posted August 30, 2022 11:08 AM            

In 2019 we met again, and from the get go again we connected very quickly, and my emotions were fire from then since. I've ended up knowing her place(no sex), and had a jam together in a cultural centre. We talked a few times of many things, but I was deep in the chaos of depression and despair to get to something more. Since then I use a small gift she gave me as an accessory for my electric guitar.

Then we drifted as the pandemic started, she went back to her hometown 300 km away from mine, And I started to clean myself spiritually from many pains and burdens. But every once in a while I had her in my thoughts, dreaming of meeting again, in better sprits to enjoy with her as I know it could.

Then after a few vivid dreams of her, giving me cold eyes and seeing her dating someone else(ended up happening somehow for a while, wild I guess) I started to wonder if we'll ever meet again, but I never lost hope...

And just a few weeks ago, we met again at last, now both, changed from very intense psychedelic trips (Ayahuasca trips), better with their respective lives, more in tune with their arts. We had a great night together, talking bout old times, new times, drink a few drinks, danced a few steps in the middle of a street party. Probably it was one of the best times I've had with a woman beyond carnal connections and one time stands.

Now soon I'll do a few things to be more around her, like her taking a photoshoot for one of my bands, as my band will release a LP very soon (She said yes already), and plan a gig that friends will play acoustic stuff to have a try to play a few things together, so let's see where things go.

That's the thing, I can feel that either we'll end up as great friends, or great lovers, but need to how to swim the depths of love again, as it's been a long time since my emotions flared up intensely.

Few tibits:
- Very united when together, very merged I must say
- Very cold when friends are around
- Very similar ways ot thinking, of experiencing things.
- I feel very exposed when she's around, like I couldn't hide a single thing from her, she reads my eyes like only the very close of me do(through years of adventures)

I feel now as my life is shining and at its peak, I want to give myself the opportunity to do what I still couldn't, be vulnerable with someone, to give myself the opportunity to try, to open up my core and go where abyss and heaven are just in a delicate thin line.
I want give my heart a chance for love, I'm not getting any younger. And yes, she might be somebody special, but I must be careful and easy going, I do want her in my life, not going to do anything wild and restless to complicate things.

/end sentimental rant

And here are the charts

Synastry

Natal Charts

Composite

posted August 30, 2022 08:39 PM            

For the images to show up you need to take off the "s" from "https".

You have a significant synastry in terms of romantic and committed relationship, as her Juno/Lilith is conjunct your Venus in your 7th house, your nodes square to her Saturn, her Moon sextile your Saturn, all elements of potential romantic committment/involvement... her North Node conjunct your Jupiter and trine to North Node/Uranus, you have a powerful mind connection...

The Composite is also very significant... Sun conjunct Moon (wow) sextile to saturn and to North Node... this is obviously why you feel you have known her since ever... there is clearly a fated feeling of strong and intimate familiarity between the two since the first meeting. Pluto conjunct Venus and Juno (wow again), and the Sun-Moon/Venus-Juno midpoint conjunct Eros sextile Psyche, a strong "Soulmate" feeling". With Venus/Pluto/Juno here sextile to MC you clearly share artistic activity and collaboration, but potentially an intense committed union also at romantic level. Chiron is exactly sextile to Pluto/Lilith, another very intense and karmic aspect at intimate level, this is why you feel "exposed" with her and can't hold anything back from her... There are all elements for an intense relationship which looks quite transformative at inner level.
Saturn is square Jupiter though, so there's an element of instability or signal that this karmic meeting is not meant to last forever. Maybe there is a "secluded" aspect in your relationship, since Saturn is in the 11th house, you may feel more at ease to spend time alone with her rather than in social environments.
The Venus-Mars midpoint is square to Chiron so maybe there is some kind of unbalance in your feelings for each other, this resonates with the feeling of "merging" together, even though maybe this is not always mutually felt at the same time or with the same intensity.
In any case, yes, the relationship looks significant and special.

posted August 31, 2022 10:38 AM            

Thank you very much for responding, yay for fellow musicians/astrology fans lml.

I also see some interesting markers

- Her Eros/Psyche conjunct my stellium
- Also her Chiron conjunct my Scorpio stellium
- A Venus/pluto and Venus/Lilith DW (hence the conjunction I guess)
- Opposite moon phases
- Also Uranus square AC in composite, must explain why we're in a same timespace for a while then we drift from each other's lives constantly, took 3 years to see her again.

I'll make sure this time to do all the things I want to do with her, as she's one of the few people that is always up for some adventure, and art as well, because you never know, we may drift apart again if things left just drifting you know

posted September 23, 2022 02:51 PM            

I'm starting slowly to get close to her, to create adventures, experiences, good times...

Of course I'm dealing with the most difficult thing of my life, to learn to be vulnerable with someone, even if it leads to something or not. Lust and adventure were good, but an honest connection, deeper, gentle, warmer is what I look now.

Last week I invited her to a gig of mine, because she's the last from all the people I know that haven't see me do my stuff, she didn't came to the gig but she appeared way after the show, to see if I was there and to have a beer or two. By sheer confindence I ask her to take a picture with me, and she accepted, and the close contact with each other made me so ******* happy, I felt that things were to be good, but I didn't want to hurry things, and she had to travel to her hometown so we said our goodbyes, and I invited to the next gig that happened yesterday.

I texted her again to confirm that she could go, and no response, zero, nothing...

It kinda confused me and made me sad, but at the same time I had a dream a few days ago that my soul was singing her name, it felt very powerful, so I do feel that should take things with patience and be as calm as possiblem cause she's as a drifter as I am, and she's as much as growing intensely as I am, so she deserves space.

posted December 25, 2022 09:58 AM            

She's single now, but for the first time in my adult life, because of my overload of emotions I ended up running from her in a concert I did with my band, I almost couldn't even play that show because of the inmense anxiety. She found out my feelings but instead of accepting it, I ran away.

posted December 25, 2022 10:44 AM            

thank you soo much for sharing your poetic human story. It adds real life to our astrology sharing and gives so much back.

And thanks very much for including the aspect grid!

I see that your synastry has very close aspects; even many at 0 degrees which creates pizzazz. I like to see the Saturn with 0 degrees to those personal planets of hers too.

I also see there are many "nice" aspects, and DW with Moon and Sun. All this nice aspects maybe not tense enough to start the spark. You don't want her to friendzone you, right. Or see you like a brother. Often this can happen with nice aspects, and also Moon and Sun contacts.

Saturn can be quite "parental" too. With your Saturn aspects to her personal planets, you may come across as parental. Or, a safe place to land. A foundation that provides stability for her (while she looks elsewhere). Also if you are older, too, this may be more likely. But this may not be sexy.. some girls like a bad boy, not safe parent.

Her Jupiter on your Moon is a great feeling - especially if you have been depressed? It's benevolence for sure.. But more in a brother/sisterhood way.. not so much sparky lovers way.

At young ages, often passion is required (spark) to create the attraction and adventure for love.

Also, attractive appearance, no matter the astrology. You've got to be punching your own weight, and if not, leverage somewhere else, lol.

Chiron to Sun and Mars, Juno on your Venus - all are good and bit more intense. I'd like to see node action from her, and more tense aspects from outer planets, and generally really.

Having seeing all this blue (I think that I need my sunglasses it's so blue everywhere), the next step to take might be to look at your natals separately and assess if possible, what she is looking for and if you fit her type.

It can also be examined what is the exchange in the synastry that may be benefit, in contrast to challenges or voids in the natals. Eg, if you don't have strong Jupiter in your own chart, and you get it strong from a synastry, you will be very attracted to that person who gives you that energy.

Thanks so much for sharing a beautiful situation! Good luck with your LP release :P

posted December 25, 2022 11:23 AM            

Here are the natals

I've known this great woman for years, yes, we always kind of have this sort of kindship, with the potential for something more, she wanted to do music with me, but I was very much in my own personal hell at the time and it was impossible to me then to open up more to her, now it seems is the other way now, it's like her ayahahuasca trip did created more issues with her than healing, she's not having a good time emotionally.

We have a good combination of soft and hard aspects

quote:

---

Originally posted by LF DX:

- Her Eros/Psyche conjunct my stellium
- Also her Chiron conjunct my Scorpio stellium
- A Venus/pluto and Venus/Lilith DW (hence the conjunction I guess)
- Opposite moon phases
- Also Uranus square AC in composite, must explain why we're in a same timespace for a while then we drift from each other's lives constantly, took 3 years to see her again.

---

posted December 25, 2022 11:50 AM            

The natals look interesting!

You both have the Sun square Moon. I'm guessing you will both recognise this in each other.

You both have the Moon square Sun and will sense this. Her Mars in Pisces, and Venus in Cap goes will with your Venus square Neptune and trine Saturn. And her venus trine Moon is like a reflection of your Venus in Libra.

Honestly, there's so much good here my initial comments stand: you need the spark to kick things off.

If you've been taking psychedelics (alcohol).. why have you not fallen into each other yet?

When you were depressed, all those years ago, have you opened up to her about this - have you had that level of intimacy? Like, as friends?

Honestly, I cannot say more. I hope someone else will have a go. My guess is that you are both falling into friend zone since there is no grit?

posted December 26, 2022 04:47 PM            

She was a far more socially active a few years ago, before her ayahuasca trip, and she tried to get close to me, but I was impossible to reach in those days, had a deep shutdown with women at that time, and not enough, I tried to tell her, but I couldn't.

Psychedelics opened up things for me, but took time to really understand what I've received, for her it closed her off quite a bit.

And I'm an attractive guy haha, I just lack the proper self-esteem to fully enjoy the perks of being a musician, have a lifetime difficulty of creating deep connections with women, and she has difficulties with frienships with men too, as she's a very beautiful woman and men fell for her instantly.

I think neither did a thing because we were basically mirrors of our insecurities, just as things were heating up, we drifted apart, now we're distant.

https://imgur.com/a/ApRxJX3

And to close things for now, a picture of us a few months ago, not putting the IMG thing because I don't want to, don't quote this pls!!

posted January 19, 2023 07:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by sassaqua:

Note to StoneMoon: pssst, get over here and check out this composite

---

A bump to continue this chaotic story

I've finally met again this lovely lady at the birthday party of a common friend of ours, her childhood friend who's also the gf of one of my close friends. I was invited to play harp on the band of my friends and let's say it was a surprise to see her again, as I thought she was in her hometown and that she wouldn't be around my town for a while yet, I simply could not control myself, her presence overwhelms me so much, I did everything in my power to distance myself from her even if I wanted to do the opposite. As she was the photographer of the event, I almost couldn't play the gig, but I did it. I can say that she's the first person ever to make me feel insecure in my sacred space (the stage), the one place I can feel invincible, twice already.

The thing is, I feel very exposed with her, it's like she can see the depths of my soul, and I just simply at this point lose control of myself when she's around, something that only happened once in my life with my first soulmate, and the only defensive mechanism I know is to push her away, and I even told my friends when I was drunk that I was going to self-destroy the connection, that I'm going to make her hate me, the problem is, she's now more involved in my community again, so many of my places are compromised with this madness.

No other girl has made feel so deeply, so intensely, and no one has pushed me or triggered me like this, I know this connection is in a limbo that I'm the one who can save this, but now I feel in a self-destructive mode, hard to handle.

posted January 19, 2023 01:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LF DX:

No other girl has made feel so deeply, so intensely, and no one has pushed me or triggered me like this, I know this connection is in a limbo that I'm the one who can save this, but now I feel in a self-destructive mode, hard to handle.

One of the interesting dynamics, probably because of the Jupiter-Saturn square in the composite is that when I met her last year, I was vibrant and she was down and blue, recovering from her ayahuasca trip, and now I'm deep in sorrows and she seems content and more uplift now, it's like we can never be on the same vibe properly. It sucks.

---

posted January 20, 2023 12:31 PM            

Holy crap, those are quite intense and quite separating transits there. I'm not sure if we're going to handle well that chaotic energy, but I'll do my best.

Yeah, I realize that I need to cool down because I know I'm going to meet her more often again, and there's a lot more now on stakes, and time is running out.

I decided to start kundalini yoga as a way to calm down my energies and find a way to regain clarity to heal this connection, and also started to repair the relationships with my mother and my sister, that were scarce to non-existent since my childhood. Let's say that these intense energies are making me realize the extent that past traumas have influenced me in my way to treat women, to always self-sabotage relationships, over and over again, and thanks to the therapy I'm doing, I now have enough self-reflection to make steps to change it, I don't know if it will be with her though, but I know that with her I want to start to do things differently, I want to be at peace with her, I want her in my life, I don't want to fck this connection.

posted February 02, 2023 10:21 AM            

Now with a few weeks of going through this deep healing I can think and express a few things more properly.

I've been doing almost daily yoga sessions, and the forgiveness I did to my family is showing me that this path I've chosen is doing me good. Also, I'm starting to read a book about relationship attachments that will make me understand more about my own self-sabotaging patterns and how to be more expressive and less avoidant with sharing my emotions with women. I haven't had this kind of deep change in a long time, and it feels great to open up the deepest part of myself at last, and to do two of the most important messages I've got on my ayahuasca trip, to forgive and make a relationship with my mother and my sister, and to learn how to love myself. Of course these two things were the most difficult to experience because of my childhood traumas and the resentment I had over my past issues, my family and my own life experience, but it's no surprise that because of this woman, I can have the chance now to start something new for me, that no matter what happens, it's a life changing experience that will transform me into experiencing life to the fullest.

I also have to recognize the fact that even with the potentials of this connection, I always kept my distance of her because I had an intense fear to develop feelings for her, and I didn't want to fck with her with my intense tribulations of the time, as I had another karmic connection that broke my spirit and left me with lots of anger and resentment torwards women for quite a while, and this woman was the one that got away in those years. I feared to do music with her as I felt that connecting with her would bring many things I tried to avoid and deny because of the previous experience, and because back then I was very ego-driven and I would be very abrassive and controlling to her, I recognize now my part of this circling around, but never doing my part to really put the effort to connect on a deeper level. Also when a friend told me about her finding about my feelings, I lost it, I couldn't control on how I felt after that, the humiliation and embarrassment of her finding out through gossip, as for a while already, most of what happens between us is through the world(friends), never between us, and it sucks that two people that should resolve their problems easily with each other can't really have a sincere conversation on feelings.

And honestly, as this cicle started, I didn't put the effort I've promised myself because of feeling very insecure of these emotions, and because she was very guarded and protecting herself of connecting with people at the time, and I knew that intensity was not the way to do things. And even with the apparent mutual energy I still feared to do more, as I've never have a girlfriend and I do have a fear of relationships because of my traumas, So I didn't allow myself to flow with my emotions with her.

But, the most frustrating thing is that with everyone and everything else, these emotions were a catalyst of so many wonderful things in my life that I still can't comprehend how this can't go any further than what it is. It's the first time in years I've felt deep love, I felt the openness of something that will change my life, I've never felt connected with all things like I do now, I'm making a record, so raw, so vulnerable, so fragile that amazed, scared and make my friends worried about what I'm going to release. And, now in the tough times, the sensation of destroying this connection made me make intense changes to calm my sprit. It feels dissappointing to not make her part of all of this.

posted April 16, 2023 10:35 AM            

Yesterday I've met with her again in the same spot we generally hang in my city. Let's say that I fought intensely with the anxiety I have when she's around, And after a long time, I had a pretty good time with her last night. Nothing major happened, but she sang in front of the stage in a long time, and it made me very happy to see her slowly regaining her glow in life again, and I took a shot at playing harmonica as well, then after a whilel she told me she loves me (as "te quiero" in spanish not "te amo") And I did the same after I said goodbye.

As Eloquent Sky from personal readings said to me

quote:

---

Originally posted by @eloquent__sky:

Hello,

She likes you back, but her emotions surprise her, and she could be attempting to pull herself back and show restraint.

Best,

---

After the hell I've been through, to be good with her again and finally facing my anxieties a bit was quite rewarding, all that I've learned since doing yoga, which has helped me to regain calm was successful. I'm still unsure what to do next, but it looks like there's a light at the end of the tunnel for this story. There's still the pending conversation about my feelings, and the upcoming LP I'm making thanks to the emotions I have for her, she must know soon all that I've experienced since I fell in love with her.