posted November 23, 2013 09:59 PM            

Got a letter that my health insurance copay is gonna go up....

posted November 25, 2013 03:43 PM            

Need clarity. Need download of strategies "how" this can all be brought forward into reality right now in my life, without choking my courage on 'overwhelm'....

Hmmm, lemme see now.... *taking inventory* I've got a Pumpkin, 2 Rats, and 4 White Mice!(*)~~ sorta!

Things are looking sorta VERY 'impossible' today.... I need for my Self to discover 'what it is I can do' from the extremely limited real-resources I 'apparently' concretely have...

Right now? I MAY be "blind" to what is available to me; what my options really are! My JOB is to "remain OPEN" to realms of POSSIBLITY. I need to BELIEVE that there are Answers within the realms of "possible".....

For TODAY.... whether or not I SEE them today is NOT for me to 'worry' about... --- I'm trying to control this anxiety and it's so HARD. I can "trick" myself into thinking I'm at peace, then wham! Last night...omg! I was 'doing fine' until I start dropping off to sleep--- then BAM!!!!!! panic attack. (Not exactly the 'coolest' most comfortable kind of physical arousal to have.... totally from the sub/un-conscious realms.... Out of no-where, you don't see or sense it coming.)

Looking at what I have?.... It "looks" ENTIRELY IM-POSSIBLE for my present "solid" problem (numbers, circumstance, situation) to be "solved." (Remember? NOT EVEN the govt social workers, agencies, had ANY strategy available to "me".... I don't "fit"... and "They don't care"... I "fell" between the cracks---

Some people are placed into the column of 'expendable'... I don't serve ANY "purpose" in the minds of the ones who COULD have 'fixed' this problem soooo long ago, while it was so small!

oh welp~~ right? That's just the "cold" of it. I NEED to come up with a DIFFERENT approach if I am indeed to survive this...

Must breathe.... Go eat a sandwich... Go run some errands, Go work on more sorting, organizing, and tossing of MORE things! --- AND the most important thing I can do for myself is to KEEP on BELIEVING in the Solution--- That the "Impossible" IS NOW currently happening....! That The Universe is working things out, from the background, to my benefit, on my gracious humble Behalf.

Maybe I sound 'out of it' with these ideas to some-- but it's 'the way' I've stayed ON TOP of the ground, rather than get buried UNDER the MOUNDS of depressive sights. I take the SIPS of medicine, hope and imagination, "possibility" that I CAN have what I WISH FOR bridged from the view of what I HAVE in my possession....

Details! Details! and more Details!! sheesh

yeah.... Need the miracle magical gift of multiplication of Fish & Loaves.... Hey! And I surely wouldn't mind a draught from that barrel of 'water turned into excellent White Wine'! (Only 'coz Red Wine would trigger mi migraines.... ouch!)

ugh!-- And here, I STILL STAND--- I'm still alive and laughing through the veils and buckets of TEARS!

(Thanks for my daily pick-me-ups, Randall!)

for "Taking Inventory"(*).....

posted November 30, 2013 08:35 PM            

(clip) "The Search" (CINDERELLA, 1965 - Rodgers & Hammerstein) [6:12] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEMN6vbSeBY

Sometimes I think I hear the CALL... I imagine with such realness that the Possibility is actually is opening its door, the drawbridge is opening. It is for "me!"

The darker clouds dispel and I imagine a sense of a company of aides (like the collecting company of angelic hosts)...

In my 'corner', I imagine that they will come, offering their hands from afar. It energetically approaches me.... I sense the building of its momentums.

I edge ever closer to that Hope. Then suddenly the smackdown! I am squeezed, smacked, and electrically shocked back into my place... my former Reality. It says that my Dreams come second. Cruel reminders that special things only happen for 'others' and are 'not' for the likes of the crassness, awkwardness and ineptitudes of "me"....

I feel the bite of humiliation, then the darkest pangs of grief and pain. I reach out. I am so "scared" I will MISS this event! That they will all go away because they think I have no interest... when it's not so!! The pinch!! My muscles are frozen... "I'm not allowed-to" stings me. I am scared that *I* will be my OWN "REAL" Undoing.

I was not even 'allowed' to even THINK about it.... The smack-down from this Cinderella's Evil stepmother was ROOTED, implanted in the ruthless NOW! It invades the Possibility... She caustically haws. Toxic~~ I cannot deny that this IS 'the war within' that has me chained-down, heavily, heavily... I attempt to ~~~ but it all is "futility."

I'm scared my Golden chances would will pass me by... and I don't know that I could bear that once again!

Suspended --- between the Prince who is arrived and about to leave... The Mother who pushed her aside and said NO~~ it's not for YOU, it's for the Others who are MORE deserving...

I need to Call upon my Angel of Inner Courage! The accumulation of all the Bright Wishes Hopes and Dreams that were present in my Heart but my cruel intellect and circumstance forever denied....

...not the 'right fit'? That glass slipper DOES fit!! It IS good and real.... Will the godmother of Hopes and strategies be able to step-in? and to prompt and activate the 'thing'-inside that IS my gift and the deepest heart's motivation.

The Cloak of Fear is stripped open... And the opportunity is made a part of Real-Time, and stands openly Revealed~~~ through the Good, the Kindness, the Strategic Act Performed by One that becomes the Help for Many Others...

Courage!

posted November 30, 2013 09:27 PM            

I love this musical sooo much! Rodgers & Hammerstein wrote the songs that have raptured me over the years!

Meeting the Muse

(music) "Ten Minutes Ago" (CINDERELLA, 1965) [4:05] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEW9szLLIuc

(music) "Do I Love You Because Your Beautiful?" (CINDERELLA, 1965) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVx9ENFFoas

-----

(music) "If Ever I Would Leave You" (Robert Goulet) CAROUSEL [2:24] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xL52hEArSfM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rodgers_and_Hammerstein

posted December 06, 2013 07:20 PM            

The Human Race evolved and became a Better One.... because he lived!

...

"Mandela Passes Away Today At 95" - http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum25/HTML/004511.html

(music) Circle of Life (Elton John) Lyrics [4:44] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLpgRSCHa8I

The Circle of Life LYRICS
from The Lion King
Music by Elton John, Words by Tim Rice

posted December 18, 2013 12:15 PM            

Peter O'Toole (Man of LaMancha, Alonso, my Don Quixote 1972) died on December 14....

Earlier I asked that this whole topic be deleted.... I may still ask for that. But maybe, for myself, I'll just leave it up a little bit more...

Aries Eagle left an URL over in LLC2.0 that led me to scenes from the MOVIE version of Phantom of The Opera (movie, 2004).

I'd heard most of the stage opera before, but never really 'understood' what it was about. I watched a handful of URLs from the utubes.

Also with fantastic timing, I caught up with astrology urls I'd missed in the past week... (My 'hood! 'I swear they torture me to get rid of me' because I "see" how criminal they ACTUALLY (and I mean 'really') ARE.... It's the main reason I've been missing out on posting this past week. I've TOLD THEM, I definitely PLAN on leaving here... but I guess they grow shorter on patience each day, which brings my fear levels up-- but I 'face' them with almost a daring in my heart, now...). They were actually "quiet" this morning, until late afternoon.... and in the past few hours. (yay....)

Heard a woman (Llorraine N) do a radio segment at Thanksgiving called "Descent".... And earlier this evening I heard an astrologer named Tim speaking about how our 'environment' can reaffirm our choices. He also described the phenomenon of Descent....

If our souls DO influence and are the 'voice' of some of our deepest-made decisions, then (Tim mentioned) how the inner-environment will influence the outer-environment to help us squeeze out (LOL, he mentioned snakeskins) towards the directions we ought to be heading into 'now' in order to fulfill-- Although I have no earthly idea of how that could be "possible" to me when I look in terms of available matter (hard resource)... But we ALSO have the winds of something MUCH bigger than we are Who/That/Which is in command of fulfilling the Higher Plan.

The Impossible Dream, must still be dreamed... Learning to trust.

Aries Eagle's URL
(music) The Phantom of the Opera (movie,2004) [3:23] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgz6PnHkmpY

God's blessings be upon the Soul of my 'DonQuixote, 1972', Peter O'Toole...

(movieclips) Man of La Mancha, "The Quest" (Peter O'Toole, 1972) [2:38] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=US2nyRgg-SY

(music) The Great Invocation (NewTroubadors) [1:52] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHUJQbGA9-c

posted March 03, 2014 05:27 PM            

thanks Randall... this reached me through my email notification (yay)-- at least is ONE of my posted topics where I "remembered" to 'check the box' before launching the post.

At right this MOMENT, a nearby neighbor has his two SUV's totally designed and filled with POWERFUL WOOFER-SPEAKERS hooting sounds like combination "foghorn + kazoo" through my home atmosphere...

I feel soooo sick physically from this and can barely stand myself. crying my eyes out. too wimpy to call the cops.

The thing is, he can do this for shorter periods of time--- BUT IT has an accumulating effect on this body's nervous system.... the chairs and ground shakes with an unpleasant vibration. I get emotional because I can't "think" when this goes on-- all attention gets riveted to the AWFUL TONE in the air and the shaking-- emotional because there is NOTHING I can do. He's an adult, and he does this ON PURPOSE-- deliberately!!!!-- He has KNOWN the health effects this wreaks on my body, and he DOES IT ANYWAY. A few weeks ago it was soooooooooo awful I actually had a peak moment where I broke down for a few seconds, and thought how it would be better off for me to be dead... felt excrutiating anguish, and couldn't defend myself against what he (and other thoroughly thoughtless ones) "choose" to do. WHICH, of course, I want to reassure that I HAVE NO PLANS for offing. I just need to be somewhere 'safe' away from them, (my own faraday room), where I can have a quality productive life.... stop all this crap.... it's just effing bullying crap. and I've got to "gut" it out.

The thing is, too much of this ALso causes deprivation of sleep, WHICH causes 'headaches'.... I'm sooo sorry Randall.... so sorry. I HATE to complain, it's not 'nice'..... but I "can't move" without help, and help is not forth-coming... so I'm stuck.

I looked, and my next-wall neighbor is with him (skinhead)... I can't work right now. There's a post I'm ready to do HERE in Labors of Love.... about the passing of Shirley Temple Black last week, and the impact she made on my life.

posted June 23, 2014 12:54 AM              

The day of your birthday may have gone by, but the happiness that you are in this world will always stay. Belated Happy Birthday to you. May you be blessed with a year filled with abundant blessings.

Hoping you had a soul-centered Saturn Return!

Always remember- Those who dont have a family belong to the family of Jesus Christ.

I have had my share of smashing monuments as well.When smashing monuments, save the pedestals - they always come in handy.
Proverbs 11:30 “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.”
Ecclesiastes 2:26 To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

posted June 23, 2014 07:44 PM            

(This thread is one of the few where I "remembered" to check the little email alert box before sending Post. I was thrilled to see you, Rajji. My life has been crazy-busy and way-eventful, especially since April 2014 when we last exchanged posts. I hope to come back to post again here at LL soon as I can... Still some "priorities" to take care of. We had brief computer internet problems here, especially since my birthday last of May. I had a tooth extraction in this past week, that had given me much lingering pain UNTIL today!! Feels soooo much better right now, yay-- but I lost productivity in chores I need to attend to. Hoping to be back at LL, but still have to pursue the finish of projects right now. It will be important for my future... which I am very excited to consider.)

I've actually been thinking about you recently. You gave me an Angel, and a Can of Soup 'on a Pedestal'. Also the suggestion about using spice ginger (which I've been sprinkling daily with intention).

I feel so tempted to go on for pages about the "astrological significance" of your bump to my thread today. My chart is ALIVE with unbelievable transits at this moment-- and will continue over the next month.

What a privilege to be observing what's happening to my chart and the life-changes I'm experiencing. Astrology is a God-sent Gift to my Life and for my Understanding. I am sooooo utterly grateful... I'm realizing that my Life is coming back on track! So much more to grow, and realizing how MUCH I've grown. There's been an acceleration of gains over this past year. The breakthoughs I've been having are so precious. Incredible Pain. Baby steps. (I could turn this into VERY lengthy astro-biographical post, omg! But more to go, more to go.)

The words to this song by Janny Grein have had much significance to me during recent months... Over a long span of time the scriptures have become metaphysically alive to me, in ways that go beyond the "corset" of belief systems. Let go of religion. Over the years I find that The Spirit will always be there. It remains after the crushing, and disappointments. Don't be afraid of letting go of personal beliefs-- if it's truth, it's only stepped back and is not truly gone.

Let Patience have her work... If troubles come knocking at the door, don't be afraid coz it's not 'like before' Things can Change. What looks like trouble can be Blessings behind the illusion...

(music) More Than Conquerors (Janny Grein) *Christian* [6:48] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQFaqrgSciM

"The day of your birthday may have gone by, but the happiness that you are in this world will always stay..."

posted June 24, 2014 01:05 AM              

You remind of my mother many a time.
She often tells me this- if TIME is an illusion and you dont prefer wearing a watch then it dosent make sense in keeping a PHONE. Afterall her Birthday being very close to yours.She is about your age and does not want to buy or keep a phone, no matter what.
She has me, to rely upon but you've got to have a phone. it comes handy in case of any emergency.
You can use pre-paid cards which cost very less about 20cents...which is the case in india.

Ah and yes...patience is the key, when our world seems to be breaking down.
“The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.”

posted June 24, 2014 03:12 AM            

Well, it turned out to be a very good thing that I didn't invest in the phones I'd been looking into. (I wouldn't have been able to afford keeping monthly service)... I have good credit and I like keeping promises I make. Although I think you're right about obtaining some kind of phone.

So nice you have good relationship with your mother... a reliable son. She is blessed!