posted March 18, 2014 05:38 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Well for my sake, I hope that's not the case as ours doesn't aspect in the tropical...alma sextiles union exact but still no conjunction.

---

posted March 18, 2014 05:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

"You can never NOT be with your Twin Flame.

It is IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO BE."

This. I mean this when I say separation is illusion.
Of course we can be separated in the sense of not having a conventional relationship in this physical dimension.
But energetically, spiritually, even mentally and emotionally?
No I do not feel any separatedness there.

Sure, sometimes i get a stronger "sense" of him than at other times, but basically he is always there.
And whereas i would have thought prior to this experience this would be driving me mad and make me feel claustrophobic, it really doesn`t, it is just natural.
Just like you wouldnt´get claustrophic with yourself.

Sometimes I also feel like we exchange "traits" or "talents".
I can feel it the clearest, like today, when I was giving my theatre course lesson.
I actually have stopped preparing for this (too much) and just go with the flow, and am rather amazed where some of the spontaneous ideas come from. Sometimes it almost feels like he is looking over my shoulder and whispering ideas into my ear.
Well, my pupils don´t complain, and this course, is energizing me so much, despite being so completely effortless.
It amazes me.

---

And see, I'm okay with that. I am! It's more the sense of ... augh. Making sure that what I feel IS okay. That I AM doing the right thing. Waiting. That I'm going forth and doing what I NEED to do, and that's okay, and he won't do something boneheaded like marry someone 'just because' and - so on.

I get angry because of how overwhelmed I get. How I can't manage to maintain a connexion here on the physical plane. That he calls - and I PANIC. I have no idea why that is, either. I just ... hide. Then he gets angry, and it comes out in everything he does, then he's resentful, and then things stay that way until we speak again, and then - bam. Slate's clean - for the moment. Until the next time.

posted March 18, 2014 05:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Well for my sake, I hope that's not the case as ours doesn't aspect in the tropical...alma sextiles union exact but still no conjunction.

---

posted March 18, 2014 05:50 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
And see, I'm okay with that. I am! It's more the sense of ... augh. Making sure that what I feel IS okay. That I AM doing the right thing. Waiting. That I'm going forth and doing what I NEED to do, and that's okay, and he won't do something boneheaded like marry someone 'just because' and - so on.

I get angry because of how overwhelmed I get. How I can't manage to maintain a connexion here on the physical plane. That he calls - and I PANIC. I have no idea why that is, either. I just ... hide. Then he gets angry, and it comes out in everything he does, then he's resentful, and then things stay that way until we speak again, and then - bam. Slate's clean - for the moment. Until the next time.

That part gets a bit exhausting.

---

Yes, I know what you mean.

AS of now I am in the state of "surrender" and merrily surrender all along.
BUT that does not mean I will not fall back into runner mode or ignorance mode or avoidance mode again.
We will see.

But yes, all of that gets so exhausting. I ahve been running from this for the past 6-8 years. In circles.
I`ve grown so tired of running, when no matter where I run to, he is already there.
I´m tired of running, tired of hiding away.

But yes, I know my bouts of jealousy, of insecurity, of doubting will come back. The panic. The headless chicken-scenario around him. The hide-my-head-in-the sand-scenes.

And if he goes and gets married to someone else?
Well, honestly, I will simply have to accept this.
Don`t ask me how, but I will be able to do it. Somehow.

Of course I would like to know that in the end, after everything, it will be him and me, together, in this life, this physical dimension.

But it might not be that way. Or it could.
We`ll see.

posted March 18, 2014 05:51 PM            

Back to my blind date.

It went really well. I liked him, felt instantly comfortable with him. (Major clue there; that kind of energy indicates shared past lives.)

In composite, his VX on DSC. Most of the composites, including one helio (I think) have JUNO conjunct ALMA. We have two t-squares in Davison but we also have a kite. MOON at the base (is this the apex?) opposed MARS, VENUS and PLUTO trine. That is rather a sweet, not to mention hot, configuration, no?

There are some serious squares too. And SATURN is making his presence felt, but I'd expect that with past life contact.

We've had some amazing phone conversations. Amazing.

And so now I AM wondering! About this Guardian Soul thing. About near-Twins.

What if Jace "appeared" to get me ready for SOMEBODY ELSE? What if that is all of this karmic activity in our charts? The SN (his) conjunct my SATURN/VX conjunction? (I've read that the SN person "owes" the planet person.) But it doesn't really explain my MOIRA conjunct his NN(my AVX), does it? Or his KAALI conjunct my name asteroid? Or the stellium (MERCURY, JUPITER, MARS) he has in Taurus conjunct my MH? Or the ASC that I suspect, which very well might be conjunct his own VX AND my NN.

The timing is suspect as well. Everything is in Divine timing.

Indigo, your thoughts? And anybody else as well? (Should I post this on the Guardian Soul thread?) When you originally brought this up, I thought my daughter was a Guardian Soul. Because my despair over my husband was so deep that I believe I would have left the planet except for her. She needed her mother. She didn't need to blame herself for my death. And so I stayed. This to me screams "guardian". Am I reading this wrong?

It just seems tangled up with Jace's involvement here, on another level, I mean. Obviously, I am not "in relationship" with Jace.

Argh. Can anyone make any sense of this?

posted March 18, 2014 06:30 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

But yes, I know my bouts of jealousy, of insecurity, of doubting will come back. The panic. The headless chicken-scenario around him. The hide-my-head-in-the sand-scenes.

And if he goes and gets married to someone else?
Well, honestly, I will simply have to accept this.
Don`t ask me how, but I will be able to do it. Somehow.

Of course I would like to know that in the end, after everything, it will be him and me, together, in this life, this physical dimension.

But it might not be that way. Or it could.
We`ll see.

But even if not, the journey is worth it.

---

Yes!
Totally worth it...

I have been feeling him more strongly today.
And the lyrics from the song I showed you (the "ghost" one) has been haunting me all day.
I feel like he's missing...me.. Like he feels very helpless...And that in turn is making me miss him too.

posted March 18, 2014 06:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
Okay, I'm going to muck up this train of thought a bit here.

Back to my blind date.

It went really well. I liked him, felt instantly comfortable with him. (Major clue there; that kind of energy indicates shared past lives.)

In composite, his VX on DSC. Most of the composites, including one helio (I think) have JUNO conjunct ALMA. We have two t-squares in Davison but we also have a kite. MOON at the base (is this the apex?) opposed MARS, VENUS and PLUTO trine. That one is rather a sweet, not to mention hot, configuration, no?

There are some serious squares too. And SATURN is making his presence felt, but I'd expect that with past life contact.

We've had some amazing phone conversations. Amazing.

And so now I AM wondering! About this Guardian Soul thing. About near-Twins.

What if Jace "appeared" to get me ready for SOMEBODY ELSE? What if that is all of this karmic activity in our charts? The SN (his) conjunct my SATURN/VX conjunction? (I've read that the SN person "owes" the planet person.) But it doesn't really explain my MOIRA conjunct his NN(my AVX), does it? Or his KAALI conjunct my name asteroid? Or the stellium (MERCURY, JUPITER, MARS) he has in Taurus conjunct my MH? Or the ASC that I suspect, which very well might be conjunct his own VX AND my NN.

The timing is suspect as well. Everything is in Divine timing.

Indigo, your thoughts? And anybody else as well? (Should I post this on the Guardian Soul thread?) When you originally brought this up, I thought my daughter was a Guardian Soul. Because my despair over my husband was so deep that I believe I would have left the planet except for her. She needed her mother. She didn't need to blame herself for my death. And so I stayed. This to me screams "guardian". Am I reading this wrong?

It just seems tangled up with Jace's involvement here, on another level, I mean. Obviously, I am not "in relationship" with Jace.

Argh. Can anyone make any sense of this?

---

Go ahead and post it here for now; we can move and go back and forth or switch around as needed later.

I think that's why I told you to stop and breathe. Things were shifting and changing. Rapidly.

And I agree regarding your daughter. We can in turn act as Guardian Soulmates to others as well; in essence, it becomes a Guardian Soulmate relationship.

When Fate and I didn't meet that July 2008 - I was crushed. Well, we both were, but didn't want to accept how hard it was. It honestly wasn't more than a week later that my husband and I took our then long-distance relationship to the 'serious' level by becoming exclusive.

March 2010, when we DID meet in person, and he continued the farce about not also being who we both knew he was, I really did snap. My husband and I had recently become engaged (4 months prior) and it less of a plan than, as he put it, 'an inevitability'. (I also met my costar barely a month prior, too.)

2010-2011, my husband and I married (December 2010), and my costar and I began our relationship (July 2010; April 2011); it unconsciously shifted into the background October 2011 - when circumstances suddenly reconnected me to Fate.

He destroyed me in January 2013.

Then our personal relationship issues started to tank the project, and I had to accept this was not working. The following week, my costar suddenly admitted that his feelings for me had never changed, and he really wanted to try again. (March 2013). I wanted to - but I needed time.

By the time I was ready, he wasn't. Again.

Fate tried harder to reconnect - July-September 2013. We finally did late September. It was like no time had passed. He apologised. We agreed it'll take work, but it's worth it. We were both just grateful to be in contact again.

October 2013, my costar and I were sorting out the dynamics of our relationship with my husband. By November 2013, we'd reached a newfound intimacy. Fate was suddenly and inexplicably in the background. One day, nearing his birthday, I'd shouted in my head it was ridiculous we were out of contact. He called, for the first time in a month, echoing my words. (I missed it; he left a voicemail.)

On his birthday, (Fate's), my costar and I begun a sexual relationship.

Yeah. No kidding.

By January, I'd vowed to Fate that I would stop running. He was grateful. I REALLY tried. Now it's March, and I'm slacking.

Things are good both with my husband, (we're rebuilding our intimacy slowly after periods of abusive relating in the past) and my costar.

It's been a week since Fate called. Sigh, aaaaand I'm sure he hates me. For now. But this is what we do.

But do you notice the bebopping?

I'll be pinballing back and forth between Fate, my husband, and my costar? Depending upon what's going on? It blows my mind.

I won't even make the effort in most cases (outside of trying to not run from Fate). The circumstances will simply present.

THIS is how I think Guardian Soulmate relationships support, prepare, even test, and strengthen Twin Flame bonds.

Just as my husband is strangely assured that I was 'fated to be' with Fate, and my costar has simply 'been waiting for me his entire life'.

And THESE are the relationships I KNOW I must stick with, work through, and realise their full potential, in order to attain certain goals, or levels of development.

It's strange, I know. But I left behind the traditional relationship models a long time ago.

posted March 18, 2014 06:49 PM              

From my own understanding and perspective, I can only tell you this:
If you have FELT the connection to Jace get stronger and more deeper over time, chances are he is definitely more than just a catalyst.

Those "near-twins" are (usually) the toxic and draining kinds of connections that eventually come to an end.
They fade overtime. Those connections are never permanent. They are only there to prepare you.

How long have you had feelings for Jace?
And overtime how have they evolved? And how have you evolved as a person because of this whole experience?
Think about that.

With TFs, it feels as though you fall in love with them over and over again through time, no matter what the obstacles between you are.
And each time you fall in love with them, it feels like its reached a whole new level. Its become more intense and deeper.
The love and bond is always felt, its always there, no matter how much you try and suppress, deny, and run from it.
You will always come back to that state of "bubble love" feeling, as Mel likes to call it lol.

With your TF, you will feel as though THEY are you, and YOU are them, because at your core you are the same vibration.
There is a free flowing, natural connection on multiple levels.
It feels as though no one else can even come close to having such an intimate and deep connection with you.
No one would simply compare, and therefore you wouldn't have any desire or need to get close to anyone else but him. (Well, I personally wouldn't, not sure about everyone else lol).

And most important of all in my opinion, is the undeniable recognition and knowing that you feel.
It can never lead you astray.
Just look into his eyes and pay attention to how you feel, how your body reacts, what your heart and soul tells you.
THAT is your answer, it will be clear as day.

posted March 18, 2014 07:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
I'm going to work on this. It will probably be a few weeks before I can pull it all together. Out of town mailing center, preprinted labels, figuring out which businessmen to solicit. I know I could do just him but I may add a few people he knows, just in case it comes up in conversation.

You know, I read once, somewhere, that Libras could be manipulative. It really ticked me off when I read that because I truly try to live a life of integrity and direct communication and compassion. And here I am, preparing a whole ruse, just to get a birth time. If this isn't manipulating, I don't know what is.

Dang it.

---

Michelle, have you considered contacting a genealogy researcher in the state where he was born? Depending on the local state and county laws, they usually have access to obtain copies of official records that are not available to the general public. I've been thinking about doing this, but the guy I can't get out of my head was born in an area where everyone knows each other. I'm worried that people in the county office will know his family, and wonder why someone is requesting a copy of his birth certificate. I'd feel like such a crazed stalker, I don't know if I could bring myself to do this . I seriously even considered getting licensed in that state's genealogy society so I could obtain these records myself without having to go through someone else. Lol! I think he has Leo rising, but not being certain is driving me crazy.

I was able to successfully pinpoint my ex's birthtime, I was only 2 minutes off! Not bad considering I've been studying astrology for less than a year. BUT, I've known him for 16 years. We look like brother and sister, born exactly 4 months apart. My chart is heavily Scorpio and 8th house Libra, so I knew he was either Libra or Scorpio rising. Turns out, he's Libra rising with Pluto 1 degree past his ascendant. We both have Hades moons, my moon is conjunct Pluto by 1 degree, his is opposite by 2 degrees. This explains a lot....power struggles galore, but so profoundly bonded on a deep soul level. My Aquarius ascendant even trines his Libra ascendant by less than 1 degree.

I have been torn between these two men for nearly nine years!!! The other guy's Venus is conjunct my ex's moon, putting his Venus opposite my moon and Pluto, and trine my Neptune. I didn't stand a chance, from the moment we first looked(more like stared in amazement) at each other. I'm starting to accept that I might live my entire life in this weird limbo. I wonder if there is a such thing as "Triplet Flames"? Lol

posted March 18, 2014 08:19 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Those "near-twins" are (usually) the toxic and draining kinds of connections that eventually come to an end.
They fade overtime. Those connections are never permanent. They are only there to prepare you.

---

I THINK you might mean 'false twin', in which case, that's a concept I really think is just obfuscating. The concept I've heard of Near Twins is actually a bit closer to what I've come to think of as Guardian Soulmates - but I agree, they can be much more fleeting, or be catalytic, as they are said to be our ACTUAL twins; being of energy expelled from Source at the same point in 'time' as we were.

One such is the Twin Flame of a Guardian Soulmate that's a very dear soul-sister. He, on the other hand, seems more Near Twin to me. We were like instant siblings. It was eerie. But it was barely a month or two we were in such constant contact. Then they began the classic Runner Rhumba, and now he's out of the picture.

I'm for the less terms the better. Really, it should only be those which are very clear, and seek to further clarify that should stick around.

The 'False Twin' concept seems more to me like a Karmic Soulmate. Pure and simple as that. One with whom we're contracted to work through issues our soul needs to, that, by default, is from another soul-family - and NOT that of our Twin's. Another Oversoul entirely.

It's so we learn hard lessons, and gain greater understanding overall.

Near Twins, on the other hand, by definition are part of our soul-family. Rather, they're from OUR Oversoul.

posted March 18, 2014 08:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

I think that's why I told you to stop and breathe. Things were shifting and changing. Rapidly.

*********

But do you notice the bebopping?

I'll be pinballing back and forth between Fate, my husband, and my costar? Depending upon what's going on? It blows my mind.

I won't even make the effort in most cases (outside of trying to not run from Fate). The circumstances will simply present.

THIS is how I think Guardian Soulmate relationships support, prepare, even test, and strengthen Twin Flame bonds.

And THESE are the relationships I KNOW I must stick with, work through, and realise their full potential, in order to attain certain goals, or levels of development.

---

Thank you for sharing that, Indigo.

Yeah, I'm seeing a similar pattern here.

I am blown away at how closely the character and the composition of this man echo what I asked for, in writing, many times over the last four years. (I thought I was affirming for Jace, but I left it to Spirit.) He's older than I would have liked but so grounded, compassionate, kind, introspective, intelligent, and yet, light-hearted and playful. (I think Spirit knew I had forgotten how to play over the last twenty-five years! Well, my SATURN square SUN doesn't help either...)

His appearance in my life is unexpected. I check Craigslist personals from time to time, hoping to come across a decent man to befriend, in amongst the cesspool of postings there. And lo and behold, he posted there for the first time on a whim.

"The circumstances will simply present".

Yes. They did.

"THIS is how I think Guardian Soulmate relationships support, prepare, even test, and strengthen Twin Flame bonds.

And THESE are the relationships I KNOW I must stick with, work through, and realise their full potential, in order to attain certain goals, or levels of development."

I'm sensing that this could be next for me. But I STILL have this bond with Jace. Even considering dating/falling for another man makes me feel disloyal, inconstant. There isn't any judgment coming from over here, Indigo, when I say this. I've always been traditional. I only care about one man at a time. So this feels --- off. For ME, it feels off, because I have this ghost who is always tied to my heart. Jace. And yet, it feels right.

Lavender, your post following Indigo's also resonates. But it also makes me question.

I "shut down" my link to him when he got engaged over two years ago. It hurt too much. The synchronicities stopped. I avoid his Facebook wall. I pray not to run into him when I'm out and about in this place where I live and where he works.

This started in September 2009. Well, the dreams that awakened me started then. I've had defined feelings for him since that time. The initial experience was roughly twenty-five years ago; the deja vu experience that didn't make sense to me then. Then the other odd experiences that I simply filed away because I didn't know what to make of them happened over the next twenty or so years. My feelings deepened for a while. Then I shut it all down. The feelings remain but I can't say they've deepened. They're simply there. They're not going away.

He still occasionally appears in my dreams. The most recent one followed a major upset with my ex and a realization that he had trashed me with his coworkers (including Jace) before he moved out of state, as well as with former mutual friends, a couple we both knew. I dreamt that my ex and I were having a meal with this couple on the edge of a body of water. He was his normal friendly, fake self; our friends had no idea who he really IS as a human being. The usual. My ex got into a boat (owned by Jace) and he, myself, our daughter entered some kind of a water race. My ex's steering was bad; we were hitting parts of the race and I could feel the boat shuddering with each impact. I knew the boat was being damaged. We ended up at the top of a sharp drop and the boat went shooting down the race. And we all saw that the boat was going underwater. We took deep breaths just before submersion nnd it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R for the boat to surface; my life was flashing before my eyes and I was dying with worry for my daughter. Somehow this damaged boat held together as we surfaced. And then I awakened.

I looked up the dream symbol for boat and it is "emotional being". Isn't it interesting that my "emotional being" is OWNED by Jace and driven by my ex (who brought our daughter along for the ride), driven in such a way that it is damaged, banged up and then submerged underwater to the point that I thought I would drown before surfacing? I mean, could a dream be any more telling?

But the bottom-line is that Jace owns my emotional being. I had this dream about a month and a half ago.

I reopened the link a couple of weeks ago, out of my interactions with you all. Out of questioning who I am to refuse a gift like this, despite the pain that comes with it. I've once again "known" when he is making love with his wife. Ouch. But I've also gotten fuzzy/blurry emotional impressions. All is not well at home. I don't know how. I simply feel his confusion and the despair that is starting to set in. Something is off.

And then I question whether or not I'm making this up, out of hope or desire. Argh.

The telepathic link isn't as clear as it was. It's blurry.

Looking for the photos of him online was another ouch. As soon as I saw his face, the heart chakra was hit HARD. How can a photo affect me so? Obviously, this isn't going away.

So, Lavender, my connection with him doesn't feel as strong as it was. Then again, I have wondered if the past few months of slogging through sadness and trying to cope has actually been HIS emotional state that I'm feeling. I'm not sure. I've had a rough several months with signing divorce papers, saying goodbye to my daughter at college in New York and hearing that my stepdad had terminal cancer all happening within two weeks in August. My stepdad died in November. That's a h*** of a lot of grief in a short time. So it might be me. But it also could be him.

Then again, what if he's perfectly happy with his new wife? In that case, what the heck is all of this about anyway? Why have all of these triggers and activations and recognitions?

I don't know. I don't know anymore. I know what I've experienced. I know it's real. I know it's deep; I mean I'm still being affected by his PHOTO and his VOICE. I don't know that it is deepening; it is simply present. It is a part of my experience, still. I don't know if it is only me or if something is happening over there as well. (There's a really good question. If only we could talk to the other halves and find out if this is one-sided, if it's a simultaneous experience involving both of us, if it's staggered depending upon readiness.)

I don't want to spend my life pining for a man who isn't awakened, who may never awaken. I'm a loving woman and I deserve love as well. I won't settle for just any man in order to not be alone. But then again, is it "settling" if I don't keep my options open for Jace?

They're all rhetorical questions, aren't they? "The stars impel, they don't compel". There is Destiny and it is coupled with Free Will. Jace used his Free Will and he got married. I'm not yet sure how I'll use mine other than I will keep growing into the best me I know how to be.

I didn't answer your questions. I don't think I can. I don't know that my experience is deepening. It is simply there. And apparently it isn't going away.

posted March 18, 2014 08:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bluejay:
Michelle, have you considered contacting a genealogy researcher in the state where he was born? Depending on the local state and county laws, they usually have access to obtain copies of official records that are not available to the general public. I've been thinking about doing this, but the guy I can't get out of my head was born in an area where everyone knows each other. I'm worried that people in the county office will know his family, and wonder why someone is requesting a copy of his birth certificate. I'd feel like such a crazed stalker, I don't know if I could bring myself to do this . I seriously even considered getting licensed in that state's genealogy society so I could obtain these records myself without having to go through someone else. Lol! I think he has Leo rising, but not being certain is driving me crazy.

I was able to successfully pinpoint my ex's birthtime, I was only 2 minutes off! Not bad considering I've been studying astrology for less than a year. BUT, I've known him for 16 years. We look like brother and sister, born exactly 4 months apart. My chart is heavily Scorpio and 8th house Libra, so I knew he was either Libra or Scorpio rising. Turns out, he's Libra rising with Pluto 1 degree past his ascendant. We both have Hades moons, my moon is conjunct Pluto by 1 degree, his is opposite by 2 degrees. This explains a lot....power struggles galore, but so profoundly bonded on a deep soul level. My Aquarius ascendant even trines his Libra ascendant by less than 1 degree.

I have been torn between these two men for nearly nine years!!! The other guy's Venus is conjunct my ex's moon, putting his Venus opposite my moon and Pluto, and trine my Neptune. I didn't stand a chance, from the moment we first looked(more like stared in amazement) at each other. I'm starting to accept that I might live my entire life in this weird limbo. I wonder if there is a such thing as "Triplet Flames"? Lol

Sorry, I got off on a tangent there, but I think the genealogy research guise would work. It might also save you some time and uncertainty about him not responding to the survey.

---

Bluejay, thank you. Now THAT is information that I didn't have. I didn't know that this is even possible. He was born a few counties away, about two to three hours drive from here.

When I was researching, I did come across something for this state (California) that suggested that not just anybody could request a copy of a birth certificate. Since I'm "just anybody", I gave up. Frankly, I'm not sure that a genealogy researcher could access that record here without obtaining Jace's permission. And I don't know how to find out.

But I will see what I can turn up on the net. I thank you for this new direction.

posted March 18, 2014 09:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Have you evolved as a person because of this whole experience?

With TFs, it feels as though you fall in love with them over and over again through time, no matter what the obstacles between you are.

And each time you fall in love with them, it feels like its reached a whole new level. Its become more intense and deeper.

The love and bond is always felt, its always there, no matter how much you try and suppress, deny, and run from it.

It feels as though no one else can even come close to having such an intimate and deep connection with you.
No one would simply compare, and therefore you wouldn't have any desire or need to get close to anyone else but him.

---

1) Have you evolved as a person because of this whole experience?

THAT's the ticket for me, right there. It's the crazy fast-track to spiritual awakening. Kinda like you've been strapped into a runaway car some days. But, evolving, nonetheless. Rapidly.

2) With TFs, it feels as though you fall in love with them over and over again through time, no matter what the obstacles between you are.

I agree entirely. I'll run, things will 'change', but then they snap right back to where they were, in terms of feelings, as if there's been no change at all. It's a kind of 'boomerang love', heh. No matter how far I fling that thing, it comes back - even if it seems like it won't this time, it ALWAYS does. Often smacks me in the face, too, but I digress.

3) And each time you fall in love with them, it feels like its reached a whole new level. Its become more intense and deeper.

I'm not so sure I agree with this one. See, we bonded so bizarrely instantaneously, that what we always seem to return to - at least on some level - is THAT. It never reaches a 'new level' because that's where it STARTED. That's why we've taken our turns freaking out and flipping out and running away. That's why he can't even see me anymore, because .a few hours isn't enough'. It's too intense for too short a duration.

Perhaps that's unique to my experience, though. It's what never ceases to amaze me, too. How we always somehow return to that initial feeling of overwhelming connexion, no matter how long, how many years, it's been.

4) The love and bond is always felt, its always there, no matter how much you try and suppress, deny, and run from it.

Yep. That's the part you can't evade. It's inescapable. You're inextricable; it's ... 'a force of the universe', to put it in Sorkinspeak. And trust me, I have RUN. A LOT.

5) It feels as though no one else can even come close to having such an intimate and deep connection with you.
No one would simply compare, and therefore you wouldn't have any desire or need to get close to anyone else but him.

Herein lies, I think, the greatest discrepancy. The need for 'reality-testing'.

I agree that, no one DOES come close. MUCH to my chagrin, believe me. But I also got real. There was plenty I could still accomplish by becoming in integral component in others' lives. I guess, for me, those involved romantic relations. Some still do.

Yes, they don't 'compare', but I'm also not comparing. I'm grateful for all of it.

Granted, that feeling of a 'need' didn't emerge until I turned 30. Connexions I felt it would be good to deepen. Both for me, and them. At 19, I'm sure I would've maintained the same independent spirit you've got, which I kept up until my latter 20s. (Arguably, I've STILL got it; but I saw certain obligations which I felt should be met, too.)

Are there days I wish I'd waited for him to reach the level of establishment and evolution which he needed before we truly begun? He'd vaguely asked me to. But he also wouldn't tell me the truth. I felt THAT was what I needed to be able TO wait.

Instead, I moved on as best as I could. THAT's hard. It's put me in what seems to be a unique position, comparatively.

Was it the right thing to do? I'm not sure. I couldn't trade the relationship I have with my stepdaughter, or the experiences I've had with my husband. Nor could I disregard ever even meeting my costar.

These things, over the last near-decade, have made me into ME.

Fate helped me fully return TO the person I was, allowing me to develop into who I've become.

But it's part and parcel.

posted March 18, 2014 09:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I think you need to come to a place within yourself that accepts the possibility you will never have a traditional relationship with each other. Easier said than done, I know, but it may be a pivotal point. That may be in part for the SATURN-MARS conflict. The focus upon physical sexuality may be an impediment rather than a benefit - until you reach that point.

---

@Indigo, you seem quite sold on the detrimental mars/Saturn aspect for us. I must clarify that we do not have a mars/Saturn aspect in our tropical composite. Isn't that the chart of the relationship itself?

posted March 18, 2014 09:45 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
@Indigo, you seem quite sold on the detrimental mars/Saturn aspect for us. I must clarify that we do not have a mars/Saturn aspect in our tropical composite. Isn't that the chart of the relationship itself?

Unlike Lavender and Ceri, you haven't given a thorough analysis/thought/feeling about Cusp and me even being TF's. Is there something that confuses you about the validity of this relationship?

---

There is something that's drawing me back to the SATURN and MARS. I'm not talking composite, either. The composite is the combination of your energies as a separate entity.

But the synastry matters.

Just as iQ said, our less-spectacular synastry is indicative of why we've had such delays. Or why we DO have such delays.

Rather than discount them, I'm learning to understand the why for them.

The Composite is like a soup, with synastry being its ingredients.

Who's bringing the MARS? Who the SATURN?

Since there's a hard aspect there in the synastry, these energies are potent and present. The trick is to ask what are they doing? And why are they doing it?

I'm not sure what keeps me from analysing your relationship with the depth it deserves. It's like every time I sit down to - bam! Something else. WTF?

I feel the relevance. I feel the synergy. I feel the purposefulness, and the sense of 'you are here now for a reason.' That echoes LOUDLY.

But I feel this journey is double-backing back to YOU.

And I can't help to wonder, if it's not time to ask yourself, what you want with him? What relationship you envision? What it would mean for you both? How it would affect, impact, and benefit you both.

When you search deep within, what do you see? Just you.

When you're just you - when you setup everything else away - what's there? And then what do you build back into the picture?

Kinda the way we load in too many points and then return to the basic planets once it's too overwhelming.

Basics. When you strip down to just you, what's going on there?

Agh! He's calling.

%#?!%.

I hate running. But my heart is racing, and I just ... I'M overwhelmed.

Gah.

posted March 18, 2014 09:58 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:

I didn't answer your questions. I don't think I can. I don't know that my experience is deepening. It is simply there. And apparently it isn't going away.

---

There you go.
You just answered them.
"it simply is there. And apparently it isn't going away."

For me it has always been like this:
Everytime I surrendered to the love after bouts fear, doubt, and insecurity, I found that my love for him had reached a new level—probably because I quit suppressing it. My hope and faith had become stronger as well.

posted March 18, 2014 10:27 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I THINK you might mean 'false twin', in which case, that's a concept I really think is just obfuscating. The concept I've heard of Near Twins is actually a bit closer to what I've come to think of as Guardian Soulmates - but I agree, they can be much more fleeting, or be catalytic, as they are said to be our ACTUAL twins; being of energy expelled from Source at the same point in 'time' as we were.

One such is the Twin Flame of a Guardian Soulmate that's a very dear soul-sister. He, on the other hand, seems more Near Twin to me. We were like instant siblings. It was eerie. But it was barely a month or two we were in such constant contact. Then they began the classic Runner Rhumba, and now he's out of the picture.

I'm for the less terms the better. Really, it should only be those which are very clear, and seek to further clarify that should stick around.

The 'False Twin' concept seems more to me like a Karmic Soulmate. Pure and simple as that. One with whom we're contracted to work through issues our soul needs to, that, by default, is from another soul-family - and NOT that of our Twin's. Another Oversoul entirely.

It's so we learn hard lessons, and gain greater understanding overall.

Near Twins, on the other hand, by definition are part of our soul-family. Rather, they're from OUR Oversoul.

At least, that's how I roll. It's simple enough to me.

---

I always thought they were the same thing, just with different terminology.

posted March 18, 2014 11:43 PM            

I would like to send you it via private email if possible then you can look at it.

Thanks

I discussed this with iQ last night! he knows who i am!

BTW, i agree with iQ's posts on Page 94. It was very good as always

posted March 19, 2014 12:05 AM            

iQ asked me about communication, its a different kind of communication it more of her face that gets me, no words just the look. He said that was the missing point but i look at different 'Love Styles' it would be the same as 'Communication'. Words don't have to be spoken its more of a knowing. I believe it doesn't have to have a NEPTUNE trine MOON vibe to it if that makes sense. Her face comes in my head not her voice.

"Like a shining light,
Into the darkness of my life,
I was taken back by the way you smiled,
I knew from the start you'd always have my heart."

“All of us possess some electrical and magnetic forces within, and, just like a magnet, we exert a force of attraction and repulsion...
Between lovers that magnetic force is particularly powerful and its action has a far-reaching effect.”
-- Samael Aun Weor, The Mystery of the Golden Blossom

"It is when you look in the eyes that you will realize whether things can become deeply romantic. The Body will only activate the lower chakras, the Eyes activate the Soul."
-- iQ

“Proper teaching is recognized with ease. You can know it without fail because it awakens within you that sensation which tells you this is something you have always known.”
-- Frank Herbet / Dune

posted March 19, 2014 12:13 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:

Bluejay, thank you. Now THAT is information that I didn't have. I didn't know that this is even possible. He was born a few counties away, about two to three hours drive from here.

When I was researching, I did come across something for this state (California) that suggested that not just anybody could request a copy of a birth certificate. Since I'm "just anybody", I gave up. Frankly, I'm not sure that a genealogy researcher could access that record here without obtaining Jace's permission. And I don't know how to find out.

But I will see what I can turn up on the net. I thank you for this new direction.

As far as the rest of what you shared, it sounds to me as though you fit right in here. Welcome!

---

Thanks Michelle! Each state/county will have their own laws, but usually for research purposes these records can be obtained. Usually it has to be a licensed genealogy researcher or a private investigator to have access to such information without being the individual or an immediate family member. I have done my homework, and in this particular case there are ways I could falsify proof of identity to obtain copies, but it's not worth breaking the law. I'd be sooooo humiliated if the person working in the county clerks office knew his family, which is quite probable since he's from rural Maine. I've never been to Maine, but I think "rural" is probably redundant, since it is not a densely populated state. Anyways, good luck on your search!

Didn't you mention being a Leo ascendant? I think it was close to my Leo descendant at 18 degrees. I am pretty convinced that he's a Leo ascendant because of his look, the way his planets fall into the houses, and a dream I had. Since Jace owns a business (so does the guy I'm talking about) it helps to look at what planets would fall in the 10th house, ruler of the 10th, and aspects to the MC. If he took over a family business, maybe look to the 8th house as well, since it rules inheritances, family legacy, other people's resources, etc. Then again, it's only speculating, but this method was quite effective to rectify my ex's chart. I knew he had a pretty close Moon/Pluto opposition due to his crazy mom, and her manipulation and obsession with him. An energy she directs towards him, but not her other 2 sons. Lol! Luckily, I was able to find his actual birth time to verify it.

posted March 19, 2014 06:46 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by superman13:
Ceri, do you mind giving me your email?

I would like to send you it via private email if possible then you can look at it.

Thanks

I discussed this with iQ last night! he knows who i am!

BTW, i agree with iQ's posts on Page 94. It was very good as always

---

Yes, I gave IQ the permission to give you my email.

posted March 19, 2014 06:50 AM              

I mean these objects:

Saturn, NN, Vertex
KARMA, DESTINN
TYCHE, FORTUNA, MOIRA
UNION, ANGEL
SPIRIT, ALMA

also could you note if there are tight conjunctions (2 degree, please specify the exact ones somehow) of these fated objects from helio composite to tropical composite.

Something like helio composite Saturn conjunct tropical composite ASC exact.