posted August 23, 2017 01:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mystic Melody:
He stopped talking to you after losing his dream job because he was trying to process it on his own. Stereo-typically, men do NOT wish to talk about their self perceived "failures" in front of love interests. He likes you. But would you want to be with someone so immature that he lines up his next girlfriend before he ends it with his current girlfriend? It shouldn't matter if you show your interest or not, if he sees his own interest in you he should be ending it with her (or confessing his interest in you TO HER, in which case they would break up or she would surely ask him to stay away from you).

Pluto and 8th house is going to burn it down and rebuild. Your psyches or your lives or your ways of doing things. Embrace the agony and the lessons. I empathize. I really really do.

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Wow, was not expecting this thread to still be getting posts. Pretty cool though.

I don't believe he sees me as anything more than a friend. He certainly doesn't show any interest, except to spend time with me when he's either bored or has no plans, especially with the girlfriend. I mean, his usual greeting with me is a kiss on the cheek, but I'm assuming that's a friend/New York kind of culture-thing. I've never done that with a guy, more with my friends who are girls, but...*shrugs*. My co-workers, who have seen him do it multiple times, all assume(d) that we're dating, but I've had to tell them no...which leaves them oddly disappointed. Even people we meet for the first time at our workplace - or are just joining the workforce - say that we look cute together or have great chemistry or that they thought we were already dating. I continually have to tell people "No, we're not. He's got a girlfriend."

And no, for the record, I would not want to date someone like that. I want to be with someone who shows sincere interest in me, who makes time for me (and not because they're bored or don't have any other plans), and who doesn't confuse the hell out of me with wondering if he does have some modicum of attraction to me or not.

Sometimes I wonder if he's incapable of being without a relationship...of being truly alone. The girl he's dating...he says he's happy with her and that there are some feelings for her on his part, but that compared to the torch he still carries for another girl, they don't compare. It's kind of complicated to explain. Suffice it to say, the girl he really wanted to date (even marry, at one point) told him she loved him after he said it first...and then took it back the next day and got together with another guy. I talked about this with him a few weeks ago and he says he's basically carried this torch for the OTHER GIRL (let's call her D) for about 6 or 7 years and that it won't let him go, no matter how hard he tries. But it's also a very unhealthy, heavily karmic relationship...when he was in his teens, his heartache over the situation between him and D let him to doing very stupid, dangerous-to-his-physical-and-mental-and-emotional-health things. I looked over the composite chart between the two of them and noted that it was heavily dominated by Pluto and Neptunian themes (in not-so-good-ways), with some teeth-grinding-against-the-sound-of-nails-raking-down-a-chalkboard Saturn aspects. They also have Composite North Node in the 12th...which makes me believe that, sooner or later, this connection will have to dissipate or else make them feel chained and restricted, in a spiritual sense. They (him and D) haven't spoken in a year since she lied and disrespected him that way. She never even apologized...and I'm not sure whether or not he actually possesses the self-respect or self-love qualities enough to deal with D should she want to come back into his life. But that's not my problem or my choice to make.

He told me that when he was with D, that it was just so easy. From talking to hanging out and how they talked about marriage all the time...and I feel like smacking him sometimes and saying "You idiot! You do that with me so easily too!" Except for the marriage part...but I digress (and refrain from doing so altogether).

Funnily enough, in my own composite chart with him, there are similar aspects (especially with the Saturn ones), but not so heavily Neptunian. Our composite North Node is in the 11th, so I think we're only supposed to be friends in this life. Though I can admit that there are times when I see pictures of him and his girlfriend (or when I see the two of them together in person) that it does hurt. It hurt me immensely when he was talking to me about D. It felt like my heart was breaking in such a severe way...I wonder if I was even feeling his pain over that situation with D. When I described it to him, he said that's exactly what he'd been feeling for the past 6 or 7 years. Maybe I was...damn Moon in the 8th. Hate this constant "merging" feeling. It sucks.

And yes, I figured he needed time to process what had happened with his dream-job and how that opportunity was taken away from him. He opened up about it to me later...but then, he probably had talked it over with his girlfriend before he had with me. *shrugs* It does hurt at times that he tells me about doing things that I would like to do with him or partake of that he's involved with...but then goes and does them with his girlfriend. I have to remind myself that it's normal and that that's what's expected since they are dating anyway...I suppose that's part of the Plutonian elements going on here. Sometimes it's even felt like he's putting up walls or trying to create emotional distance between us, which I've felt at certain intervals recently.

He messaged me on Monday night, but I didn't reply at all. I just wanted time to myself and not feel like I was smothering myself or overwhelming my emotional and mental self by being around him too much (I'd seen him at work earlier). Plus I felt a little angry at him since it felt like he was being both emotionally distant and itching for a fight...and I just wanted to not be available for his every beckons and whim. I went to the beach yesterday and didn't think of him much at all. Today, I wake up and after an hour or two, he messages me again to see "what I'm doing." But he's bored and doesn't know what to do with himself is all...and it's funny, as well as pathetic, because here I'm thinking that I can ignore him the next time he messages me...but it's like there's this craving to talk to him, to bond with him. I think he might feel that way too...like we can't go long without talking to each other, even if it's a minute-long conversation, just to sustain this gnawing connection between us. It almost reacts like a physical pain, at least in me, if the time limit goes beyond three days and it gets obsessive. Though it seems to be abating now that we've talked today for a few minutes...like unyielding magnetism. *shudders*

Ugh. I'm not made for this kind of stuff. I'm a Gemini, dammit. I want to be like the wind and be free and careless and go where I please, when I please it, without feeling so tied down (especially with all the feelings). I don't want to feel this way or be involved with Plutonian elements...unless it's in the good, healthy-bonding, sexy ways of synastry (or the composite).

And yes, for the record, colorful butterfly, Venus in someone's 8th House has been described as that in the endless pursuit of research that I've done for it (along with other house overlays). Certainly having my Venus in his 8th House feels very much like unconditional love. I've never really felt this before for another person, especially for a member of the opposite sex. I acknowledge that he has flaws and that he's not perfect and that yes, he will make me angry or annoy me or upset me...but generally, I just can't help adoring his heart and soul (Which is a first for me as I am more inclined to be attracted to someone based on physical appearances first). He doesn't see himself as a "totally" good person, but I genuinely see that there is a vast amount of good in him, if not just perhaps darker and more cynical due to his mentality and humor. I see the potential in him to be a very good person and to learn to be at peace with himself, which he seems to be sometimes.

So yeah...that's what's been going on thus far. Maybe it's just a summer thing and now that fall is upon us, maybe things will shift back to a more platonic/non-visiting-at-all-hours-of-the-night/non-intimate-bonding thing...or at least I hope so. *sigh* I'm not sure how much more "merging" I can take...I do not like Pluto and his psyche/soul/livelihood rebirthing ways.

posted September 15, 2017 06:18 PM            

I find myself feeling very confused and, to be honest, feeling a bit hurt. Lately, my guy friend has been distant with me. The same guy that I've been talking about since I started this thread.

He hardly talks to me anymore outside of work. During our work hours together, he'll talk about movies or music with me, but that's all it is now. I feel like, intuitively, there's either a lack of interest on his part or some kind of wall he's put up. The last two times we hung out, his girlfriend was with us. He no longer goes out of his way to come see me or suggest taking walks together. There's a lack of emotional depth and intimacy, which is hurtful to me. I suppose that's because I'm the lunar one out of the two of us...

But I'm curious - does the 8th House/Pluto influence gradually fade away between two people or does it wax and wane?

I mean, he usually tells me when something is bothering him, whether it's a minor annoyance or something that makes him angry or upset...but now I wonder if I've done something or said something that may have...turned him off, so to speak, from opening up to me or wanting to hang out with me. His girlfriend's birthday was this past Monday and he took her bar hopping. As soon as I got out of work, he invited me out with them for one last stop for drinks. It just seemed odd to me, since it was HER birthday and I would think, as his girlfriend, she would want to spend it just with him. They didn't have any other friends with them or mentioned being out with other friends of theirs. And I haven't heard a peep out of him since, in terms of talking to me one-on-one. Is his normal? Did I miss something in the synastry that would indicate this kind of thing happening? I feel a little lost and unsure of what to do. Thank you all, again, for listening and commenting on my pathetic woes.

posted September 18, 2017 03:38 AM            

I've met a woman at my work with similar charateristics as the guy your describing, except her Sun, Mercury, Uranus, and Neptune are in my 8th House, her planet's are in Aquarius, my 8th House starts in Capricorn, she doesn't really talk much, I have to do all the work just to keep a conversation going, and all those I listed but her Neptune are trine my Moon in Libra. We also have a tight Mars(her) conjunct Pluto(me) in Scorpio along with a tight sexstile to my Venus in Virgo and Neptune in Capricorn, my Neptune sexstiles her Venus in Pisces, and then her Venus opposes my Venus forming a "Cradle" configuration.

I'm still trying to figure out if their is any potential with us too, but we also have Saturn(her) conjunct North Node(me) in Aries, so I think that's blocking us, also her Venus, Mars, and Pluto all parallel my South Node as well, you should check the declinations in your synasty with this guy, it might tell you more of the story.

posted September 18, 2017 06:15 AM            

If in a couple of years time you were both single and tried out a relationship, do you think you would be able to trust him, had he pursued you whilst in a relationship?

Personally speaking I try to never develop, or encourage feelings for somebody when they are in a relationship with another. Simply because I know how I'd feel if I was the other party.

posted September 20, 2017 10:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by waxlobster:
I'm glad to hear he's being more loyal to his girlfriend.

If in a couple of years time you were both single and tried out a relationship, do you think you would be able to trust him, had he pursued you whilst in a relationship?

Personally speaking I try to never develop, or encourage feelings for somebody when they are in a relationship with another. Simply because I know how I'd feel if I was the other party.

If there is something between you and this guy then something will happen in the future. In the meantime maybe date people who are single?

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I've BEEN that other party before, though it was never outright confirmed that I was cheated on by my ex. The girl he got together with, after not even properly dumping me, is now married to him and they have a son. I've long been over that and its non-conclusive state, but yeah...been there, done that, don't want that to happen to anybody or wish that upon anybody. I never meant to develop feelings for this guy, but after having him seek me out for two months and build a real connection with me (in the middle of the night), that's something I consider normal. What's not normal is the situation...and I'm also aware that I could be overthinking and over-feeling with the whole situation.

It just generally makes me mad and confused and upset that he goes from being one way with me to acting another way. He no longer talks to me, except to drop a few lines here and there about random things once in a while (or he just drops the conversation altogether or comes across as very restrained, which again, could be overanalyzing on my part), and he no longer looks to spend any time with me...unless his girlfriend is with us. Which is just weird. He wanted to go to the movies on Sunday, while he was out to dinner with her, and he invited me...after having me out with drinks with them (JUST the two of them) on her 21st birthday. Everyone I've asked, concerning that situation, found it absurdly weird. They find it extremely strange that he wants me to act like a third wheel...

And no, I wouldn't have trusted him. Hell, I'm not even sure I trust him at all right now. And no, there's no guarantees about him having feelings for me or wanting to act on those feelings, if he does have them, or maintaining that interest in me or not (even while being with me) or even STILL having feelings for 'D,' who is not his girlfriend. I feel like I could kick myself and like I'm such an idiot for allowing myself to open up to someone with all of his immature baggage. Yeah, he's made my life a little more fun and bearable, being where I am, but I feel like I've been immersed in some dramatic ******** that I'm just not interested in.

I've been in a situation where I put myself on the back burner once, for a guy, when he was getting over an ex-girlfriend (this was high school) and I SOOOOOO do not want to go through that again either. So, it may be bad-timing on my part, his part (or not), or just not meant to be at all.

I also don't know if he stopped talking to me because of his girlfriend or because he just lost interest...and I'm just done. I feel so ready to just not deal with him ever again, which may be dramatic or whatever, but he (and this whole situation) is SO not what I need. Of course it's my stupid heart that likes to stew in hope and whatnot, despite the angry rantings of my mind. I don't know...maybe I'm making too much of a big deal about all of this. Stupid His-Venus-Being-In-My-12th-House. Anyway...thanks for your input.

Also, dating is kind of a non-option for me as I lack a sustainable salary and don't really get out much to meet anybody else. I wasn't even counting on meeting somebody like him! Let alone thinking he existed somewhere in this hellhole I live in (NY). Plus I'm not really a casual dater or someone who jumps into dates with random people. I'm the old-fashioned sort.

posted September 29, 2017 11:13 PM            

I've had it. I'm literally done with how he's been treating me, or not treating me, for that matter.

He's confusing with his signals when he's around me. Everyone I've consulted with, regarding our "relationship" and how he's acted towards me these past few months versus now, all say the same thing: "he's confused and doesn't know what he wants."

He'd asked me to go to the movies with him and his girlfriend. Last minute, the plans got cancelled. No big deal. Says I'm coming with them when they do make arrangements to go and see it and that he'll let me know what those details are later on. So I wait to hear from him and figure we'll go when he's on vacation from work. He got 8 days off for vacation and stayed at home, supposedly, during the majority of it.

Doesn't. Contact me. At. All.

Except for this past Saturday morning (his last day off), at 3AM, when he's drunk and I'm still up, due to my usual night-owl tendencies. He messages me, says he feels great because he's drunk, but then notices how I'm being curt and not my usual happy-caring-talkative self when he does talk to me. Asks me if I'm fine, how I'm doing, what was happening at work. I say "Yeah, I'm fine;" he doesn't believe me, and then I reply that I'm fine again and promptly say goodnight.

Days later, when he's back at work, I sort-of figure he's probably already seen the movie and just forgot to include me. But it was a back-burner type of feeling, you know? Like I was still holding onto some hope that he hadn't and would remember that I wanted to go see it too. Today, he confirmed it aloud to my face and told me not to waste my money because the movie wasn't that good. And it was...so incredibly hurtful. I felt like crying because he never even took the time to consider me at all or talk to me; nothing. That's not something you to do somebody, whether they're a friend or something more. You don't leave someone hanging out to dry like that. He also criticized my inability to go out and do stuff, which he doesn't understand since he's got his own car, makes more money than me, and grew up in the greater NY area and knows where he's going at all times. And not once, after seeing that I was upset later on today, did he think he had anything to do with it. He even tried to hug me, to make me feel better, to which I moved away and said "NO."

At this stage, I honestly don't know what I found remotely attractive about him. I don't want him around me. I try to be distant with him when I'm talking, but he keeps poking around or trying to get my attention or getting me to sit down with him at work. He practically follows me, everywhere I go. And I'm just...I'm done. I don't need this in my life; irrefutable, unbreakable bond or not. I want to push him away and never be bothered with him again. I'm grateful to him for the reminders he's shown me: to be brave, more independent, more adventurous, but other than that, I don't need him. I don't need this hurt, this confusion, or this inconsideration and immaturity. It's not even worth having him as an acquaintance at work. I'm done.

If that's part of the synastry or if this is part of some kind of transit, I don't even care anymore. I want him gone. Banished from life. Back to the shadows of whatever rock he crawled out from under. I feel like such a ******* and like I could just kick myself for letting myself get emotionally entangled with someone who's still got his training wheels on, emotionally, and letting myself be open to this stupid heartache.

posted September 30, 2017 03:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by erickaf:
Your stellium in his 8th house in Gemini...this is difficult in synastry. I'd prefer water or earth but air could make you both very fearful or uncomfortable with intimacy.

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There wasn't any fear whatsoever when he first opened up to me. Or when I was able to open up to him, during the summer months when we were really digging deep into each other's souls and minds. Spending days talking about everything and anything and trying to see each other whenever possible. Since the beginning of this month, all communication or quality time (where it was more intimate, I suppose) has stopped. I don't feel like I can trust him, that he's just playing mind games with me, whether he's aware of it or not. It physically pains me now to be around him and now I would just rather not, altogether. Maybe that's because we Gemini's are of a duel nature *shrugs*. I don't care anymore. He's shown me nothing but inconsideration; taking me for granted, and at twenty-three, he just doesn't know what he wants. Which is fine, it's whatever. That's where he's at emotionally and I just...have no time for this. I'm not into this whole emotional manipulation thing, which I guess doesn't even occur to him or faze him since he's a Scorpio Rising, with both his Pluto and NN in Scorpio and conjunct his Ascendant. He's confusing and hurtful and I'm just...I'm done. I don't want or need this in my life - it's already hard and complicated enough without all of this BS and unnecessary drama. Thanks for your response.