posted March 08, 2014 01:08 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
IQ did..he said our synastry shows a lot of karmic debts (supposedly). Having a sexual relationship in this lifetime with my mars conjunct his Saturn would bring bad luck as it would make for negative karma?? I don't know..he has not seen our Helio composite though with all SM/TF possible stuff in it.

Maybe the opposition is interpreted differently..

---

Oh I see.
I guess it depends, yes.
What houses of yours do Mars and Saturn rule?

posted March 08, 2014 01:12 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Delilah423:

I guess my bottom line (and best bit of advice) is that life has taught me that if I find myself in constant or frequent pain, longing too often for someone or something outside myself, then I have not yet found myself. Once you do that, when you lose the connection with yourself, which from time to time you will, it's much easier to find your way back.

It really isn't about finding or being with your twinflame, it's about you.

---

posted March 08, 2014 01:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Oh I see.
I guess it depends, yes.
What houses of yours do Mars and Saturn rule?

---

posted March 08, 2014 01:14 PM              

I am glad to hear from you.

And really? You are older than me? I thought I was the old one here!

About what I wrote yesterday, I will have to take back and change one part of it though.
OF COURSE Mr Sag`s life would be immensely enriched through me.
I am quite a prize actually.

(But I honour everyone`s right to choose of course).

Interestingly, even though I say it jokingly, I mean it and believe in it.
I am a pretty amazing person, if I think about it.

Okay, enough of self-flattery. lol

Seriously though it reminds me of a colleague who came over to me some months ago and said: "Do you know why I admire you so much?"
Well, I did not even know she did, and she is older than me, more accomplished.

And she pointed out that it is not only me losing weight or how I deal with the pupils, though she also mentioned that was awesome and she wished she could do it like me (she is too modest though).

But what she said what she admired most about me was "your courage and ability to constantly invent yourself again, never give up and stagnate, but being able to start over again and transform yourself so completely".

Well, I donīt quite see it this well (there is probably noone else who is so much sticking to old, even outworn, ways like me), but it meant a lot to me.

I try to remember that when I am risking to relapse.

" I am currently in a relationship with someone who may, or may not, be my twinflame"
Do you love him? Does he love you?
I am a hopeless romantic maybe, but that is what at the moment seems more important to me (at least for those in a relationhip) than putting a label on it.

I am not saying labels are wrong. They rarely are. But they are not everything. The content needs to be there as well.

"and he is (at least for now) a good match for me."
That is all you can really say. Only can speak for the now. There are no guarantees.

Just as I know that FOR NOW Mr Sag is a good important (though distant of course) ingredient in my life.
Of course that can change. Actually I have been waiting for YEARS for the change to take place and wake up and find myself bored with this infatuation and everything coming with it, and feeling I am better off without him as a distraction.

But it hasnīt happened so far. So I just suppose I accept that my inside really cherishes this thing, whatever this is.

"I think my soul is whole and complete just as it is,"
I donīt think people are incomplete without their twinflame. maybe I just have a different understanding, too.
lol

Well I think I rather like the idea of the primary soulmate, as Newton proposed it in his book, and he specifically differentiated it from twinflames, and actually said that during a few thousands regression noone ever used that term twinflame or twinsoul.

Well, primary soulmate, twinflame, divine complement - to be honest, I can`t really do much with these labels anymore.
What I can relate to, however, is the feelings that are being described.

"I was so hurt by relationships that failed that I turned inward and just wasn't interested for many years."!
Same here. Just it was not really a relationship, but only a compulsive dream and obsession (and well some other things on that level going awry), and I was 18, and it wasnt until 6 years ago, that I would wake up from the hibernation.
And even then it was a slow slow slow waking up, and I can say only for the last year or so I have actually been able to open up my eyes and look around me, which is what I am sort of still doing I Suppose, taking in the world I Had not been able to see for 20 years.

WEll I lived of course during this time, worked, made my exam, worked more, made another exam, worked more, had friendships (though not that many, but deep one) and most of all working on myself I suppose, just not on THAT area.
Love, romance, relationship, sex, no, that wasn`t for me. Wasnīt meant to play a part in my life.
Maybe because I made the wrong choices before. Or maybe because I didnīt make a choice AT ALL.
But I finally resigned to it: It`s done. It is just nothing that will ever have a place in my life, and I can cry over spilled milk or make the best of what remains from my life.
And there were so many good things, family, friendship most of all.
I was settled about it. Finally. In 2008.

And JUST when I was, I ran into Mr Sag, and he didn`t know. He didn`t see, that I was sort of "untouchable", "damaged goods" (though not in the conventional sense).
And I had taken so many measures to become invisible, de-sexualized, which is what my overweight was for I suppose. I didnīt have to create boundaries myself, I didnīt have to figure out what I really wanted or not, I didnīt have to deal with rejection (cause rejection was inbuilt by default of course) or maybe even worse, interest.
In a way it gave some sort of freedom, for a time at least, and by the time I wasn`t quite sure I really wanted that sort of freedom anymore, it was too late. I was old (over 30 you know), or at least middle-old, I was human, but not really having a gender, I was invisible. Safe. From rejection/ interest from the one gender, but also from contempt/ jealousy of my own gender. I was just too far out of the norm to really exist in a normal social context. Gender-less. Yes, I suppose so, that is how I saw me, that is how the world saw me.

Just not him. He looked at me, like I was *gasp horror shock* a woman.
It was not really that extraordinary I suppose. But it unsettled me. In this instance I think he DEFINITELY had a catalystic effect on me.

Of course I denied that into oblivion over the next 2 years, even after I had seen him agin. And then he approaches me in hsi show, and unsettles me again.

Maybe that is simply what I need from him in my life. This push out of my comfort zone, but not so far that I will withdraw in my shell again.

I told you I am complicated.

And in retrospect I am also sorry about the way I acted in my 20`s.
I remember I was invited to a wedding in HIS hometown actually. LOL
And it had been snowing, and so one of the guests offered to take me back to the station, which was an hour away, and my parents would pick me up there.
I didn`t quite want to take the offer, but could not reject it either.
It was awkward. The guy, who was around my age actually, was very nice as a matter of fact, but let`s just put it this way compared to me the snow around us was a source of heat. LOL

Actually a year ago or so I got this HUGE shock, when I incidentally saw a pic of Mr Sag`s elder brother; I mean it is prretty impossible, right? That cannot have been him?
I mean maybe not totally impossible, the age fits, the resemblance, and the town apparently, too.
But what a freaky coincidence that would have been.
I am not totally certain about it though.
I can`t hardly remember anything out of this "dark ages".

But yeah, I missed a lot in my life I suppose. And it shaped me and my life, and of cuorse it can never be like a "normal one", but I can make it the life I WANT to live now.

"While there is a part of me that wonders what life would be like if I'd lived a more traditional life, married, and had children and grandchildren, I know that I have lived the life I was meant to live, and I'm happy and at peace with that"
I am at the same place right now.

", I'm now 6+ months into another relationship. If anyone had told me in my 20s, 30s, or 40s that my late 50s and early 60s would be the happiest, most sexual and romantic of my life, I'd have thought they were crazy."
You really give me hope.

I would love to see your synastry as a matter of fact.

posted March 08, 2014 01:42 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
For my Mum Saturn rules her 7th and 8th, too, and Mars her 11th.

For my Dad Saturn rules his 5th and Mars rules his 8th.

I actually think this is one of the reasons that their Mars-Saturn-conjunction expresses itself in the form of lasting bonding, all the relationship houses are involved.
And actually my Mumīs 5th house ruler fits in there as well.

---

That's so sweet

For him, Saturn is the ruler of his 5th and it conjuncts his Desc-ruler.
My Mars is my IC's co-ruler, and secondary 5th house ruler.

I think the houses involved do in fact make a difference.

So don't worry tgem! . I think you guys will be fine if you make the effort and work at it. Just go with the flow.
In fact I feel you may have a chance to transmute and purge together any "negative" karma you may have.
Afterall, that is what these types of connections are meant to do! 😊
They leave you cleansed and renewed on every level.

posted March 08, 2014 01:45 PM              

° angles, including Vertex
° nodal axis
° luminaries
° Venus (maybe Mars)
° (Saturn)

AND the relationship houses and rulers 5, 7, 8
compared to each other or to
1, 2, 4

Just focusing on these you will get a pretty clear picture actually.

And isn`t it neat?

houses 4 and 5 relate to Moon and Sun
houses 1 and 7 relate to Mars and Venus
houses 2 and 8 relate to Venus and Pluto

posted March 08, 2014 01:51 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
In fact if I had to limit myself, the things I would NEVER strip away are

° angles, including Vertex
° nodal axis
° luminaries
° Venus (maybe Mars)
° (Saturn)

AND the relationship houses and rulers 5, 7, 8
compared to each other or to
1, 2, 4

Just focusing on these you will get a pretty clear picture actually.

And isn`t it neat?

houses 4 and 5 relate to Moon and Sun
houses 1 and 7 relate to Mars and Venus
houses 2 and 8 relate to Venus and Pluto

---

I agree.

And wow I never really thought of looking at the houses in that sense... Very neat indeed!

posted March 08, 2014 02:09 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
I agree.

And wow I never really thought of looking at the houses in that sense... Very neat indeed!

So its like this then:
A square between A's 2nd house ruler and B's 8th house ruler would be like a Venus/Pluto aspect?

---

Similar, yes. Maybe not exactly the same, but very very similiar.

It is interesting you point that one out, I always feel like the connection of 8th to 2nd is the most intense of all possible ones, a very primal one.

posted March 08, 2014 02:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I feel happy and pretty carefree. I like feeling that way.

As for you, what do you hope it is not true?
Fate your tf?
If it was true, or if it was not, would either option change the way you feel about him?

---

I'm going through a bizarre transformation - I suppose, towards some sort of actualisation or apotheosis. I can only hope. I've become so much more emotional. I'm learning that, my emotions regarding him are SO overwhelming that I just shut them off completely. I'm learning how to be emotional with my husband, because I don't want to put him through hell, and to help both he and my costar develop into the men they both want to be. And yet, I feel very distant from Fate. Like I've closed off as an act of self-preservation.

I can't reconcile these things, and all they bring is pain. So, why, God, why, even give them thought or weight or effort?

If I'd been told he wasn't, would I then be striving to understand why these things have happened, or are happening? Would I become strangely obsessive about it? Would I not just let go, as I'm telling myself I would have? Or would I redouble my efforts and rededicate myself to my marriage and do everything in my power to be happy?

I'd still do Lachesis, of course. Of course. But maybe I'd privately wonder for a very long time, if not the rest of my days, what it's all been for, and if THAT was it?

I could've bought 'yes, he is, and your relationship is very important, but that's not your direction in this life.' A sort of Adjustment Bureau thing. Like, you're feeling remnants. Ghostly whispers of a past relationship that WAS very significant. That we're supposed to be in each other's lives, present, sometimes central, sometimes in the background, and just THERE, and do Lachesis.

posted March 08, 2014 02:15 PM            

But basically being told I got it wrong? Or that, yes, we're both clearing karma, but that we're HERE in order to BE together?

Jesus H.

The basis of my existence is NOT a relationship. ANY relationship. Maybe I'm sodium and he's chlorine, and we're ultimately to be sodium-chloride, and that's awesome, but - WTF?

Do you have any idea how nerve-wracking it is to be told that an essential facet of your existence is an intensely sexual 'true love' relationship you're NOT having, and cannot foresee ANY way TO have?

Trust me. It's easier to REALLY just want to refute and run away from the whole thing.

Oh, if ONLY I weren't beyond that point.

posted March 08, 2014 02:21 PM              

you remind me of how I reacted when IQ told me that about Mr SAg in his analysis, which I never expected him to come to THIS result.
And I refused to take it even into consideration, that he might be right.

So I can just offer you my heartfelt compassion.

EDIT:
Just for the record though: I donīt believe in a "HAVE TO be together" or "MUST NEVER be together" or "WILL NEVER be together".

you always have a choice in how you act and what you do. Though I think sometimes you DON`T have a choice in what you feel.

But feeling and doing can be two different things.

posted March 08, 2014 02:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
No, because Cusp's Saturn is conjunct my mars, in tropical synastry, he said it would be "bad luck" to have a sexual relationship in this lifetime.

In regard to the VTX/anti-VTX axis, my natal sun is conjunct my AVX in the 11th by 2.5.

Cusp's jupiter and BML conjunct my sun/Anti-VTX by 4 and 2 degrees respectively. His Saturn is also parallel my sun/anti-vertex..

Thoughts?

---

I'm not sure how wide we're going with orbs, but technically, Fate's SATURN is 7š off my MARS in GT. So, I'm not sure why he said that to you, unless there's a different pattern involved. Hell, his KARMA is right on his SATURN and my MOON, too.

posted March 08, 2014 02:31 PM              

Indigo,

posted March 08, 2014 03:34 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
IQ wouldnīt consider a 7 degree orb with aspects, at least not when I last conversed with him.

Indigo,

what do you think it means that my AVX is exactly conjunct my Sun/Moon-mp?

---

It FELT wide, but you're dealing with planets here, rather than 'roids, so my teenage-self was fine and dandy with stretching things until they broke. ;p

I think your AVX=SUN/MOON is a beautiful representation of what you're feeling right now.

Does anything significant in Mr Sag's hit it?

Has anything progressed to it?

The internal union of masculine and feminine is entirely within your control. You really haven't meted it out to anyone else. Perhaps this is why you feel so at ease and unburdened, as you once said. You've fused these energies within yourself by your own choosing. In a way, you ARE complete.

Though super-wide, I've got a bit of that, as I almost have AVX/VX=SUN/MOON. But you and your orb tightening, Ceri. It's rubbed off. If it's over 3š, it doesn't really exist to me anymore.

posted March 08, 2014 03:46 PM              

His Venus, though wide at 4,5 degrees. But his Venus is also parallel it. Plus his Pluto squares it exactly.

Composite Moon at 22 Cap is conjunct it, nodal axis at 20 Libra-Aries, squares it.

"Has anything progressed to it?"

Well, the Vertex-side. My progressed MOon is at 19 Cancer and will be progressing to it in the next 2 months or so.

In the next year or so the solar arc Neptune-NN-conjunction will progress to the AVX.

Interestingly I just realized that my helio Venus is at 20 Capricorn falling there as well

"Perhaps this is why you feel so at ease and unburdened, as you once said. You've fused these energies within yourself by your own choosing. In a way, you ARE complete."
Yes that makes sense I guess.
And fits to my natal Isis-Osiris-conjunction, too, I think.

posted March 08, 2014 04:19 PM            

This was posted from iQ on 24 December 2011. That was a REALLY significant turning point for me - that whole Christmastime.

from iQ:

'For research, I feel Alfred Hitchcock and his wife Alma were Twin Flames.

From Wiki:

"Alfred's final short story piece, Fedora (1921), was his shortest and most enigmatic contribution. It also gave a strikingly accurate description of his future wife, Alma (whom he had not met yet) ".
They were married for 54 years, till death intervened.

Alfred: 13 August 1899.
Alma : 14 August 1899.

I did not need to do the Synastry

13+14 = 27, 27 x 2 = 54, the number of years of their marriage.

1+8+9+9 = 27.

And "ALMA" = 9 in Chaldean Numerology.

Alma's death: 6th-July-1982. Total = 33.
Alfred's death: 29-April-1980. Total = 33.

Only a brain dead person would consider this to be a coincidence.

I wish we had their exact their birth times!!!'

Okay. You know what I'm going to say. But just breathe for a second and look at it.

You guys are both artists; you're going to contribute creatively. They were Leo Suns with Suns nearly the same degree.

There's a sequential progression. Leo naturally ingresses into Virgo.

Her name was ALMA.

Do your given names begin with the same letter? (I've seen this happen a few places.)

Are your Life Path / Destiny / Soul Urge, blah-di-blah numbers Master Numbers?

Do you, or he, have any connexion to those two?

It stands VERY oddly to logical reason to me that two Twin Flames who are meant to 'marry and take care of each other' would be continuing a previous relationship in which they did the same thing?

It sounds kooky, but we're already in BIZARRE territory, so just go with me down the rabbit-hole.

posted March 08, 2014 04:29 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
How strong would you think that the secondary relationship houses work?

Would they be as valid as the primary ones?

---

Lotiswhite thinks they are very strong I think.

posted March 08, 2014 05:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Lavender,

This was posted from iQ on 24 December 2011. That was a REALLY significant turning point for me - that whole Christmastime.

from iQ:

'For research, I feel Alfred Hitchcock and his wife Alma were Twin Flames.

From Wiki:

"Alfred's final short story piece, Fedora (1921), was his shortest and most enigmatic contribution. It also gave a strikingly accurate description of his future wife, Alma (whom he had not met yet) ".
They were married for 54 years, till death intervened.

Alfred: 13 August 1899.
Alma : 14 August 1899.

I did not need to do the Synastry

13+14 = 27, 27 x 2 = 54, the number of years of their marriage.

1+8+9+9 = 27.

And "ALMA" = 9 in Chaldean Numerology.

Alma's death: 6th-July-1982. Total = 33.
Alfred's death: 29-April-1980. Total = 33.

Only a brain dead person would consider this to be a coincidence.

I wish we had their exact their birth times!!!'

Okay. You know what I'm going to say. But just breathe for a second and look at it.

You guys are both artists; you're going to contribute creatively. They were Leo Suns with Suns nearly the same degree.

There's a sequential progression. Leo naturally ingresses into Virgo.

Her name was ALMA.

Do your given names begin with the same letter? (I've seen this happen a few places.)

Are your Life Path / Destiny / Soul Urge, blah-di-blah numbers Master Numbers?

Do you, or he, have any connexion to those two?

It stands VERY oddly to logical reason to me that two Twin Flames who are meant to 'marry and take care of each other' would be continuing a previous relationship in which they did the same thing?

It sounds kooky, but we're already in BIZARRE territory, so just go with me down the rabbit-hole.

Is there an ALFRED? I know there's an ALMA. Are they involved with your KARMA or 12H? Composite? Helio? Help me out here.

---

Alfreda= 1375
Alma=390

Cusp and my Helio synastry:
His Alfreda @ Aqu18'11 widely conjunct my alma @ Aqu23'01. (5 degrees)

In tropical synastry:
My Alfreda/venus conjunction in the 12th widely opposed his Alma by 6.5.

Tropical composite:
Alfreda sextile karma by 2
Alma trine Moira by 3

Helio composite:
Alma inconjunct Moira exact at 0.00
Alfreda inconjunct earth/moon by 30 minutes.

posted March 08, 2014 07:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yeah, well maybe.

Just for the first time in my life I feel nothing is missing.

I`ve always had this restless feeling inside (a bit like Tristan in "Legends of the fall") , always been looking for something elusive, that I couldnīt even really name.
I have been obsessed with finding out who my tf is and these things.

Just since mr Sag stepped into my life, all this has ceased. I donīt really care if he is my tf or someone else is anymore. Maybe he is. Maybe he is a catalyst. Maybe he is karmic. Whatever.

It just feels heavenly, the falling away of the restlessness inside. For the first time I feel like I am PRESENT (in my own life), at every single moment. And that is what I am living now, every single moment.

I donīt know when this restless mindsearching will start again (it usually always comes back again - though it has been silent and calm for quite some time now, months even, which is the longest period I had eve been given so far), but until it does I simply enjoy the breathing pause and marvel at the feeling that indeed for once nothing is missing at all. Everything is as it should be (at this moment in time), and what the future brings? Well let`s go there and find out.

---

Oooh I love this! This his how I feel. It's just so deeply and so infinitely satisfying on the soul level...and healing. Yes, so wonderful and so beautiful...that there are no words to describe it...

<Edit>

On another note, I was playing with the Vedic asteroids again and noticed we have an exact Samadhi-Kama opposition @ 7 Pisces-Virgo/11-5th in our t-composite (there's actually a G-Cross involving Pallas/2nd and Jupiter/8th)....His Samadhi and Kama are trine my Parvati, and squ. my Rudra in t-synastry. My Samadhi is on his Asc. I'm still logging all the aspects.

<Edit Again>
Playing with Alfred-Alma:

posted March 08, 2014 09:55 PM            

I wanted to react with rage to what you said; feeling so misunderstood, so misread. Lumped into the category that I despise: the one who waits, or envelopes their identity in someone else. Codependent. Of course, I didn't. I calmed myself. I took deep breaths. I relocated my centre.

If anything, I'm accused of being too independent. Aloof. Devoted, but distant. Obligated, but unemotional. Dutiful, but not passionate. Unless it's about my work, or learning, studying, deepening my understanding, creating, communing with dimensions simply not present here, high level, intricate science which 'feels' right to me.

But a person?

The closest I've ever come to being passionate about person is with him. Likely, because the word that comes with him is 'partner'. My happiest moments in recent years have been the 3-hour phone calls engrossed in world-building, literally creating a reality to share with others. Or the hours upon hours, the last several years, lost in that world we created. Heh. v1.0.

But, see, I hate that. It seems that even in my marriage, I fly solo. I love the companionship - I hate the expectation of sex. I'm in my head. I prefer the quiet moments spent in reflection, or introspection, or contemplation. That, I do alone.

Being told that I NEED to be with this individual I refer to as 'Fate' was troubling. Deeply. That the relationship is supposed to be intensely sexual - that that's an essential component of the dynamic - was a knife. Not because it's telling me anything I don't already know; because it's telling me I HAVE to do something.

I can imagine that I must be the last person on earth to be romantically fated in ANY capacity.

Would I be happier with him? It's likely. But that's not where I am. I'm trying to do some big things here in Los Angeles, providing what an exceptional twelve-year-old girl needs, even if her father is a sex-addicted atheist. God knows why, but I love the man. At least he only playfully mocks my beliefs, or, even better, altogether refrains from disapproval.

Meanwhile, for whatever reason, the one man I can't seem to push out of my life, no matter how far or fast or much I run, in my own heart, and my own head, I made peace with the reality - the REALITY - that we're just not here to be together.

Then I'm told by a reputable source that we ARE?

Oh, I would've been more than satisfied with being told, yeah, we are, and that explains why everything is SO bizarre, and that LACHESIS is what we're here to do. Huzzah! Let's DO that! I can DO that! I can devote myself to a creative project - several! - enjoying the companionship and colleagueship of someone who feels like the male version of myself, and somehow always has the answers I'm looking for. YES! Let's DO that!

But, God. That I'm fated to have a sexual relationship with this person who fits SO well with me I don't even want to THINK about it - because it does NOT fit my reality?

No. Look, I don't want to be alone. I have to admit that. It's HARD to admit that.

I think I'd be the happiest woman on earth if I could freely create in my private space, share my ideas with a cherished companion, catch up with what they're doing, and partake of some amazing things in this world.

But, let's face it. That's total, utter fantasy. I'm lucky to be self-employed, mostly-not-depressed, able to help people, and create as the mood strikes. It's taken a LOT to get there, by age 33, and I am blessed.

Ugh. What am I even saying?

I didn't need a Twin Flame. REALLY. It just helped a lot of things I've been 'connecting to' since my teens make a LOT of sense. Then I met him, and everything seemed to go into hyperspeed. I began returning to my metaphysical background, despite it simply no longer fitting into the life I'd created for myself (surrounding myself with scientists and atheists, rational pragmatists) believing in myself again, and starting to feel better about who I was - finally - again - after a long, long time.

It's been a long, hard road. I think I'm just more confused than anything. I worry, could I be experiencing joy, rather than the contentment I feel now? The safety, the routine?

Honestly, if you're saying that you're having the time of your life at 50 and 60 - that's kind of what I thought it would be for me, too. At least over 45. I can wait. So long as that's what I'm 'supposed' to be doing - I can wait.

posted March 08, 2014 10:42 PM            

Let's try that again; I didn't at all mean to be as mopey as all that. It's just a very confusing time.

First off, concept.

I, too, don't subscribe to the notion we lack completion in ourselves. I DO think that must be attained through work - both self-work and with others. It's a balance to be achieved. Oddly, I think I'm doing rather well there.

I'm accused of being asexual; I simply desire only to engage in sex if I'm seeking a deep emotional and spiritual bonding. But everyone's all into the physical aspects of it which are just leaving me cold. Or disinterested.

I offred to have a sexual relationship with my partner (AKA Fate), and he panicked once the reality of the depth of our connexion hit him. Hurt me VERY badly. It took about a year, but I healed. I'm stronger than I was, and grateful that I took that beating so I could find myself in ways I'd been lacking. Sadly, it's made me terrified to so much as broach the subject of sexual anything with him. And yet, it's this constant undercurrent in our rapport. So, I run. I felt I'd gotten to a comfortable place - I was even beginning a new relationship.

But I'm wondering now: was I just running? Again?

As to the Twin Flame notion, all I know is this.

I had the weird fortune of becoming acquainted and surprisingly intimate with a man who looks like he belongs in my family (or maybe I in his), has proven to me the existence of things I really had never seen / felt / known for myself before, plucked things right out of my brain or just completed that which was missing or solved conundrums that stumped me. Who's been an incredible - the best - creative partner I've EVER had, and, if I imagine myself alone in space - I can't. He's just there. Like an energy with me, sort of surrounding me, but not stifling. Just the comfort of there.

Had iQ said THAT's the basis of and trajectory for our relationship, I'd have breathed a sigh of relief and continued on my merry 'solo' way.

It's the fact he didn't say that which is deeply troubling to me. But maybe, like you, Michelle, I'm not supposed to find the real meaning of passionate love until after middle age.

Fortunately, I know from personal experience that men nearing fifty are just as capable as a guy at twenty - and much more attentive. 😉

I'd just like to have a PLAN. But my whole concept of my identity as me being a woman in Los Angeles who's committed to staying married to a man for the sake of his daughter and that he seems to need something she provides, just went out the window with frilly notions of passion and romance clouding up my judgement.

I don't want to waste my 30s as I did my 20s. That's all.

I'd love to know that if I did nothing more than trying to raise my stepdaughter to be the best she can be, and stick with my husband to try and help him heal certain things - and let him help me, too - while quietly building my production company, and enjoying playing in the sandbox world I created with Fate ... that that'd be enough.

That, so long as I continued to let MYSELF develop into the powerhouse Indigo I've ALWAYS been, and not let myself lose touch with my inner sight, my inner voice EVER again ... living the example that I feel in my heart, in my soul, maybe even inspiring him ...

That it's enough.

posted March 08, 2014 10:50 PM            

I'm more feeling like whatever ignorance I was in had been bliss. I was finally dedicating myself to logical, rational things. I wasn't taking my astrology too seriously, I was committing to a fulfilling sexual relationship with my husband, that allowed me to satisfy resolving whatever karma I felt outstanding with my costar.

I was making myself find simple peace in the here-and-now of being a housewife. And he was feeling better about us. About me.

I was putting all of this behind me. I was letting go. And, the last and final piece, just two days before iQ's email - I had decided I NEED to LET. HIM. GO.

So, I was DOING that. I was being rational and stable and SANE.

I was being grounded and capable and earthy. I was freeing my head of all of this aethereal nonsense and becoming the woman my husband REALLY loves.

And now ... now I'm questioning everything. What I'm even DOING here. What I'm thinking, feeling, even being.

I feel like I NEED a course. And I'd picked the one that made the most sense. That was practical and right in front of me. Love the one you're with. Lie in the bed you've made. Get serious, and be real.

I was trying SO hard to be real.

posted March 08, 2014 11:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

YOU BOTH ARE TWIN FLAMES. YOU BOTH NEED TO BE TOGETHER.

Jesus H.

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Did he (IQ) actually write these words, in this way?

posted March 09, 2014 01:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:
Did he (IQ) actually write these words, in this way?

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