posted September 24, 2016 01:32 PM
I have such admiration for those astrologers out there who are SOOO accurate with their transits-- the ones who seem to know me like the back of their hand, and I am indeed sooooo grateful and soooo honored that you include me as one in your tribe, and Heart.My my... I went to some pretty dark places in the past day. AND THEN, I was finally able to open my email and access astrology classes that have been given for free, as long as you enter their 24 hour window. I have learned-- no, I ROOTED some more astrological knowledge about me, about my 2nd House wounds.... Blew me away.
H2 cappy, Chiron-rx Aquarius 5.19
trine my unconnected Ptolemaic unaspected Gemmy Sun H6taur
trine 7+ Libra.
While looking at my Chiron {w Tom Jacobs}, it opened a memory, actually, of being with my Libra 7+ Maternal Grandmother.
She was 'the hugs' Memere (grandmother, in French)... but she also said some harming things to me that might have stuck inside me. ... Yet, when I, as adult observer, see the reaction of my then-Child (which is always a part of each person), I have to say FOR myself what a Beautiful Soul and Heart I had (and still have).
The memory was of her and me on the small enclosed gallery (front porch). We were together, sitting on a swing-bench. As usual, my Heart was Filled with a Song as I swung back and forth-- and I was feeling so soaring and filled with that ether.
Suddenly-- and usually with this grandmother, it always came on suddenly with her, in the mid-highest moments of my feeling finally relaxed and safe and warm-- suddenly, she said to me, You know, your mother had a better voice than you. or You're not as pretty as your mother. ...
My reaction was of hurt, YET, agreement with her of how Beautiful my mother seemed. Mom's Venus Taurus was same as mine. I had always admired her. It was cruel when she would tell ME that I was ugly (to my face). But even then, that wasn't 'the truth', I was willing to concede that point with her. ... I learned how NOT to "be", I learned invisibility, to disengage and capitulate in the presence of competitive aggressive souls, or with those who claimed superiority to me.
I pushed valuing myself aside, and valued others more than myself-- and that always felt natural. Made myself small in the presence of others-- preferring to work as a strong influence in the backgrounds. It's how I have felt my worth.
Still prefer and am more comfortable with standing, coaching, and cheering from the side-wings of the stage, rather than stand and be in the spot or limelight-- (haha, just give me a script?, and I most-likely would?! *grin* I 'do' have some theatre in me wanting to get expressed, even if inwardly I feel vulnerable saying such a thing).
I excel at making Others shine, and see the positive reactions of the audience to my Other, as co-reward. ---- Of course, that would leave responsibility on the shoulders of the star of that show to turn towards me, with appreciation affection and love for what I do for them for their life.
.... My earthy Virgo Moon conjuncts Actor. Rather than shine my own self, I reflect and feel 'you.' It's up to the star to compensate mindfully graciously and appropriately.
ADD... There's a part of me that doesn't like being walked-over too. I DO have my independent streak, and it might take me a certain level of time, but you'll find out that I HAVE boundaries too. I will not tolerate being treated like a doormat for too long. I'll observe it?, analyze where that's coming from, then I draw some lines in the sand. I don't like emotional abuse. I caution carefully to make sure I don't do that to others---- and I CERTAINLY won't tolerate it towards my self. That's a door I close.
Libra MGM had a really mean way of saying hurtful things at inappropriate times for me-- her tongue cut-away at my self-worth and self-esteem. (With my mom doing worse than that even.)
Tossed aside by females, I learned to prefer men (who ignored me because I was female). The females in my early life were aggressive combative selfish women. I had a more upbeat sensitive caring and aggressively protective nature (haha, Mars Cancer?? H7gem squaring my Moon orb8, Mars squaring IC Aries 2+.. 4th House nat ruler Moon, Cancer).
(Asteroid Lilith Capricorn 20.56 (victimized-energy), H2 wound also... in easy flow to my Moon).
It was like she(MGM) loved me and wanted hugs, rocking in chairs, and holding... And yet, there was emotional pinching of me (with smiles on her face to everyone at the same time). There was a painful emotional cost to being held and loved. (My mother did neither of those. She didn't want to be touched, nor AT ALL giving affectionate touches. My little Venus Taurus was so deprived! awwww. *sniff* VenusOppSaturn)
Back with MGM (and M) There were also some serious other-forms of abuse that I will not speak of here-- just filthy. But then too, when I view MGM's upbringing, those things probably happened to HER on a regular basis.
.. Libra MGM's mom was actually an entrepreneur. A business woman-- she ran a popular high-class brothel (house of ill-repute) in a big town (not usa).
(This matches some things in my chart, dealing with fixed stars near my moon, and astonishing asteroids in the vicinity of my Nessus. In fact!!, (smiling) my paternal scorpio grandmother used to recollect stories about one of the grandmothers in HER lineage that also was *ahem* ~entrepreneurial (I would venture a good guess and say she probably was an associate of MGM's Mother???) ...
... 'Sins' *cough, looks* and patterns passed down through the ancestry? oui and oo la la???! I was BORN with a little stiletto-energy in my genes? ROFL hahaha *blushing* *gives a naughty glance* *falls on the floor laughing some more*.
I think my MGM was born as an illegitimate child. That was a terrible thing, in the year 1900. Her own mom was a severe alcoholic?, who died of other things related to that disease, at the time my MGM was (?)12 years old. Then an uncle and his family took her in his care (she said he treated her properly?).
I remember how 'freaked out' she would get when the men would start to drink even one beer. She was petrified of drunks. ...
But I basically remember many warm and happy things about her too. (I'll skip, for now. ... Might tribute at her birthday, or not. No promises... Have to watch how much over-commitment I might make, with Libra being my 10th. I know what they say about Sagi risers? but I LIKE saying a thing, and actually TRYING TO accomplish what I say I'm going to do?
.. And I prize myself on being able to make deadlines, or, to adjust them honestly. I've been known for that, in my working life. I'm uncomfortable about sitting with stress of lies. I LIKE 'the open truth' (as closely as I can get myself around it). ... Makes life MUCH easier, I think.
Anyways, just wanting to fill people in on what's going on. I really was in a lot of emotional pain for the past few days. Some Beautiful Energy of my transit-podcasters, AND, the little bit I'm able to work and apply from the gracious free astrology courses being offered right now, is boosting me.
So... cry cry cry, hurt hurt hurting, and being soooooo grateful. Stronger, yet so undone sometimes. 
I think relationship astrology has been VERY VERY enlightening to me too.
Can't wait to take the other courses--- if yahoo behaves itself!
(And oh! I resolved the church thing. I like gospel music, and it lifts me, but that's different from actual church-- ~quite different! My eyes got opened yesterday about 'the reality' of that. Not everyone or everything is AS they appear to be. ~Quite STARKLY different in reality. (Thank you to those who pushed and waited for me to find that out. Thank you for believing in my innocence... that was VERY important.)
I celebrate Christ 'in my Heart'.... and through my songs.
Lindaland
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posted September 15, 2016 10:42 AM
posted September 15, 2016 01:34 PM
... 
Love it!
*roll*
posted September 15, 2016 03:04 PM
posted September 16, 2016 02:52 PM
All about Love...
May the 9-11's of Our Lives pass from us... Healings.
posted September 21, 2016 07:46 PM
posted September 23, 2016 01:48 PM
Sensing all kinds of layers of things.... growing 
