally stuck on someone.

Well, I would like a little bit joy and a spark in my life for a change, but keep the comitment away from me, FAR away. Just spark of life, energy, happiness and joy, that`s all I want for now. And a new adventure. LOL

I was thinking that the Fool between Ace of wands and 2 of cups would take care of that, keeping commitment a bit away. Well I like all three cards. The spark of a newbeginning in the Ace and the Fool as well as the emotional openness (and hopefully mutuality for once) in the 2 of cups.
But could be a friendship, too, or just basically meaning emotional openness, which I find is important now for me.

To keep an open heart despite the recent disappointment or rather dis-illusion.
Which would be a new path to tread on for me, to neither fall back into a dream-world nor to close my heart.
THAT would be a big step into a "new me" for me.
Accept reality and nevertheless move on with openness.

Let`s see if I maange to do it this time. But I am quite hopeful.

posted May 03, 2014 06:33 AM              

And that came after suddenly posting all the pics of the past concerts for the last years, which to me was like retracing the steps back into the past, cause yeah of course he had to post pictures of all the concerts *I* was on, right? So I can really re-view them again. Thank you very much, excactly what I needed now.

I don`t understand either, why he was posting them NOW, cause msot of these concerts date back so many years, they are past. Over. Gone.

Yeah, I hav eno clue WHY he is posting those, but to me it feels like I want to say: "Yeah, sure not enough the knife is already in my heart, twist it a little bit around by showing me - again- all the opportunities I missed in the past. All the small crossings where things could have changed, gone differntly, even if just me learning SOONER, that he is not interested in me at all."

And the songlist he posted?
He never did that before, for no other solo concert of his. And it fits the "memory - lane-walk" in a way, cause he will have a block of songs from "Once" in it.
Well he has pretty much always held on to "Falling Slowly" except around the time he obviously broke up with his ex-girlfriend, but he hasn`t been singing any of the other songs in there.

And now he has decided to put "Say it to me now" on his songlist again, a song, he hasn`t been singing (at least not to my knowledge), not since that first solo-concert on his in 2010. Not since I - stupidly- decided to re-appear.
So in some weird way, it is almost like a bracket, this song, that was there on the first concert I saw with him, and will be there this time.

He also has put up another song from `Once` there, I had not heard of before, I checked the lyrics, and even though I know of course it doesn`T hae anything to do, it shocked me deeply, these words:

"You have broken me all the way down
Down upon my knees
And you have broken me all the way now
You'll be the last, you'll see

And some fight you gave
When I pushed you away
From me

And in the morning
When you turn in
I'll be far to sea

And you have broken me all the way down
You'll be the last, you'll see

And what chance have we got
When you missed every shot
For me

And in the morning
When you turn in
I'll be out of reach

And in the darkness
When you find this
I'll be far to sea

posted May 03, 2014 06:37 AM            

quote:

---

I just wrote on another thread about my thoughts on what happened.
But I want to share it here, too, as I think it is important, and I probably will need to reread it again some time or the other to remind myself.[...]

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posted May 03, 2014 07:47 AM              

Well, in the end it is just an aspect of life and needs to be honoured just as the happy times. So in this way, it`s all good.

posted May 03, 2014 02:14 PM            

So he isn't your TwinFlame?

Who said Indigo?

posted May 03, 2014 02:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
It doesn`t matter if he is my twinflame or not.
It doesn`t matter what he is, only what he chooses. And that is not going to be me. That`s all.

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I understand Ceri.