posted October 27, 2014 06:25 PM            

I was only able to VERY CAREFULLY access certain vids I like last evening... sheesh it's like having to use emergency paddles to restart a heart. After a while there are no pictures, or the vid will only run for one minute then freeze.

Some of these ads that pop up are SUPER-crass!

Can't get into my astrology newsletters or accounts. Big loss to me personally.

Hey~ But at least the LL ad for "Ami Anne" isn't smeared today~~ so.... it's nice to see a familiar face! *smile*

posted October 29, 2014 05:14 PM            

I don't visit long when I seem to enter into that dark 'isolation' you have to give-up cuz it's hopeless mode! (And of course, there are a few important asteroids in my chart WHICH I realize are being energized around these issues right now, hehheh!...i'm a spy!!).

Then I remember *BE In-The-Spirit* and shift and access the place of Faith as closely as I can. I then change to generating 'Possibility' no matter how 'doomy' things 'appear'....

(heh-heh, JohnTravolta Angels... GO *Battle!!* LOL)

So...! Having problems with My Music vids (and all vids) being black BLANKs.... but I did manage to capture this ONE URL! haha Hope that it works, and that you yourself can feel {or remember} what a thrill this High-soaring song (and video) is...!!

(music) We May Never Pass This Way Again (Seals & Crofts) Beautiful Vid w lyrics [Time?] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd6zYQPCgsc

posted October 29, 2014 05:34 PM            

Here's a Poetry Reading...

(clip) The Little Ghost, by Edna St. Vincent Millay (Beautifully read by..."mmmpoetry") [1:14] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okEpujhcTxg

o gosh, oodles of adds & warnings!!! ooooo nooooooo! so I better post this quick!!!

posted October 29, 2014 05:56 PM            

Randall...! they do not like LL ~~ but this is almost fun. Laughing & Boohoo'ing here... I LOVE My Lindaand!!

But gotta go.... Bet my cache is overloaded... 8 WARNING WINDOW-tabs opened up right now...

See you later .... I HOPE?

posted October 29, 2014 06:37 PM            

Again, if you don't see me posting it's not because I gave up. It would be because LL got blocked, and/or my email ceases to let me in, which seems to almost-happen more and more.

But please don't forget about me.

posted October 29, 2014 07:28 PM            

I hope everythink works for you soon. Loved the song, so moving and right, we may never walk this way again. It is both a love song and a philosophical one. I didn't like when it said "you are more than just a friend" because for me friendship is holy. I liked the poem too, though i need to listen to it again.

posted October 30, 2014 04:33 PM            

I printed out each and every ad that would arise. Rm recently downloaded enhanced software to 'speed up' the PC. There was a tutor help attached, which would in turn present advertisements that *they* thought we would enjoy according to "our" interests and places visited.

I was very very careful, and "uninstalled" two programs, which took away ALL the flying ads.

I was able to access some of my 'weekly' astrology inspirational videotubes, but the two daily ones I like to watch were only black-Blanks... I didn't dare to click anything on either of those sites.

Astrodienst works now.... I printed out my transits for today, but not analyzing them till later. I think I need a bit of a break from pressing too hard into studies today. Facing a night (in the USA) call Mischief Night at sundown. Some kids go out and do destructive acts... throwing eggs at doors and windows, and other types of things I won't mention because it's disgusting.

Last night some of these extra-sound-empowered vehicles had parked till I finally fell asleep in exhaustion around 4 am EDT. There are 'certain' kinds of oscillating vibrations which take 'my nervous-system?' offline. It causes a kind of pain that is hard to describe, except it makes me howl in the deepest parts. These tones or waves are right on the 'invisible' realms. For years now (since I moved here) I would dupe myself into thinking that 'I don't hear this', and, that it's all in my crazy imagination... BUT! then "that vehicle" will move, or someone with their systems will 'switch it off'.... and omg, blessed Relief comes.

I criticize myself so badly for this, looking at it as "a fault" ... if I 'own' it, then I can 'control it'? But that's not true at all. Yes, to reframe, I'd say that I have some kind of hearing-enhancement within me. I don't know if it's 'my ears' or if it's 'my brain' that picks up on it. Maybe a bit of both. The thing is.... This 'faculty' I have has experienced really bad agitation for all these years now, and disturbs my ability to go to sleep or to rest in my cot WHENEVER *the sounds* are being activated.

Then, to add to this, when normal old mechanical appliances (refrigerator, air-handlers, in-the-wall transformers) begin to ALL go on AND start to oscillate AT the SAME wavelengths, .... WITH!!! ..... ADDing the 'music' *they* play,.... AND the oscillations of their diesel vehicles in idle: }}} ALL OF THESE, "when together" feel like physical-emotional torture. (I'm crying really hard right now because I'm exhausted from all-this, AND, I'm able to be in relatively good-spirits BECAUSE I 'Understand' what-it-is. ---

I just don't have a Real way to solve this right now. I NEED to Relocate, in a fierce way. I am unsure "how" to prepare for this.... Don't know 'what' I'll need, 'what' I should keep?

There are things I could discard depending upon whatever Direction I would take... And the circumstances. If I were to discard any more things (which I've done and perhaps regretted somewhat~~ but I give myself credit for demonstrating at least to The Universe that I am WILLING and eager to move Forward to the Next Step) then I could be destroying things I would be able to USE as part of my contribution I could make. This discarding of more bins of papers would involve 'giving up' much research I've done in 'other' sectors of interests I've had.

But REALLY, I believe that all these 'separate' pieces I've worked on (some throughout my adult life) ALL form a 'meld'... It's astonishing how my interests all suddenly intertwined. So exciting to watch this in action. I saw 'glimpses' of that at various conjuncture points of time in recent years....

So, now I'm perched-forward AND hesitating to discard any more of my things UNTIL I know 'what's happening' for Real. (And, I'm positively excited.) I "think" there may be people coming to approach me (soon I hope)....{{gosh? is this a deja-rewrite of my earliest 'misery' posts in this thread~~ whoah!}}. What I know about myself is that I do not want to 'conquer' anyone~~ nor do I seek to be 'conquered' by anything less than merging with the Divine-Within. This is the deepest lifelong quest I've had.... all my life, throughout my childhood, through my metaphysical searchings as a teen, through my affiliations with these-same kind of organizations, through my Labor physically with these, until all-things went (seemingly) off-track in late 1980s. But 'that era' began my interest in pentecostal theology (in which I went through studies, trainings). Extremely valuable spiritual "peak" experiences (downloads from Heaven) happened to me Feb-Mar 2001, during a worship-service in a very small conference I attended--- I 'Knew' beyond shadow of doubt that God IS VERY INTIMATELY involved and interested in my affairs. I "have" significance to my 'Heavenly' Father-- and no matter 'how' I turn my back, HE IS Present to me (I just think He'd like me to be more Focused-Present to Him, which perhaps some eastern-training could provide, depending on the trainer. (I don't like imposters AT ALL *glaring*.)

I'm discovering, or untangling, who I am from the things that have happened to me. I recently dawned on the fact that I am WAY too absorbant of Others plights... and seem blind to sort what's 'me' and 'what's them' but it's like "my body" works it (at maybe a little too-much personal 'expense' right now). .... Anyway, I can 'talk myself out of thinking' that outside-people (vs internet) could ever-possibly be 'referring' to "me" in the flesh-n-blood physical Being. I tried reaching outside before and received a smackdown that is hard not to flinch-at right now.... Safety in my mode would be a tangible-reachout here, to 'make sure' I'm not being 'delusional' LMAO.... Yes, Like the story of Gideon and asking God to wet the fleece but dry the ground, then to wet the ground but dry the fleece. I was going to say 'You should hear me laughing AT myself'... but then! I realize Heck, This pink-box is my Mind-sanctuary, and you ALMOST hear what I'm thinking.... except that I EDIT soooooo much, that when I go 'back' to read it, I realize how it can be misconstrued, and..... ho-wow. Please, don't take offense, because I don't mean any offense..... however, if God is 'sorting' people for me (as is my prayer) then please process in the light of your own reflections.

I feel sorta weak today in my body. I need to give my body a nice remainder of daytime before the night-raucous *soundsystems' resonance-waving* that 'might' come... again tonight.

HOW I MANAGED Last Night?

After all the prayers, and anything else like that, I was 'in pain' from the vibrating going on.... (my cot that I rest upon was tremor-shaking, and my innerguts feeling a sort of maceration). I got my guitar out, and began just making my own 'cosmic' sounds. Hugging the guitar close, my head bent over the hollow where the strings resonate. I softly sang, chanted what seemed medieval, bathed 'sonically'.... I 'thought' for a moment that "all that other junk" in the atmosphere had quelled. But when I put down the guitar, I noticed the *junk* sounds were there.... and they 'hurt'.

So.... Music is a Bridge. Connects me to my Innermost thoughts and Being. And, I would like more than just bridging a lone cosmos... I want to Learn "who" my People are-- the ones wrapped in GENUINE Truth-Quests, who want to Help bring Peace, sow the seeds for Future evolution 'while' we are still effectively in-the-Body. I know there are parts of me not-Awake yet. LL-iQ said that Isis is the Ultimate energy of Loyalty.... "The personification of the Divine Feminine 'Shakti' or Power that seeks to Unite with Her Infinite God-Source by completing The Divine 'Union'."

HOW I "fixed" the Computer?

Last night on the guitar, I heard something say that 'my fingers already know how to do this' and to "forget" the overly harsh-intellectual, to mute that down a bit, then "allow" my hands to do what they 'already know' HOW to do.

So! Based on a PAST EXPERIENCE (related below) I went ahead and did 'the same thing' at the keyboard this morning.... combined Intellect (then muted it a bit) and allowed inside to think of 'what' I needed to do.

There was a FEAR WALL there: I had to "decide" to 'delete' programs that my Rm had recently installed. "This" meant that I could be EVOKING his wrath by MESSING with HIS!! Computer.... Then I thought, heck, He is ALREADY 'very' angry and just-barely disguising a volcano there. The 'kind of swearing' he does at the computer is not the 'normal' angry-shout, but is Real. This 'triggers' memories for me of past abuse. He has been soooo blindly-impulsive lately. I just do not want to be here should things go too awry for him personally... could just be my silly-fears, as I take such chances lately divulging so much-- so much in this one and a couple threads.
{{So I'm just going to go ahead and post this today, EVEN if I feel it seems sorta scattery.... I will resist 'editing' this, except for small 'clarity' points (oy, probably after it sits a while. I don't use any thing ON this computer that I wonder if it 'leaves an imprint' copy to his harddrive. When I leave, I want it 'clean' as possible, with many blessings over equipment for his success in his future; but I've got my 'own' coming-future to consider now... Prayer for God to Make Right-Connections in a clear Just-Right way for me and Others involved: for A Just-Right Fit... from the git-go! *Oh-My Transits, NOT Oh-No, "this time"!!!!* 'Coz THIS Change, This Change, This Change is Gonna-Gonna Do Me Good'! Line from a song! *laughing*

Now.... I had a veeerrryyy spooky strange-power in my olden days of computers back in late 1970s early 1980s.... I recall this one computer programmer (Indigenous American) who hated me at first *scowl* because I was making his computer programs blowup. But then, he grew to 'appreciate' this.... because I was "actually" saving the organization's reputation in the world with my "curiosity skills." This Beautiful Souled Indigenous-Being would HARDLY speak a word to ANYONE else there, .... but he would wave small hello's to me at the start of the day through our shared office window-wall... I still have fond memories of then with him. We had a special bond, and I respect him so much still with my soul.

Ayelet.... Thank you for your response. I appreciate what you say.

And now, I smell the marijuana drifting through my apartment from the kids next door, who also set off a few INDOOR firecrackers earlier as I was typing this post.

Gonna go take care of 'the body'... so I have the stamina to endure 'the night'...

Love, Life, and joyousness to ALL....

posted November 01, 2014 06:08 AM            

Over the past twelve hours I have had some shifts inside me, things I've never considered. I see a kind of value I have (as a person) that I had not considered was 'something I possess' before.

Lots of innerHealing, and I am so enthused. Processing, and rediscovering...

posted November 04, 2014 05:45 PM            

Been dealing with right shoulder seizing up, neck-thing. Been feeling quite sick in my middle body section as well... I realize this as 'stuck emotions'. tHygeia just entered my 8th House.... and I lived!!!

My natal SaturnScorp opp VenusTaurus, and natal Saturn square Pluto is liberating-herself. I have lived in my own coop too long! So yes, entice me.... My Venus wants to "Live" Life, and not just Dream the Possibility. I want to [b]dare to[b/] to have some freeing FUN! Oh, Take me away!

Looking Forward!! and doin' it!!!

posted November 06, 2014 04:42 PM            

I also CANNOT SEND emails...

I just tried to post a long involved post here that didn't go through.....

posted November 06, 2014 05:25 PM            

[edit, I was this person's 'mark' and was being used~~ O just live-&-learn, Mirage! Living & learning & giving... too willing she gives her life away to ones who don't deserve the lavish attention she gave them.... But I say, Better to have 'given' then never give at all... *pick self up, dust off, starting all over again edit 6/19/2015 9am]

AND YES, I've had difficulties signing on to those newsletters~~ wha??? crazy internet!

[edit],
Need to love and protect my self,
I had an experience early this morning around 4 a.m. and on, dealing with energies.

I had a really bizarre experience (for me) involving memories and the innerChild.

-

...I had the 'bravery' to allow self to experience that energy to float to the top and down to the deepest.... To be willing to experience this. ~~
There IS a morning after.

I was vividly experiencing the youngGirl 3 to 5 inside of me.... The little fighter who wanted to plug in her electric small toy iron (that really heated up). Her mommy would watch and didn't 'tell' her about NOT putting little fingers on the metal-parts when you go to plug it in.
.... Would get ZAPPED every time I tried.... but heck was soooooo focused and determined to play with this toy that I was willing to ignore the painful zap through fingers to elbow in order to have what I wanted.
.... yeh... mean-mommy (mid-Gem) and an ignore-girls daddy (early Scorp Partile Sun-Jupiter). (In the early years I lived in the northeast. In wintertime the heated iron was play, but also warmed me in that chilly atmosphere... Chilly in more ways than one.)

posted November 07, 2014 07:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
What kind of newsletters do you like?

---

Randall, .... Certainly NOT the kinds that give me unwanted computer viruses!

I have very particular pointed interests that are not mainstream status-quo.

I love the metaphysical realms, very ancient mysteries, the lives of spiritual mystics, mythologies, symbolisms. (That's another way that my interest in astrology feeds me, heals me.)

I liked some of the Space NASA news I was subscribed to for a while, but then that generated way too much spam. I've loved space-things all my life. ... Maybe it was from watching the TV Series Buck Rogers as a child... there was an eerie surreal starkness watching that looonnnnngggg slow-moving lift-off of their rocket from the launch-pad up into outer-space. Funny: When I was older, my mother said that when I was little I would creep her out with stories that astronauts were climbing the walls of my bedroom during the night.

I love studying Consciousness. And I think it must be a carry-over from past lives. Love multidimensional parallel universes types of thoughts. I've seen some LL topics I would greatly love to get into with more depths... (circumstances more conducive). What I would ACTUALLY really enjoy is in-person, face-to-face discussions, even within a small group. Some of this stuff is thrilling. I feel as though I've known it for ever and ever. I've wanted to be like 'the fly on the wall' in places like these kinds of Think-Tanks-- not the surface but the ones who think deeply and real... I'd love to help with creating Solutions-- not ego driven head-bashing groups (e.g. our Congress??? c'mon, you can do better than that?!... sheesh) but I'd love to be able to think and intuit things with mature (fun-loving) people who have a Will and Heart towards making Lasting Peace. ...

I really admired the work I've read of Dorothea Dix... until that project was put on hold 2004, then 2006. (I imagine her as looking like Disney's Mary Poppins character. *grin*) DD knew how to build the artful bridges between the gentle obligations of the Heart, with Kindness politics and Compassion, and the authority and power of corporate systems. Her work took her around the world, as the world-issues she promoted touched every single person, family, tribe-- whether they were of highest royal blood spanning to every level of the moneyed or the poorest of the poor.