posted February 25, 2014 04:24 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Hm. Not to throw another wrench (I do this for a reason, you know. I'm not sure what it is, but something; I'm too compelled to go all mother-hen on this; odd, for me) but did you check with iQ if your monogamous relationship is also intended to be faithful? Some are bringing in lessons of betrayal.

Even the most evolved men cannot completely thwart their biology and psychology.

The fact you're both lacking relationships concerns me. Too many fall prey to the fantasy of 'and we we're each other's only', which simply does not play in reality.

I was supposed to be his first, actually. But ... complicated. We each waited quite a long while before engaging in sexual activity, and he's only been able to approach it casually. (Why, may have to do with me, and that's hard enough to consider.)

If all is as it should be, then continue along your path. Get readings if need be to assist with timing. If you're coming to LA within the next few years, there's someone I feel you might need to meet. Her name is Crystal, 😊, and I stumbled upon her when trying to ignore the signs to pick up LACHESIS again and reconnect with him. I just happened upon her card yesterday. Hardly coincidental, I think.

I suppose I'm saying, we can lead ourselves into a tricky place when our feelings become too dependent upon another. I'm surprised that neither of you are to have relationships with others beforehand. But, then again, perhaps it's a thing to do with your lacking SNODE and KARMA ties.

Is that natal?

If so, perhaps neither of you do have any such karma or soulmate relations to resolve in any way. He doesn't; I do.

Consider both fate and reality, and try and make both work best you can. 'Practical destiny', I suppose.

Ooh. Rather like that one, too ....

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Yeahh for me and him I feel we both don't have any of that karma stuff to work out.
And no I'm not saying this because the GoldRayTwinflames said it.
I feel were kinda past that stuff you know?

From what iQ has told me yes, it will indeed be faithful.
He told me it will be a huge risk NOT to marry each other in fact.
Even if we were to get into a relationship I don't see any of that typical "karmic–soulmate relationship" stuff happening, honestly.
For others maybe they chose it for their experience but I don't see it happening with us.
Neither of us are ones to cheat or get into any of those other messes lol.
I feel we will be respectful of one another, and be like best friends.

posted February 25, 2014 04:41 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I don't know... It sounds like you do!!
How are you forgetting, your his TF just as much as he's yours??
How could he forget you?

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I don´know. I try to stay rational here, despite all the weird experiences. And right now going through the few encounters again. lol

Actually in september 2011, a year later, I was to a solo concert of his again, but bigger venue, he was celebrating 10 years of hbeing on stage or something like that.

I was going for the hiding place again, which is why I picked a seat int he back-middle, but at the aisle (two blocks in front of stage, separated by an aisle). I just wanted to be able to get out here as quickly as possible, I used to need that feeling I can reach the nearest exit quickly.

So I went for hiding, and he went for connecting to his audience, pretty much spending most of the concert off stage, instead singing from the aisle. LOL

Actually somewhen during the first act, he was aiming for audience participation in some birthday,game he has been thinking of.
And I was having a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, and told myself: "Whatever you do, don´t look at him!" So I started studying the walls and columns on the far side, while he was stalking his prey, or something like that.

I knew what birthday game he meant, the one where you are given a dice and if you roll a "6" you put on a hat, shawl and whatever, take a fork and knife and then start eating a piece of chocolate with fork and knife. In the mean time someone else rolls the dice, and if they get the numbe r, you have to hand it over to thhem and on and on and on.

But despite knowing (it was one of my favourite birthday games as a kid) it, I knew better than to raise my hand when he asked who knew the game. Besides I was busy studying the cracks and nooks of the whitish column on th eother side.

I kept my head strictly looking the other direction, and did my best to ignore him. Besides he had enough fans in the audience who wanted so much to participate.
I was still ignoring him when he was already squatting beside me.

But well you can`t really ignore him so long. LOL
He doesn`t like that. Especially not on his own solo-concert.
Naturally it was my ignorant behaviour that made him pay attention to me, and tease me about it.

PUshing a microphone into my face - YET AGAIN (what is it and people`s obsession with me having to take a microphone? He is not the first or only one. EVen my best friend, who knows I hate this, id that once, when they had a dance performance with her group but the announcer was nowwhere to be found, she of course pushed it into my hand: "announce us. Say something, you know the story." LOL
You know what i just remember. It was after that little incident that I awas buying the cd of "Aida", in which he would play the lead role a few years later. Memory lane. Strange directions there).

Anyway, so he was asking me if I really did not want to play the game, and no, thanks I REALLY did not want to play. I mean, come on, I was morbidly obese, and he asks me to eat chocolate. In public. AFter i had spent all day beating myself up about exactly that?

MEN!

My refusal must have sounded quite emphatic, judging from the laughter aruond. Jeez, I know I was acting like a most stuck up whatever, but he just pushed me out of my comfort zone so far - AGAIN.

After this and that, he got up again, walked down a few steps, to pick someone else, but suddenly turned around to me to ask for my name, which seemed weird, after all our short convo had already ended. Why would he want to know my name, which he would have forgotten by the end of the evening anyway?

Still he apparently decided he liked the lighting at that level of my chair, must be.
Or he enjoyed torturing me and seeing me squirm in my chair, not really knowing where to look, how to react, what to think, do or whatever.

Fro what reasons ever though, he was spending a lot of time that night, standing right beside/ slightly behind my chair, and at least for one song, resting his hand on the back of my chair. For a whole freaking song. And so close?

Does he do that on purpose?

Well, I am very reserved and self-controlled in public - I hope. lol
But the intensity of his presence, and he was really so close that I could feel his body-warmth envelop me, that was VERY close. lol

It was a bit much.
Maybe he noticed it, too, cause when he finally decided to go back to stage, he turned around another time to look at me, and had this slightly baffled/ confused/ surprised look I have seen some other times on his face too, when he looked at me.

No real clue why , maybe I am reading too much into it.

but that night?
Jeez, that was intense, for me at least. Totally out of my comfort zone, but at the same time I also love it when he does that, cause I know I need to leave my comfort zone, and I only do that if there is considerable - surprising- pressure. I am stubborn.

posted February 25, 2014 04:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I love that story!! I bet it was like an answer to so many questions.
It's really hard when you feel so much and see the evidence but nothing comes from it!
Sometimes I wish I hadn't met him!
Then I could still be ok with the "shallow" kind of bond/love I had easily accepted before.
Are we ruined for life because after them because we know what's possible but if they aren't ready for it, we can't have it with anyone else? Is it a doomed sentence?
I guess thats why I hope he isn't my twin flame!
I met another guy that I thought I could like....we had so much Eros between us, awesome aspects I thought for sure he could make me forget but it just isn't the same!
I can't explain it...
This guy n I have, I think, better synastry but still it feels so pale by comparison( we don't have the awesome composite though) but I'm trying to get over that and hope eventually I'll be content with someone else!

---

Thanks. It was right as my favourite line of that film / novel was spoken:

'And in that moment, we were infinite.'

I think that, to some extent, my 'depression' might stem from an unconscious understanding that there's something the likes of which only exists in my head, which I've only glimpsed, but don't have.

But if I blot out that sort of impractical yearning, I can focus on me, becoming who I need to be, and being grateful that I'm with a man who tries to love me better, is doing much, much better, and knows (now) what I contribute to his life. In his weaker moments, says he loves me so much and needs me desperately. That he wishes I could just be happy with what is. He blames himself for my not being.

I try to convince him otherwise. Tell him not to be. It's a journey we're both on. Let me be me. We'll be fine.

posted February 25, 2014 04:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
"I only have Eyes for You"......aww, that's my parents song!!! Married for almost 45 years...(tear) 💙💙

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posted February 25, 2014 04:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Thanks. It was right as my favourite line of that film / novel was spoken:

'And in that moment, we were infinite.'

I think that, to some extent, my 'depression' might stem from an unconscious understanding that there's something the likes of which only exists in my head, which I've only glimpsed, but don't have.

But if I blot out that sort of impractical yearning, I can focus on me, becoming who I need to be, and being grateful that I'm with a man who tries to love me better, is doing much, much better, and knows (now) what I contribute to his life. In his weaker moments, says he loves me so much and needs me desperately. That he wishes I could just be happy with what is. He blames himself for my not being.

I try to convince him otherwise. Tell him not to be. It's a journey we're both on. Let me be me. We'll be fine.

The knowledge, understanding, even simply a notion, a wondering, can most surely complicate.

---

posted February 25, 2014 04:57 PM              

So even if he is not my TF, for that alone he deserves a few good karma-points.

Though it still does not quite explain all these spiritual/ hypagnogic occurrences.

posted February 25, 2014 04:57 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
That's intense Ceri!! I felt like I could feel your heart pounding!

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posted February 25, 2014 05:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Lol exactly my reaction!
I could feel how it must have been for you Ceri

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posted February 25, 2014 05:12 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
She should write a book!

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posted February 25, 2014 05:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Omg!! Thank you for saying that!! That is exactly how I feel but a part of me feels crazy for feeling like that!
I mean I rationalize, why sit here and waste away for someone who may or may not ever get it? It's makes me wonder if I'm obsessed instead of seeing reality and if I just let go of it is get back to normal!

But I know how I feel and nobody makes me feel the same!
When I try, I get more depressed trying than just staying alone! But I don't want to waste my life lonely esp if I'm actually just cobsessed with something that will never happen!

I wish I had a sign or an answer to know that staying alone is what I should do!
My progressed Venus is about to hit my sun in a year, I'm scared I'm going to waste that energy waiting on him and then seal my fate to be alone forever!

But maybe we should stay alone, if it feels better and that's what our hearts say to do? I'm so glad to know you feel the same way! Thank you!

---

While I understand where you're both coming from, I think I need to interject a bit of devilish advocacy.

(I'm on a roll today, too; 'Here' by Mackintosh Braun, my 'Universe says, 'yes! You're right on track!' song played today. Last time was November, and I had JUST been wondering ... will it ever play again? And theeeere it is. All is well.)

I DO think you're correct in stating that a large part of the 'personal mission' of Twinflames is to learn to balance anima and animus; to learn interdependence. If one is more dependent, they must become independent. If one is more independent, they must learn interdependence.

I'm too independent. I've had to learn how to depend upon others, (and I STILL struggle with that), and balance obligation with joy. (My husband is teaching me that.)

I feel that, in my case, waiting for 2036 is just silly. I also think, despite the way I feel, I can learn to manage and gain control of my emotions.

He taught me how!

His annihilation of me January 2013 as a means of preserving himself cut me to the core. Deeper than I thought I could be hurt.

I was DESTROYED.

I mourned. I struggled to create. Sometimes I did, but more truthfully, I sang or was just a terrible layabout. I searched my soul. I rebuilt myself.

I'm SO much stronger now, you can't imagine. And I know you have SO much inner strength, Gabby; you're a survivor! You, too, tgem.

We're survivors of abuse. We're the women who lived because we LEFT.

It feels like we can't beat this. We can't fight this.

To some extent, that's true.

As I told my mother, much as it frightens me, I'm inextricable from him. That, no matter what I do, I can't escape from the fact that he's ALWAYS there. He's a part of me I STILL haven't shaken, and it feels like I never will.

But I know how this goes. I wrote it when I was fifteen. 😉

Maybe I'll finish that novel and publish it for you guys. I begun by writing Twinflame tales, I just had no idea what they were. Deviche and Castalia is such a story. A bit Penelope and Odysseus, I realised, except she isn't awaiting her husband.

She's simply awaiting her soulmate. The other half of the prophecy which binds them. They're part of sweeping political change that rocks an entire planet and changes their star system forever. Good stuff.

I didn't know it then, but I had a taste via a very dear soulmate who taught me what I should consider true love. Wonderful man. Not his fault; we were simply in the middle of opposing forces, and it wasn't to be. He's content now. Recently married. Practical choice. He loves her, but he's never seen joy again. (My ex-partner, incidentally. The one who I went chasing after UFOs with in the latter '90s? That guy.)

Our estrangement (for my safety, I later learnt) forced me to summon a strength I didn't know I had. I was 19. I'd lost the dearest soulmate (I thought) I could ever have. And even now, he remains precious beyond words. But we healed. We're resolved. Somehow, in the distance, the struggle, the reunion, we came back together as friends, and are complete.

But it's the estrangement which taught me: I can do this. It was a dress rehearsal. It was preparation.

Going back now, to my first novel, I see in Castalia the difficult road I would some day walk. But there's no one in the universe for her but Deviche.

I knew that from word-one; even as she tosses the other half of the crystal, the one worked into a pendant she received in her youth, the one that would one day meld with his to become one, that would again have to be broken. Even as she throws it into the sea where she at last settled, determined to grow up and forget Deviche once and for all, and accept that, either the prophecy was wrong, or she isn't a part of it - I knew.

I knew, because upon a very distant planet, appearing as only a beautiful, bright star that sets as the Twin Moons rise, he was staring across a darkened sea, outside of the massive complex which houses his administration, holding a blinking but silent Bluetooth-looking device (yes, this was 1994) taking no calls, lost in his thoughts - of her.

Worlds away, and they're still not apart.

That's my view of it, anyway. Rather, the romantic notions of a young teenager desperate to show her appreciation for a mentor who leant her her favourite novel. Little did I know it would go from a pastoral coming of age piece to an extraterrestrial spy thriller encompassing a love story across time and space.

posted February 25, 2014 06:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yes, it grabbed me totally!

BTW you should check how long the Isis - osiris-conjunction needs to get exact. I have the suspicion that either it was in the past (usualy Isis is the faster one, right?) or it will take a long time until it perfects.

I was so surprised to see how slow my Karma and Destinn were progressing.

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In Helio? It's exact in 2036.

KARMA-DESTINN conjoin exactly later this year; I think between my birthday and his.

Weirdly, in Tropical, they conjoin at 4° SAG in 2036.

posted February 25, 2014 06:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Awe Ceri!!! You need to resend it, with a cute little note about how his chart was so amazing it overloaded your computer and it crashed(or something stupid like that,lol) ..you didn't know if he received it! But wanted to make sure he knew you hadn't forgotten about him!

Mines first words to me at the very first moment I ever saw him was "Do you just hate me or something?"
Lol!

---

Ours were:

'It's about time you got here.'
'What? I'm not late; I'm early in fact.'
'I know, but time is of the essence.'
'Why?'
'Grab that, will you? And follow me.'

Actually, they were the versions of Whedon's Giles and Rowling's Hermione that had gotten thrown into some strange crossover we found ourselves part of. Don't ask. 😜

Our actual first conversation was instead:

'[Given name]?'
'Yes. I'm [given name].'
'I know. I've been looking for you.'
'Oh? Well, you found me!'
'I know.'

posted February 25, 2014 06:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

In Helio? It's exact in 2036.

KARMA-DESTINN conjoin exactly later this year; I think between my birthday and his.

Weirdly, in Tropical, they conjoin at 4° SAG in 2036.

I think ISIS is faster, yes. Which made me chuckle, since it's usually the man who's having to catch up. 😉

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posted February 25, 2014 07:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Ours were:

'It's about time you got here.'
'What? I'm not late; I'm early in fact.'
'I know, but time is of the essence.'
'Why?'
'Grab that, will you? And follow me.'

Actually, they were the versions of Whedon's Giles and Rowling's Hermione that had gotten thrown into some strange crossover we found ourselves part of. Don't ask. 😜

Our actual first conversation was instead:

'[Given name]?'
'Yes. I'm [given name].'
'I know. I've been looking for you.'
'Oh? Well, you found me!'
'I know.'

The awkward pleasantries gave way to praising each other's work and discovering a slew of bizarre commonalities which prompted us both to take a step back. Heh.

---

I'm really liking all of our 1st spoken words here....

Ceri-
"You take the picture"
"I do?"
"Yes, you do."

Me-
"Do you just hate me or something?"
"No, Im pretty sure I don't hate you!"

Indigo-
'[Given name]?'
'Yes. I'm [given name].'
'I know. I've been looking for you.'
'Oh? Well, you found me!'
'I know.'

posted February 25, 2014 07:52 PM            

My Yeshuhua scorp@22.46
His Magdelena scorp'@20.34(my Trop NN scorp@21.44)

My Maria libra@26.12
His Jessie gem@27.17

My Adonis scorp@9.22
His Ishtar scorp@9.32

posted February 25, 2014 09:10 PM            

T-Synastry
His Sun-Juno-Yeshuhua @ 5'25-6 Virgo squ. My NN-Yeshuhua @ 7'45 Gem
His NN-Magdalina @ 25'09 Lib opp My Magdalina @ 25'34 Ari, and Trine a name-name (my first name to his last) asteroid conj. @ 24'35-26'04 Gem in my chart.
His SN sextiles the name asteroids.

T-Composite:
Yeshuhua and Magdalina @ 21'35 and 25'32 Can/4th. The IC is @ 20'55 Can.

D-Synastry
My Yeshuhua @ '08 Ari conj. his Magdalina @'32 Ari (on the NN) exact one way, with his Yeshuhua @ 10 Aqua a few degrees from my Magdalina @ 17'57 Aqua.

Helio-Synastry
Mary-Magdalina conj. in my chart, trine his Jessie

H-Composite
Yeshuhua and Magdalina are (widely) opp by 3 degrees.
Maria is Sextile Yesh and his name asteroid, and Trine Magdalina within 2 degrees.

Note: "Jessie" also happens to be one of those name asteroid for me...

posted February 25, 2014 09:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Summerlite,

My NIKE (307) is on 28 Cancer in my 8th house,
conjunct his JUNO exactly.(and trine my own Valentine. lol)

his NIKE is actually close by, on 2 Leo (conjunct my Priapus and exactly trine my AMOR

composite NIKE is on 00 Leo conjunct DESC by just under one degree. LOLLOL

Whatever that means

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Whatever it means, it's the Goddess of Victory. Heh.

Where's your Atalanta? (Is there one?) Because you do a lot of running. Not that I'm any better, honestly.

He called me yesterday. I've no idea why. He knows I'm ill. We spoke last Saturday. It was only Monday. He left no voicemail, either.

I swear, some days, I want to respond to those by saying, 'why do you still call me?' It's not like we won't find something to talk about (we'd regularly talk 3.5 hours on average, often daily, 'til our phone batteries would die; but that was February 2012).

posted February 25, 2014 09:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Yeahh for me and him I feel we both don't have any of that karma stuff to work out.
And no I'm not saying this because the GoldRayTwinflames said it.
I feel were kinda past that stuff you know?

From what iQ has told me yes, it will indeed be faithful.
He told me it will be a huge risk NOT to marry each other in fact.
Even if we were to get into a relationship I don't see any of that typical "karmic–soulmate relationship" stuff happening, honestly.
For others maybe they chose it for their experience but I don't see it happening with us.
Neither of us are ones to cheat or get into any of those other messes lol.
I feel we will be respectful of one another, and be like best friends.

What I'm trying to say is that we haven't had any sexual relations or anything of the like beforehand because that is what we CHOSE.

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Oh, I understand. It's a beautiful ideal and a much, much more complicated reality.

When the time comes, put some effort into premarital counselling. And don't marry before 2 years. As you're both younger, I'd say 3. Really, don't commit yourselves into any sort of legal union until the biochemical changes have taken place, and you've formed the right sort of attachment - rather than been upswept into a whirlwind love affair.

While that can happen, it's more common pre-1960s, and we don't have very legitimate data on the emotional state of the marriage throughout.