posted September 18, 2013 07:04 PM            

She's supposed to be making a 'match' for me for mentoring... This one should be calling me on Friday afternoon, Sept 20.... Transformations coming at last?? (I really really hope so! I've felt so stranded!) I pray that Time will be redeemed, Ashes turned to Beauty. Wisdoms which have grown into me so deeply will have a place to Spring out.... Fountains

Reminds me of the mythological Castalia, the nymph of the sacred spring on Mt Parnassus at Delphi... Water primarily used to purify the Temple.... She became the symbol of poetry. Fled the advances of Apollo and perished in the stream; she got 'turned into a fountain'; to drink from her depths is said to imbue one with lyrical talents of poetic prose....

I have 4769 Castalia in my Aquarius 3rd, 29.38'... (trine GEM Merc-SN, trine LIBRA Neptune-rx a few degrees wide).... Gives me breadth and imaginations to be a Dreamer, eh? haha (A legend in my own mind... self-entertained, at least. I hope that will not be the 'only' expression I have... well, at least no one can fault me for 'not trying'? .... )

This possible 'opportunity' looks like a 'dream'.... But I will investigate this and not 'jump' for every offer, now. (I'm a sadder but wiser girl now!) First I will see if it can be a place for personal coaching-support; then it could turn out to be a social network outlet for me.... a place to share my life experiences with others.

I desire to help others so much... But how can I do it so fiercely caught in a 'rut' of continuing frustrations?

Ready for Changes! Time for a New Place to live, and New Opportunities to REALLY apply my energies where they will be Welcomed and good come out of my Life Experience.

I propel Forward and Believe for my Best Dreams to come true in ways that are WAY-good and beyond what I could ever Hope or Imagine!

Putting DeepFaith into Action with my BootsOn in the Garden of The Earth, Baby!!

posted September 22, 2013 01:48 AM            

BUT, and Glad-HOWEVERs!!..... I did have a few excellent other contacts! There's a weekend teaching-healing small conference during the second weekend of October, (), that I would really really like to attend! ...edit

Just for 'whimsy' I called the venue and asked if they would 'pencil me in'... Such loves, they DID that for me! The Universe loves symbolic acts...

I throw my hopes into this positive direction for me... I would be meeting and interacting with others who are 'like' me.

If I could humanly-spiritually do it, I would wrap my arms around the world, and Heal its broken innerSouls... one by one-- Heart to Heart!

A few weeks ago(?) I came across a youtube about a Healer who lived in Boston, Massachusettes back in the 60s, 70s? One of the names he was called is 'Karmu'.... He could HEAL people by LOVING them. After listening to the stories about him, I wish that I could do that-- I wish that I could do what he did for people! (He died in late 1970s or 80s?) (I may start a separate LL topic about my experience after listening about him and his work.)

(music) If I Could (Barbara Streisand) lyrics [4:23] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMlnn2COHRo

posted October 13, 2013 01:21 PM            

I would respond in depth, RIGHT NOW; HOWEVER, there is TERRIBLE environmental interference.... The terrible subwoofers of neighbors next door AND outside THE VERY THIN WALLS OF this apartment.... (That's why I'm "shouting" with my CAPS ON! I can't HEAR MYSELF THINK!.....)

soooo hard to keep THOUGHTS "together" with all this!!! And that UPSETS me.....

"Sounds" can be used in Medical Treatment realms for healing purposes...... So 'why' shake up babies/kids (and neighbors... hey!) and do THIS [below] to their 'internal bodyparts'----

(clip) Freaky cornstarch under (wave-form generator) [1:28] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scbPKjU8Ssg

My physiology has been wearing thin.... Unfortunate consequence is that my actual nervous system has become hypersensitized over the past three years --- Take me away from hear/here/ ~whatever!! WOW..... arghhhhhh!! RMAO!

(clip) House shaking subwoofer!!!!!!! THIS!!!!!!!!!! [:44] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BPNX9fFWRc

thankyou LL for the ability to edit posts! gosh...

posted October 14, 2013 07:39 PM            

They have pages of personal info on me... There was a HIPPAA, but I am still concerned.

I feel sorta duped. And demoralized now. Re-inforces the intimidation and fear in me, rather than the hope.... Can only try to coast for right now... Pray for inner-Hero to come-back my way *licking my wounds time*... (Mariah Carey style)

After doing some deeper research (with luck in the mix), I now perhaps see that their company was 'actually' in the business of trying to sell me private insurance. Happened during a time when I was 'especially' vulnerable... with having lost my physicians. In those MD/DO 'quit' letters I discerned the foundational spirit underneath their leavings.... (local radicalized 'political activists')

Now I feel like the WBcartoonCharacters--- when they suddenly realize they are suspended in empty air over a wide and deep gully...

*Other* thing I had mentioned....
I didn't get to go to the workshop.
I had an empty hospitality response to that (almost-local) workshop which focused on inner Healing-- I had pulled together the FULL tuition for the event, and looked 'forward' to meeting other people who were into the same (rare) interests...

But I guess I must awaken to this "newer-age" world... I still vibe on the energy from my old new-age kumbaya days, which were decades ago... I recall the group harmony, the grace of 'hosting' people who shared interests in same-weekend conference events... The feel of "community" was more safe, and more cool back then! I mightily enjoyed my guests-- Made the content of the workshops more intimate, meaningful, and enjoyable....

*sigh*

posted October 15, 2013 02:07 PM            

Yeah, it's tough. But you know what? I still have to Believe that the Universe has a plan for my life, that I'm always being directed to stand exactly at the right place, at the Rightly appointed time.

It's like a mystical heavenly metaphor....

We are its independent dancers. If we each can dance each our own dance, and move to the Beats we each intuitively feel, then a Resonance can occur.

We could find ourselves in the midst of a powerful group revelation, an Awakening. It may be possible (if granted) that we could suddenly find our perspectives (metaphysically) 'shift'. Together, we could be privy to view a great on-stage heavenly Reveal--- that the players in our personal daily 'dance troupe' have all been moving-in towards each other, and we see the form of a structural energetic synchrony has been shaped all around us....

I don't know if we can 'individually' appreciate how much we're a part of a larger and significant Whole plan... But we have to entertain these thoughts and 'trust' that we ARE both 'the players' AND a part of the whole Cosmic audience. I hope we get a collective sustained "experience" where the Marvel and the Beauty that's been there all along, (along with our heavy tears and the pain), gets Revealed.

Sometimes the Pain is a catalyst... (And I pray that EVERY suffering is met with an angel and a bit of analgesia found in balm of human empathy, contact, and sympathy.)

I envision... how we, as a Collective Soul, may each 'individually' awaken to Feel our Overall Soul's ultimate Worth'.... We play our part, our mundane life. And together as One, we can bring about a heavenly Desired Good. We can Desire together, that the wholesome things in Heaven will usher down the Healing Change we need on Earth. "We" are its Change Agents. "We"-- in the form of *I* and *me* are part of this long Universal Heavenly Strategy...

Someday I Believe... that we will be shown that the story of our Lives--- our rhythms, our melpomenic dramas, our reaching out to one another--- was all 'Beautiful' (timely).

We play our parts. I play my part....

Thanks so much, Randall, for playing yours...

(music) The Great Invocation (NewTroubadors) [1:52] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHUJQbGA9-c

posted October 24, 2013 05:32 PM            

My situation is extremely very tight. Very intense. I'm still going through my material belongings, sorting, organizing, tossing.

Taking a Soul inventory of my Life. Thinking. Paying attention to my thoughts while working -- Looking at 'what' I find myself thinking about, 'how' it affects my body, my outlook.... Trying to keep my courage for my BEST possible OUTCOMES... Trying to stay out of 'worry' which can lead to terrible fear at times (oh! my scorpio houses are creaking--- big-tiny ship on a terribly deep immense ocean voyage)

My Body's actual physiology nervous system is on sensory-overload... agitation from Environment... which affects my emotional body now.... because of a weariness-factor working into my life (and astrological chart).

Like body's battery drain-out, and dim red light is on, needing a recharge... Need that to happen, but I can't 'reach' my cord to get plugged-in... (I'm a good egg. I try to do the best I can with what I have... Feel sad and trapped in a sinking situation. Trying to keep fear level at bey, and courage UP! Being a realist-practical as I can, with little gulps of making sure I keep up with 'possibility' dreams... even though these may not TOTALLY seem practical. But 'to dream' is SOOOOO important, and key for my future--- I sense this... AND the fear that comes almost in a synthesis.)

COOL ASTROLOGY---
Person I share this apartment with had transiting mars on his IC (4th House Cusp, RealEstate) at the precise-moment of eclipse last Friday, featuring a mars OPP Neptune (his IC/MC exact). So he has his natal transiting Mars Square Mars natal, WITH the mundane Mars crossing his IC and INTO the 4th House. T-Uranus for him in 10th.

I have transiting Uranus IN my 4th House Aries... Trine MarsCancer7th (which I have t-nept-rx ~trine my marsCancer exact, and trine wide my merc-snGem7th).

Electric URANUS + arc'ing MARS Fires ... 4th HOUSE Real Estate. T-BML, T-Jupiter in MY 8th HOUSE Shared Possessions & DEATH (drama, LOL), HIS 2nd House Materials & Possessions. t-Pluto messing with my 2nd House Cusp, His end of 7th House.

Today, Scorpio party in my 11th House... Cusp is 0-Scorpio. Eclipse was DIRECT Sun to my Neptune-Libra opp my Sedna-Aries, squaring my URANUS 8TH HOUSE cancer opp CERES 2nd Capricorn ... EXACTLY.

INCIDENT---
Had to have the fire dept come, two hours after exact eclipse here IN our LOCALE. Roommate got home, light switches arcing, lights on/off. OUR FIRE ALARM kept honking, switch-outlets buzz-snapping. Lights dim-bright, off-on. The wiring in this place is old, and Maintenance is poor--- (My maternal grandfather was a Fire Chief.... my internal child was a mess! oh-no--- such panic!) We couldn't get hold of the apt-maintenance guys (on vacation in Bahamas, company trip); two different electrical companies visited us, no one solving the problem, saying it was 'fixed' when it wasn't. Finally had the actual maintenance guy come and eventually replaced old things, rewired sockets, etc. Finished yesterday afternoon.... Electrical dangerousness and scariness! Do my nerves need a rest? Ha!-- I want a better place to live~~ you know it! My Body (and emotions) need a spa!!!!

( Another note is that we Found out yesterday afternoon that the Old Maintenance man who used to work here part time two years ago, DIED last thursday.... So sad. Hey.... Maybe it was his Ghost! spooky..... to say the least!)

posted October 26, 2013 01:08 PM            

Circuits affected internet/tv/phone access because it depended on the electricity being on. Drove my roommate crazy to not have any tv-- and he could play simples games on computer, but no internet.

I secretly enjoyed that tv being OFF!... (oh yes!! Peace!) But it was a concern not to have phone service for me. (Roommate has his fancy cellphone he uses for all his communications.)

Took showers using limited lighting of hurricane lamps, flashlights... For me it served as a practical exercise and learning.

(gosh.... Neighbor sounds like he's holding a pep-rally again! Is back to those dark pounding-beats through these thin walls....)

With all the upsetting disorganization and chaos in the apartment involved with my wrapping, packing and preparing for a moving mess, ... I 'lost' the battery recharger for my expensive sound-cancellation headphones I had to buy (for my health & sanity) .... Can't find it anywhere! So yesterday, I had to order a new one, costing 50 ouchy bucks!!

Thanks for dropping the email link... Will see if I can get in to writing some LL-posts later, or maybe tomorrow.... ugh, sucks!)

posted October 28, 2013 03:22 PM            

This weekend a problem developed with the HVAC here.... Very old AC condensing unit compressor had been straining and straining on our electricity, and compressor finally seized and gave-up. Didn't work all weekend-- air handler inside was on CONSTANTLY and made a lot of noise but didn't work to make things better. Apartment was like a stuffy sticky hot-box...

Maintenance man "finally" declared the unit "broken" after noon (few hours ago) today. He is ordering a new outside unit...

Two other neighbors in our 4-unit building 'had' to have their AC CUs replaced in the past 6 weeks.

The "new" ones are torturous to me-- they have an "added" very high pitch steady LOUD tone/whistle to them. I barely physically tolerate the great amount of SOUND these produce...

When multiple working units come into "unity" the 'resonance' (waveforms, oscillating at same frequency) to me is 'arresting'... I have NO place to get away from it... it fills up my space, and I am "suspended" in time in terrible body despair, and therefore emotional because I am 'trapped' in it-- "This" is what is "supposed" to be my "sanctuary"--- the place where a person gets to "restore" and heal the body's batteries, and gain inner calm and peace.... 'This' is the world I live in Randall... and I can't physically get away from it.

All these units belonging to this building are along the outer back wall where I sleep (only 7 to 10 feet away). Now "I" will have another of these high-pitch steady-tone-producing mashing gnarling grinders *added* outside my glass window. Bed is a 3 feet from it.

I have had to sleep at night with my ears jammed filled with silicone earplugs to dull the sounds as much as I can... It's like living in a mechanical closet. (Hey, but what a GREAT invention these plugs are... I'm sooo grateful for these!!)

Going to bed at night can be torture... "rest" comes when I finally go unconscious for whatever part of the evening into morning that I can manage. As I say, I STRIVE very hard to "keep my good spirits up" in spite of it all. I do the very best that I can to survive...

A `weird` discovery/coincidence is that all the newest equipment bear thelinda surname on plates riveted to these~~~ My Life in the strange backyard twilight-zone!... so strange, so 'trapped', so strange.

I can only pray that God will be good to me and download next instructions on 'what to do'... AND send me a boatload of special grace to make it through to the next phase.

Sorry... I am not meaning to 'sound' so negative about my cold reality--- sometimes I must relay the 'facts' and explanations that are not pretty or 'together'-sounding for an individual life (mine). I would wish this only to be a window (a look n see) into a piece of 'what my now-present life' is like.

It is my desire to be here often on LL... I write this to say how privately important it has been to me... That's why I want to keep letting you know----- Please realize that my absence from this site, and my (perhaps apparent) inability to concentrate on 'others' adequately-enough (more than my 'self' all the time), is something that is beyond my ability to control right now... This causes me despair. Please know that my spirit and heart is 'present' even though (or when) I am 'prevented' physically to do so...

posted November 01, 2013 11:55 PM            

You know I've been telling you how generally rotten I feel (all the time)? On Oct 29 around noon, I was feeling SO bad that I actually opened the phonebook, chose a doctor's name, and made a next-day appointment!

This new doctor is a specialist-- an internist. He said All the strong symptoms I told him about point to 'thyroid levels' being off. He's ordering tests, and gave prescription for stronger stomach acid suppressor (now THAT feels sooo much better).

I can "look" all calm, cool, and collected--- but omg, the body can take the brunt of it!