posted April 24, 2015 09:22 PM            

I understand what you wrote about masculine and feminine energies. I myself am more masculine, I think, even though I am a cancerian and have a perfectly (!) balanced chart, both in terms of elements and of modes. I just had to understand my energy and be at peace with it. I have connections with "feminine" males and "masculine" females. Even the so-called "macho" males I know are sensitive... and the females are out-going, sincere, ... But I stopped thinking of these things years ago. You simply reminded me...

You are right, everything is connected. And everyone effects everyone else, whether the influence comes from the "so-called-shadows" or from the "main" spotlight... And it doesn't matter from where it comes, it has a similar effect in quantity, even if unique at its quality...

Have a great weekend, with a lot of inspiration and more great ponderings!

posted April 25, 2015 10:04 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ayelet:
Hi Mirage, I have been reading your last posts. Yes, we all have our special place in the great plan and nothing is wasted. That is something I need to remember, that nothing is wasted.

I understand what you wrote about masculine and feminine energies. I myself am more masculine, I think, even though I am a cancerian and have a perfectly (!) balanced chart, both in terms of elements and of modes. I just had to understand my energy and be at peace with it. I have connections with "feminine" males and "masculine" females. Even the so-called "macho" males I know are sensitive... and the females are out-going, sincere, ... But I stopped thinking of these things years ago. You simply reminded me...

You are right, everything is connected. And everyone effects everyone else, whether the influence comes from the "so-called-shadows" or from the "main" spotlight... And it doesn't matter from where it comes, it has a similar effect in quantity, even if unique at its quality...

Have a great weekend, with a lot of inspiration and more great ponderings!

---

posted April 25, 2015 05:49 PM            

my songs today - You're Are Now in God's Holy LL Chaplaincy spot and place HERE: with your Mirage leadin' the church meetin' once again. So Hey, and Welcome! (christian)

(music) The Battle Belongs To The Lord! [3:16] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMZ8D6nTKhg

(music) When God Has Another Plan (The Greenes) lyrics [3:11] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg2a5-XtqHE

God has always financed my dreams.... The ones that have Belonged to Him.

I think about my recent 'attempt' at getting out there on the sidewalks, out in the public-eye, meeting new people, even bold-enough to accept and go out on a date after way-more than a decade of being celebate.

That ended for me in a kind of earthly disaster. I mean, think about it: here "Fabio" shows up at my doorstep, *panting*, in my real and actual life, and there I 'upped-and-went' on the opportunity that presented itself, thinking that everything that shows up for me in my life just HAD to be 'God's Will' for me. ...And it was. But not in the way I thought.

Long ago, I had RADICALLY given my life over to God, with Heart-commitment ONLY to do the things HE wants for me in my life. I gave Him permission to put safeties in place, when it comes to His Vision and Dream coming into fruition in my life. I've been in a long corridor of waiting. And I know that it's all worth waiting for. God can turn things around for me, in one small moment.

So! I go out on this Fabio-type date, which ended up with me having arrived exactly 'on-time' for both my life, for his life, and for the lives of all concerned.

I was making the mistake of going out to fulfill things 'with the wrong person' and I ended up spending two hours repeatedly wretching, VOMITTING my guts, puking and puking, kneeling before that white porcelain altar (called a toilet). My earthly Venus was feeling so defeated in 'her' own wonts, but my pathway was getting cleared.

I reflect now, on how that actually turned into a 'spiritual event' in my life. In my drunken state, when I think about the things I said, my words spoken revealed to me the deep 'commitment' I have to Honoring Christ's Love in my life. Out of the Abundance of the Heart, and vomit, the Word flowed out of me between each hurl. I personally know the Lovingkindness of God, and His Mercy and patience towards me. I Praised and I Thanked God for who He is and for what that meant to my Life. (heh, not too romantic either, for poor Fabio~~ but I am so happy that I was actually mindful, to have prayed not-just for me, but for his life too, at the same time... (because he's actually a very good person.)

At daybreak, when the Sun started illuminating the loft, I found he had the Doreen Virtue "Angel Prayer Cards" tucked into spots all around in this apartment. (I didn't know that about him, by the way.)

He had been praying to God and the Universe to draw and meet his soulmate, and while we had stopped to purchase a bottle of wine beforehand, he disclosed later to me (just before getting into the car for the trip back home) that I had been actually standing in line behind the woman he had thought once was his soulmate (while standing in the cash-out line).

He had lived together with her for four or five years, but she refused to marry him or stay in his life. (She lived out-of-state now in the western region of the US. She had come for a visit with her mom here.)

He said there had been many unresolved feelings, a lack of closure after the breakup, and that he remained in a state of being deeply broken-hearted.

I perked up at the news and suggested brightly to him to give her a call while she was in town. That maybe our meeting and subsequent bumping into her at the market was a sign for him to make further contact with her?... But he said that the break was irrevocable, and decidedly mutual.

There are so many rich treasures that have arisen for me since that event. It showed me the power of desires, and Law of (mutual) Attractions. But then-- I spent that time kneeled and VOMITTING into that porcelain bowl. And it was not only praying and making declarations for myself, but also for the man in the room with me, who (I being unawares) was freshly-pained and grieving-- needing the healing of his own heart's state of brokenness. God 'used' this situation... I am sooo amazed.

I 'heard' myself (in my drunkenness, and it had been YEARS since I'd been anyway tipsy on anything but the Spirit) telling God-Himself out-loud with my voice (for anyone in earshot), how much I Loved Him, and how I didn't want anything in my life to go any other way than the Way HE planned it. (You know, it's amazing to me, how ab'soul'utely sober, solid, magnificent, and Still it can be when you find-yourself at the center point of your/His Being.)

My TRUE Love is God-- God's Plan, God's Purposes... 'The Heavenly-Man' is the one I am in-Love with, and my Soul married His a long long time ago.

This vomiting, was my Soul's revisiting and revealing again what is in my Core.

While I was praying all those Clearing prayers here for these past several months, they were ALL being answered....

(music) As The Deer (lyrics) (Marty J. Nystrom) [3:23] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF27EczT_pU

(music) Above All (Michael W. Smith, lyrics) [4:39] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmxb3F7rb_0

Where could I ever hide, O God? You are my Everything-- Heart Soul Body. I bow to Your Will and Your Desires for my life, O Lord!

And I pray that for every and all persons who are or have ever been associated with my life, and for the future ones--- that there be Blessings flowing. I release everyone who is to be released, and I thank you for them, God. They (and I) are in Your Good Hands, and I pray for Your Perfect Plan to manifest in all our lives. God specializes in doing the Impossible with a People of Possibility, every time!

(music) On Time God (Dottie Peoples, lyrics) [4:54] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e728Mx2kCk

From my youth, I've been a Worshipper, worshipping my God in Spirit and In Truth. My little heart poured out its songs to Him, day or night, in the Beauty of its nature while swinging on those swings. And with a true-heart, I've followed hard after God in whatever I pursued. I don't do things half-heartedly (including getting myself in trouble, as my high school principle noted to me in my senior year~ oy, so true so true).

I can see now (upon reaching six decades of life), how there has never been anything that I've ever dabbled in, where God wasn't right there revealing Himself to me within it. (That was something special He did for me.) When you deeply desire to live a consecrated life, The Spirit of Truth is there, and He (The Truth) will witness in whatever you handle. God Grant Us all Protection and Discernment, and Give Us Courage to act based on our convictions. Keep us all away from the things that would harm irrevocably.

Nothing you do is ever wasted (as I've heard TD Jakes saying, on his inspirational programs recently).

GOD is in charge of my life, and He Hand-picked, Hand-chose me, for Himself-- just the way I am. I am His Design, and I always want to self-improve. I can count that God is always correcting me. I love Him.

(I am in deepest gratitude to all the preachers and teachers, and all the astrologers and philosophers, who have ever poured that message into me, in their own deeply blessed and sincere unique ways... *heart*)

I'm an older white-lady, but I DO get sooo excited when I remind myself of having Wild~Thing Church *grin*, just the way I used to enjoy it, in the followin' mode and manner!.... You're invited to 'experience' another kind of Worship that I've encountered in my lifetime walk with God. Whooooo yes! Get ready to *take your wig and shoes off*, and get ready for an excellent cardio session, then the sublime rest and HOLY worship of God.

He is Worthy to be Praised and Adored, at the Center and Total Focus of our Imagination...... hallelujah.

I leave this here, with Dedication and thanking God for My Progressed Moon in its final stages of the Scorpio degrees. My Progressed Moon is about to enter new ground of Sagittarius AT LAST! God, THANK YOU that you gave me the gift of astrology to have helped guide me through these past years of bringing my life and bringing my mind back together again. YOU made these things for me, Lord, to richly enjoy Your Holiness in Your HandiWorks.

There's no altar call in this one. Welcome into another part of Beautiful, and who and whose I am!

He Staannnnds By Me~~

(music) Make It By Myself (Dottie Peoples) [25:08] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q069LpydTJc

------------------

If you didn't have time and you 'skipped church service' today??, then I would want to leave you with this thought:

I literally 'never would have made it' without any of the people who have been my support over these past hard years!

I am grateful for your input. As I said, GOD always finances His Dream, not mine. He doesn't do things half-way with me. HE causes the full finances and all the resources I need to come, when it's aligned with His Will for my life.

I was Called to come alongside and support those Leaders in this world who have a Vision that God gave them and is Bigger than themselves, that was born out of God's Heart towards people, and who work to make a Difference... especially to those who need help and assistance.

I Trust and Believe that God will cause the finances to flow towards that aim in my life. (That would explain 'why' you're own finances and attitudes seemed so blocked towards me. I know that God cause hard-heartedness in people, when that's not their usual way.... Finances open up when the Heart is in line with HIS 'Holy' Spirit. And I wouldn't want it any other way, but Pure.)

All my Love to Each should you be deciding to part ways at this point. May God's Rich Blessings be Upon each one of you on your Journeys.

I am soooo Blessed that you were a part of my life. Now I release and give God the Praise. For those who remain, I'll meet you on the flip-side of the Moon changes.

Everything~~ It's Always Good! Coz That's The God I Serve.

posted April 26, 2015 02:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Ayelet rocks!

---

posted April 29, 2015 02:16 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
{{{Ayelet! }}} Thank you for your thoughts...!!! I have loved some of our conversations in the other forums. I think you are simply awesome.

my songs today - You're Are Now in God's Holy LL Chaplaincy spot and place HERE: with your Mirage leadin' the church meetin' once again. So Hey, and Welcome! (christian)

(music) The Battle Belongs To The Lord! [3:16] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMZ8D6nTKhg

(music) When God Has Another Plan (The Greenes) lyrics [3:11] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg2a5-XtqHE

God has always financed my dreams.... The ones that have Belonged to Him.

I think about my recent 'attempt' at getting out there on the sidewalks, out in the public-eye, meeting new people, even bold-enough to accept and go out on a date after way-more than a decade of being celebate.

That ended for me in a kind of earthly disaster. I mean, think about it: here "Fabio" shows up at my doorstep, *panting*, in my real and actual life, and there I 'upped-and-went' on the opportunity that presented itself, thinking that everything that shows up for me in my life just HAD to be 'God's Will' for me. ...And it was. But not in the way I thought.

Long ago, I had RADICALLY given my life over to God, with Heart-commitment ONLY to do the things HE wants for me in my life. I gave Him permission to put safeties in place, when it comes to His Vision and Dream coming into fruition in my life. I've been in a long corridor of waiting. And I know that it's all worth waiting for. God can turn things around for me, in one small moment.

So! I go out on this Fabio-type date, which ended up with me having arrived exactly 'on-time' for both my life, for his life, and for the lives of all concerned.

I was making the mistake of going out to fulfill things 'with the wrong person' and I ended up spending two hours repeatedly wretching, VOMITTING my guts, puking and puking, kneeling before that white porcelain altar (called a toilet). My earthly Venus was feeling so defeated in 'her' own wonts, but my pathway was getting cleared.

I reflect now, on how that actually turned into a 'spiritual event' in my life. In my drunken state, when I think about the things I said, my words spoken revealed to me the deep 'commitment' I have to Honoring Christ's Love in my life. Out of the Abundance of the Heart, and vomit, the Word flowed out of me between each hurl. I personally know the Lovingkindness of God, and His Mercy and patience towards me. I Praised and I Thanked God for who He is and for what that meant to my Life. (heh, not too romantic either, for poor Fabio~~ but I am so happy that I was actually mindful, to have prayed not-just for me, but for his life too, at the same time... (because he's actually a very good person.)

At daybreak, when the Sun started illuminating the loft, I found he had the Doreen Virtue "Angel Prayer Cards" tucked into spots all around in this apartment. (I didn't know that about him, by the way.)

He had been praying to God and the Universe to draw and meet his soulmate, and while we had stopped to purchase a bottle of wine beforehand, he disclosed later to me (just before getting into the car for the trip back home) that I had been actually standing in line behind the woman he had thought once was his soulmate (while standing in the cash-out line).

He had lived together with her for four or five years, but she refused to marry him or stay in his life. (She lived out-of-state now in the western region of the US. She had come for a visit with her mom here.)

He said there had been many unresolved feelings, a lack of closure after the breakup, and that he remained in a state of being deeply broken-hearted.

I perked up at the news and suggested brightly to him to give her a call while she was in town. That maybe our meeting and subsequent bumping into her at the market was a sign for him to make further contact with her?... But he said that the break was irrevocable, and decidedly mutual.

There are so many rich treasures that have arisen for me since that event. It showed me the power of desires, and Law of (mutual) Attractions. But then-- I spent that time kneeled and VOMITTING into that porcelain bowl. And it was not only praying and making declarations for myself, but also for the man in the room with me, who (I being unawares) was freshly-pained and grieving-- needing the healing of his own heart's state of brokenness. God 'used' this situation... I am sooo amazed.

I 'heard' myself (in my drunkenness, and it had been YEARS since I'd been anyway tipsy on anything but the Spirit) telling God-Himself out-loud with my voice (for anyone in earshot), how much I Loved Him, and how I didn't want anything in my life to go any other way than the Way HE planned it. (You know, it's amazing to me, how ab'soul'utely sober, solid, magnificent, and Still it can be when you find-yourself at the center point of your/His Being.)

My TRUE Love is God-- God's Plan, God's Purposes... 'The Heavenly-Man' is the one I am in-Love with, and my Soul married His a long long time ago.

This vomiting, was my Soul's revisiting and revealing again what is in my Core.

While I was praying all those Clearing prayers here for these past several months, they were ALL being answered....

(music) As The Deer (lyrics) (Marty J. Nystrom) [3:23] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF27EczT_pU

(music) Above All (Michael W. Smith, lyrics) [4:39] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmxb3F7rb_0

Where could I ever hide, O God? You [b]are my Everything-- Heart Soul Body. I bow to Your Will and Your Desires for my life, O Lord!

And I pray that for every and all persons who are or have ever been associated with my life, and for the future ones--- that there be Blessings flowing. I release everyone who is to be released, and I thank you for them, God. They (and I) are in Your Good Hands, and I pray for Your Perfect Plan to manifest in all our lives. God specializes in doing the Impossible with a People of Possibility, every time!

(music) On Time God (Dottie Peoples, lyrics) [4:54] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e728Mx2kCk

From my youth, I've been a Worshipper, worshipping my God in Spirit and In Truth. My little heart poured out its songs to Him, day or night, in the Beauty of its nature while swinging on those swings. And with a true-heart, I've followed hard after God in whatever I pursued. I don't do things half-heartedly (including getting myself in trouble, as my high school principle noted to me in my senior year~ oy, so true so true).

I can see now (upon reaching six decades of life), how there has never been anything that I've ever dabbled in, where God wasn't right there revealing Himself to me within it. (That was something special He did for me.) When you deeply desire to live a consecrated life, The Spirit of Truth is there, and He (The Truth) will witness in whatever you handle. God Grant Us all Protection and Discernment, and Give Us Courage to act based on our convictions. Keep us all away from the things that would harm irrevocably.

Nothing you do is ever wasted (as I've heard TD Jakes saying, on his inspirational programs recently).

GOD is in charge of my life, and He Hand-picked, Hand-chose me, for Himself-- just the way I am. I am His Design, and I always want to self-improve. I can count that God is always correcting me. I love Him.

(I am in deepest gratitude to all the preachers and teachers, and all the astrologers and philosophers, who have ever poured that message into me, in their own deeply blessed and sincere unique ways... *heart*)

I'm an older white-lady, but I DO get sooo excited when I remind myself of having Wild~Thing Church *grin*, just the way I used to enjoy it, in the followin' mode and manner!.... You're invited to 'experience' another kind of Worship that I've encountered in my lifetime walk with God. Whooooo yes! Get ready to *take your wig and shoes off*, and get ready for an excellent cardio session, then the sublime rest and HOLY worship of God.

He is Worthy to be Praised and Adored, at the Center and Total Focus of our Imagination...... hallelujah.

I leave this here, with Dedication and thanking God for My Progressed Moon in its final stages of the Scorpio degrees. My Progressed Moon is about to enter new ground of Sagittarius AT LAST! God, THANK YOU that you gave me the gift of astrology to have helped guide me through these past years of bringing my life and bringing my mind back together again. YOU made these things for me, Lord, to richly enjoy Your Holiness in Your HandiWorks.

There's no altar call in this one. Welcome into another part of Beautiful, and who and whose I am!

He Staannnnds By Me~~

(music) Make It By Myself (Dottie Peoples) [25:08] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q069LpydTJc

[/B]

---

posted April 29, 2015 07:06 PM            

Last evening my Progressed Moon shifted into the zodiac sign of Sagittarius! ...

So, last evening I was alone. I prepared myself a special meal, lit a tall white candle, and poured a little bit of white-zinfandel in a Beautiful stemmed glass. And I thanked God for so many Blessings in my life, for the Power of a Changed Life...

Back around 2009, I discovered that 29+ Scorpio (in my life, to me) symbolically is represented by the 'Heart with 3-Swords that Pierced' it. This seems to have been a prominent degree in many losses that I've experienced. Back during the Eclipse at 29+ Pisces a month ago, it was aspecting my Progressed Moon Scorpio there. I'd had a revelation of the character and spirit of Mary during that afternoon-- I remembered that she was a Mother, and that HER Heart is depicted in some religious 'holy cards' by a heart that was pierced by swords {a prophet uttered those words to her when her baby Jesus was being presented at Temple}.

Jesus, was acquainted with grief. Mary, the Mother of Sorrows, is there for us too.

TD Jakes the other night, talked about broken-hearts, and the perfume that can be released from it. Crushed flowers release their fragrances.

Joyce Meyer this morning talked about holding an 'attitude' of celebration in whatever we've been through. I've been a bit like a plane that's taken off from the airport, and flying through layers and puffs of clouds. Those clouds have rain left in them for me, and I let these go ahead and release.

I smile inside, because even if I stay off the web, God's still got parallel messages going on for me through what I watch on the religious broadcasts. He's a Friend that sticks closer than a Brother.

GOD Himself is The Beautiful and Magnificent Master Astrologer... He orchestrated all this. Every person's blueprint is exactly as He Dreamed and Planned it.

(music) For Every Mountain (Kurt Carr, lyrics) [5:16] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usFt04naqxM

(music) The Friend of a Wounded Heart (Wayne Watson, lyrics) [5:20] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-TLoXBM9ao

(music) Forever Friends (Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant) [4:37] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKegYY18zWY

posted April 30, 2015 12:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ayelet:
Thank you Randall and Mirage, you both rock

---

posted May 01, 2015 05:29 PM            

I've been feeling pretty defeated by life right now. Am reminded of soooo many losses in my life at this calendar time. Apr 26 was the anniversary of my first cousin's suicide in 2004 (which I'd only found out about one year ago last week). Apr 29 my estranged dau BD.

And now I look at this coming Full Moon in Scorpio (May 3 at 10:28pm ET) coinciding with the anniversary of the death of my father (May 4) back in 2008. Seven years ago. That was when I started my 'online' identity and life as mirage29.

This Full Moon will highlight and accentuate my Scorpio Saturn-rx opp Venus Taurus. (I wrote about this in the LL astro forum the other day. Venus2tinkerbell left a comment of support.)

Even if my progressed Moon is now entered Sagittarius (the 'party' & celebrations sign), the Universe still is kind to me and desires the beautiful healing of the foundational-base things of my life. Drink the high calorie milkshake {{{:heart:}}}? ((You know, I'll love you forever, always have, always will-and-want to.))

It's been so 'harsh' physically for me here, which does so much to steal my vital energies (physically, and now wearing psychologically a bit here). When my body isn't feeling good, for the long-term period over these handful of years that it has, 'feeling sick' causes a kind of aversion to me-- and along with negative comments directed straight at me, can add oppressions and I'll doubt EVERYTHING in my life~ undermines everything. (I have a very keen, kind, and sensitive Conscience, and the last thing I would ever think to do or be is to 'impose' my life (on people whom I love with all my might). If I thought I couldn't work like a good horse and be as productive as totally possible, then I wouldn't think of risking it! (Worth~ based on productivity, rather than who I BE. In these days of 10895 Aynrand (asteroid 18.49 Sag-rx H1) mentalities, where I observe how they shoot and hack down the collapsing workhorses, telling them they 'waste space and resources' by staying alive beyond their ability to 'work hard and earn money by sweat and labor without resting, because that's a 'sign' of weakness, and they shoot horses, don't they?)~~ they don't regard spirituality as having worth because her world was Saturnian cold and atheistic without a god to be there for you, they spurn older people, despise mock and make fun of the most-vulnerable people in society. Everything is based on 'flesh' and works of flesh to 'earn' your way in being worthy to receive love..... (that was what it was like for me, growing up in my parent's household). (With this asteroid in my H1 near my Pallas Athene-rx, square transiting BML now in Virgo, creeping slowly towards my Moon). It's been one of the 'measuring sticks' trained into me based on my parents and work-experiences. That translates into the basis of how I measure my OWN self-worth and value~ a tainted self-defeating window from which I've viewed life from my bleak tower's glassy eye.) When you aren't prime-age anymore, and you're not up-to-date in your knowledge~ and lack the ability to access equipment to practice & learn proficiencies~ and without access to geeks-- has all been bad enough. But ADD to that the fact that I've been feeling like crrrrap?, and its all so self-unkind and self-defeating.)

The fact that I've been feeling so much like crrrrap has held me back from making some choices I should have made a long time ago. I just want to do 'the Right thing' for everyone (and feeling like a sacrificial lamb in the process). Even though I really DO actually think I could be okay (especially with being in an atmosphere of all the love and emotional support I'd need),,,, but when I measure 'my future' based on how my 'body' would be feeling moment-to-moment (as I've been feeling now, in a depleted state), I feel utterly defeated.

I'm in the wrong 'physical' environment... In the positive ways, my relationship to my neighborhood people, and most-importantly, to my rm is very very good. I learned finally (in the last two years of the `8yrs we've been together) how to 'read' love-language. (It was something I didn't understand about before.) He truly is a super-detached type person, and warm upon meeting in a shallow way (he fits his Gemini asc, virgo sun, aqua moon). But he DOES deeply care about me, and I know how to 'read' his language of affection now. Through observing his interactions with outside people over this long span of time, I can see how emotions of others are overwhelming to him-- he just cannot deal with emotions at all. It's been a good match in a way here, because I may feel emotional during certain times, but I take responsibility for them. I know he can't be supportive to me in that way, but he respects it when I have to be more closed-off to him because I need to process what comes up for me. I don't want to burden him more than he would be able to stand~~ but it was good for him to be around me because he learned to 'stay' with something like that (which he runs far away from in other of his relationships). (The Universe wants us to grow, and arranges the ways for that to be happening, by things outside our control. I like what Joyce Meyer said before~ if there's something you can take responsibility for and 'handle it' then you do that, and if it's something beyond your control then you place that in God's Hands and cast your care & worries... worry can make a person sick, as I psychosomatically have come to know so well.)

So anyways.... I've watched rm in his other relationships over this span of years-- the ones that HE attracted to his own life and watched the mechanisms that caused these to utterly and painfully-fail (for the shallow-known other in his life). He's a 'dry' person. He attracts 'wet' to himself but can't handle it (which he admits). It's as though there's a plastic film over his sands, and he attracts it to himself, but lets is all roll off him without any of it having changed him I any observable way. It was a healing for him that I came into his life... because I have the ability to be both, wet and/or dry. It has been very very good for him to have had my presence and company. His sands are now less crusty and more giving. ... And my tears DO move his heart... (Found out the other day that he's been trying to look for a better-place than this one for 'us' as I know he witnesses daily the agony I go through, and he doesn't want to lose me~~ aw, so sweet.)

Now, he's looking forward to moving back to geog area where his general family is located, a few years from now. I am absolutely thrilled and pleased to see the amazing progress he's made at reconnecting to his family (and heck, I'll go ahead and give myself some shameless credit for that work). This (to my heart) will insure his survival after he retires... And I guess that fed one of my purposes, as I'm a hands-on giver and I provide well for those under my tender care... even if I come around to 'kick your butt' from time to time~ I do so with kind and objective humor with as little threat as possible (Mars Cancer 7th)-- to me, the 'world' is cruel enough with its lessons... it doesn't need me to add my editorial opinions and words of condemnation to it.

People who have lived in love-less environments, and only been mercilessly verbally-slashed and emotionally hacked and abused, can probably relate well to my philosophy that it is the warmth and love of kindness that draws and drew Amaterasu (asteroid 10385, 13+ rx Libra) out of her cave of hiding her light. Kindness is a healing balm when added to the word of criticism... otherwise a venom of bitterness that sweats off that smiley-tooth turns and makes toxic-poison to the whole medicinal load. Love, true love shines out to me, and I see it, and respond--- The Love I see in You, is Love mirrored back to me.... so easy, so easy to Love (song).

Salt used in correct way makes things palatable and attractive to want and taste. Salt used in addition portions cures and tans the hide. Salt is also a purgative with sheer 'aversion' as its effect.
Don't think that everything gets cured by vomiting or purging it out of someone-- This can do much harm to a more delicate soul. It can cause people to run far from you, as it turns that act into an act of hostility.

You become an abuser in their life (without you realizing it). Some never breathe a word. They 'live' in their Silence. The result to one who has had overwhelming trauma in their life because 'their trust' was harmed over and over again, is very deleterious. Why should they? If you add hurt upon hurt (out of proportion and without relent), then you just deepened each wound, and reinforced each rut in their memory bank. That would make a defeated broken spirit crawl from you, further back into recesses of hard-shelled blackened caves.
{{My prayers, and hugs of love and protection, go out to those who have had their psyches so beat up like that, and who have been in reality misunderstood by those who had authority over their young lives, and now, in the lives of the elderly. May God always send you Angels of Light and Love, and spirits of Goodness, Mercy and Favor to minister to those souls. I care!... And I'm happy to watch news programs of how people all around now are beginning to wake up to this now. I'm soooo glad.}}

The transiting Sun today (Friday) is on the degree of my asteroids for 'the enlisted man' and asteroid 'mentor'... Tomorrow night it will arrive at the degree of my Venus Taurus.

Transiting Mars Taurus has creeped past the arc minutes of 17 Thetis {fertility, calm waters; center of peace & calm that always available}, of 5708 Melancholia {duh}, is stimulating 9563 Kitty {independence, promiscuity(?wha??)LOL, name of AnneFranke's Diary, the Genovese murder in NY years ago}, and 259 Aletheia 22.32 (Goddess of Truth, and for me is the sound and ringing of Truth in Voice(Taurus))... At 22.38 will be crossed into my 6th House. (I like to play association games with the names of these asteroids. Sometimes we can uncover a lot about ourselves if we just allow the self to 'play' and forgive ourselves in the indulging process.... omg! I just checked my 90703 Indulgentia, and transiting Neptune in Pisces at 9.21' is ON that natal asteroid of mine in the 3rd House, quintile to my NN... See that? ~I told you so! Asteroids ~~ I heal myself through the "magical" property of these beings, and through healing my own self, my own wounds, I heal my world, and I Heal My World. ...*grin* *bheart*)

~

Going back to describe this morning's awakening and mourning experience...

It began with a soft and very still and peaceful awakening from sleep after a night of hassles in my back window.

These two songs came to my inspiration:

Collision of worlds, ethereal & real
(music) When Doves Cry (Prince & The Revolution) [5:56] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0h9VhJ59Zfg

Then this song came and stayed. I dressed and went out for morning walk, and it haunted me, until I gained a breakthrough in knowledge I had been needing... Even to Neil Young speaking about the 'worker' on his ranch... the old man.

(music) Old Man (Neil Young) [4:06] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An2a1_Do_fc

With this Scorpio Full Moon coming on Sunday, it falls close to my Saturn-rx Scorpio opposition to my Venus in Taurus.

My dad (was 'an enlisted man' [the asteroid] and the 'mentor' in my life who taught me ~ and didn't teach me ~ what I needed to know about 'surviving' my life) had a partile (exact) conjunction to Sun-Jupiter 3.35 Scorpio (in my house of dreams, and aspirations)... and is conjunct my 4+degree 9509 Amfortas 4.06' (father-wound) and my Juno-rx Scorpio.

I've been working internally on the quest to find the 'bottom' memories of some of my fears. I realize that some of these fears may be getting in the way of my earning money in my life. I give away so much, without compensations. And I really don't mind that because it 'feels' good when I flow with inspirations here. In a way, I take "the feeling of accomplishment" as my Reward. It really nourishes my soul a LOT to post here right now... (btw, this Full Moon occurs ON my 7169 Linda (14.35 rx-Scorpio) and 4239 Goodman 15.20 Taurus).

To shorten a longer-story...(perhaps? LOL)

My dad had a terribly-ineffective and personally inept boss who was a genuine pure a*hole... (Now, wait-a-minute!~~ I CAN call him that because I found out how true that was, later in my life. ..... I was in my early thirties and active in a local community-theatre group. My dad's boss won a role in one of the plays I was in.... At an after-party with my theatre-buddies, we were sitting at a restaurant table. One of them commented how that*guy has a new truck, and yeah his vanity license plate spelled MAI... There was a pause, and then someone there quick on the up-take, deciphered this as meaning 'Military A*hole Inside' ... o! m! g!~ There was point-on laughter that peeled deep and loudly-- because that was 'the gosh-dern truth'... My dad had worked "under" him for years and years. Dad had come close to not-re-enlisting and quitting his job 'because' of that man, several times!... but he pressed on until his retirement after 32 years of Service as a civilian and a Guardsman (Air~ mais of course! His Saturn was Aquarius! *grin*).

Day after day after day, my dad would come home sooo filled and marred by unresolved vexations. And my little absorbent-compassionate empathetic soul tried to make-it-better for him all the time, by siphoning in this energy of his, drawing his discomforts away through my mind heart soul and body.... and it never seemed to help. That energy was just too overwhelming, too strong, too hideous for him....

His mantra was I was borrrrn poor, and I'm gonna dieeee poor. *sad* (Now, as I've heard and know, his words didn't happen at all. He left with his resources in a state of MUCH 'comfort' {I was long-estranged from f.o.o by then. His Scorpio-heart had rended his garments decades before. The only legacy I have, is my memories of him. ... And I pull these apart now, to find answers and wisdoms for my life.}

So anyways!.... This is probably diva-long post. Mars crossed into my 6th house two hours ago now. The south node in Aries is on my 389 Industria in the Aries 4th House.

I'll probably have to crop this, or rearrange paragraphs, or clean it up somehow... I feel the ~weird of the transits right now, feeling excited about my life, yet awful feelings of grief too. There'd been like a giant black block (energetically) over my whole chest yesterday evening as I went to go on a walk. Then I remembered.... 'grief' is something 'on your chest'... it 'weighs' down 'your heart area'... The reason I feel almost like I can't breathe sometimes is due to this awful feeling of weights, of tears and disappointments I've had (and thought I've had~ as I do realize some of my transits).

And my 23 degrees Taurus will get a boost from transiting Mars soon... 1221 Amor, 37530 Dancingangel, 55 Pandora, 52872 Okyrhoe, and h49 Nibiru in that degree, start of my Taurus 6th. This opposes h13 apogee BML and asteroid 4580 Child-rx 23.14 {quintile Chiron-rx Aqua in H2), Child just after cusp of my H-12 Scorpio, with a visit from t-child in Sag with t Saturn Sag too, all in my 12th.

You're right... Thanks for the encouragement here.... I've just got to let my inner-child play again! She's grieved so long... Need to love again, to allow her to dance & sing her little heart out, and beat to the music she hears playing in the horizons.... Good Horizons, Positive and Hopeful Horizons. The kinds that transmute all negativities into the Labor of Love & Joys for my life.

I felt, I felt like all is lost for me. But's that's under gloom and clouds in my eyes... But 'my feelings' ` the feelings of my weakness and infirmities' (as scripture says) are my Strength. as I 'express these' are actually my Strengths. It will let me suck the nectar of nourishment and happiness back INTO my journey now....

So! Hugging in my inner-Child, and setting out on sunnier walk, on a sad but productive day. :rainbow:

posted May 02, 2015 01:48 AM            

I'm glad you share such a good bond with your rm.

I thought you were registered at 2012, because that's what it says. So you are here longer? Not that it matters, time is an illusion, I don't have Lindaland's chart (though I'm sure Randall has) and I won't start making calculations.

You know, I know practically nothing on asteroids. Can you reccomand me on a good book?

Right now I am very tired, but please don't feel like crap, o.k.? You have a very big heart, so flush some fairy dust on yourself.

posted May 03, 2015 02:51 AM            

Yes, I do thankfully share a bond with rm now. That's something we had to work at. Our greatest asset is seeing everything filtered through our warped sense of humor (we both have a Venus Quintile Uranus!), and an aversion to living in an atmosphere of unresolved anger.

Once I learned how to firmly set boundaries and persist with this, and he had had counseling before where he learned to manage his anger impulses better, then we were able to meet somewhere in the middle of all that.

We're both older, and basically easy-going people, with shared old-fashioned honest values. We like Peace, and enjoy a pleasant atmosphere in the home. We worked for it.

(He's been under some challenging anger-stirring transits right now. tSaturn/Mars. That tooth problem is better!(yay), but he'll see surgeon (possibly extract all, then dentures,~June 13).

I've felt more emotionally sensitive recently, and his frustrations have me more on edge, but I'm making sure I have my shields up best way I know how. We've been through this before, survived it then, and will survive now for as long as needed.

Gently, I don't like the kinds of relationships where people practice verbal-emotional pugnaciousness. It's triggering. I know that some promote this with zeal, thinking that as healthy and a desirable sport in relationships! (is Not me.)

I want to live and work in cooperative and Positive atmospheres. To soak and steep in negativity only makes more. A tiny bit of yeast can leaven the whole loaf... (scripture).

If the answer is to be less caring, then this is a challenge. I know that people say to harden yourself and do that, to care less. But I don't want to be hard-hearted bitter person. I've seen some of what that does, in my lifetime. Observing behind the scenes, I watched how much pain and suffering a certain woman had. It was terrible for her, but others who daily took the brunt of her attacks could not have seen how I saw her in private. It's just not a good way to live. It may be normal to feel jaded from time to time yes, but when/if it tries to take root and really take hold, depression can come hard (as it did that woman) and be so anguishing miserable.

~

You're correct, Ayelet! I registered here in May 2012, but carried the identity over from another website that had a forum attached to it. I wrote of similar things there, emphasis on women and culture, patriotism, and speaking for the truly invisible populations you wouldn't think about who don't have a Voice.

Registered there around mid-July 2007?, and did my first on August 1, 2007. My last post there was on October 16, 2008. They had upgraded the design and power of their website. Changed the format sooo dramatically that it seemed like a different planet. My very old computer at the time got glitched somehow through that then crashed shortly afterwards. Couldn't find my two diaries on that website anymore as they had dissolved and mixed everyone's posts in one big chronological time heap, no categorizing topics. I was sad for months.

I posted regularly in two personal diaries, and in two mutual-support forums. Would occasionally chose short term topics of interest to give comments. At the end I'd written 105 posts-- documented these and have copies in binders.

Setting a goal of posting once in each diary at least once a month, on-time, I think(?) I may have only missed one deadline (by slim minute or two) during that 14-month span of time... On one hand, faulting a 15-minute internet hiccup would have been fair excuse, but then you can say that I really 'should' have posted that piece a few hours before the mishap. (awww, too hard on myself~perhaps. I have the spirit of excellence. ... And some people are right, that I've got to slow down just a bit, as cosmically it's not a good time for making decisions?? There are some very confusing aspects out there right now... and maybe I'm not seeing everything yet. It's still formulating. Wasting out too much of my energy for very little in return. *heavy sigh* )

Do those Fairy dust showers!!!

Ayelet! You asked about good books on asteroids?...

Definitely start with this paperback!!

Demetra George & Douglas Bloch, called Asteroid Goddesses : The Mythology, Psychology, and Astrology of the Re-emerging Feminine.. Asteroid Goddesses (for short) is copyrighted in 1986, 2003 by Demetra George. The book has 345 pages in it. (I have what's called the 'New Edition with Updated Ephemerides of 16 Asteroids 1930-2050.')

Have a Nice weekend!

posted May 03, 2015 01:27 PM            

(music) You Are My Strength Nepali Christian Song (Boyz for Christ, lyrics in nepali language) [4:39] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuTbfZG0eMQ

(music) You Are My Strength (Hillsong, lyrics) [4:24] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwvGFWKBo4o

posted May 04, 2015 11:03 PM            

The tribal song "Grandmother Moon" kept running through my head a while, and a few others. I'd gone for a walk, and people are used to me pointing out the full moons to them, always encouraging them to pray for Peace in their personal life, and for the World at large. The little ones were jumping up and down~~ O my yes! The cow JUMPS over that Moon in their nursery rhymes and tales.

My rm came out for his smoke breaks. I was mainly silent, for a change... He told me he remembered some of my stories I told him, about the time I lived ON the beach, watching the Moon reflect in the waters: how when waves break the phosphor can look like lightning flashings as they begin to curl; and how the little sand-crabs came out to play around 3 or 4 am after I'd spent the night just watching from the dunes. If they were to become startled, the little crabs would instantly freeze in place, and their eyes would stare in my direction, glowing like a cat or a deer.

He retold some of his own tales, about his time on a ship (destroyer) when he was an enlisted man in the Navy in his youth. We have five works of art around our place having to do with ships, and the sea. One has a bright catamaran sailing under a waxing almost-half moon, light reflecting on those waters...

When I was in bible college back in early 1990s, I had a big framed Tall Ship on the wall in front of me at the end of my couch where I curled up and studied. I'd always remind myself that Tall Ships may look grand and pretty when at harbor... but carry great responsibility. Adversities, they come. (And I only know how to doggie-paddle! .... but love watching that ocean from sunset through sunrises.)

So anyways..... I didn't realize how far sunk down into "reality" I'd got. Especially these past few weeks.

I've narrowed down my listening and viewing necessarily to only a few. Because of that, I actually remembered a small idea that I'd had before.

I've had humongous distractions (and those are not over). No secret is that I deal with touches of ADD, so it takes extra-discipline (which luckily, I have).

But I've gotten really drained-out due to fighting outside distractions, which get me upset because it be 'happening again', which causes that down-spiraling once more.

And like I've mentioned in the other post, my MAIN concern was 'physically' being able to be okay if I were to up-and-leave here without safety-net in place (like humorously yet not so humorously would wind up somewhere that didn't work out, then being left in a ditch and being even worse-off than ever before). I care deeply about people. And I have an aversion to feeling dependent, and being like a burden, so I've been 'protecting' others in my own ~weird way. *breathe*

Earlier today I asked myself~~ IF 'I weren't feeling sick in my body right now'? and IF I had the means of going anywhere on earth, where and what would I do?

My first thought went towards visiting the West Coast in USA. There were some people I had originally wanted to meet-up with in south Cali... I wanted to be and meet with these, in order to share some spirit-time and just enjoy some company and time of friendship together. From the point of relating, I'd then see if there were some things I could assist in, somehow. I would desire to be very productive, lighten your load a bit. ... Also meet some of the older astrologers there too, whose work I've admired.

Lately I saw a spot on a religious program about The Dream Center, and I'd go visit this place. I poured some seed-money into that project around 25 years ago. They dug in, and now do wonderful social programs, and train groups of young people to do the same thing in areas where they want to do this. (I think that's awesome.)

And there is someone out there in soCal doing film productions~(I saw on TBN Praise The Lord program, nyc, recently aired... prayed those prayers for you bro, and thinking about you~~ Good Work !)

A few years back, I had been attracted to northwest USA, but the people seemed closed.

I thought about the New York area, a lot! My concern would be the ambient environment, without a way to escape all the noise, it would only be similar to here, is my concern.

posted May 05, 2015 02:04 PM            

I just want to say to that person that it's okay. We can BE two faraway ships who blink the morse code to each other, and there is completely no condemnation. Sometimes a person can wanna, but when it comes time for actions, they just balk.

Now I take responsibility for my own balkings, because I deal with issues around abandonments and betrayals. I have had a lifetime FILLed with these things. And I've found a way for my inner-child to 'make things okay' when that happens, albeit ferociously saddened.

What is it like to have Saturn-rx Scorpio 16+ with asteroids 15230 Alona-rx 17+, 13226 Soulie-rx 18+, across from Venus Taurus 5th, and trine my Vesta Cancer 8th? --- What's that like to be 'you'?... Well sometimes it can just suck. I feel Beauty deep within my soul, and I see it so plainly in others, who cannot be available to me for whatever soft reasons. And I have to live in walls that say NO, and learn to live with it, and keep my own Heart soft and allow it to break-open, and not let pain crust-up the insides me of me. My goal is to still flow outwards and try to do Good with and through all that pain.

It's okay, it's okay. I will survive.
(t Venus Gemini on my Mercury trine Neptune; t Moon Taurus trine my Moon)

posted May 05, 2015 02:22 PM            

Asteroids, so surreal and uncanny. You don't know 'how' or if they manifest, unless it has become 'an active issue' for you in your present-past or past-present, and then a transiting planet comes to touch it in the place 'where it hurts'...

(music) Unbreak my Heart (Toni Braxton) [4:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZOj1urHtu4Y

posted May 05, 2015 04:44 PM            

edit add 5:36pm
I should have checked what was happening with my other music-muses today. Transiting Melpomene-rx {muse of singing, theatre, tragedy} is conjunct my 33 Polyhymnia today at 10+ Scorpio. wow! beyond coincidences. So powerful in my chart.

Really a day of feeling these muses for me. The transiting Sun Taurus is trine transiting Pluto Capricorn. (Sun went over my Venus Taurus, only a few degrees away.) Transiting Mercury in Gemini degree of 6+ 2829 Bobhope (entertainer with my same birthday), and approaching 2578 Saint-Exupery {dweller on remote planet} conjunct my traditionally unaspected Sun! How's that for 'imagery'? .... t Venus in contact with my Mercury trine Neptune. ~gosh, Surreal!!

Natal position, 18 Melpomene LEO 24+ in the Cancer 8th House, conjunct Pluto-POF-DonQuixote, and asteroid 136108 Haumea (regenerative, reconstruction of the Soul, Self-Healing, "Birthing") in same degree. These trine my North Node in Sagittarius.

Natal position, 33 Polyhymnia-rx Scorpio 10+ in H11, conjunct 52975 Cyllarus-rx (Amable says, 'restore previous security after an incident, natural accident, or catastrophe...' gives example of movie The Horse Whisperer, with Robert Redford helping the girl back up on the traumatized broken horse)

(clip) "Grace" riding scene (The Horse Whisperer) [6:38] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjcUBcdERhI

Transiting Cyllarus is on my Fixed Star, SIRIUS Cancer 7th, sextile my natal Venus Taurus ...
...