posted June 12, 2011 04:30 AM            

I was reading this article recently about the astrology of relationships, and it brought up the notion of the 5th house representing how we give love, and the 11th representing how we receive it…

Astrologically this seems makes sense when you look at derivative houses…

If we want to explore our expectations of how our partners will express their love to us, we would then take the Dsc (our partner), and turn it around so that it is our Asc. If the 5th house is supposed to represent the giving of love then we would look at the ‘new’ 5th house to see how our partner would, in theory, be expressing love to us. As it happens, the 5th house form the 7th house is always our natal 11th house. So the symbolic 5th house of our partner is represented via the characteristics of our 11th house… That is, our natal 11th house reveals a lot about the type of attention we want to receive in an ideal romance, and what types of expectations we have of our partner during courtship. The 11th also represents what is understood as loving behavior and appreciation in general, and how it is perceived…

The 5th house seems to represent what characteristics we are attracted to, who inspires our heartfelt feelings of adoration, who impresses and fascinates us the most, and how we in turn express these special feelings that we have for that person… when someone acts like your 5th house they inspire your love…

While the 11th house seems to represent what types of behaviors and situations that make us feel the most loved and appreciated by another, what makes us most grateful for another’s attention and caring, our fantasies of how love should be given, and who falls in love with us… when someone acts like your 11th house the make you feel loved…

Another way to think about it is that the 5th house cusp represents the show and the performance, or in other words, our self-expression when we are trying to impress somebody… while the 11th house cusp represents the observation of our performance, our audience, and the response we most hope to achieve from that one we are trying to impress.

When you look at the signs Leo and Aquarius, again, you can see how this dynamic works. Leo is all about passionate self-expression, and experience, while Aquarius is about objectivity and observation. Leo represents the star who puts on a display looking for love and appreciation from those people in the world, with the capacity to appreciate them the most. Aquarius represents the audience, the rest of humanity, and the objective observers who receive this performance. Aquarians are the people watchers of the zodiac (there’s a reason why they say this sign rules astrology!). Of course, some audience members will love what Leo has to offer and others will not. Going back to houses, the symbolism of the 11th house tends to represent the type of response we want the most from the audience to our 5th house self-expression. When people act towards us in a way reminiscent of our natal 11th house, they make us feel special and validated. The 11th house symbolizes our ideals concerning how we would like to be loved, and what types of treatment feel loving to us.

When I looked at my own chart I started to see how this made sense….

LOVE GIVEN

My 5th house cusp is Aries ruled by Mars in Leo. And it is certainly true that fiery bold people really impress me. The childlike innocence and generous nature of these two signs truly has the ability to tug at my heartstrings, and their courage thrills and excites me. Also, I have noticed that when I am in love or even just really impressed with somebody, I am more inclined to act courageously on their behalf as a token of my affection. This is so, even though in general terms I am a Capricorn with Moon in Cancer, and am actually quite shy and cautious. The initial stages of flirting and courtship tend to make want to be more bold and confronting. By stepping out of my comfort zone in this way, I am showing that you inspire me, and are worth the extra effort because of your special place in my heart… If I love you, I will do daring things for you that I’d usually shy away from, because you are THAT important to me…

LOVE RECEIVED

My 11th house cusp is Libra, ruled by Venus in Sagittarius, with Pluto in Libra and Uranus in Scorpio falling into this house. And, yes, I have noticed that when a guy is courteous and considerate (Libra) with me, and yet also direct and humorous (Sagittarius) it really makes me feel cared for. I also love it when a guy is able to introduce me to new people and experiences, show me around, and treats me like a good friend…. Like he accepts me for how I am, not matter how quirky and unusual I may be (I mean I’m into astrology, the paranormal, and all kinds of other new age things, and yes I do feel a little quirky at times). I want someone who is cool with me being the unique individual that I am and in fact actually prefers me that way. It makes me feel really appreciated. I’m pretty sure that this part comes form Uranus in the 11th.
Then there’s Pluto in the 11th , and I must admit that when someone is very curious about me and honestly tries to compassionately (Pluto is sextile Neptune) understand me at a deeper, more psychological level, I really do take it as a compliment and am touched. That is, as long as they are patient and allow me to reveal myself as I’m ready. I also just drink it up when a guy is able to demonstrate that he has passionate and intense feelings toward me, and is even a little obsessed… not in a psycho kind of way!… I just like to know that he feels strongly for me, and really wants to get in close and know me intimately… that’s Pluto for ya.

You’ll probably notice that the discussion of my 11th house is a little longer then the one on my 5th house, and that’s probably because my 5th house in empty, except for the south node, while the 11th house contains two planets and the north node. Placements in the 5th house seem to highlight a preoccupation with people whom you adore, and your own personal self expression, and placements in the 11th seem to place more of an emphasis on attaining a sense of belonging, and receiving the specific type of attention that you desire.

Below is an excerpt from an essay by a professional astrologer named Eleanor Buckwalter, and parts of it touch on some of the themes I’ve been getting at…

***

“Our intimate relationships are associated with the 4th, 5th and 8th houses (in my opinion the 7th too). Eleventh house associates are friends with whom we have relationships that are cooler and more objective. With these people, there is sympathy, understanding and good feeling --fellowship. With little or no emotional involvement, there is less ego and co-dependency. Our social circle is a network of unrelated individuals whom we encounter beyond the level of our inward struggles and the security and entanglement issues of family and marriage. It is often a blessed respite to spend time “hanging out” in the 11th house! With the 5th house of love, romance, passion and risk, there is a lot of ego. Our lover, or child, better be and behave the way we want! Our 11th house friends can be just the way they are and we can easily tolerate their opinions, quirks and foibles. The 5th house is the “star” of the show, while the 11th house is the whole production company with all the individual artists and technicians contributing their creative talents to the group, thus making the artistic performance possible. That is synergy; the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

The 11th house is where we experience belonging and being loved. The 5th house is where and how we give love. From the 11th, we see how we receive love, and the feeling of being loved by others. It shows the characteristic qualities of attitude and behavior that we tend to interpret or misinterpret as loving. If poorly aspected planets such as Mars or Saturn tenant the l11th, our ideas of loving behavior may be dysfunctional. Anger, cruelty, harshness and rigidity may ‘feel’ like love.

The different signs on the 11th house cusp give a general indication about what an individual may consider “loving.” Self-assertive openness is loving to Aries; comfort and sensuality does it for Taurus; talking and listening is love for Gemini. A sentimental card, a box of chocolates, being introduced to his family lets Cancer know you care. Leo believes you love him if you are having a lot of fun together. Virgo feels loved when you help her clean her garage and take her car in for service. Being fair, being nice and looking good does the trick for Libra; get intense and take a chance with Scorpio and he’ll think you are hot for him. Appreciate the wisdom of Sagittarius and let her teach you how to show your loving feelings. Be clear, punctual and above all, show respect to make Capricorn feel cared for; Aquarius knows you love her when you give her space, freedom and delight her with surprise encounters. A little candlelight, music and a really good bottle (or two) of wine will make Pisces feel cherished.

When we give others what they can receive, in ways they can accept, we make them feel loved by being demonstrative in accordance with their charts (their 11th house cusps as well as their Moon signs).”

***
In conclusion, the 5th house shows whom you adore and how you adore them, while the 11th house shows the type of attention you are looking for from those who love you. If you were to peek at your partner’s 5th house you would likely see through Synastry the reasons they initially fell in love with you. And if you were to peek at their 11th house, you would see what type of attention they desire from you the most… and Synastry may also show how you are able to fulfill them on this level. If your planets influence someone’s 5th house you become like a ‘star’ to them, and you inspire their passionate interest. However, If your planets influence someone’s 11th house then you become like the appreciative audience to their own ‘performance’ and have what it takes to make them feel special and appreciated.

Synastry example: Your Moon in someone’s 5th house causes them to adore the vulnerable child in you, but, in turn, your Mercury sextile their 11th house ruler means that things you say help them to feel appreciated.

Okay people, please come on and let me know if this info fits for you in your own life and relationships? And give examples if you have any, I’d love to hear from you all!

posted June 12, 2011 04:53 AM            

The cusp of my 5th house is in cancer, my moon is in the 4th in gemini. I got Saturn in cancer in the 5th house and my 11th house is of course in Capricorn, no planets there.

My Mars/Jup in Aries square Saturn.

As result, I am a shy person, difficult to open to others. My projects and even love expressions are kept almost in secret to avoid the "vulnerability". I like to share them when I am sure of success

Current Pluto in capricorn is challenging me a lot... It is like I cannot deny my feelings anymore... my projects are taken by others before I can concrete them... as result I am starting to open to others and start feeling as well that some people would love me in anycase, despite my failures, frustations.

posted June 12, 2011 10:15 AM            

Lets explore...

I have Taurus on the 5th house cusp with Venus in Gemini/5th house. Sensual? I would have to agree. I become more tactile with the partner or love interest than most other people. Physical signs of affection, most definitely! I would also say I seem to find more words with partner than I would normally have. I would even write letters if I knew it wouldn't freak the person out. The catch? My Venus is unaspected, so there's either too little of this side expressed, or I go completely overboard. Right now I'm in extreme self-preservation mode, probably explaining why I haven't had 'company' in so long. I think someone has to be making a strong aspect to make things seem stable for atleast a little while. I also adore most Tauruses and Geminis (Gemini takes up the last 20 degrees of my 5th).

posted June 12, 2011 02:13 PM            

LOVE GIVEN

Taurus on the 5th ruled by Venus in Gemini would definitely indicate an attraction to sensual and chatty people, as well as a tendency to become more tactile and talkative yourself in demonstrating your affections. Also you have ruler of the 5th residing in the 5th… are you also attracted to people who have a playful/romantic attitude, and do you feel yourself becoming more playful towards the object of your affections?

LOVE RECEIVED

posted June 12, 2011 06:20 PM            

I thought you said you had Pluto in the 11th not the 10th. Ooops.

Maybe Pluto in the 10th doesn’t refer to PDA so much as it refers to someone who is willing to get their act together for you and the sake of your relationship…

SmilingHeart, the strong Cappy/Saturn influence on your 5th house cusp may mean that your are most attracted to people who are mature, accomplished, and level headed… however, with Uranus and Neptune also in that house, you also appreciate people who can be independent and liberal-minded… as well as someone who has a fanciful imaginative streak… like there is something ethereal and fascinating about them… in terms of how you express love your are likely to be cautious and yet move forward slowly but steadily… with Uranus you may sometimes like to shock your lover be doing something unexpected, especially since you are usually more reserved with your affections, and with Neptune, showing compassion and a sense of loving acceptance may also be a way that you express your love…

It’s interesting that your 5th and 11th house are total opposites with Saturn in Cap and Moon in Cancer!

Your Cancer dominated 11th house indicates that you definitely appreciate someone who approaches you with a caring sensitive attitude, and someone who is able to nurture you on an emotional level, and who makes you feel as if the two of you belong together, like family…. Also with Jupiter in the 11th when someone is able to approach you with a big smile on their face and brighten your day with their warmth and enthusiasm it warms your heart and makes you feel loved… Chiron does tend to indicate that part of us that is like a wounded child…

Quote…

“The 11th house is where we experience belonging and being loved. The 5th house is where and how we give love. From the 11th, we see how we receive love, and the feeling of being loved by others. It shows the characteristic qualities of attitude and behavior that we tend to interpret or misinterpret as loving. If poorly aspected planets such as Mars or Saturn tenant the 11th, our ideas of loving behavior may be dysfunctional. Anger, cruelty, harshness and rigidity may ‘feel’ like love.”

Quote…

“For some reason I always get hurt by those I love...that must be Chiron right there.”

Perhaps their have been some experiences in your life that have caused you to equate being loved with being wounded in some way, either intentionally or unintentionally by the other person… there may be an unconscious expectation to of hurt entwined with your notions of what to expect from a lover…

posted June 12, 2011 06:45 PM            

Quote…

“I also got Pluto in my 11th! Possessive? If anything they are manipulative. It would be nice actually for someone at least showing some form of possessive of me! Can't think of anyone who didn't just let me float right out of their life or who makes a hard attempt at keeping me around or making our relationship/friendship work. Also it makes sense that its how I'd feel most loved, since it would fulfill my moon needs.”

This indicates to me that although your Aqua Sun likes to think of yourself as independent and free, your Moon and 11th house cusp are like… damn, wouldn’t it be grate if someone did want me almost desperately and tried to get as close as possible, not saying I would let them, but it would sure make me feel ‘special’…

The 11th house represents the behaviors and attitudes displayed by others that tend to make us feel most appreciated and loved…

Someday somebody with a strong Pluto or Scorpio component to their chart will come along and show you that you are worth the effort of pursuing a deeper connection… and it will be up to you to put some of your Aqua tendencies aside and accept it gracefully…

Quote…

“5th house Taurus, hmm I don't have any in my so I may not understand the energy too well. It can actually make sense since its opposite of Scorpio, they have similarities. I am possessive and my Venus is in Cap, so I can show it in an earthy way. I do like to buy people things. I do like someone steady and who will show their feelings not just through words but actions and to show it physically.
So yeah, I see how this works.”

I love this response, It’s pretty much exactly what I’m referring to. The 5th house is who you adore and how you show your love… yeah, so you would be attracted by earthy Taurus and Cap types… this is the type of energy that is romantically exciting to you, and also shows how you demonstrate that someone is ‘special’ to you…

posted June 13, 2011 12:05 AM            

May you or anyone analyze my Pisces friend, as well as, myself? I believe I understand the basics; however, when I put into the mix the other planets in the 5th and 11th houses I do not know how to interpret after that.

Him: H5 Libra ruled by Venus in Pisces
Moon and Jupiter in 5th house
Him: H11 Aries ruled by Mars in Aries
Saturn and Mars in 11th house

Me: H5 Libra ruled by Venus in Sagittarius
Uranus in 5th house
Me: H11 Aries ruled by Mars in Sagittarius
Saturn and Chiron in 11th house

posted June 13, 2011 05:45 PM            

thanks for this piece of information. I will keep the link in my favorite for further reading.

posted June 13, 2011 07:57 PM            

Roughly, I feel the same as you do, Lotis, but I can't help but elaborate on what you said about Pluto. That description struck gold with me. I've recently discovered just how much it means to me when a man shows that he has an understanding of my deepest emotions or personality, how much it means to me when he shows that he "understands" me! It matters so much to me that I am often even blinded by the fact that they might have had a good guess and just happened to have struck a chord that way. I am also easily taken in by charm and courteous behaviour, and with my Venus also being in Sagittarius, I can be taken in by jovial and good natured humor, or a good portion of philosophy.

My 5th house is also empty, and to be completely honest I find it hard to describe how I would give love to someone. It doesn't seem to fit in with typical characteristics of Aries or Mars being in Capricorn, or 2nd house even.

I do go about it rather fast though. I don't waste time when I know whom I want and I go for him, often by the end of the night I will have shared at least a french kiss if not (I'm afraid to say) more. In that way you could say I'm direct (Aries) and sensual (Mars in 2nd, or even half the 5th in Taurus, if you want), but the way I go about it is different. I take time to listen to him, let the conversation be entirely about him and make sure he feels the focus of the interaction. I find out things about him and often have a quite accurate image of him after a few hours. Even though I'm direct and don't waste time getting physical, I seem to be very patient in getting to know him. How that ties in with Aries, Mars in Capricorn or in 2nd house, I don't know. Except for the patience, otherwise, with the focus being on the partner, it says Libra to me...

posted June 13, 2011 10:48 PM            

I have Libra on the cusp of my 5th house and Aries on the cusp of my 11th house.

Uranus,NN,Sun,Mars,Mercury,Vertex all in scorpio are in my 5th

Jupiter Taurus Rx is in my 11th house.

My relationships tend to be complex.

My husbands 5th house is in Sagittarius and is empty except for his vertex being there. His 11th house is empty too.

My Descendant is in Sagittarius.

My Venus is in his 5th house.
http://www.skyviewzone.com/lovematch/venussynastryhouse.htm#ve5h

Venus in a partner’s fifth house:

posted June 15, 2011 03:01 AM            

my 11th house has my venus in aquarius. i always thought my insistence on detached partners was me working out dad issues, but it makes sense now that that's what i'm really attracted to.

posted June 16, 2011 02:22 AM            

Lonake, about liking Gemini’s, just out of curiosity are you a Leo rising… because there’s another strange tendency I’ve noticed in synastry….it concerns the Dsc sign and the house connected to that sign… and it goes like this…

If you look at someone’s Dsc sign, in your example Aqua (probably), you may find that there is also a strong draw to people whose planets fall in, or strongly influence, the house that is traditionally associated with that sign (Aqua)… in this case the 11th house. That is, if you have an Aqua Dsc, people who have planets influencing your 11th house will ’bring to life’ the type of energy you like to experience in partnerships. This means that people who influence your 11th house will feel like natural partners to you, along with the already established meanings of the 11th house (The ability to give you attention in a way that feels satisfying… love received)…. Overall, it would increase your attraction to Gemini people in general.

To use another example, it works the same way in my chart… I have a Gemini Dsc… and my 3rd house cusp is Aqua… and I do have an attraction to people whose Aqua planets fall in my 3rd house… they are interesting and fascinating to me, and we are able to communicate well… and my Gem Dsc makes me attracted to people who a intellectually interesting to me and with whom I’m able have engaging dialogue with.

It works with all the other signs too…

Tom Cruise has a Scorpio Asc (Taurus Dsc)… and Katie Holmes is a Sun in Sag… her sun falls into his 2nd house. Katie has Leo rising (Aqua Dsc) and Tom’s Cancer Sun falls into her 11th house…

If you happened to have Virgo rising you’d look at the 12th house (because to the Pisces Dsc), and if you had Gemini rising you’d look at he 9th house (because of the Sag Dsc)… and it goes like this through out the rest of the zodiac… But this is like a WHOLE other thread…

posted June 16, 2011 02:24 AM            

“My 5th house is also empty, and to be completely honest I find it hard to describe how I would give love to someone. It doesn't seem to fit in with typical characteristics of Aries or Mars being in Capricorn, or 2nd house even.”

With my empty 5th house, when it came to describing how I would be expressing my own love for others, it was kind of a struggle to find a way to put it into words, and it took me a lot of introspection, and remembering of various instances from my past, to pull an interpretation cohesively together in my own mind. For instance, I’ve always known that I’m very attracted to people who are daring and lively fire sign types (Aries 5th house Cusp ruled by Leo Mars), but it wasn’t until others came along and influenced my 5th via synastry, that I started to get a clear feeling for how I myself act when I’m passionately inspired by another. I noticed that when someone was able to impress me big time I had this urge to want to show my adoration by being more daring for them…. However, this tendency seems to remain dormant unless the 5th house is influenced by syanstry. Having an empty 5th house means that issues of self-expression and ‘giving love’ are not things I focus on too much of my own accord. It’s only when transits or synastry impact my 5th that my tendencies, in terms of my own 5th house behavior, (and not just an awareness of my ’type’) are revealed…

People who have a strong natal 5th house tend to put a lot of focus on their own self-expression, who they love, and how they give of themselves. They are invigorated by shining the light of their creativity and love out into the world. These people naturally have more self-awareness of how they behave when in-love, or inspired, even when not in a relationship….However, if your 5th house is not strong, you may not have a very clearly defined image of yourself in this area, unless another comes along and awakens this side of you through transits or synastry…

Conversely…

People who have a strong 11th house tend to put a lot of focus on what behavior makes them feel special and appreciated, and what gives them a sense of belonging. They are interested in what they want a lover to ‘bring to the table‘, and the treatment they wish to receive from them. Strong 11th house people have clearly defined ideas about the type of attention they want, and look for people who are able to fulfill these requirements… if your 11th house is not that strong you may have some vague ideas about wanting to be loved and adored, but until your 11th house is ‘stimulated’ through synastry or transits, more specific details of HOW you’d like to be loved and adored may not occur to you…

When these houses are strongly activated nataly, or through transit or synastry, then the themes of these houses become prominent in our lives. When the 5th house is active… the type of energy you love in others, and how you respond to passionate, heartfelt feelings arising within yourself become more clearly defined…when the 11th house is active, definitions of what ‘feels’ like loving behavior to you, and how you’d like to be romanced, become more obvious…

Another note about the 11th house… it also seems to be associated be feelings of thankfulness. If someone acts towards you in a way that embodies the positive attributes of your 11th house, it can be very touching, as you are able to recognize this behavior as a sign of love. Often, you find yourself responding with intense feelings of gratefulness, as if you just want to hug that person and say… “Thank you so much for being so good to me!”. Of course if a transit or synastry is harsh, you may instead think “how could you treat me like that!”. I guess it depends…

One way I was thinking that could clearly express the difference in tone and focus between the 5th and the 11th house in this way is be doing a sample natal interpretation…

Psychological process of someone with Neptune in the 5th…

“Gosh, I really do love creative, ultra-sensitive, sentimental types… (and for some reason I also fall for those who are a little bit pitiful, or even sad, somehow)… Wow, they fill me with so much compassion and empathy, I just wanna wash away their pain with my love, and show them that I accept them for who they are no matter what. Ooh, and I wanna support them in those dreams that they have, because I‘ve got some of my own too… yeah, I‘m so inspired I wanna right a sonnet/song/novel about the transcendent experience that is our love… the way we go off into our own little world together that‘s just between us…it’s like a communion between two souls…it‘s truly mystical!”

Psychological process of someone with Neptune in the 11th …

“ I really do appreciate it when a potential partner is able to show compassion and sensitivity when getting to know you better. It really is a nice way to show the you truly care, and have a genuine interest in the other person. When someone shows that they can be gentle with my heart, it just makes me open up to them and invite them into my life…nothing makes me feel more grateful and loved. It’s would also be really cool if we had a shared interest in music, or film, or metaphysics… it’s always a joy and a relief to be able to have quality escapism time with a love interest, and to be able to share your dreams with them…”

Please note that these interps are not to be taken to seriously. They are just an example to the type of psychological tendencies I’m talking about with regard to each house. I tried to make the 5th house interp more enthusiastic and a bit over the top in keeping with the tone of that house, and 11th house more objective, and observant as you’d expect from the 11th …

posted June 19, 2011 07:30 PM            

“IDEALIZED LOVE

We each have a fantasy about what love would be like if we got some of it. We imagine how wonderful we would feel, or precisely how ‘it’ would feel. The word ‘it’ shows just how far removed any fantasy is from reality. The sign on the Eleventh House describes how you fantasize about love, and it tells you something about what you expect in a love relationship.”

She also goes on to mention that the 11th house also represents our step-children… the 11th being the 5th house from the 7th… our partners children. As well as group admiration and approval…

posted June 20, 2011 12:27 PM            

Actually, I would wholeheartedly agree with you about the neptune interpretations you provided. I know a guy who acts exactly like that neptune in 5th house. He also has venus and sun in the 5th house.

I feel the same way about neptune in 11th house. My 11th house is in Capricorn, but a part of Capricorn is in the 10th house (where Neptune is), and so I feel I can extend the Neptune interpretation to the 11th house as well.

Moreover, I definitely see the natal dominance of the respective houses. My chart is highlighted with a good amount of saturn/capricorn. Because of that, I know I feel loved when someone is punctual and chivalrous in their actions. The guy I talked about earlier has a couple of planets in my Capricorn 11th house. I definitely feel loved/respected in his actions towards me. He has a dominant 5th house themes in his chart. So he has more affinity with how he shows love as opposed to feeling loved from others, and I have my Neptune there.