posted February 22, 2014 06:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ugh...the WORST!!! I can feel your pain. Ya know I wonder if I have felt the same thing at times? He's still married, as I mentioned earlier in the thread. Yeah, I totally hear you..I really really do.

---

Ahhhh. He IS still married. Okay. There you go.

He's committed to his family. That's a HARD thing to deal with. Because, if I'm reading this correctly, it's a valid and viable commitment and connexion. There are reasons he chose that path, yes? Reasons he's still on it?

Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Or it isn't incredibly hard. I can assure you, it is. THAT never goes away. You just deal. You try to be the best for your family you can, and you deal.

I think it's amazing, personally, how much my husband understands this connexion. That he's strangely at peace with it. You have no idea the comfort and sanity that brings me.

posted February 22, 2014 06:19 PM            

Maybe it's because she KnOWS he feels the same about me..I dunno

posted February 22, 2014 07:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
IQ once concluded that we both were Essenes and may have been taught by Jesus himself or one of his apostles.

Who knows? Maybe we were. lol

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posted February 22, 2014 07:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ok, I'm going to go there....

Raise your hand if you've been sexually intimate with the person you believe is your TF?

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posted February 22, 2014 07:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Thank you Gabby

I just had a thought- totally random- left field. It is said Jesus and Mary Magdalene were twinflames. If that's true, I cannot even fathom the pain she must have felt watching Jesus go through what he did..crucifixion and all. I was raised a Christian, although my spirituality has widened now beyond the scope of Christianity. Still- wow...it's really mindblowing when I think about it. Maybe it's the Easter holiday coming in a couple of months.

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posted February 22, 2014 07:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ok, I'm going to go there....

Raise your hand if you've been sexually intimate with the person you believe is your TF?

---

posted February 22, 2014 07:20 PM            

I wonder because of the following aspects: as I mentioned before, I've been in love, had crushes etc. but the sexual chemistry between this guy and me was OFF THE HOOK! I mean, I'm a pretty conservative gal, don't really flirt too much..always been kinda shy around guys. But honestly with this guy, it was like we could seriously RIP eachother's clothes off! I never had that feeling with anyone-not even my husband!

In my natal I have mars in Leo that sextiles venus and sextiles Pluto.

In his natal he has mars exalted in cap that sextiles venus and squares Pluto.

In our synastry we have venus/mars DW, venus/pluto DW and mars/Pluto DW. None of his planets fall in my 8th, but I think his MC might.

I guess I should mention the ruler of my 8th is Saturn and his Saturn aspects every one of my personal planets. He also has a stellium in Cap.

Anyway, I have never ever ever in my life felt such a sexual connection as well and I feel like I have become more sexual since meeting him....and we haven't even been physical intimate. I wonder if TF's have the same sexual chemistry I'm talking about...along with that spiritual connection. Both him and I have a lot of Pluto in our charts so I see love making between us being that which truly goes deep into the soul...which is really all I've ever wanted anyway. I absolutely cannot do casual sex. Never could.

posted February 22, 2014 07:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Nope, she actually loathes me. She thinks I tried to breakup her marriage and that I'm a home wrecker. Which I'm not. I actually walked away from the relationship out of respect for her and both of our marriages. But she doesn't understand that. She thinks I'm a bad person when I was trying my best to respect everyone involved. Yes, I've been told he is in the marriage for obligation. Which I totally see- I respect him for this, I do. But it doesn't make the pain any less intense.

Maybe it's because she KnOWS he feels the same about me..I dunno

And that's why I can't contact him. Did so 8 months ago and put the ball in his court. Now the only thing left to do is love him from afar. I cannot contact him again. I promised myself I wouldn't. Besides, he knows how to get ahold of me if he really wanted to.

---

I used to think 'loving from afar' was silly, but I remember when I committed to it. It was strange. I went into a trance state, where my emotions overwhelmed me and I gained sudden clarity. In that clarity, I resolved to love him. Starting now (February 2013) to just love him. Have nothing in my heart but love for him. To suffer the slings in private, love him in my heart, and move forward with my life.

I think it did matter. I think, had I not, it wouldn't have.

I had a strange fantasy years ago now, when I meditated upon what would make me happy: mind, body, and soul.

I saw that I was rushing out of a house with Fate, who was checking his watch and shouting at me; we were going to be late. I kissed my husband, who closed the door, stuck my finger in the base of my heel and hobbled after him, grumbling about having to dress up for the meeting; but I couldn't doubt the fantastic feeling of him wearing a suit. Damn. (My heart damned near stops when he does that, so he always posts photos and sends them to me. Ass. 😜 He remarks that I should've worn the other one, but he's smiling. I get it. I tell him he looks amazing. He says he knows. I say I've always wanted to do it in professional wear, even if we're not on set. He pauses, looks momentarily unsure of what to say, and then says, ' ... Nah, we've got to go NOW.' I laugh, we get into the taxi, and go.

Coming back, we're in intense, wildly gesturing conversation. We tell my husband it went well, but we don't know if we got it. He says it's because I said / did this; to which I reply, wasn't nearly as idiotic as when HE did / said THAT. He tells me to shut up and go upstairs. But he's smiling. I'm mildly surprised and say, 'well, oKAY then,' and, turn back to my husband: 'you coming?' He asks what's going to be in it for him. 'Ehh, probably nothing,' Fate replies. It's okay. His ex who's also a close friend of mine (we and the soulmate had Thanksgiving with her and her family), is coming over and they're going to grab dinner and head to her place.

We kiss passionately, and I tell him to have fun. Fate says he's getting bored and I'd better step on it. So I roll my eyes and pull from my husband and go upstairs, playfully flicking him off; 'yeah, that's the idea,' he says. I hear behind me that they're talking about mundane things, and my husband asks if he'll pick up more of this or that on his way to work tomorrow, since it's closer. He says it's no problem, and asks if there's anything else he can do. No, they're good.

It was a wild notion that had no remote connexion to reality then; not even something I'd pondered. And yet, now ... it's strange. It's not impossible.

I'd never thought myself a polyamorous or nonmonogamous person until I met him. I had two concurrent boyfriends for a brief bit in college, but that's college. When I met Fate (first online in 2006) it ushered in a period in which my then-boyfriend (the abusive psycho? Heh,) started exploring nonmonogamy.

Because I HAD to have him? Maybe.

But it led to my realising I'm happier this way, overall. That my life makes the most sense to me if I'm taking the journey through life with my husband, and Fate is along for the ride as he's able to be.

I never wanted to possess him. I never intended to marry him, either; not because a part of me doesn't FEEL that, VERY deeply - but that possessing him, forbidding he share sexual experiences or love with anyone but me ever was just never part of my understanding of this. Ever.

I guess there's this strange sense he's just 'mine', regardless. I was him to be as happy as he can be. The only thing I never wanted, and can't handle, would be NOT having him at all. Would be someone else forbidding him be with me at all - ever.

The fact that my husband doesn't is incredible to me. And I'd worry, except that I've been Fate's closest and longest standing relationship. He crushes, but it's never anything. He'll do the sport sex thing. The one-night-stands and no-strings stuff.

He can't do that with me, and that's what caused so much chaos. Anything between us is intense, and real, and lasting. It's not subtle, nor is it casual or on-again / off-again.

That's a hard door to accept is there. Especially when your hand is always hovering over the handle.

But sometimes, I wonder.

Are those who are married not supposed to learn the nature of unconditional love? That it isn't possessive?

Do we marry so that we can have unconventional relationships? With our spouse AND our - whatever we'd like to call them?

Nowhere was it ever written that it isn't an option. Simple-mindedness and fear MAKES it seem like it's not.

posted February 22, 2014 07:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
My curiousity lies in the experience itself. Here's why. TF's say making love is a whole different experience- a spiritual experience yet there is the romance/sexual attraction. My question would be "how is it different than with others in the past?" What was really so different about it?

I wonder because of the following aspects: as I mentioned before, I've been in love, had crushes etc. but the sexual chemistry between this guy and me was OFF THE HOOK! I mean, I'm a pretty conservative gal, don't really flirt too much..always been kinda shy around guys. But honestly with this guy, it was like we could seriously RIP eachother's clothes off! I never had that feeling with anyone-not even my husband!

In my natal I have mars in Leo that sextiles venus and sextiles Pluto.

In his natal he has mars exalted in cap that sextiles venus and squares Pluto.

In our synastry we have venus/mars DW, venus/pluto DW and mars/Pluto DW. None of his planets fall in my 8th, but I think his MC might.

I guess I should mention the ruler of my 8th is Saturn and his Saturn aspects every one of my personal planets. He also has a stellium in Cap.

Anyway, I have never ever ever in my life felt such a sexual connection as well and I feel like I have become more sexual since meeting him....and we haven't even been physical intimate. I wonder if TF's have the same sexual chemistry I'm talking about...along with that spiritual connection. Both him and I have a lot of Pluto in our charts so I see love making between us being that which truly goes deep into the soul...which is really all I've ever wanted anyway. I absolutely cannot do casual sex. Never could.

Then I wonder, since our sexual chemistry is so strong, does that mean we aren't TF's? I need some input from TF's who can clear some things up☺

---

I'd say having intense sexual chemistry would certainly not preclude the Twinflame relationship.

Unfortunately, there's VERY precious little data on the experience of the Heiros Gamos.

But damn it, I sure as hell tried! Heh. Again, casual isn't us. He panicked.

I was curious, to get another one out of the running, so to speak, so I began a sexual relationship with the soulmate aforementioned.

We indeed had incredible chemistry starting out, but the actual mechanics of the act itself became cumbersome given his severe lack of experience and powerful repression.

I'm not giving up. I feel we both need to succeed here. But, as I suspected, just in case that whole soulmate proximity thing played a role, far as I can tell ... nope.

I'm pretty sure, if at all, I'd know with Fate.

The soulmate and I have some VERY potent sexual aspects. But I think Fate and I do, too. In any case, the sexual chemistry is a constant undercurrent in both.

posted February 22, 2014 07:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:

I didn't see any hand to raise so I have a thumbs up? Will that work?

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Heh! I was thinking that, too. Which is why I say on Facebook, 'gimme a show of Likes.' Heh.

posted February 22, 2014 07:54 PM            

Remember that scene in "She's just not that into you" where Bradley Cooper and his mistress Scarlett Johansson are about to go at it in his private office on the desk.....uuummmmmm yeaaaahhhhh..... Nuff said.

posted February 22, 2014 07:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Heh! I was thinking that, too. Which is why I say on Facebook, 'gimme a show of Likes.' Heh.

So, you did, Gabby? Oh, dear. I'm so sorry. That must be all the harder. I don't think we should ask you. Respect over curiosity.

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posted February 22, 2014 08:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ok first of all..the suit thing.....OMG YES!!!!!! YES YES!!!! If you get my drift LOL. He's in sales so he wears a suit to work everyday...yum yum yum. He is so amazing in that suit.

Remember that scene in "She's just not that into you" where Bradley Cooper and his mistress Scarlett Johansson are about to go at it in his private office on the desk.....uuummmmmm yeaaaahhhhh..... Nuff said.

Second, about the unconventional/unconditional relationships thing. I do believe TF's can live in harmony with each other and their spouse...look at Edgar Caycee. Supposedly his secretary was his TF and his wife was a high level soulmate. But I also think that TF's show up when a marriage is already collapsing and to break the status quo of marriage for security and survival, which has been it's purpose since the beginning of the age of Pisces. The age of Aquarius is supposed to break those Paradigms and move people toward the state of unconditional love not codependency.

---

Ohh, Bradley Cooper in a suit is a special treat altogether. 😉

Fate's character is a CEO, so the suit thing just kinda happened. Honest! Heh. Oddly enough, he loves it. Just adores a more professional look. So he's the only comic who wears a suit. He knows I love it. 😉 I couldn't help but notice after I'd complimented it on a radio show I'd called into that it became his signature. And I'm not complaining!

But in all seriousness, I do think there should be a move towards unconditional love and away from dependency and codependent relationships. Some of us have obligations all the same, though, and they must stand.

I was surprised, deeply, when my husband said he may not return to our hometown after the kiddo turns 18, which is only 6 years away. The plan was always to return. Our families are there. Fate, on the other hand, decided in '08 he wanted to retire there. Odd.

So they're BOTH there in my future, regardless, in various levels of intensity.

I don't mind being unconventional. We try and keep it on the down-low because of the kiddo, (not that she isn't surprisingly open-minded) and his family wouldn't get it. Mine knows. They get it.

But there's a reason it's all like it is NOW.

posted February 22, 2014 08:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
So I'm in at the airport waiting for my flight to texas.
The universe is constantly testing me because all this crazy drama is just arising and I have to make so many decisions
Something really tragic has happened and asked me to be with them..
I know what happened and I can't even say it because it's so horrible...
I don't even want to think about it.
The thing is he's never begged me to do a favor for him ever...
Extremely emotionally independent (Venus in aries)
of course I would come because I still care.

but idk.. my love life is a mess and far from simple...
i have a feeling how this is all going to end Im ready for it... I mean it's my destiny I guess.

---

Texas? Synchronicitous. I'm from DFW, but I have friends all over the state.

Hang on, K. I know how this can get VERY confusing. I also know that if anything happened to Fate, I'm on the next flight. (Oddly enough, he knows that, too, and is accepting of it - rather than rejecting and snide. Progress!)

posted February 22, 2014 08:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ding ding ding!! You're the winner! You just made the 888th post on his thread at 8:08 PM 😁

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posted February 22, 2014 08:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
Ding ding ding!! You're the winner! You just made the 888th post on his thread at 8:08 PM 😁

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posted February 22, 2014 09:42 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Gabby,

I totally agree with you here.

I have read all possible theories on that, from tf never incarnating together to them incarnating quite often together.

This not-incarnating-together-until-last-lifetime is in absolute dissonance with what I feel inside.

However, I also start blieving like you proposed thta it might be different for different soulgroups or even pairings.

For example my friend sais she has never had a past life with her twin (at least as far as she remembers) and I have no reason to disbelieve her.

as for the astrology KARMA asteroid does not necessarily only mean past lives, but it is just cause-and-effect and translating it means "work", so it could very well be a job two people have to do, so to speak.

In the case of my friend nad her twin they have no direct overlays to the 12th house synastrically, thogh her Psyche is conjunct his 12th house cusp. But then again the 12th house means more than just past lives.

I still think the SN might be the most telling positions to describe past life stuff.

They do not share even a SINGLE ONE conjunction to each other`s SN.

The only aspect they share to their nodes is his Neptune square her nodal axis,

The only placement they have in 12th house inc omposite is Chiron on 29 Aquarius. Since that is the "sacrifice degree" I suppose that IF they had a past life, she might not remember it due to the immense pain they had to endure.

There is no conjunction to their SN in composite either, which falls into the 12th house btw. 12 Pisces.

However, their NN in composite has a conjunction to JUno trine Sun.

Interestingly she has a Valentine-NN-conjunction natally, so that is part of her present parcel.

But as I said it might be different. I definitely resonate with something different.

Also, I find the the term splitting of twinsouls to be misleading, as it implies that you are only half of something.

No.
Everyone is complete, whole. Still there is another soul that matches your frequency so much.

Also often I think there is a misconception or mistaking, mixing up of "soul" and "Personality", which might be based on our limited language and limited capacity to express it with words.

We, as individuals, breathing, living, loving humans on earth, are actually personalities, and as such we are complete, whole in ourselves.

We also are participating in soul, or even soulgroup, or oversoul. Yes, we are this soul, but in our human experience this soul is filtered through our personality.
damn, I can`t really explain it well, I fear.

Ah yes I know. Star Trek Deep Space 9. Someone seen it?
When Odo goes back to his origins, which is actually looking like soup.

There is this soul-soup. And we are part of it, so in this way the soul(soup) is us.
Yet we are just one drop of soul-soup, that if temporarily taking solid form gets an own personality and body and mind and whatever. Still every drop of the ocean (soulsoup) carries the whole within.

And yet it is a perfectly uniquely shaped drop.

---

I agree with you on that.

Same thing with us, we have no SN conjunctions at all, but a NN conjunction and other aspects to the nodes.

my Pluto sqaures his Nodes 0°
my Mercury quincunx his NN 1°
my Venus trines his NN 1°
my Vertex trines his NN 0°
my IC antiscia his NN 2°

posted February 22, 2014 09:44 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Lavender,

"m curious though, does he tend to make you sleepy as well? "
Yes. Definitely.

Remember that concert, a room full of people, and I was feeling like I had been drugged, but perfectly at easy, sleepy, drowsy, in a semi-trance. It was a bit weird.

Though after I have seen him, the night after this, the electricity usually is a bit too much.

---

posted February 22, 2014 09:51 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Don`t wait.

Waiting means stagnation. Believe me I wasted a lot of time waiting in my life (not for him though).

Live your life, to the fullest. Take what nourishes you from the experience but do not expect, do not wait. At least for me I feel liek that is counter-effective, and not good for me.

I am not waiting for him. I am developing and growing and following my path, and curiously he seems to cross it once in a while (usually every few weeks. lol)

I have detachd from the notion this has to lead into aromantic relationship. Maybe it will - someday. Maybe it won`t.

This is not what it is about though. Not for me at least.

My happiness, my fulfilled life is not dependent on him. I am whole on my own.

Though having said that I am also filled with tremendous love through his existence alone. Love that spreads to other areas of my life as well. So I am not talking sexual or romantic love here.

Of course going beyond (or beneath) that, Is uppose I DO Have a HUGE major crush on him as well.

But I donīt wait. No. NOt anymore.

I mean seriously, if we are meant to connect at a certain point of our lifepaths, how would we able to do that, if I stood still and waited at this point I am at right now and refusing to flow and move along the path, where I eventually will cross the point we agreed on before this life to connect in a closer sense?
It would not happen. And It would not hapen because I stood still and hemmed the development, waiting for him, when our meeting point was never in the past, but always in the present future.

Of course there is a possibility that a closer connection was never in the cards - wel if that is what it is, then I am grateful for what was and move on as well. To my destination.

Though we know the path itself is destiny.

At least that is my perspective now, after i spent so many years waiting fro a dream that would not come true, because it was never meant to, I just did not understand.

But then again maybe even waiting is part of the path for some of us. Who am I to tell?

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posted February 22, 2014 09:56 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kerosene:
So I'm in at the airport waiting for my flight to texas.
The universe is constantly testing me because all this crazy drama is just arising and I have to make so many decisions
Something really tragic has happened and asked me to be with them..
I know what happened and I can't even say it because it's so horrible...
I don't even want to think about it.
The thing is he's never begged me to do a favor for him ever...
Extremely emotionally independent (Venus in aries)
of course I would come because I still care.

but idk.. my love life is a mess and far from simple...
i have a feeling how this is all going to end Im ready for it... I mean it's my destiny I guess.

---

i hope you are ok.

posted February 22, 2014 09:57 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Energised! Yes. THAT's what I feel. Unless it's from a distance. A passive interaction.

I'm thinking that may change for you, Lavender. It'll be interesting to see how the dynamics change once you're interacting.

---

Yes, I wonder too lol.
I hope I don't run like a chicken geez.

I used to always think that if I ever saw him I would run in the opposite direction for dear life and never look back lol, as much as I wanted the physical meeting to happen