posted January 08, 2015 11:48 PM            

It's not good for my physical health, on the most basic level of my needs. But I learned also that I will tolerate a 'holy hill' of high levels of distress, in order to find what and who calls me, in the pursuit of fulfilling my soul purpose.

I'm learning astrology, I'm learning the asteroids. And in learning these, I notice that I'm honing not only the celestial art-forms, but the art of 'synthesizing' disparate ideas, philosophies, etcetera.

Learning how to see the things that are separate, within their illusion of separateness. Seeing how they all come together as part of a living vibrant whole. I can appreciate the bits and parts that join and make up a Whole picture.

People, individual and groups, are like this. Some think they are separate, and lovingly don't realize how closely they are connected.

Over the past few days or more, I've studied more about Chiron, Venus, Saturn. I looked at my Ceres Capricorn, and her connection to my Eighth House via oppositions, and her very close trine to my Moon Virgo in later degrees. My Moon is separated from midheaven by about 7 degrees separating, ninth house side, and intercepted.

Without going into a long delineation of my chart here, I see the astrology behind some of the deepest fears that I have, and their relation to things going on right now.

Part of that reflection since the recent Full Moon in Cancer has to do with early childhood conditioning, especially with my 'Moon-Other' ... meaning to me, my Mom, my feelings, and my Happiness.

Most people who know me past a shallow level realize that my childhood environment was way-less than ideal. It was abusive. The kinds of abuse and torment that you see in some movies depicting actual life.

That dream I awoke from the morning of this past Full Moon Cancer stripped me down to the most elemental fears I have. They were black, and total. I don't even wish to imagine right now. Being my mother's child... I wonder if she really knew what she was doing to me, from the day I was born. By the time my father 'figured out' and realized 'what' was happening, it had become too late. He ordered her to stop the most blatant of the physical, but then he caved, he changed. Abuse changes so many things. Some can be repaired. Other things you learn how to live a life around it.

Germain to all of this, my mother couldn't stand looking at me, and seeing me be Happy. She'd find some way to poison it, or steal it, and make sure it disconnected. My being Happy used to trigger her rage and jealousy. SnowWhite (there's an asteroid for that), Cinderella, and the Wizard of Oz. Also the folkstory of The Hundred Dresses.

I feel a bit nervous and vulnerable right now. Because I feel really Happy, and I've begun to experience a level of 'feeling' of success, or maybe like I CAN achieve the hopes I have for finding my niche in life. Maybe I can have some of the wonderful things I'm imagining, from my own little corner of consciousness.

I deserve all the happiness and joy I feel very deep inside me, right now. I've worked hard. I feel as though my long term dreams are actually in ignition, in a truly materially-real way. My mind, which is the tool my ego uses to reach out into the world, is flying through all kinds of rolodexing memories of past failure, past losses, while I see real living actual Real Possibility there right in front of me. I want that, oh yes I do!

I look at my astrology chart, and on one hand I see backwards at the transits I had during certain times, coming by again. There were times of fantastic fulfillment of stepping into things I wanted. (first Saturn return) But I didn't have the life skills I needed to manage it then. They broke. My life broke. Then I broke.

The thing that I realize is "different", (after my 2nd Scorpio Saturn return) is that I feel emotionally supported right now. "That" was the missing piece in my life, and this is the working key to my past, present, future. (Chiron is the key to my unlocking the chart, right now.)

I was not supported through the most degrading catastrophic times of life, and I didn't have people who understood that. I know I have grief about that? But thank God that I'm in a place-inside now, where true healing can take root for me.

I really do feel a love and support right now, and I wish you knew the depth of my happiness knowing that. Your caring has made the World of Difference to me, all who read my posts.

I am sooooo incredibly grateful for every morsel of advice, which I take at precious heart. Thank you for the great compassions and understandings shown to me every day. Thank you for your time, and your patience.

Besides the power of Joy, the power of Christmas splendor, Compassion is also at the root of the season. Compassion is a powerful Healing Force.

Asteroid Compassion 8990 ~ my placement is natal 9+ Aries. In the past day transiting Compassion crossed my BML, and as I write it's ready to touch my Ascendant. Very soon it will catch up with transiting asteroid Angel 11911, which is Sagittarius 12+ right now.

Transiting asteroid Adorea 268 just touched my natal Compassion 9+ Aries conjunct Industria 389.

Natal Compassion-Industria quintile to Ceres Capricorn 25+, and biquintile to Saturn 16+ Scorpio.

Transiting 33 Polyhymnia is at Aries 8+
Transiting 18 Melpomene at 9+ Scorpio, to conjunct my 33 Polyhymnia 10+ Scorpio 11th.

My Melpomene conjunct to Pluto natally 8th House.

My Adorea 268 is Taurus 18+ near Venus, 5th House.

To All of us whose Hearts want to work together to Climb and Leap Tall Mountains and Change the World.

What "Matters" ?... Joy, through Compassion. It's all Love. Love makes every one, each creature, count in this world.

We're ALL playing our part in the background of this matrix. And that's Beautiful.

posted January 09, 2015 03:52 PM            

He had Sun partile Jupiter Scorpio, one degree before my Juno-rx H-11, and trine my Mars Cancer H7. His Moon could have been late Gemini (my Mercury, SN H7) or earlier Cancer. (I don't know his time of birth).

He had been in the military all his life (air force), and had the opportunity to be as an ambassador of goodwill in places around the world to the ordinary people living in those places served. I admired him greatly... to me, beaming, I would tell everyone that my daddy could fix anything! And I found out later in life that this faith I had in him gave him confidence during his harder times and trials in life. (I guess 'girls' must be important, afterall!, even though I didn't realize it till this past year.)

One of his shining strengths was his ability to Host. He could make friends with almost anyone he met. (My Merc Gemmy admired that too.) He had interviewing skills. He could debrief an individual with Scorpio depth and detail, uncovering the most interesting unique facts about each one of them. (I felt pleasure at watching people blooming in front of my eyes.)

Some people he entertained had made significant contributions to social history. He uncovered information that would have otherwise remained secret and unknown about events that occurred, and their part in it. If these could have been recorded somehow back then, it would have shed interesting color on how people play an active part in history. What looks insignificant at the time has shaped our past, and influenced our present.

His Chiron Gemini was on my Sun-Proserpina,
..and trine my own Chiron (Pittsburghia).
His NorthNode-Psyche on my Chiron Aqua.
His Venus Libra on my Neptune-rx 10th, on Abanderada-Bologna {my specialty was serving dad his toasted bologna sandwiches, with mustard, at night ~ I'm not kidding... see? Bologna asteroid reveries be important food for thought! Don't despise those days of small beginnings }
His Neptune Virgo in my 9th.
His Mars Virgo (my 9th) squared my Service Oriented 6th House Sun.
His Mercury Scorpio was retrograde and on my Saturn Scorpio.
His Vesta Scorpio trined my Jupiter Cancer.
His Ceres Cancer on my Jupiter.
His Pluto Cancer one degree past my Uranus Cancer.
(He had Pluto-Ceres Cancer conjunction, impacting my Uranus-Jupiter 8th. attachment)
His Saturn-Hygeia sd Aqua in my second house, near fixed-star Sadalsuud.
His Juno Capricorn on my Requiem....
"His Requiem" on the Aries World Point.

I felt like an observer, or maybe more like 'the benchwarmer', as part of his life. I was not included (boy-mentality excuse that repeated was 'because I was a girl'), but I was allowed to watch and cheer. I'd stand there on the sidelines, dressed in whatever sports motif that I thought came close to looking like them.

I'd watch the ball, field every play in my mind. Then the day came when my dad was ticked-off at his sons for being so lazy, {I was animated}. He decided that day, to practice with "me" just in order for them to protest and get in line with his coaching agenda. {My dad used to coach youth teams in the community.}

Through doing this, he actually discovered that I could throw, and I was good at batting. Certainly he admired my hustle {and I liked that}. After that day, he made sure I got to practice with them. I was my father's "Rudy" character (from the movie), eager to make the team better.

It's been nerve-wracking playing the benchwarmer in my own life. I can easily discount everything I doing.... Wore out my confidence, instilling morbid self-doubt.

But if I practice, and just stay 'in the moment', and onlyhandle each thing 'as it comes' to me right then, perhaps there's hope of overcoming the stage-fright of being my own person, with my own voice. Opinions matter to me, and they should not take as much weight as what I think of my own self. I'm always striving towards excellence {and I've come to trust that in me now}. Whether people hear or not, cannot play more weight than my listening to the inner voice {although it's important to grow with feedback, as my own voice can unduly limit). It is important for me to write, and to post, and to see & hear myself as actually succeeding. I'm 'doing' the kinds of things I love ~~

It's okay for me to Be myself, and believe that what I'm doing now, is a part of what I came here on earth to do... every moment, every day. Believing that I make a positive difference. Allowing light to do its work... and trusting God leads the way.

Yes, Compassion shown to one's self when you feel the weights and constrictions become more burdensome, can be the Kindest healing act we can ultimately do. And to remember that you're really not alone, even if it seems that way.

posted January 10, 2015 12:32 PM            

You say boloney and I say bologna ... ?

Some people (like me) can tend to get just too very very detail-oriented and busy in life. Have to stop everything, unscrew from what rivets you, and take that bathroom-break you needed for the past hour.

I find joy in multi-tasking, but sometimes? that's just too unrealistic~~ One can get too realistic.

Gotta learn to pull back, and remember there's a larger picture for life. Too much work and we can forget the mission behind all that work we're doing. That's where we need to let the 'pleasure' back in to refresh us, and re-balance the workload. Learn to work, and take time to breathe.

Working sooo hard can feel very satisfying, but without taking those breaks, life itself becomes drudgery. Can steal your joy.

Learn to go geh instead of arrgh! Geh... means you 'get' yourself a break, lift the pressure a bit, before things reach the point of arrgh! Arrgh!... can lead to added arguments, and discords, a very insidious creeping-up that suddenly takes you unawares. When you miss the rhythms of taking those breaks, then you are the one to break.

Find Joy again by pulling back and viewing the larger perspective, proverbial 'smell the Beautiful roses' {Joy}, in order to reclaim the joy in your life.

Doing the relationship Dance? Remember the Love!

posted January 12, 2015 06:56 PM            

Parties, drunk people talking in my window at wee hours, pounding balls hit the building, woofer foghorn songs that call you early out of sleep.

Big-bus came. New delivery today, and their special shiny big black trucks made their louder deliveries earlier in the afternoon. So yeah, I'm guessing by past-pattern they'll continue to be gnarly, until somebody gets hurt. Somebody (usually) will have an altercation, which will draw extra-fuzz..., WHICH does seem to calm THIS 'hood down a lot, when they do. There's no one to call about the inside vibey-situation. Unless you "know" how it feels, and what it is, it's impossible to mundanely understand how a person can biologically be reacting to such a thing that they "can't" hear or feel in their own body.

{Those researchers in New Zealand might understand what I'm saying. Sometimes we get a bit too advanced in science, without being prepared for repercussions in human overall health from any of it. .... They fixed the wifi. Now, they need to work out sound vibes! ... oh ugh, a gangsta vehicle just did its thing. For a while, I may be sensitive to stuff that I 'normally' tolerate okay enough to work here.)

I'm keeping my attitude in check as much as possible through this~~ distresses are distressing. Another day of this, I'll probably be back and crying and bawling my eyes out in a beat-down kind of condition (yeh, luv puns).

It's silent if you 'try' to listen for music. Yup. You can't even 'hear' any real notes to what they play, but omg, every woofy beat and wave-pulses are felt by this body. Edge of painful, all the time, the longer it goes. It is NOT pleasant. .... But I hear them also laughing, and if I 'isolate that' then I can know that they're having a good time, so I'll live vicariously through enjoying that this is pleasure, somewhere...

hmmmmm *thinking* heh heh, if it were pleasant? I'd be screaming in delicious orgasms by now, silly, and just begging for it to stop (not!) *grin* yeh.

Until people 'walk a mile' or two in MY body, they may find the truth that I possibly far under-exaggerate what I say I feel. I am a very strong Being, caught in a body whose bones, spinal cord, kidneys, intestines, and left lung is being percussed right now, through tiny subtle subtle pitting hits. If you are someone who KNOWS what I'm talking about, when I use the term "subtle energies," then you already 'feel' me on this. There's no denial of what's happening. But on a grosser material level you will not comprehend it, so you need to just trust, it's happening.

Rib cage feels like tuning fork, and the lining of my airway feels a bit raw, inflamed. It ain't nice at all. Started a headache too, but been resisting taking the tielenol (to save my liver! arrgh). Since late Saturday, through yesterday, and now today... heh, it's starting to begin to wear on me.

Sorry if my writing will seem more disjunctive now. Repeating myself, perhaps.

Actually, I'm still the same deep 'nice person' inside, just frustrated and aware of limitation. All kinds of limitation.

Gently, and if YOU think I'm being too dramatic for your tastes? well, then?... that's how you Be. You don't know. And, you may be making errors...

Now!.. Now that I have my headphones all warmed up, I'm going to go listen to some vids I missed, or rather, that need to re-listened as I got sooo rudely interrupted yesterday and today. If I can't concentrate, then it does no good to listen. I have to abandon these mid-listen.

WHEN things settle (I hope it does), I can be here more 'fully' as I had. I've got many ideas, and some other posts I want to participate and respond to. Had done a little bit of asteroid searching for a few posters looking to add to their research projects.

oy.... I just hate it when this happens! so very sorry. When the vibeys stop, I'll come back around to share thoughts, as I want to, very much.

*

So, playing songs, and making playlists, for a while till things calm. . . . it's medicine

(music) Music For A While (Purcell, Daniel Taylor) [4:40] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj7PCEe0mpk

posted January 13, 2015 07:36 PM            

^ thankyou so much for your own kindness and considerations, Randall. Truly touches my heart. ... (btw, the Moon was transiting my bologna when I started this! and 'what a difference' when the 'hood be gooder'. Took a few tielenol to take the edge off the yuk, and started writing & exploring) Someone now (at end of post) has begun his foghorn-woofer shake symphony once more... would have loved to stay for more than just this post.

During the night into wee hours this morning, the 'equipment' (whatever wherever) was switched off. When I opened my eyes, it was such a blessing! oh yes. I was nervously anticipating them 'starting up' again this morning~~ but now (at end of post) nothing happened that went to the degree of nuisance I had before. Gosh, it's like modern torture. Gotta suffer to be Beautiful? heck no! that's just a lot of baloney! Don't you believe that for one second here! I prove the reverse, be true. Too much suffering just puts a lid on what I can do, and that's counter-productive and downright demoralizing to me. How else will I know, except I try! .... (And truly, I hold no 'real' oughts against these 'hood-sters, although with hilarity, I think they really ought to stop-it! just stop-it! *lol rofl*)

After I posted last night, I decided to step back and follow instincts to go towards some of that more-replenishing blissful-side of my spirit, instead of doing what I felt compelled towards because it's my work-goal. And I had a Breakthrough following that lead. yay

One LL poster had asked for people to look up musical asteroids for her--, composers, etc. I looked up Leonard Bernstein's chart..... I love that man's BE-ing so much! He meant a great deal to me, especially while I was studying classical music, performance, composition {although I never pursued it, I was heartily directed towards this by my teachers back then~~ I had lacked support, and confidence in what they saw in me... water under the bridge, I forgive myself for that. I've had series of very interesting life-experience with this. It is a part of my integrated life}. Bernstein was making quite a splash politically as well as musically, while I was in my college years, studying.

Another note here is that I came within a few credits of graduating back then, when the whole education-notion crumbled and demolished out from under me. My mind, and the ability for me to grasp things that way, had been my definite strength for me, and the go-to place when I needed to deal with the abuse at home. At end of college, my 'home' was with a person who had reached her DT-levels of severe alcoholism. She drew so violent~~ going beyond daily verbal-psychological abuse to getting to the point of her using her rifle to threaten me (especially in front of my co-worker theatre-buddy who witnessed this and was quite afraid; it was my edgarcayce group that knew her, and found the perfect way to safely move me out... But no one in my 'new' life knew anything of the catastrophe I lived with inside. I just 'lived' my life 'from that point' of the move, never able to share at all.) All my Third/Ninth Houses there, perhaps? (I think? ...Maybe I can pursue that at a different time down the road than now).

O'chiron, has seemed to be a big player in my life, me-thinks?~~ for the whole world was changing for me at its discovery. I lived in an ocean of pain that was due to freeze. It froze me in that position... Chiron was dancing retrograde in my progressed chart, crossing the Aqua ascendent, into my p'12th house, where it has been since the spur in me to begin studying astrology. So Wild, because last night I through serendipity came across my progressed chart wheel and data. Some of the transits then, are pertinent now, too. Pisces!! My first natal chart, printed on Nov 6, 2007 {the first step into learning astrology, just-for-fun}. Asteroid Child transiting degree of my natal Chiron. Transiting Chiron was at 10+ Aquarius at the time. ...
My P'Asc was 2+ Aqua,
P'Chiron rx 3+ Aqua, traveling from P'H1 into P'H12 (Cappy P'12th).
I was having P'Sun-Uranus exact at 27+ Cancer.
P'Moon was Leo cj my Pluto.
P'MC/IC Scorpio/Taurus 26+
....... all the while, Sedna has been played a HUGE part in my chart also.

The discovery of Chiron heralded a change in my spiritual course-work. Education was very easy for me. I loved to learn, absorbed things well, and possessed an eidetic memory (MarsCancer2+, conj MercGem27+, cradles with outer planets). But I was building a life upon some profound and unresolved trauma, cracked foundation, awesome possibility not so usable. So, for the weight of 'this' particular lifetime up to now, I swam in the sea of pain. So profound, that it sounded down to the uber-depths, down to the inner caves where my soul abide.

Now I become filled with such gratefulness at being able to 'know' that I can touch the Heart of Inspiration... I mean, I wrote some really sublime pieces of music back then. Some were saying I wrote in the style of a Henry Mancini, Summer of '42. I also wrote with 'strange chromatics' as my Harmonies teacher noted on my first comp assignment. Had I had obtained those two degrees I worked towards (Psy, Mu; with non-math space-physics 'just to periodically blow my mind' LOL --- my old Lemurian soul?), my life would be altogether very very different, I suppose.

But so much for supposin's around here... moving on.

I've met and known 3 people who have had direct-connections to Maestro Bernstein's life (so far! It's interesting to find how we all intersect each others' lives.).

One-person studied Conducting w him... (I never learned that piece of information about this person until after ~4 or 5 years of sheer enjoyment singing in his choir. I used to repeatedly turn to my fellow-alti and say, my!~~ he looks/reminds me so much of LB! don't-you-think-so?~~ none of them told me that he had, when they knew it already... I found out at his going-away party. oy, too late! There's definitely something about LB's spirit that can catch and embed itself into ones who See what's there! So supremely Transcendent!!!~~ what a lucky person I be!

One-other person I knew drove him around DC for several days, and for later trips whenever he'd visit. This was a former theatre-buddy of mine (mentioned above) who had written me an absolutely-hilarious piece of correspondence, all about a handful of celebrities that he'd 'situationally' chauffeured. I still have his letter! What a riot he always was! ~hmmm there's an asteroid for his last name, I'll have to look that up sometime too *grin*.

The third person I knew, was there present in the audience, when Bernstein was asked to unexpectedly conduct symphony for the other ailing conductor... This became Bernstein's premiere, Nov 14 that year. This person's asteroid name is also on a very premiere spot in my chart, which-degree has been especially-potent for me since my last birthday, and will be featured in an upcoming eclipse during 2015.

So of course!

I looked up LB's name asteroid,

Bernstein 4476,

and discovered that I have this placement at 13.13' Aquarius *lol*... 13 13 that's pretty mystical, yes? (I don't actually know for sure) .....

The Maestro used first name "Leonard" (not birthname). Leonardo 3000 conjuncts my Lada {music of the spheres} at 23+ Cancer, and conjoins next-degrees of Angel-Vx, Uranus Cancer in 8th House.

Transiting 4476 Bernstein is now (at time I started typing) at 6+ in Pisces (my interc 3rd house).

Transiting Mercury + Venus are 12+ degrees, soon to exactly-conjunct my Bernstein Aqua in H2. (How I love this stuff!)

The Capricorn Sun today transits my asteroids: 17942 Whiterabbit s.r.{twilight-zone} and 20108 1995-QZ9 rx {needing to clarify self-concept, resources, and getting in touch with own needs; to fulfill requirements of one's own survival}.
Also natal degree of 5029 Ireland (a soft-spot with much history past-and-present life in my heart, just saying! For just-me-uniquely, meaning Beloved ).

Pluto Capricorn has crossed arc-seconds" with my 4848 Tutenchamun rx which bQ my Sun, trine my Venus, and semi-sex my Bernstein... and on it's way to 7711 RIP rx! {oh noooo, LMAO} {Well, sure hoping that this will bode new more 'awakenings' for my inner 'Rip'-van-Winkle *grin*!).
Asteroid 4747 Tutenchamun as {dealing with things from the past & w history & former conditions, revivals & resurrections; getting one's just-due after delays, ironic reversals of fortune... ty M.A.H. website}

There are other fun-asteroids igniting my chart right now too... I definitely like science, and I realize that this kind of game-playing word association with asteroids may not 'seem' too scholarly?... Maybe not as productive towards unraveling the true meanings of asteroids? But when I decided to 'just give it a try', I found the asteroids to be so much fun! AND, I discovered hidden things about my own journey being spelled out there in front of me, which I may not have considered before.... The Universe is Loving & Kind towards me... It already knows my whacky-ways. So, I express many many apologies to our reading beloved science-astronomers, okay? ... I DO want to add to the understanding of our asteroids. Sometimes during 'just letting go' we can find real treasures, that help un-lock INNER spaces, too.

I mean, I could go~~ 'Nut[s] here {306367}' {n 5+ Pisces, where Neptune currently visits,} Nut was the sky goddess, symbolizing protection, freedom & connection with "All That Is" {M.A.H.}! I could probably do a page on all my asteroid-touches right now. This stuff is just crazy-good. Good for me, ... and good for the further-definition and understanding of 'who I am', and who I Be.

I'll stop doing that right now.... Going on to the point I want to make for today.

After these past few days of survival, I returned to a notion I once had a long time ago. Aesthetics. Study of Beauty {more than one kind}.

When I first began my interest in astrology, I recalled reading something on the fly about my chart, and it dealt with the word "aesthetics." So! I decided to look that up, to see what that "really" means.

AT the SAME time, I was loading a Leonard Bernstein lecture on "Ambiguity" and music. {Harvard lecture he did}.

(I resurrected the Bernstein lecture, as I also planned to apply some of this to the Karma Astrology thread in Divine Diversity~~ efficiency while giving myself to medicinal playing, ha!) It had been a very long time since I viewed that lecture. And here, I was wondering the path-Path for me to take for my future.

What I'm finding (and re-discovering again), is that the future is always at hand.

It's 'in your hand'...
its clue is
'what are you looking at right now?'
'what are your interests?'
'where do you spend your resources, what do you do w time talents etc?'
'what draws you expediently towards itself?'
'what can you hardly resist when it's placed straight in front of you, or somewhere you can see it?'

I realized yesterday-today that (what I seem to continue to express here is) there's a pattern forming about Beauty, Love, things of Elegance, the meta inner-workings of the Cosmos and Consciousness, tapping into developing a way of movement, navigation of Consciousness~~ for self-knowing, for Self-Knowing, for knowing and Being with One and Another.

I try to reach down into the source of inner beauty, to find ways of creating spirit-intimacy, creating environments that attract God's spirit, the art muses, that mystical expression standing in the transcendent Beauty ~~ The kinds of things that people like Leonard Bernstein drew in. The kinds of ecstatic states like Kathryn Kuhlman was familiar with (I know what she was talking about now, and MANY people did not understand what she was doing, when she made herself the base example in what seemed like self-denigration). Another person I soar with is the newer composer Eric Whitacre... that man taps the Other-Something in the atmosphere, for me. And I know many others Hear it, too.

The Estonia-festival was an example of this Higher-Consciousness tapping... I was so impressed when I viewed that documentary film, I could just cry. It was profound! If the World could resonate in such a way as 'that'! If we could dip our paintbrushes in those kinds of collaborative atmospheres, then surely, we could repair our Humanity.... It IS being done.

Somehow, my heart cries for this experience to fall 'Beautiful' upon All.

Asteroid Estonia 1541 natal at 13+ Aries h4,
t Jan 13 = 26 Aquarius

26 Aquarius, is the degree one past my Third House Aqua cusp at 25.56'59"....

I have there, in that 26+ degree space, the following:

15874 1996-TL66-rx
{putting an end to something inhuman, ugly, revenging or vindictive; suffering, persecution, destruction, revelation, epiphany, something mystical or apocalyptic, knowing without words, watersheds}

5536 Honeycutt {a taste of honey, one's piece of the pie}

916 America....
{having a dream that sustains you,
in whose pursuit one gains a personal sense of empowerment for their life,
the inclusive-liberty and happiness for all who care to gather there cooperatively, in a united way,
to form a sense of interactive-idealism and collective identity among the selves of layered-society who are simultaneously declaring the condition of 'community'}
(((..... just my musings there *smile* )))

t Ceres Capricorn is approaching my Pocahontas-rx 4487, Requiem 2254. t Pocahontas is at the last degree of Aquarius, 29+, where stands my 4769 Castalia, the muse of poetry & prose.... by drinking from her Deep Springs, I stand imbued by her spirit today....

Venus just clicked to the degree of Bernstein

(music) Pocahontas, Colors of the Wind (Vanessa Williams, w Disney Film) [4:17] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doMh3fpBWdA

____________________

^for ref. Only... The Estonia Festival trailer located on this site http://www.tobreatheasone.com/trailer
^for ref. Introduction to Aesthetic-experience, in general (Seth Tichnor) [13:41] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj0n88HaNiQ

posted January 15, 2015 07:19 PM            

Even last night again, the shaking of my cot was just something-else! It didn't stop until after 3 AM!

Couldn't spend any time on online, even passively listening to stuff, because I wouldn't have been able to stay awake enough to absorb it, I was so too tired.

I finally did fall asleep around 3, then woke at 6:45am. o m g, my body (ssmb) felt so much smoothness, peace, and bliss in the 'Quiet' with nothing quaking-shaking-moving. It was still. So!, I know that my 'self' is okay, because I AM able to reset when the over-the-top stuff stops.

They have sound systems that are designed for private dwellings, not apartment buildings. It's an illusion that you live by yourself, and that you own your space. No, you don't own ALL that space. There are other people besides you. But some people are not mindful of that. heh.

I'll have to check my asteroid Misterrogers 26858... my natal 14+ Aqua in Cappy H2, tolerance, give kids hope, create more productive citizen; desires to be a good neighbor and citizen yep, that sounds like me;

then, I have asteroid Freia 76 at 15+ Aqua receiver of the slain, mistress of her property, precious possessions, hmmmm and 'fondness for Love Songs!!!' Definitely!, gotta do me some of those?, right?!

Let's see what else: asteroid House 18+ Aqua is there.... yep, need a better place! (Oh, and I love Oriah House's blogs, what a Beautiful writing Soul! You inspire me!)

Then 2546 Libitina, at 19+ Aqua!!! ~oooh noooo, it reads, corpses, funerals, death... Well, I'm going to put a Positive intention on that one, by saying that this will be the ending of defeating old-ways of dealing with things for me. When I first moved here to this locale in spring 2001, the first Sunday service I attended was Easter. The pastor had a coffin brought in. Each one of us, in turn, would go up to the casket and look inside. Inside that casket was a mirror. Yes, it was gross. It was me, all the things I came 'here' for. All the things that needed to be dealt with, and said goodbye to. -----in my own way without knowing it, I lay down those endings of whatever has been holding me back from having the MOST successful life possible, with much happiness. Yes, I'm Willing for that, definitely.

Then going further down the Aqua degrees, I see my asteroid Valentine 447 is Aqua 20+ . I also know that "Valentine" was also an alchemist. ... A lot of asteroids have that double meaning like that, the shallow and the meta. Many are named after metaphysicians and alchemists, innovators, inventors, 'renaissance people'. Intrigues me very much.

One can learn this stuff shallow, or go deep. I personally like the depths. I get images of turtle. That's been very symbolic for me these past few years, and used to be in my dreams at night. Yes, and there's a connection to my father (that thought came to me this morning).

I like honesty. I don't like the 'games' some people play. That's a way people can get very hurt. And I don't want to get hurt by people who don't want to live their life by that kind of more transparent code. No more BS. Careful how you use me... Remember, the great big Cosmic Alligators are my loyal protectors, and have been. I realize that, throughout maybe many incarnations~~ just sayin'... in case you believe in that stuff. (and there's an asteroid for that! LOL)

My spirits inside are very very good. I'm just worried about my body. hehe, 'death transits'... ain't no way this gurl is gonna give this body up right now. no, no, no. I'm starting to actually have Fun! That just wouldn't be fair! hey.

I felt really smooth and good inside for those first moments of Peace, when I had it. My body is what takes the wear and tear of this.

We've also been having internet and phone connection problems here.

My rm will be vacationing-at-home starting Sat. 24 Jan through 2 Feb. This means even tighter restrictions for computer.
Throughout that span of time, "we" will be having some mutually-significant transits to our Chirons -- his will be t Ceres H7, mine will be t Sun H2.
The last time we had gnarly transits simultaneously, we passed through it with flying colors. (Was also on one of his week vacas.)

I hope this post makes sense! oy gonna go grab more teilenol.

If things stay simmered, I may be able to post. But then I hate getting into convos, then disappearing! I don't think that's fair to the 'group' if you know what I'm saying? There are some really excellent convos I'd LOVE jumping into right now~~ BUT I've gotta deal with what's going on here, instead.

I will try to pop in to the posts I had begun to ask questions in, ... like the DD one. oooooo mayn.

If anything, I'll drop songs, and do some light-convo posts here and there.

I'll think of a song in a bit, to add here.

posted January 15, 2015 08:43 PM            

t HOUSE 4950 Aqua is partile natal Valentine Aqua 20.40' in H2 {cappy cusp} at 7:54pm

t Mercury Aqua on my 26858 Misterrogers 14+ Aqua (I've been 'talking' about my 'hood? )

t Venus Aqua on my 56 Freia 15+ Aqua ('fondness for "Love Songs"' )

Looked up animal totems... my Turtle (mentioned above) had a message for me:

What are you hiding for? Get out there and explore your new found powers! --Turtle

Oh yes, the Universe is Wise and Loving! Here's to moving Up, moving Out, and moving Forward.... Finding a way to deal with a few intrusive people, for a while longer, with much Patience.

posted January 16, 2015 09:39 PM            

And actually? Concerning Death transits? I found around a year or more ago that I have had some eerie successes with monitoring charts like that! (It's just interesting...) I watch some charts then get that strange-sense to look again, or I'd "happen" to inquire as to so-and-so was doing, and a day or so later they pass. Boast here?... It gave me the first taste that I can do this sort of thing. I knew something was up with Hilary's chart, and I checked her husband and daughter, and they were having echoing concurrent transits. Then when that t Mars hit her IC she had that head injury. Wow, it was all there.

So now, applying what I know through watching my own chart, for the next few months, I already-know that my sound-sensitivities seem to ratchet when Mars or Mercury hit the top or bottom angles of my chart... biggie is t Mars across my IC! wow.

We had maintenance men here doing a few things today. The 'hood JUST NOW got quiet.

Just stopping by here... trying to tough things out.

Oh! I entered LL through my usual portal through asteroids-forum, and looked at the listing of topics today.....

and I saw it's your BIRTHDAY, RANDALL! I am wishing you the sincerest and BEST Wishes for a Fabulous Year! All my Heart!!

posted January 19, 2015 03:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Yay! Today is my birthday!

---

Great Exaltations & Exhilarations, Dear Randall!!

posted January 21, 2015 03:38 AM            

I really AM very glad that things did not go into the directions I was thinking more than a few years ago. The Gold is what remains in my life right now.... Gentle, loving, and adventurous. I have a great and rich future ahead of me... I want that Family who is True for me. The ones who have opened my Heart...

I feel so blessed to have the Love that I have right now from some truly truly radiant lights in my life.

I'm not looking to be in the lime-light. I'm not a competitive big-shot. I like assertive, not aggressive. Kind, not cutting and cold. I am just making a point, rather than making points. Not trying to make myself a pedestal, that's the way people fall. That's not a good place to be or to have some fun on, unless there are some faithful and true Friends there to catch me, and to take turns. I want safe true and loving people in my life.

I have general outlines of several posts I've been working on.... {rm has been home and will be again today (extra-hard to work with tv constantly on; ...plus 'the usual' hoodie other sheesh)}.

Dentist....
I've almost saved enough money now to go get my tooth-filling replaced... crunched part of it out in early December, then the rest of that filling just came out a few days ago. So disappointed. I thought I'd be able to have a few dollars to invest in getting some readings, or to take some interesting internet courses, but that 'literally' fell out... as in losing a tooth-filling.

What's really interesting? The last time I went to the dentist, I was having transiting asteroid Child crossing the cusp of my 12th house, to conjunct natal asteroid Child. Well? It's coming within a few degrees of that again. That first visit I was in panic. Now, I'm completely fine about going. Yay, healed that fear! (I had had some really traumatic visits in the past. This last dentist I had did the surgery so well, that I'm not afraid of that anymore. What a relief.)

I'll probably be making the appointment for after my next check comes. Oh. SSDI Check went up ~ 26, and two other 'benefits' went down lower. Prices are raising soooo high, and I keep going backwards.

That's the kind of thing that some people would go unethical or immoral on. Back in 2005/6, I was given the 'evil' choice (I've written about)... Others in my 'so-called' peer group just went along and didn't care if they were participating in 'fraud' or not! I thought it was wrong, no matter who was doing it. (They basically left the sin or responsibility on that corrupt govt caseworker at the time, and agency director). I went through hell for that....

I won't do wrong, in order to get what I need. What is this world coming to? And isn't it a crying shame that some people expect that...

posted January 21, 2015 11:56 PM            

(music) Sunshine Go Away Today (Jonathan Edwards Cover, guitar) [2:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F17ruQx6Nok

(music) Stuck In The Middle With You (Stealers Wheel) [3:27] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DohRa9lsx0Q

(music) Shower The People (James Taylor) [4:52] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uokWBMU02Ug

(music) Some Children See Him (James Taylor, Christmas) [4:37] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QELB5rxXnk0

(music) With Your Love I'm Born Again (Billy Preston & Syreeta, 1981) [3:33] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmM8aQar4Lg