posted May 08, 2014 02:00 AM              

However whatever, it sounds very tough. some form of painful retribution?
Payback-day, something like that?

posted May 08, 2014 02:15 AM              

It surprised me though, that instead of increasing my "suffering" (gosh, I am dramatic, today. lol) and rubbing salt into it, it felt sort of... soothing and calming. interesting.

Needless to mention that I slept very well the night to yesterday, and I was having strange dreams, including one where I went "into the earth". I mean like really literally right into the earth, there was some facility there, not quite a hospital, but simililar purpose I suppose. No windows there, cause seriously what use would windows have been, you would have just looked at earth. lol

But more important seemed to me the trainstation right there, and I was asking what was BEHIND and BENEATH this trainstation. I mean it had to go somewhere, right?
I was told that I probably wanted to keep within the area, as I couldnīt possibly know what was behind it or beneath it, most probably just more earth, but I still wanted to go there and have a look myself.

The funny thing is though, being surrounded by earth, felt very soothing and healing to me.

There is this strange connection I have with earth. I only have one planet in earth (Venus in Capricorn), and I am the opposite of someone with a green thumb; no matter how much I love plants, I donīt care for them in my home. Though as neglectful I am towards them, tzaking this in consideration it is amazing that they seem to, well hibernate in my rooms, and the moment I pay more attention them, they revive.

As a matter of fact this is one constant discussion between my mom and me, who is the born gardner. lol As I am not.
But interestingly I had a rose last year, that was dead as can be, and then suddenly it started to bloom again. It was, as I said, interesting.

but to be honest I think plants belong outside, in nature, in the earth, not in a vase.

posted May 08, 2014 03:53 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I am not exactly clear about the symbolism of Tisiphone (was she one of the guards and punishers in the underworld?).

However whatever, it sounds very tough. some form of painful retribution?
Payback-day, something like that?

BTW this happens on my name asteroid on 16.58 Taurus. lol

---

Tisiphone is one of the Furies, yes. Specifically, the one who seeks revenge on others. While Megaera punished those who were careless with love, and Alekto, those who were disrespectful to hosts and generally not gracious guests, Tisiphone was the one dedicated to avenging wrath, namely, murder.

posted May 08, 2014 04:31 AM              

My Tisiphone is conjunct DESTINN exact, conj. Vx, Eros at 3 degrees.

Patrick`s Tisiphone on 23 Aries is square my Tisiphone and widely conj my Chiron on 20 Aries.
My Tisiphone opposes his Venus by 2 degrees, making a Grand Cross with his own and Pluto.

posted May 08, 2014 08:20 AM            

And mans Vesta and SN exactly conjunct womans Saturn.

posted May 08, 2014 03:53 PM              

One or two days before I went on the trip of desaster, I suddenly got a "whiff" of someone I hadnīt been thinking about for a very very long time.
It was just that sudden strong electric sense, that tingle, you get if someone enters a room, and you just know, though of course there was noone there. lol

I haven`t been talking about him. Well I DID talk about him when I came on here many years ago, in fact I believe my very first post was about him.
He is -or was- closely connected to my guardian soulmate, and partly the reason I haven`t been mentioning him is that he used to scare me. No, not him as a person, but well I used to call him "my nemesis", meant almost as a term of endearment, and he most probably was, the big "balancer" in my life. I haven`t even talked to him once though. lol
Another of these, yes I know, I know...

He is gay, so scratch any romantic thoughts, okay?

However, knowing this very well, whenever I was too close to where he performed (too close to stage), the electricity - for me- got unberable.
Well, there is of course this very lively electric spark, when I see Patrick, too. But with Patrick it has always felt more sparkly-physical-emotional even.
And while Patrick pushes me out of my comfortzone, Andy used to catapult me out of it.
In the first case it was like being stroked by an electric cord, and despite being shaken and pushed out of my comfort zone, there was always a sense of fun and amusement and pleasant coming with it. No matter how much I pretend to be a scared little girl, deep inside I have always known that I can handle pretty much everything Patrick is throwing at me, maybe out of a strange feeling of understanding, of familiarity.

Seeing Andy however, at times it felt like I was being electrocuted. THIS (man) I could not handle. What he manifested into my life was unbearable, unmanageable and utterly demanding and emotionally exhausting.

I remember the first time I`ve seen him "in the flesh", and I also remember that it pretty much took ALL my selfcontrol to not scream, because the pain was excruciating.

It was like well imagine to be close to and looking straight into a nuclear explosion. I suppose that is what it must be like. I felt as if my chest was being ripped open and instead of my usually nicely calm heart, there was suddenly some white-hot-glowing ball in my chest. I actually DID look at my chest o make sure it was still intact.

Of course I sort of got used to this kind of energetic impact. However, when you talk about spiritual experiences with other people, he was the first who simply shocked me, for I donīt know, we apparently started doing astrology around the same time (he is 8 years older though),s tarted to play the piano around the same time, had a nervous breakdown around the same time.
I once saw his parents, because they checked in at the same hotel at the same time as I did, and it startled me and amused me to see how much more I resemble his mother than he does. While he looks like he could be my mom`s son. Just something to smile about. Not of significance.

He was the reason I went to the open air where I would see Patrick for the very first time. Which I always found... interesting.

Anyway that following summer, Andy would be recording his solo cd in my town, which is a small village without any significance. But still he recorded his cd not even hundred metres away from where I live. I didn`t meet him though, unless you count being almost run over by his car.

The title of the album he did, was "No Frontiers". The year later I was seeing the concert to it, and it was around a time I had kind of chosen to do things differently than I did before, so it took place at a very pivotal time in my life.
As a matter of fact he seems to have been present and often triggering some of the lifeturning moments in my life.

And usually it was not the pleasant way. Usually it came with some sacrifice I had to make. usually sacrificing a thoughtpattern I had grown too comfortable with, but that was not exactly "true" or helpful anymore.
My nemesis. Yeah.

The spiritual connection or whatever became too much eventually though. I remember one autumn I neearly went insane, cause while I felt okay during the day, every night I was feeling like I was nearly dying, like the heart was being literally ripped from my body, and it did not make any sense.
I still don`t know why I felt that way, but synchronicity had it that I later learned that he was in a play on stage, in which he got his heart ripped out of his chest by his lover. Every freaking night.

Well we both had Tr Pluto conjunct Sun, for him it also squared KAALI, so I guess it is probably just one manifestation of it. lol

I also had a past life recall about him. Only one. But that once definitely was providing me with more than enough traumatic aftereffect. lol

To say he had a kathartic effect on me, is probably understated. The way he affected me rather felt like a violent intrusion on a soul level at times.

Yeah, he seems to make me pick the more dramatic words. lol

Anyway of course I have grown out of it, whatever that `it` was. I shudder to even think too much about it.
And eventually to break that strange hypnotic electrifying effect he had on me, I decided that it was better to stay away for good. For a good while at least.

He weirded me out to be honest. I mean how many performers you know are talking about how children are able to read someone`s aura and how they sometimes look behind you as if they see someone, an angel maybe (and he said he believed they really do), and how we lose that ability when growing up, and saying this was focusing his look on where I was sitting in the dark to the point that I wished to become invisible. Am I having a big glaring sign on my forehead saying: I sense .... things????

Anyway in the same way he seems to have brought a certain destructing feel into my life (let`s talk about how tolerant people REALLY are, when they are personally affected by someone else`s choice! I learned that it is fairly easy to talk about tolerance, if something doesn`t affect your life directly. lol), but at the same time he also felt very uplifting to me. As long as I donīt get lost into some sort of obsessive-past-life-feel.

Anyway so I have not seen him, for about 5 years I think. Well, not since Patrick started taking up so much space in my life at least.

But then again I believe he didn`t do that much stage-stuff for quite some time. Actualy I read that he had become a Yoga-teacher for a time.

Anyway so when I prepared leaving for my trip, I suddenly was reminded of him, by that "whiff".
I did not pay too much attention.
However, yesterday I was opening up my emails, and there was an announcement for a solo concert. Only next year, so much time, but it reminded me of the one I saw, and I checked his facebook account, which I had never done before, and just recently he had himself remembering that exact concert, which is so long ago, 7 years. And he quoted something of the title song, and it was like an infusion of energy to me, interestingly not at all painful anymore, more like something very warm and supportive, like I was SUPPOSED to remember these words:

"if your life is a rough bed of brambles and nails

And your spirit's a slave to man's whips and man's jails
Where you thirst and you hunger for justice and right
Then your heart is a pure flame of man's constant night
In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark

That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us 'til the day when fear will lose its grip

And heaven has its way
And heaven has its way
When all will harmonise
And know it's in our hearts

The dream will realise
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I've seen heaven in your eyes"

posted May 08, 2014 05:58 PM            

Still, so much of what you've said rings so eerily true to how I've felt, SO many times, in regards to him.

Right. No. Not Fate. But my costar; the one to whom I've come to refer to as my Guardian Soul.

I think it's pretty clear that we can have mind-blowing, completely flabbergasting soul connexions with those who are not our Twins. In some ways, I think it's a CRUCIAL part of our overall development. I think that's WHY we do.

As I've been unfortunately absent, I've also been very occupied, and processing a lot. All of this helps me, though, to put together a more complete idea of things.

I think the fact you call him your nemesis is interesting, too. More that I've come to analyse the relationship with my costar, that dynamic is something imprinted upon our relationship which has absolutely nothing to do with what and how we are now.

In many ways, this connexion (and the relationship) is helping me feel a bit less mad. Suddenly, I find he's seriously contemplating the cosmology which I've been deeply exploring, (as he was half way there, but still clinging to some shred of recognisable 'reality', as I did for a very long while) and we're discussing past-life recalls, parallel timelines, and how our dynamics are similar and vary across them all - or at least those relatively likely.

Wow!

It's definitely having a positive impact upon our relationship, and my life in general. But there was a very big black mark (of which the residue still remains) on our relationship since from before the beginning. Dark, heavy things which have felt like a bizarre weight unconsciously dragging things down, or just causing external conflict.

I feel that's FINALLY sorting out, because I'm tackling it head on. Because now I at least think I know what it is I'm REALLY dealing with.

But accepting it? Oh, that's another thing entirely.

posted May 09, 2014 04:49 AM              

"the one to whom I've come to refer to as my Guardian Soul."
Yes, I actually thought of your co-star, too. Somehow.

Well I am not sure if Andy is a guardian soul to me, or a karmic residue; what he most certainly is is a katalyst. Surely.
But he is in a sense also "too much" somehow.

I still canīt quite listen to this song he did, from a musical of course. Just as I was here on LL re-membering the concept of twinsouls, he would go and perform the song "Origin of love" constantly, you know the one dealing with a certain myth by Plato.
There is a video on you tube, and it is all well and fine,e xcept the last stanza. Don`t know why it gets so much under my skin.
But I somehow do not find that very acceptable.

"I think it's pretty clear that we can have mind-blowing, completely flabbergasting soul connexions with those who are not our Twins."
Yes I definitely think so too.

" In some ways, I think it's a CRUCIAL part of our overall development. I think that's WHY we do."
Agreed.

"As I've been unfortunately absent, I've also been very occupied, and processing a lot."
Yes, me, too.
That is why I still haven`t replied to your wonderful post you did some days ago. Just processing too much.

and last night I was having a rather horrible one actually. Full blown panic attack or something like that, actually it approached - though with less intensity- the dark-night-of-the-soul experience I had 20 years ago.
It was all there, the warped perception, the paranoia (suddenly was thinking I might get a stroke, but maybe this is cause my uncle was having a stroke in may last year, and somehow with all going on I never really was able to process him, and he is doing well by now again, luckily), feeling nauseous, dizzy, shaking and freezing like crazy.
So I think there was a very literal physical processing going on last night. Today I feel good again of course. It lasted maybe 2 hours (and deprived me of sleep). But boy, I am glad these nights do not happen THAT often (occasionally they do, usually if a pivotal change has just taken place or is in the process of becoming; feels like a dying-birthing process almost).

"I think the fact you call him your nemesis is interesting, too. "
I do not mean it that negative though. Nemesis is just the one who balances out the Karma. Neutral in a waay, though destructive and painful for our Ego. lol

"and we're discussing past-life recalls, parallel timelines, and how our dynamics are similar and vary across them all - or at least those relatively likely."
that sounds amazing!

"Dark, heavy things which have felt like a bizarre weight unconsciously dragging things down, or just causing external conflict.2
Exactly my feelings about this katalystic guy.
Dark heavy, underworld stuff.

I think it was perfectly illustrated in the past life recall I ahd some years ago, which happened at night and had me sitting up straight in my bed. It was excruicating.
No matter if this was a real past life recall or just an illustration of what my subconsciousness view on this connection is.

Short sober version of the story.
He was my twinbrother (fraternal); we had a too close connection with each other, even considering we were twins. Laced with incestuous vibes even (though I am not clear on how subtle or overt that was - the vibe alone shocked the heck out of me. lol).
I decided that we needed to break that insane unhealthy bond and decided to get married.
He shot himself. I found him. He died. End of story.

I hadn`t had any kind of forewarning before that past life recall started playing. Just heart something that sounded almost like a shot inside my head and had the privilege to experience it all again.
Anyway whatever that really is about, it surely was a more dramatic intense thing.

posted May 09, 2014 06:46 AM              

His birthtime is rectified (by me). I know he has an Aries ASC (because he said so), but do not know exactly what degree. However 27 - 28 degree Aries reacted to transits progressions and solar arc quite clearly for important events in his life, so I am fairly sure this could be right.

Anyway his NEMESIS conjuncts my Sun; my NEMESIS opposes his Moon.

posted May 10, 2014 12:03 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Selene:
I just wanted to tell something. Remember, i have those past life memories that resulted in me having a real person chart (of a person i was in my past life)? Well, i've now been dabbling with Pullen aspect/midpoint chart. And oh wow, it turns out her Sun/Moon midpoint is on the same degree that my natal Sun!!!

And her Venus/Moon midpoint as well.

---

posted May 10, 2014 06:47 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Selene:
No, i found her based on other facts i received during the recall (name surname, husbands name and profession, their age gap, their child, etc). The chart in question belongs to a real once living person who had her moon exactly conjunct mine, with her Asc exactly on my Ic and her MC exactly on my Venus... And now also her Sun/Moon MP on my Sun.

---

Interesting. That's quite involved for a recall. Was this aided through hypnotic regression or in dreams? A single event or several?

posted May 11, 2014 04:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Interesting. That's quite involved for a recall. Was this aided through hypnotic regression or in dreams? A single event or several?

Do you find this late person's existence reflecting challenges, talents, and themes in your present life? Do you have phobic responses to the reported cause of death? For instance, she drowned / hydrophobia; she was strangled / can't wear things around your neck, etc.

---

I had this recall after meeting Mr.Uranus for the first time. We immediately recognised each other and he suggested i check our charts for past life clues as we shared so much in common and synchronic events since our childhood. He started to tell me how there is this one memorial he feels so close to, that it is like home to him. And then it turned out that the person he was in his past life (according to my dreams) was the architect of this place, i hadn't heard of him before, only after the recall and searching. Interestingly we both had an intention to study architecture in this life, and both couldn't do so due to breaking arm before the drawing exams.

As for the traits... she was a nationalist and loved our country very much, but due to the war was forced to leave to US and died there at a very old age. I was born in her home country and i love it, i love my nation and would fight for it. But i also knew English (American English) since very early age, i never had to learn it actually, it came naturally for me.

posted May 11, 2014 07:02 AM            

Look at this:

My natal:

His natal:

Synastry:

Composite:

posted May 11, 2014 11:42 AM            

We call those astrotwins. I've actually been friends with my closest one, who was born exactly 2 hours earlier than I was.

As to whether or not that 'makes' Twin Flames automatically, no. It's more the composites, and synastry, itself.

posted May 13, 2014 12:20 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
misslani,

We call those astrotwins. I've actually been friends with my closest one, who was born exactly 2 hours earlier than I was.

As to whether or not that 'makes' Twin Flames automatically, no. It's more the composites, and synastry, itself.

Astrotwins are fascinating, though. Do you find a lot of similarities in your lives?

---

It's something like... It's hard to explain, he's very Saggy by nature, and I'm very Scorpionic. However, he manages to wake up a carefree side of myself and in return, I can get him to talk, experience and enjoy the more intense, darker side of life. It's like, one day we're getting our bums tattooed because we lost a bet and the next day we're telling each other things we wouldn't dare to tell anyone else.

posted May 13, 2014 02:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by misslani:
It's something like... It's hard to explain, he's very Saggy by nature, and I'm very Scorpionic. However, he manages to wake up a carefree side of myself and in return, I can get him to talk, experience and enjoy the more intense, darker side of life. It's like, one day we're getting our bums tattooed because we lost a bet and the next day we're telling each other things we wouldn't dare to tell anyone else.

We're both in the same business and enjoy the same things. We are equally comfortable blabbing 24/7 and spending time in a complete silence. I'm a usually very reserved person (not shy), but I felt warm around my heart the moment I saw him and we became friends instantly. Being around him makes me happy.
He reaches the parts of me that I don't know how to reach myself and he says that I give a deeper meaning to his words, his thoughts and his lyrics.

---

Hm. Well, for starters, I have no idea what's making him come across as Sagittarian; there's just none of that really in his makeup. I'd say that it's a good thing he has the connexion with you that he does as he needs to be accessing his natural Scorpio.

I see why you say that you express yourself Scorpionically; Venus in a woman is very indicative of how she will view herself. For him, it's Mars. Are you seeing Sag or Aries? They can certainly overlap. And Aries / Scorpio can be very philosophical, seemingly carefree, and wage a personal war between possession and independence.

I see why you might be getting a Twin Flame sort of vibe, though. It's more one of those instances of, until you've actually had it, you can mistake it in the case of deep, transformative Soulmates.

When I look at your composite, I get the automatic sense of Companion Soulmates. You've got a little bit of karma, but it's mostly of the 'reward' kind, and you're here to teach each other how to be more true to yourselves.

This is typically present in those composites and synastries with are mostly sextiles, semisextiles, and a few significant quindeciles.

One such Companion Soulmate will ALWAYS be dear to me. We had a very powerful, transformative relationship that concluded in its time. Well, I take that back; it changed nature. Wasn't easy! But there were greater obstacles for me to tackle (like my eventual Guardian Soul and Twin Flame) which I would very likely have missed - or found myself in a greater quandary - had I not allowed it to end / change shape.

Of course, we're all different. But those relationships which do become sexual, romantic, or otherwise somewhat monogamous in nature (though, ours never was, never truly) well, our society is sadly so 'either / or', that most of those relationships end up breaking down once the lessons have been learnt, or the karma cleared.

I long for a day in which it's not so black and white. But, until then, c'est la vie.

It sounds like there's a lot of love, and a driving need to interact between you. That's represented by the SUN quindecile MOON in composite; sure, it's weak, but it's there. You can allow slightly larger orbs for them because they're SO ... 'grabby'. Quindeciles shout, 'HEY! C'MERE! ... NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM.' Or ... something like that.

But that particular Companion Soul has always had my back. Even during a VERY difficult event in my college years, (back when he and I met) he was the only one who knew the full story in all its ugly detail. He was ready to go knock someone's block off, too.

We're mostly quindeciles, 8H overlays, strong Neptune, quintile, and sextile energy.

I think there's an undeniable sense of fatedness in your connexion due to you being astrotwins.

One of my dearest boyfriends is also an astrotwin, born 10 days later than me. We were two peas in a pod. First long-distance relationship. We met abroad, promised that'd be all there was - and couldn't let it go. Stayed together for another year, learnt a LOT from each other, and, he resurfaced, years after it had ended during a period in which my heart needed some serious mending.

posted May 14, 2014 07:10 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Hm. Well, for starters, I have no idea what's making him come across as Sagittarian; there's just none of that really in his makeup. I'd say that it's a good thing he has the connexion with you that he does as he needs to be accessing his natural Scorpio.

I see why you say that you express yourself Scorpionically; Venus in a woman is very indicative of how she will view herself. For him, it's Mars. Are you seeing Sag or Aries?[/B] They can certainly overlap. And Aries / Scorpio can be very philosophical, seemingly carefree, and wage a personal war between possession and independence.

[/B]

---

Thank you for your response.

posted May 14, 2014 07:29 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by misslani:
Thank you for your response.

About the Sag vs. Aries vibe, I'm pretty sure it's Sag because I know an Aries when I've seen one. Both of my parents are Aries ascendants and dominant and I have Aries on my DC, so I'm naturally drawn to them, but I can hardly notice any Aries in this guy.

---

posted May 14, 2014 10:53 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Well, it seems like he has Sun in Sagittarius (or is it in the last minutes of Scorpio?), but nevertheless in 1st house, as the ruler of 9th (Sag)-house, and opposing Jupiter. That is quite a lot of Sagittarianness right there.

---

posted May 15, 2014 04:57 PM            

He's in town. YES. HE'S IN TOWN.

He got in early this morning for a cruise that's departing from my city. I had NO idea. ZERO forewarning. I was convinced he may have accidentally called me.

Nope. Intentional.

When I'd asked about for how long he was in, he'd said they're departing now, but will be returning Sunday.

Specifically, 'I want you to meet me for lunch.'

Not, 'we're going to be having lunch here, if you want to meet me there.'

No. I want you to meet me for lunch.. Very clear. Couldn't be more assertive if he tried.

Now, let's rewind.

He still hates me. You wouldn't know it from our talking briefly on the phone to coordinate for Sunday, though. Or the fact he made such a clear statement of intent. That's not even a request. It's situated somewhere between imploration and demand.

From a man who outright ignores my supportive encouragement, and is downright critical and antagonistic with me in our usual communications - which I've relegated to Facebook, since I drew a very deep line in the sand last month.

This is gobsmacking.

I oust the man from my life, and now he's on my bloody doorstep.

I go through meditations and quiet little rituals to let go, liberate him from whatever destiny we may have, to genuinely wish him well in whatever endeavours he may one day pursue. I honestly wanted him to be nothing but glad and satisfied, regardless of how poorly things turned out for us. I wanted him to be happy.

Even if I spent a couple of times in the dreamstate with him and his friends / colleagues, realising they weren't involved beyond friendship, and really, just enjoying everyone's company. And, today, having the sudden thought I might be wrong; they might be together after all and keeping it mum, and realising --

I'm okay.

Realising, that I'm happy when he's happy. That, I don't foresee, or feel, or see that future I once felt we shared. That our roads have diverged. Our paths have split. He's on his, and I'm on mine.

And I'm okay! I REALLY AM okay!

But now this?

I don't know what to make of THIS.

I'd said my piece. I'd gained my own private closure. I buried and stuffed down those things that I'll never completely shake. I felt at peace and able to move on. Able to accept what IS.

What IS this?

I've been getting the 11's quite a lot lately, and, for the hell of it:

It'll be around noon at the City of Industry, California. Sunday. So I've just input noon for now.

Does anyone have anything to offer?

posted May 16, 2014 01:04 PM            

I'm very inclined to say that this (or the final result of this meeting) will not turn out well for you.
You're going through a Bi-level applying heartbreak transit. Saturn in the declinations & longitudes is going
backwards to make a contra-parallel and opposition with your Chiron.
That's why I want to share this.

He's seeking for relief. There's nothing worse than living with hate in your heart. And when it comes to love it's even more worse. Hate is as a magnet which draws people together, but it's a very negative pull.
Hate is not something you can wipe out like the wind.. it takes a very long time to process but there's
always a moment to start. A new beginning. He's seeking for relief so that he can go on with his life.

You go through rituals to let go. And it works, at least a bit. But what about him? Be honest to yourself, wouldn't these rituals just be a temporary stopgap, to fly from the lie you live with? Can you really and truly go on while letting him live with the hate in his heart? Keeping him from going on? I don't think so.
We're not an Island on which the spirit has such power to relieve. That's what you will find out.

You're aware of the hate/pain in his heart, but are you truly? Do you know what it is to live with such pain?
Can you *feel* it? Or are you deluding yourself with the pain of separation? it's not the separation.
It's the hate that longs for the first step to recover and pass. And even this will take time, a lot of time.
Why not start now before the guilt will truly break you? Let him know you feel his pain ('if' you can).
Give him the space he needs to also forgive 'you'. There's nothing more he needs now. But again, time is the big factor here.

Don't let this transit break you while relieving him (only).
I really hope you'll have the power to take care of this. Relieve him *and* yourself.
Make that step. Time flies.

posted May 16, 2014 02:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mir:
Indigo,

I'm very inclined to say that this (or the final result of this meeting) will not turn out well for you.
You're going through a Bi-level applying heartbreak transit. Saturn in the declinations & longitudes is going
backwards to make a contra-parallel and opposition with your Chiron.
That's why I want to share this.

He's seeking for relief. There's nothing worse than living with hate in your heart. And when it comes to love it's even more worse. Hate is as a magnet which draws people together, but it's a very negative pull.
Hate is not something you can wipe out like the wind.. it takes a very long time to process but there's
always a moment to start. A new beginning. He's seeking for relief so that he can go on with his life.

You go through rituals to let go. And it works, at least a bit. But what about him? Be honest to yourself, wouldn't these rituals just be a temporary stopgap, to fly from the lie you live with? Can you really and truly go on while letting him live with the hate in his heart? Keeping him from going on? I don't think so.
We're not an Island on which the spirit has such power to relieve. That's what you will find out.

You're aware of the hate/pain in his heart, but are you truly? Do you know what it is to live with such pain?
Can you *feel* it? Or are you deluding yourself with the pain of separation? it's not the separation.
It's the hate that longs for the first step to recover and pass. And even this will take time, a lot of time.
Why not start now before the guilt will truly break you? Let him know you feel his pain ('if' you can).
Give him the space he needs to also forgive 'you'. There's nothing more he needs now. But again, time is the big factor here.

Don't let this transit break you while relieving him (only).
I really hope you'll have the power to take care of this. Relieve him *and* yourself.
Make that step. Time flies.

This is what I wanted to share. Thank you.

---

mir,

I appreciate your thoughtful analysis. Deeply.

I DO feel that this is an impending culmination. 'Popular opinion' around here is speculating that he's tired of the hatred - and DOES genuinely miss what we had. Since I'd written the whole thing off, my head is rather spinning here.

I think it's interesting that the heartbreak transit (CHIRON contraparallel SATURN) you're indicating feels like something of a bookend to the original transit (CHIRON opposite my VENUS, conjunct DSC) during which it all came apart.

As to 'don't let this break me' - oh, honey. Been there, done that. Gone through Hell. Now it's minus a few pomegranates, and Persephone is sitting pretty on the throne. But I DO appreciate your genuine concern.

And I don't want hatred in his heart - of course, I don't. But the limits of my patience were reached last March, and I had to extricate myself - for my own sanity, and even health.

Has it been a bowl of cherries since then? Ohhh, no. For one, exactly one year later to the day, I find out that he's my Twin Flame - and there's really no such thing as TRUE 'escape'.

And I can't help be reminded of this segment, a really, big turning point from the story:

'Why are you here?' she asked pointedly, not sure what was in her eyes. While she was secretly grateful to see him, she wouldn't show it. After all, that was a game she knew he played to perfection.

Lane leaned back and stretched his arms and legs out. 'Well, see, I'm having second thoughts about this whole, 'you leaving' thing,' he explained. 'Seems entirely wrong, which I now know to be the case. Wanna know how I know?'

Fiona sighed again, curling into herself, curiously inverse to his spreading out. 'Oh?' She cleared her throat, not wanting to seem too eager for his explanation and change of heart. 'Yes, enlighten me.'

Addison gave her a couple pats on the knee. ''Cause it's too easy,' he said. 'Why not, right? Just leave. It'll solve my intimacy issues, you won't have to hammer me for information, and you get to leave this crazy life - I'll get back to that point in a second. It's the easiest thing to do. 'Cause who wants to actually face a fear these days?' If not confined to the limousine, Lane would have been pacing.

'Fact is, despite it making sense, I knew it was wrong ... and not until about two hours ago did I realise, YOU know it just as well. You're just clouding it with a nostalgia for the good ole days.'

She snickered. 'You? Issues with intimacy?' she propped her hand under her chin and looked at him. 'Why, I hadn't noticed.' Her eyes searched then for anything else in the vicinity upon which to focus. It wasn't everyday - actually, she couldn't count a time - that Lane actually spoke so candidly about something so avoided. But she wasn't about to be avoided again. 'And ... how,' she began, 'would my leaving solve them? Or,' she said, looking back up at him, dropping her hand to her lap, 'I suppose, would my staying ... prolong them? Because ... that's actually what I'm looking to ... get away from,' she admitted.

Lane switched seats, so he'd be next to Fiona instead of across from her. 'Your staying will prolong the exact problems we have already. But with problems come solutions, and if you leave, neither of us will be able to deal when those problems come up again. And believe me ... everything comes full circle.'

That scene always haunted me in a way. 'Everything comes full circle'. The irony that HE was the one who wrote that - since he wrote Lane.

But then ... I hadn't run yet. Now, I have.

It's a good question. What will happen? I don't know. All I can continue doing is what I can. Showing love, generosity, and acceptance - and then pulling back if he lashes out at me.

The important thing is that I'M loved. I'm surrounded by loving, supportive people, and I offer them the same in return.

Maybe rather than the 'heartbreak' transit this usually is, this will finally allow a little crack in the door to healing. I can hope. Realistically, that is.