posted October 09, 2016 04:25 PM              

yes, exactly like that.
Great example, too.

posted October 09, 2016 05:28 PM            

My mom's Uranus is conjunct my Nessus (2°09) and our relationship was HORRIBLE AWFUL during my teenage years, just rife with on and off bickering with two very strong personalities (she's an Aries Moon and I'm an Aqua Moon, a pairing that can be very self righteous at its worst). I'm sure most parents go through this phase with their teenagers, though. She made a lot of misguided decisions that ended up f*cking me over in the long haul, but I don't really resent her for it? Mostly because I know where her intentions were at and I know they weren't malicious.

In my current relationship his Nessus is conjunct my Sun (2°46) soooooo I guess I'll wait and see how that plays out eh?

I wonder how much one's natal Nessus plays a role in being subjected to horrible abuse?

posted October 09, 2016 05:32 PM            

On the other hand, those who did abuse me, have Nessus nowhere near, so there you go.

My husband's Nessus conjunct my Mars (1), trine Moon (1), conjunct Asc (4) and square Saturn (0).

He's the most loving, respectful and kind man to me, that I've ever met. He's never done anything abusive, verbally, physically or mentally. He's very sweet, always gives me compliments and very compromising.

posted October 09, 2016 05:45 PM            

I wonder what can be said about the strength and quality of the planet/point affected by Nessus.

I mean why is it always entirely Nessus' fault? There's a dynamic created between their Nessus and your planet. Your planet contributes to what it becomes. So...mind your planets.

Most romantic relationships are voluntary, so if there are warning signs and warning signs, and you're still there, and now it's abusive....and you're still there....you can't just blame the other person's Nessus.

So I even wonder what all the fear is about. Unless you're going on a blind date and think they'll strike hard the very first time, you should have plenty of time to bail before it gets really horrible.*

posted October 11, 2016 12:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Thanks everyone. All so interesting

I wonder what can be said about the strength and quality of the planet/point affected by Nessus.

I mean why is it always entirely Nessus' fault? There's a dynamic created between their Nessus and your planet. Your planet contributes to what it becomes. So...mind your planets.

Most romantic relationships are voluntary, so if there are warning signs and warning signs, and you're still there, and now it's abusive....and you're still there....you can't just blame the other person's Nessus.

So I even wonder what all the fear is about. Unless you're going on a blind date and think they'll strike hard the very first time, you should have plenty of time to bail before it gets really horrible.*

* Unless they spring an affair on you or something. But I wouldn't call that abuse. Typically people don't use those words interchangeably: "cheater" and "abusive."

---

I still believe that any one of us can manifest any aspect or placement in a higher-vibe way and/or at different levels---and I'm too much of an astrology skeptic to believe that everything that happens in life or relationships even shows up in the charts--I really do think, for example, that 100% of us have a Nesus natally, and 100% of us will run into people whose planets conjoin our Nessus, and far less than 100% of us are ever abusive in any relationship ever. There are people in the works who don't have abuse as a part of their story.

My ex (Nessus-Venus) was arguably emotionally abusivf towards me. Not just the lying, but the gaslighting and silent treatments afterwards rather than just coming clean. But he was NOT abusive by any legal definition, and (other than what I've mentioned above and how it affected me and that affected our daughter) has not been abusive in any way (physical, verbal, emotional, overt or covert) toward our daughter or used our shared parenthood to hurt me.

Someone in another thread reminded me that I'd said I felt "dehumanized" by the relationship and accused me of staying in an abusive relationship "for years"---it really rankled and angered me, because the relationship had no abuse red flags when we were first involved, and then we got back together and i still regarded him as one of the kindest, most trustworthy people I had ever met. When I learned he was a liar, we had a 6-month-old child together and I had been through a series of huge stresses and traumas right at that time, including that my mother was in the process of dying of a fast-moving terminal cancer. ex and I split up less than a year after that, and I have lived alone with my daughter, single and taking care of her full time while scrambling to make ends meet, for almost two years. I'm very ambivalent about not trying to make it work with my ex--but my other relationships have been overall trustworthy/respectful. I wouldn't be ambivalent about it at all if physical abuse had been part of the picture.

That said, to finally get back around to Faith's points----
A). in the descriptions I've read of awful Nessus relationships, that very blindsiding seems like it might be part of the pattern.....the connection with him felt beautifully warm and fuzzy, loving and trusting as well as passionate in the beginning. My intuition during my life has usually been about 98% spot on, but it never ever ever occurred to me that he might be lying. So being let down by my own intuition changed my entire life and sense of self in a very deep way....I was 40 when this happened.

Some things about the rekationship reminded me of descriptions I've read of psychopaths---but I've ended up discarding that armchair diagnosis over the last couple of years as I see how he parents our child.

So, "why the fear?" It's that the relationship pattern is potentially something that starts out feeling very healing....and the deep deep deep entrapment in it before you have ANY red flags is part of the pattern. By deep deep deep entrapment, I mean that part of the bad-Nessus-rekationship scenario may be that, because you feel that warm, fuzzy feeling of deep healing and total trust and connectedness, you end up in situations that leave you entangled, like owning a business together or having a child together.

B) @Faith, all of THAT said, it's interesting that as a person who trusted myself and was living as self-honestly and conscientiously as I could when all this hit, this dark, self-eroding relationship dynamic happened on my VENUS, a planet in my chart that I've never been too comfortable with, definitely a spot of natal vulnerability. If I had worked better with my Venus (and other 7h Cancer planets) before this happened, I wonder if this relationship would have played out differently---like maybe I would have better recognized the energy hitting me there, from the beginning?

Ami Anne wrote on a different thread that my theory that we can manifest our natals, transits or synastry on different levels, based on our personal level of work on ourselves, is "hubris"---and maybe she has a point. (She didn't mean I was being personally hubristic--she knows that I wasn't saying I'm super-evolved MYSELF----but I did think I was in a place in my human development where I would be tuned-in enough to pick up on someone deceiving me.)

Sorry this is so inarticulate and long-winded.

@Faith, The issues of breaking away from an abusive rekationship are complicated---I say this as a researcher, not so much as someone who got hurt in my Nessus-Venus relationship,. If someone bashes you repeatedly in the legs with a crowbar and breaks your legs, your legs are BROKEN and it takes them time to heal--even if you started out very healthy, and have very strong legs. It is part of the nature of the injury. Psychologically, the beating a victim takes by being in an abusive rekationship (especially a physically or sexually abusive one, more grey areas in other kinds of abusive) has the predictable and almost-universal effect of causing shame, defeat, trauma, inertia, depression and other severe psychological side effects---no less severe than bruising and fractured bone--that themselves make it hard to leave, the way it's hard, with broken legs that haven't been treated and set and put in casts, to scramble up and run off.

Astrology aside, abusive relationships normally follow a "toad in boiling water" pattern, where there are red flags that the abuser is controlling (he gets jealous and tries to keep you from going out with your friends, he gets mad and throws a plate across the room, he calls you "stupid" in anger) that escalate (you start walking on eggshells in terms of who you see and what you go out and do, because you don't want it make him mad; he hits you or your kid, he screams abusive things at you.). it's very rare that some abuser takes you on a first date and then beats you up outside the restaurant---if abusive relationships worked that way, "why the fear" would be a good question.

posted October 11, 2016 01:28 PM            

Because it's not like a guarantee that every Nessus relationship will end in abuse. We've seen examples here of situations where it doesn't play out that way. Could be because the Nessus person is spiritually mature, could be that the other person is spiritually mature or at least discerning and resilient against the peculiar nature of the "attack" (and chart factors can play into that as well).

My Nessus is semisextile Saturn and Ceres. If you are on my Nessus, you are on my Saturn/Ceres midpoint. So perhaps I will "abuse" by a kind of smother-mothering. "Do this, do that, it's good for you!"

Like with my brother-in-law, when he got sick. I was like "Can't you eat more vegetables, and stop drinking beer, and read more health books..."

The positive expression of Saturn/Ceres is just caring for a long, long time.

My point is just, consider the whole charts and the whole picture.

posted October 12, 2016 09:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Jounia:
My Partner's is conjunct my sun. Our relationship can be wonderful but also terrible. there are no in-betweens, ever.

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posted March 23, 2020 09:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
It can just be a deeper interest, or a sense of being intricately involved with the other person...

Another example, my brother-in-law got a stark diagnosis. I didn't even know him that well at the time, but I just couldn't help telling him flat-out: "Listen PLEASE take extra good care of yourself. I don't want you to die."
Basically I was like trying to grab hold of him and keep him on this earth, a very involved and direct approach, not leaving things to chance.

There's like a grabbiness with Nessus, I feel.

---

This is exactly what I did with a former partner I am in a complicated situation with (explained here: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/009915.html) when the doctors suspected he could have a severe illness. He contacted me for advice and I reacted as you did with your BIL.

I looked at our synastry http://i.imgur.com/dc7RW4R.png
and noticed his Nessus is conjunct almost exactly my natal Sun. Grabbiness yes but huge abuse potential too?

posted March 23, 2020 11:18 AM            

It makes no sense to me to say that a relationship is doomed or has a high potential for abuse based on one asteroid that was only recently discovered and randomly named Nessus.

My husband and I have Nessus conjunct sun double whammy within one degree in synastry which makes Nessus conjunct the sun exact in the composite. We also have a very good synastry and composite chart based on other aspects.

There has never been any abuse of any kind, and it has been the most loving and healthy relationship I've ever had.

posted March 23, 2020 02:32 PM            

Not always! It may just bring up moments where you catch yourself feeling or wanting to act or think that way, rather than impulsively acting it out.