posted October 24, 2016 11:34 PM            

You bet I do!!
and I am certain a lot of others do too!

Thank you for your compassion in recent posts
towards my difficult times as of late, a little break time is in order for me-(like you often say, self-care is so important) but I'll be back; and look forward to reading more of your informative, personable-real, well thought out, interesting- subjects and writing.

posted October 25, 2016 09:59 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pearlty:
quote from above...
"I know that Pearlty likes to read my stuff!"

You bet I do!!
and I am certain a lot of others do too!

Thank you for your compassion in recent posts
towards my difficult times as of late, a little break time is in order for me-(like you often say, self-care is so important) but I'll be back; and look forward to reading more of your informative, personable-real, well thought out, interesting- subjects and writing.

---

posted October 26, 2016 10:04 AM            

Tomorrow October 27 would have been my father's birthday-- Solar return is today.
Happy Birthday Daddy!

I had a kitty once that looked just like this...

posted October 26, 2016 05:05 PM            

Sonja Francis... I just want to hug you one of these days. You've hung in there, and helped me to split some hairs with a better light today. Thank you sooooo much for your work. Beautiful, inside and out.

.... Sometimes when we follow astrology TOO closely, it messes up "regular living" and getting to know people as they are 'really' as contrasted with what we pre-suppose and impose (shadow or bright) from symbols-interpretations in a chart.

Another person I follow is Jennifer Angel... (and I hope you get more followers to your website). You're Beautiful, by the way.

I know that these persons live in the SoCali area. I had wanted to move there so many times in the past years.... Besides being among future friends there, I thought it would have a warmer climate because I can get hypothermic kind of easily these days? LOL. brrrrrr.

I also consider moving to the NW because of its Beauty, its Nature, the Trees and streams and rocks. I need some restoration... in my soul.

I'm realizing that sometimes I arrange walls based on some childhood conditioning... (as you know, my mom wasn't my greatest fan, and I think I still unconsciously abide by HER rules of 'how' to judge what people 'mean' when they say things, or don't say). Really boxed in..... And I need a LOT of Acceptance, as I am, and to learn that I can have strong feelings, express them, and still not be rejected. Rejecting an idea, and rejecting a person should be two different things.

I get threat-sensitive and rejection-sensitive because she was the originating point-- At a time when I was first really developing some of my first good teen friendships, she would chase my friends from me by saying terrible things about me right in their ears (grabbed the telephone from me, and she told them out loud that I didn't deserve friends, and for them NEVER to call me again--- and they didn't..., and that got all over the whole school as gossip.... and it stuck for the rest of my years there.).

... Caused terrible shame in my teen years. Do I deserve to have Friends???? ABSOLUTELY, Yes I Do!!! *Heart* ..and you don't control them anymore, mom. My friends have their OWN minds, and form their OWN opinions.
(And I Love You Anyways, Mom, with all my Heart. Thank you for giving me incarnation. I am truly Grateful, And I Bless Your Spirit... )

Okay... I am aware keenly that there may be ONE huge obstructing big piece of unconscious material that has Fear running inside me??? I'd say it began with my move here and exploded at the 9-11 Event for USA. It was so untimely that I had "begun" my brand new life then, just as this occurred. I think there's an unconscious Fear Imprint of the same dynamics repeating themselves were I to launch-out once again. (Asking for prayers for Healing that my memory of 'starting over' -- both my first leaving home as a teen, and the 9-11 Move, have 'traumatic' events and consequences falsely coupled to the Now in my subconscious mind.... ty sooooo much!)
... The last time I had done a major Start-over for my entire life, there were a series of unfortunately timed cataclysms that clustered some associations emotionally-psychologically (neurotically??) around "starting over" and new places.

I arrived here very shallowly knowing only one person from a contact I had made at a conference I came to. She opened a portal in my head that there was hospitality for me here, and, I arrived.... as seed money from the divorce happened to coincide and the relo was made possible.
.... Once I got here, I suddenly lost 2/3rds of my income I thought I'd be able to rely on to get a good start in the working world again. Once that surprise hit, I was sooo glad that the seed money I had left over was exactly enough to see me to the end of my lease in my apartment, then. I take pride in fulfilling my contracts and promises. I don't make those lightly.

So! That's what I need to heal... The association with relo and another 9-ll event.

I NEED to Trust that "what is PAST" is not happening again Now.... because visiting that thought just makes me sooo sad, and afraid of any kind of risk-taking. Like in baseball... getting smacked by the ball, and became afraid of it afterwards. Had to figure a whole new way to get myself back in the game.

I want to be Bold, and Courageous... because that's what I really AM. ... I just get ~creeped by my own thoughts of possible failures.... I MUST press and move past that now. It's Time.

I have definitely closed the door for my relationship here with Rm, as I've described a few times.

It just is not the right kind of "nourishing" relationship for me. I tend to his needs, and he basically thinks I'm a ghost, except when he needs something.

I need someone who treats me like I'm a living soul. I need to laugh and express myself. Not be afraid to make noise, or dance by my chair to the music I hear in my headphones. I want my wider needs acknowledged and met too. Hahaha, he's chomping at the bit to retire, and I have been ready and waiting to fly. New Life Start.

I need to choose a Direction. ... Get this show on the road, when it's the proper timing!! In either place, I figure too... that there will be people there to explore if my astrology idea will work?

These are 'possibilities' in my future, that is still hanging for me. I think if I had some good-friend support around me, and with suggestions and encouragements, I could do okay.

I wouldn't mind taking on whatever job I could do... as long as I were physically capable of doing it. At times I feel really good, and want to take something on.

This place steals from me... and it has been for a long long time now. I'm going to need a better location so that I can know the difference between 'what is me', and what is the thing 'in this environment' which keeps stealing my healthiness.

I DO need and wish to become stronger in my body. My vitality just suffers ups and downs right now. (Being kept awake at night sometimes by *the usual*?)

Basically, a part of me has never been as healthy as I am right now... The physical CAN use some upgrading, and restorations. I can't wait to feel that strength coming back to me.

The earnerve thing with diesels, some compressors, etc, has been a problem still recently. When the dynamics of that calm, (like right now) I seem to detect good changes for the better for me, but really, I suffer in actual agony to be around too much diesel, honky-piercing 'fridges, etc. This has to be an important consideration for me right now. I'm feeling kinda worn out. Let's get some of 'those' to be lessened, to see if I can spring back. (I'm usually a pretty resilient person-- as you all have seen. Sometimes I go down, and go down hard... but then, I'm UP again. It will be sooo nice to have and establish good friendships. Makes everything else seem lighter...)

(Yesterday, it sounded like a freaking live pep-rally was going on next door--- I think he had some kind of Computer Game going?, or else, it was the Rec-Vehicle guy... THAT was super intense!!! I wanted to work on some tidying and organizing chores in my room, but couldn't BEAR it!...

I came back to the computer here, went to LL, saw the thread about America (Moongaze's thread) in AstroForum, and DUGGGGGG myself in for some GOOD Computer research to FOCUS myself (distract from the outer distractions), and I DID IT.

The writing might not have been my best, but I put forth MIGHTY efforts to do SOMETHING useful, when I couldn't move that much physically in that back room. .. And, I'm physically on the low bar here.. Think up up up!!!! LOL

So.... For Letting Go?, I would like to let go of living here, with rm.

And I look forward to New Beginning, and New Places.

I feel still a bit lurchy, hoping that I'm doing the right thing... Don't know if that's my intuition, or the fear talking. But at least MAKING a Decision?! LOL.

I wish to at least Test myself now, to see if I can LAUNCH out into a new possible type of me.

Reality... I don't have the right clothes I need to be within certain circles.

And!!! I'd be loath to purchase some things right now (truth?!!!-- just because I need to lose maybe about 5 to 8 pounds??? I wouldn't want to waste money??, but then too, I look fine as I am.) ~!oy,
NOOOO. Yo Jupiter???? Really???!
You snuck up on me, with a powerful Double-Whammy I didn't see coming. LOL.
omg, (funny)-- Learning astrology by 'seat-of-the-pants' ?literally!!!!! ROFL ...

I feel weird about my looks too, because, I look really worn (to me) right now and kind of used at the edges... And! I MUST accept that I'm not a babe in my 40s anymore. Even 50s? LOL. *got neckscarf?*

But maybe... As I bring myself back up, get myself established, I'll be ready for some friends to introduce me to someone special for my life, perhaps?

Beauty is MORE a thing of the Soul. It's the Beauty INSIDE that radiates outwardly, that Makes A Difference.

HashTag... Putting It Out There...
(Looks, then starts running the other way!!!! hahaha ...)
OOOO He'p me!

posted October 27, 2016 07:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Yes, Astrology is just a tool, but it's not the be all end all.

---

{{{ }}} Life, is something Real. And Real things can Happen to or for us in any actual moment.

(music) God Is in Control (Twyla Paris) [5:41] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_daGlJnw18

posted October 31, 2016 02:53 PM            

i.e. "San Francisco's 58-Story Millenium Tower is upscale, but literally sinking fast."

Can people "read" the symbolisms represented in that?

Apparently, some of the shady developers, construction, and real estate people were able to go around government-established rules, in order to make a profit among unsuspecting people....

What they did affects not only the physical well-being but complicate the fiscal lives of MANY.

What makes them think that they would be Above natural physical laws? The regulations SET by governments are for the PUBLIC'S SAFETY.

Some "rules" set by government and safety offices are not a game, but real. Some take these as a "challenge" to rebel against and take advantage of, while 'others' suffer extreme consequences!

If innovative idea people don't throw away ALL rules from the past, and investigate a little more, they may find that there MIGHT be some pretty good reasons for some of the "old fashioned" regulations that exist.

Innovating shortcuts to wealth, at the disregard for human life through disregarding Nature's Earthbound Laws?? *palm to forehead*

SOMETIMES.... Rules are NOT always to be regarded as an "ego contest".... okay???? They are REAL, with REAL Life personal consequences attached.

Quote from the article by Peter H King of LA Times...
"I am not so much nervous as I am distressed," the 76-year old London native said. "This is not going to be fixed in my lifetime, and it is distressing to not know where I am going to live, and die, basically."

Politically and fiscally, if members of congress of the United States do not regard 'the 3D' real consequences of Brexit (London), then, even this little 76-year old "wealthy lady" will HAVE to trust and believe that there still exists kind compassionate humane souls (attached to tangible bodies, LOL) that offer to move her belongings to a safer home-- because this govt-experiment could fail. There will be suffering and MORE people out on the streets than can be imagined.

We have a lot of gangs in our locality (and, they're prevalent in other cities too). They have their little individual 'villages' set up and networked (for crime). I've watched some poor people basically sell-out to the criminals in order to survive. They give them nice clothes, food, sheltering. (And, I don't know 'how christian' these are in their undertakings either.) But, these join slaveries, because once they sell themselves into these care-villages, then crime has just gained more of a stronghold in society.

I wonder if our congresspersons ever think that far INTO the consequences of their actions in the next weeks.

If government can't provide for people, then the wrong-side of the law wins, and safety of the people are compromised on the 'village' levels... They need to please consider this after the elections. Heavier 'authoritarian' police and military presences will ONLY incite and frighten some into wrong-hands... Unneeded bloodshed could be unintended consequence of something done from BRUTE rather than quiet cooperation and better relationships. *bheart*

God, Grant Us The Wisdom!

Sometimes........ Life really does reflect what happened in this REAL Event in the course of human history.

(topic) Real story, US Navy Versus Light House (actual conversation, 'with lyrics?!' ..) [3:27] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VHXRYXzEVU

Anyways, things here have become a bit more serious on the home front. (Some secrets rm has been hiding is coming to light.) I will wait for a few days to see if things resolve themselves, before I say anything about it.

He takes chances in life that ~curl my Saturn~y hair and toenail tips with the edges of an Occam's Razor. Been moppin' up messes here.
(Keeping details to myself for right now).
Should know more of what's happening by end of week? ...

(He may NEED more computer-time this week... Starting tonight, I think he's suspended from work, without Pay.)

Hoping I'll still be able to attend a free studyclass webinar I found (no cover charge!). I had already signed up for. (That's tomorrow... We'll see. -- Rm might ALSO have already found a more-peaceful resolution to the problem that brought things to a head here---- but he may not escape other consequences, possibly this time???)

Well. Have Great Parties, and LOTS of Fun today! .......

Staying Positive here, Fingers-Crossed for RM, and Keeping the faith!!

posted November 01, 2016 03:53 PM            

Rm is now home on time-out without pay. That may last a few weeks-- or pay become permanent now. He was within a year of retiring, and may be forced into extra-early retirement. He's away on vacation week of Thanksgiving. He says he'll be able to make rent payments?... but, he and I have been through this before. He has just spent a scary amount of dollars shopping for things that are insanity for him to be buying for himself right now.

So, if things don't go too well, looks like I go much sooner than expected.

Y'all know that I was looking forward to relocating from here, anyways. So the only thing changed is 'my knowledge' of what rm had been keeping hidden... Who really knows? .. Maybe it WILL work out very very positively for him here.

Whether or not it does?, I'm responsibly preparing for the worse for me, and hoping and praying for the best.

I'm still holding some papers that I really should be dumping now.... Thinking that I would see my kids again is a false reality. I have cards and boxes of notes and letters they had sent me over the years. Pictures. Loads and loads and loads of painful memories there.... I'll never see them again. I just have to 'accept' that. In the next few weeks, I may dump all their materials from my boxes.

I started dumping some old papers that don't have my identity on them. Whenever I find myself hovering and feeling hitchy about giving it up?, I put it back and CONTINUE on to other things that ARE easier to dump.

Ultimately, if I have nowhere to go (but the streets), I will only have saved the most-critical papers, and select core books. A part of me just wretches thinking about the quality library collections I had owned once. I even had donated twice in my life, and it 'raised' the accreditation of two small colleges. Well, what I have left now wouldn't do anything on that kind of scale... but still, I INVESTED in finding some of the things I own now. Can't afford storage units (like I used to). So, bailing the cargo off the ship here, so I won't have to worry anymore.... I'll just be horribly sad instead.

I'll have to look into purchasing a good quality shredding machine, so anything with peoples private info on it will be Protected. I am a responsible person like that.

I'll have to make sure that anything I DO dump in the dumpster here will not have identity attached to it.

I've had the idea of making myself into a small business for a while now... I had been thinking in the last months to go visit the small business center here, to see what would be involved. (I can at least LOOK into doing that... and not have to make firm decision on it, until I KNOW if I have a place to stay. I certainly wouldn't have any electronics available to me-- local library just is inadequate for that, for me. *bad compressors in their ceiling* (I posted about that before.)

I figure I can "temp" myself out to businesses, pay my own taxes (you know? The Taxes that Trump DOESN'T have to pay??? ..) I'm on Disability, and I'll be paying MORE taxes than him! *grin*

I'm just feeling physically burned-out right now and mentally thick and numb.... from the emotional shocks I've been through recently, and aftermath of so many things over this past year especially.

I think Hurricane Matthew turned out to be a straw that weighed my camel down tooo far to the ground. My stuff that was pretty organized (almost) before is like the needle that got sucked down with the grains in a silo.

I think some readers were saying (for my sign) that there was going to be mental overwhelm?? Yeppers. You were right. I didn't know how that would be? When I hear things like that, I try to protect myself against it?... but, it already was occurring. I hadn't recognized it yet. (I like to validate my vidders-- and I have NO idea if some read me or not here... I just answer them back! LOL. I guess that's like talking to yourself?

Oh I'm a Gemmy! so, get over it... I'm allowed to!!

posted November 02, 2016 11:17 PM            

Joyful Memory of Dead on Nov. 1 All Saints

Sad Memory of the Dead on Nov. 2 All Souls

posted November 03, 2016 01:30 PM            

Will forage through more, a little each day-- selecting, shredding, dumping.

Things are just daunting for me, as I really do realize that future success is likely not-probable.

Rm still "recreating" at home-- been a week now (save the one day he went into work and was told his license had expired and suspended with them). He occasionally stirs around, trying things (~maybe??) to see how else he can wurm his way around his 3D dilemmas.... This (and his recent INSANE spending spree) will have a severe financial impact on us... probably next month. (I would PRAY that MY circumstances be better, and that I would NOT be here IF that is the case..... It would place a millstone of IMPOSSIBLE weight on me... plus I'd have to keep dealing with HIS stress ON TOP of mine. HIS was solvable... and will be because HE has a (well-to-do) family preparing to take him in. They, after almost 9+ years here, have never acknowledge me nor the Service I provided FOR THEM while I was here tending to his health needs during his several years of disability and needing to be cared for. He couldn't have hired someone to cover all the Value I gave him during those years.... (Never went acknowledged.... But it was nice rm covered the admission price for me to be with his visiting dau and g'dau, at Universal Studios last year, just before my own Birthday. I think he had been under the impression that his dau's rich boyfriend was going to pay for BOTH of us at the park entrance, when it didn't happen like that. Rm said I probably deserved him paying my way-- so he accepted it. THAT was the closest to a vacation-day I've had in decades!... and I milked all the Fun I could get from that day. I 'made' my own Day.... especially when I happened to mention it was my birthday.... They make a HUGE deal out of Birthdays at Mickey's World.)

Titrating the amount of deluge to my psyche--- as much as possible.

Taking in the hard reality facing me, slowly slowly slowly.... I HAVE to pause and let a crack of the Light in occasionally, 'just in case' an opportunity were able to present itself here in my own tangible corner of the universe.

Prepare for the doom, leaving a pin-prick of hope through the tar-paper, for the tangible to arise. (Sometimes my imagination can present things to me as much-darker than they actually are.... and I HOPE that is the case right now.... I'm willing to 'allow' that to be my truth too. I've lived with so much disappointment in my life. I HAVE to let Room inside me, that ALL things can be solved in MUCH easier ways than the dark that presents itself. .... God is Good to me, at all times. I must keep and have faith in that.)

I had a much longer (diva) post here, that I cropped before submitting.

Keeping things simple and concrete now. (Made more breaks from vidders and newsletters last month. It was Good, Ripe, and right to have pruned back a bit more.)....

Finally, Memere!! I'm applying your Loving advice to stay emotionally more protective of myself-- Self care is crucial. Loads of scars, loads of more Healing to go through.

Life. So daunting... in quite STARK and 3D places. Bizarre in its own rite.

posted November 03, 2016 02:44 PM            

I do feel somewhat lighter than I did yesterday... Such a doomy cloud at times.

Here's a little monster that can Dance to shaky-environment... awww he's just cute.

Anyways! ....

Have you EVER met a Gemmy with a Sagittarian Always Ascending Optimistic Spirit stay downnnnnn tooo long?

haha, only if she isn't getting her adequate Beauty rest.... including time-outs for being able to Dream real Dreams.

I'm just a bit weary/tired and that's some of the pessimisms right now.... (Plus, my Saturn Scorpio is triggered-- I tend to go a shade darker during those kinds of transits to my chart?)

OF COURSE, I'll NEVER stop TRYING Hard till I release my dying breath some day.

I am a Resilient Spirit... *with all this poo, there's just GOTTA be a pony somewhere?* Need me some of that poo-pourrie???
omg those commercials just grrrrossss me out!, but my funnybone gets it.

Thanksgiving may be coming, and the Turkeys getting nervous... But I ain't gonna let the turkeys get me down ...

Flying with Hungry Eagles.... Just RRRRUUNNN, ~BIRD! hahahaha

posted November 03, 2016 06:16 PM            

'First the Sandwich, THEN, The Revolution??? --JJ

whehhhhh...

You know, it makes a big difference not having rm in the atmosphere right now. ~oy, I feel sorry for him? ... So much MORE added weight on HIM, AND on my mind and emotions.

I was thinking, that 'if I have to move anyway', and if I "had" to give everything away that I own

~~~ ole *darthPluto*??? for sure ~~~

then it MIGHT be fresh and good for me to move out of the state, (perhaps)?...

I know I've used up all local govt resources here. ~Dis bowl be spent! LOL

Back to table---

If there's a reception-committee where I could stay, feel Loved and supported, get my self together, receive some personal mentoring and guide on living-life in a modern age, this would be the minimum-best I could ask for. I need a sense of *home*....

I've been out of circulation for nearly a few decades. *oh and yes, I know stupid-stuff like how to brush my own teeth??? so, PLEASE-----, that is NOT what I'm looking for. That's a dead end, and inappropriate.
I need a sense of intelligent warm family-inclusion...

Right now, landing somewhere, then having a Higher-Level 'simple' reminder-refresher course-- until I 'click in' on how to operate like that again, on a larger scale than here, will produce good and invigorating chances for me. I've BEEN independent before. (Was a single mom???). I just need a new set of walls around my brain.. mindset (out of here), and to re-member 'who' I am, and naturally flow into what I can do.

Probably, if there is no immediate employment available, then I'd need help creating some kind of resume. Possible training towards something 'right' for me?

(Please don't ask me to lie, or do unethical things on jobs... it just won't last, and I have to sleep at night.
If that is presented I would politely thank you, and decline.
I remember taking some kind of employment tests back in the early 2000s, and I heard the monitor scoring those yell out to me (kindly) that I shouldn't take a position where I'd be forced into a situation of needing to lie to customers. Noooope, can't do it. ~teenyWhite onesssss? :looks:, possibly. ~Outright Lie and Deceive people? That's BAD-business practice.)

Nature is very important to me, as well as being near some water.

Yes, to some, it's true. I have had a Divided mind. I love my Jesus soooo dearly, and at the same time have fascination and intrigued with the metaphysical worlds of the paranormal and Deep Mysteries. I've had this interest since my early teen years. I have the faculties of being able to Understanding Mysteries and hold juxtaposition between two worlds--- I 'get' the Higher Dimension of Theologies, AND, the other. .... Sometimes I feel like I'm being forced into choosing one over the other in order to survive being a regular human BE-ing.

On another level too!!!! I realized yesterday evening that I 'could' blend those two together....

But, I haven't known people who are doing that (although I'm sure of the probability that there are, and I just haven't come across their path yet).

On this side of the relo, I need stability in my life to come first. As I integrate into 'a community' at large, I might be able to 'see' what is there, and what is drawn out of my talents with them.

The idea of 'having my own thing' would be pioneering, for me. I just don't know how doable that would be for me, right away.

I NEED my basic needs established before thoughts of moving towards a pioneering off-the-beaten path and out-of-the-box possible (dare I say career-thing).

..... There's just too much I haven't been able to explore. I NEED to come across another Kindred Spirit who operates 'there' at the layer of consciousness I'm speaking of. Then, WHILE in the company of other people in a community of like (and open) minds, I might then see how it fits needs (or interests) in the community, and, community at large.

Whoah, fancy words?... I hope they are not empty, to some. I want to NAIL this thing.

I know that communities out there shun my Beliefs that there IS A God. And, that's part of my truth. It's a Whole Other Floor of the Cosmic Layers that some have not penetrated yet. I IS a WIDER more over-arching layer. ... Some can, because their Cosmic Midwife birthed them into it by Direct Experience. I'm not talking wooo wooo here. This is a real experience. People have have had this, KNOW what I'm talking about.

To people who are still not grown-enough in the Spirit, then, I know you're okay right where you are in your Growth-- for real. You are always "Right" right where you are.... You need to grow deeper and further IN that, then, More is Given, appropriately, and AT your Right-pace. Don't worry that you won't 'get it'... Just 'BE' what you are, and the Next Level will arrive slowly yet surprise and delight you.

(Imagine sitting in an inflatable pool with no water, and your dad puts the garden hose in it, and turns water on to fill it--- it seems impossible, goes slow, and fast, at the same time.)

What I'm talking about is something else.

But the MOST important mystery I must solve right now, is 'where' I'll have a home/family. Where I can fold-in my talents, to a group who happily Recognize and Receive ALL the Love and atmospheres I can Create and Give 'just by merely being there, and acting on who I am from flowing in the WellsSprings inside me.'

I'll look forward to any tangible news *from God OR people* on next-steps to take. I CAN'T do this 'all by myself' ....

I've tried that, and, that T-Shirt is in the box ready for the Dumpster on my next load out.

AND! again, if someone knows of a job-creator around here, (a small warm friendly small business team), who wants a dedicated employee to work alongside them... then please, I'd like to know.

oops! Rm is back home now... AND, I DO realize that the Moon is Still Void in Sag...(but connecting with my natal Mercury).

His absence was SUCH a good comparison for me to feel 'how I am' separately. I mean, he's a really good guy... but I need to work on getting my life back!

posted November 03, 2016 11:36 PM            

I checked my email earlier this evening. This afternoon at 2:12pm I got a response from my bro2, the Taurus. He and his wife moved last January to the city where I used to work in the late 1970s! wow!!! He volunteers as member of a Service group affiliated with that organization.

When he had mentioned me to them they still recall who I was, with fond memories, talking about the editing (manuscripts) I had done for them. I was invited to email her. *thumbsup*

Certainly 'something' has begun to break open?

I'm so nervous. Can scarcely believe this is happening right now. I'll have to write emails to send tomorrow morning.

What a ~BIZARRE set of chance-encounters when I was sent email 'by mistake?' when someone tried to contact him on his website. And what strange-weirdness that bro2 and wife would have met there, and be part of that particular place.....

I'm just slayed right now.... Slayed.

posted November 04, 2016 09:46 PM            

So, I cropped about two hours of typing off the email, saved it to a draft, then tied a bow and sent the email off, with my phonenumber and address.

He's part of an international healing group.... So I mentioned the problem I have, and for life-changing decision I have ahead of me...

Also, ty to recent vidders... I got really blown away over this past week... Yes, dark night experience.

I accidently poofed this post when I tried to post earlier... (my fault, not gremlins).

Had some great paragraphs here. Been working on my post for hours!

Quick... RE whether I am still hanging on to 'former crushes'?
No... If that is still circulating that was old-- it's not on my part. Cleared my Dance-Card a while ago. (Just because I choose romantic music, it's not specifically referring to anyone... usually I'm just describing my mood, or the general mood I sense collectively.

It's not personal ----
(*big humor*) Unless you'd want it to be????
.... omg, ROFLMA.

Also.. to gently repeat, I am not feeling a personal pull draw or calling towards a group who is trying to formulate a new world global organized belief-system.

I (personally) connect to God differently-- but I think I DO understand what you are attempting to say. If I get an idea I think would fit and help your movement, I'll pass it on. ... To me, it just seems flat and empty somehow. Like there's no "Higher Spirit" or breath or overall energetic movement to it (for me). Just because you dance, doesn't make it Spirit-spiritual. People can do spiritual things in a very flat way. Some count that as spirituality... but for me it has to have Soul, not just soul.

I'll look forward to getting established with housing, healing(restoration), excellent employment/education. Renewal.

(MK, even the chance to pursue my idea-- I hope it turns out and helps people.)

I need to rejuvenate from the Dark Night experience I'd moved through...

The books I'd tossed were my medical ref text books -- They were very heavy. (Thought to use those if I studied medical astrology as part of my interests.)

The next bin/shelf 'would be' self-help books (I had as reference library for a state registered mutual-help group I started up north in 1999-2000-- lasted a year, with a core consistent group of 5... with visitors. Others didn't put enough sweat-equity, and I was too 'serious'. haha, Live an Learn. I would never do that again without someone else leading, and I would be their best strong support.) Anyways, those are very inexpensive to buy at used books. Doesn't make sense to keep, compared to cost of moving it. Maybe I'll give them to local prison ministry groups?

And maybe I'll get a connecting opportunity to speak to a live human being (in private) in the next days. That would be good.

Heard that my rose-quartz necklace is finally ready now. It will be good to get out and circulate with some people this weekend.

Sending out Love, Good Wishes, and Peace to all--

posted November 05, 2016 12:09 PM            

Last night's broadcast was eerie, REAL, and frighteningly so.

Transiting Sun in Scorpio, with the calculated Liliths are in the USA H11, and energizing the USA's Scorpio 12th house.

Our collective dreams and unconscious imaginations have been being hijacked by this nightmare election. The smaller 3D vision we have been presented (fear-based) is suggesting that this may now come true (into truly manifesting itself)...

Our Beautiful America could possibly be losing its elegance, refinement, Peace, and sophistication, in exchange for a nightmare existence--- coarse, cold, boorish, every cruel dog a law unto himself sanctioned by a new government under an old name and ideal.

Coups, walls, possibility of the internet network breaking down between nations, maybe even IN America for a while, as he, using papa energies, would want to 'shut everything down' then slowly give only select persons the permissions to operate only under his rules... Separated entities needing each to gain acceptance 'only if' in agreement with his vision. Imposition of harsh restrictions of what you can say or not say that would provoke and not be congruent with the 'incoming' new kind of government operating here.

In a metaphorical way, (not sure of the appropriate word to use there), we may have to take wisdoms from the way the African Americans survived, as a group of souls, taken by force and surprise, loaded into boats, laid out like human cords of wood lining the dark cargo spaces... Treated inhumanely.

The slave owners 'controlled' these people BY attacking first 'the family unit' --- to break down their spirits. They existed as single detached terrified souls, taken hostage in a strange land.... Most never knowing where the next lashing or beating could come from, or which group of male superiors would come to attack your womb and shred your body parts to pieces.

These souls had a common Spiritual connection --- not only to God, but to each other. They communicated through song codes, through the lyrics, rhythms and beats they would create (unknown to their white slave owners). They didn't commit group suicide, but LIVED through it, and Withstood the Brunt of what this group-soul was subjected to.

It's just so fascinating to watch the issues between Black and Whites be brought back into focus on the news programs (David Duke). Looking at who the White Supremacists rallying around a certain candidate to support his rise into that office... one of the most Powerful Seats of Responsible-Action on this shared globe ...

I grew up in a city where my father (who served in the military) was called away from his own family unit to go protect people and property while the riots broke out-- the city was trying to integrate individuals, break up segregation between the races and the economic caste systems.

This election is bringing back fears of a lapse back into a previous nightmare. We had made, were making, promising slow incremental progress. Now, there could be the probability that we revert BACK into a possible RE-Manifestation of segregated people-- cultures and economic classes. ....

Another destructive force-wave rearing its ugly Possible head, once more.

We have to face our national shadows?...

I pray for this nation--- that the Brilliant and Beautiful Elpis (fairy of Hope at the bottom of Pandora's box) will have her resurgence after the unleasing of a possible wave of evil imaginings manifesting--- as we are exposed to watching and preparing for the reality of perhaps unintended consequences, for The United States of America. This is NOT virtual reality with a redo button (Brexit)... It will have REAL live consequences involving human lives, and further erosion of peace and safety in the world at large.

The political commercials are NOW assaulting and ABUSING our consciousness, our subconscious and unconscious fears painted depicted and drummed into us as though they are truths.... For me, it's like the giant monster's eye in a Twilight Zone (or Outer Limits) episode... There was a brownie camera box... that when you looked into its lens would suck you straight into it, sucking us ALL into its nightmare reality, sucking us in, convincing us all ... that we live and die according to the insides of 'the box.'

May we ALL Meet At The Higher Consciousness River of Compassions, Goodwill Consciousness, Kindness, Love, Mercy... and Peace.

(music) Ol' Man River (Jerome Kearns, Oscar Hammerstein II, Paul Robeson perf, clip from Showboat, 1936) [4:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh9WayN7R-s

May We (as a Nation, and World) All Walk again ... amongst Villages and Communities and Nations, that are Vibrant Healthy Caring and Strong Together. ....

Lord, BE With Us, in US, with this Beautiful Land... Restore us, and Let us Never Forget this time and political lessons. Allow us to have the maturity of knowing that we GROW Together. No one left behind.

Make us Strong, Make us ALL Better. Let this ONLY Manifest as the Lessons and Sober Reminder of 'what could-have happened'... A Wake Up Call, and another GOOD GOOD Lesson Learned.

Oh. Almost forgot.....

And Lord? ... Please Help Jimmy Carter 'get' his last 12 Worms!! LOL.

Eradicate all wurms of evil.

Cure that twisting Wurm of shadows appearing Real, OUT of our Collective national (and world) Consciousness....

Bring back a PEACE, True and Real, to the earth once more.

For America.....

posted November 05, 2016 10:08 PM            

I began reading it... The poster was born in S.Africa, and worked as an English teacher in Korea-- a writer, trying to publish her work. She posted several chapters of her book. I'm not leaving a link because the story was very explicit. She was a born again christian, sexually abused by her father.

I went through the 15 pages of posts. It was mainly a conversation between Ami and herself. I felt like I started to know her. Saw her chart.

The thread was an old one, which began late December 2010. Most of the postings were 2011. Every once in a while, old threads do get bumped. When I got to the last page.... Lexx was reporting the sad news that she had died this past week, by her own hand.

fatinkerbel ..... aka "Christine"
b. Dec 21, 1972 to e.o Oct/Nov 2016
(at 43+yo)

*reverential silence*

Apparently too, she was active on FB with a few here at LL.

You get to know people in their writings.... Her book ended. Just, not like I expected.

Honoring her spirit.

And, To All Survivors of Abuse.... {{{{ }}}}

(music) I Love You But I Don't Know What To Say (Ryan Adams, lyrics) [4:05] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvFWZxYbf4