posted July 12, 2017 07:02 PM            

They discontinued my pics4ever website. They LIED... it's NOT foreverrrrr.

It's GOOONNNNNNNEEEEE.....

.... just goooowwwwnnnnn I tell you!!

posted July 15, 2017 02:11 PM            

lyrics
For each child that's born
a Morning Star rises,
and sings to the Universe
who we are ---

We Are One.

(music) We Are (Maya Rides Away, Tom Hamilton, acapella) [3:33] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IqtFKWcx_M

(music) We Are (Sweet Honey in the Rock, Julie Bringman expressive liturgical dancer using ASL) [3:06] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po6Lxqu_GSQ

posted July 18, 2017 09:33 AM            

Thank you for Making A Difference...

Happy Birthday, Nelson Mandela!
http://www.astro.com/im/vip/chart_mandela_e.gif

posted July 18, 2017 10:26 AM            

I was astonished. I was astonished that someone outside of me, could experience ME having pain for 'them'.

They said I had an empathic gift.

That makes me want to cry. I know that I can 'feel' other people's pain. And I know that I myself have had devastations. Did that make me extra and TOO sensitive to Others?

Certainly... it brings back all the other memories of times I was connecting in to corporate energies, and taking them IN to my body, and eating it..?

And. I experience waking up in quasi pain from the effects of my real Saturnian environment here. My nervous system is SOOO refined and sensitive. I feel Gaia shaking?? .. nah. Actually, my cot shakes from the extreme sonics that concrete slabs conduct.
.. And, I worry WAY WAY WAY too much, which only agitates my innards even more. LOL. Certainly too, it doesn't decrease sensitivity when I get a bit sleep-deprived. Sometimes I can't bear to be in my room... until they finish playing whatever game they have playing through (probably blue-tooth, extra-concentrated) speakers. And, I can't 'sleep' in the front-room because of gnarly defective compressor in fridge.
.. The ONLY relief I get is when I can 'distract' my attention from my body, by getting involved in a project-- which usually involves putting my headphones on (with or without music).
I can sit here and study.
But what I LOVE love love most, is to sit here and post. It's like I'm constantly looking for inspirations and hearing messages and music that I want to share through. I love doing this. I love helping people. I love to be Inspirational.

And I admit to the sin of worry. Which!, makes me MORE worried???? FOFL-at myself!!! hahahahh

God, I'd love to meet and hug some virtual people in the Live way.

So. *ahem* BEING an empath??, I feel your Incredible Love for me... and I Resonate that BACK to you.

*Lord, Help Thou my Unbelief!!*

Left this song for someone who was 'hurting' over in YellowWax Forum.

I know her background.... She had been abused as a child.

When you've been abused, it can sensitize you to "normal" (what seems like) abandonment, rejections, etc.

Abuse Sucks-- no matter what age you received it.

My Heart goes out to you today.
Asking God to Heal,
and Make Whole,
every Hole ever carved into your Heart.

YOU Are Loved {{{{{ }}}}}

*sad song* -- North Node in Leo connection 24+

posted July 19, 2017 12:45 PM            

Yesterday, at my job, it was soooo fun.
I have the two (I'll say young, being in the early 20s) girls on the phones with me on our regular shifts. We have a great comradery between ALL of us (even the girls in separate offices from us, that we relate to, and who also share in the work).

Our main Gemmy!! supervisor got promoted to the Guardian ad litem department July 1. She helps supervise the ones who volunteer and do home-visits to evaluate conditions for abused children now.

I was thinking soooo strongly about her. I was going to wait until my phone-coworkers finished their calls, then I was going to say that we should go visit her!!! Where WAS she???? LOL

Then!!! Who pops in to say hello? There she was!!! Hugs went all around the office!

So. Sorry if I'm extra-goofy or surreal?? omg!! LOL.
My nerve-system is tingling, and sonics shaking the pad here.

Even RM (who never complains) said something this morning. We have a person who comes to park (almost what seems like INSIDE our apartment) in the u-shaped tight cove we are located in. They had their WOOFER-BEATS shaking down the building at 5:00 A. M. They've done that several days now. heehee... rm NEVER says things. Welp, he did this morning!!! LOL.
We can't control these people...
And, I've been possibly 'smelling' the scent of entrepreneurs under our roof here (drug manufacturing??? I wonder). It's not just one of our apartments, either?

Anyways. I could be imagining--or NOT.
The truth is I feel the nerve-kind of pains every day. I have NO idea what's going wrong in my body-- IF there is something?

As you've probably read in other threads too-- I've had two health providers QUIT. The are re-booting me as a patient??? They are short-changing me on life-sustaining hormone and a drug I need. ... So, I'm dealing with that (again) now.

There the bullcrap going on in govt now, that is cutting all kinds of help. Sometimes I worry about being in their cross-waves... I have limitations that are not 'visible' to the eye. To them, hamdicap means you're either foaming at the mouth lunatic, or in a wheelchair or deformed physically or severe retarded. I don't think they 'believe' sonics are "hurting" to an individual. (At least, that's my fear--- they are "robots" and don't care about sentient beings??? -- Good thing that I can be so understanding?, but, that does NOT benefit ME.) Sometimes I'm afraid I won't get helped. Even moving to a different apartment?? could mean 'the same thing'?? I REALLY REALLY need a Fairy Godmother!!!! LMAO

Anyway. I think I feel like I want to throw up right now?? ... Gonna have to go do some tielenols-- probably the migraine loop. sheesh.

So.

posted July 20, 2017 10:55 AM            

Anyways!

Happy Birthday to LL's Ayelet today! (July 20)

I know that you are one of our members who comes to read my thread occasionally.

posted July 20, 2017 04:37 PM            

Today, we commemoration the first solid steps we took onto another sphere in Space.

One small step for man.... and Giant Leap towards finding out who we really are, as part of All That Is.

48 years ago!

(music) High Flight (Gary Dugan, musical setting of poem by John G. Magee, Jr) [3:05] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmWO-zovGu8

High Flight

Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up the long delirious, burning blue
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew.
And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

posted July 21, 2017 05:29 PM            

(music) Song To The Moon (Dvoøák, Renée Fleming, BBC Symphony, 2010, eng.lyrics) [8:15] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHM3zMBQxTQ

- http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Dvorak,_Antonin

- http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Fleming,_Ren%C3%A9e

If you know some astrology....
Open Renae Fleming's chart, listen to this interview, and watch the chart!

She also gives some grounded practical excellent advice to artists, and creators, in the public limelight. (I think that some of my readers here might appreciate her tips.)

posted July 24, 2017 04:37 PM            

I hardly know where to begin...
So many things concentrated together around the aura of the meeting of Moon with Sun, and Mars. ... Plus the complex and complicated other very unique touches-- basically transiting Chiron Pisces, AND that the New Moon and Mars also make a bridge to my Chiron-rx Aquarius 5+ ...

81 Terpischore-sr Aqua 2+ (muse of Dance, also dealing with the body's coordination and body's sense of 'where it is' in Space??? (humor) ROFLMAO!!

New Moon happened in the degree of my Pelion (cave on the mountain where Chiron and Chariklo adopted the responsibility of taking care of the Centaurs, who were given as gifts to help heal humanity). Also, one of my medical asteroids having to do with the nerveSystem (neurology) was ground zero 0.43 ..... next to 120074 Bass!!! {as in cheap woofers????? omg. LOL.}

I'm looking at the asteroids I have around that degree--- and I feel like Lucy (movie).

My Progressed chart is heavily concentrated in LEO energy now. My p'Moon is almost done Sag, on my natal NN-GC.

Saw the movie Lucy on television Saturday.

At the SAME time--- There has been a mountain of psychological-level processing going on, in multiple layers at the same time-- In my observer mode, I not only looked upon these objectively, but also felt them integrated emotionally and exquisitely, with so much pain being released.

It "just happened" that I got to view the Astrology Hub (Amanda Walsh) Book Club's visit by Robert Masters (shadow work) with Divine Harmony (person). He was helping everyone by saying you have to 'allow' the pain (my interp, could be wrong). To just mentally conquer it is not victory because it's 'there'. It is 'still' present.
.. I remembered the saying of putting lipstick on a corpse?

I was feeling sick and horrible in my body... from all the sonic torture I go through on a daily basis now. I can't deny that anymore.

So... When Robert Masters said to FACE the secret {my words} feeling, and allow it to fill the space, I was ripe for the rip that occurred in me.

There was a pain-flood or release.

And I KNOW this is not true-- so, please forgive me in advance.... People were spot-on when they said that my experience was 'my bubble, that acts as an echo-chamber' ... and that 'what I am experiencing' is confined 'to my own mind'? ...

And I KNOW that The Mind is Our special Power as Humans, IN the earth ecosystem as the Race of Humanity. {TDJ}

That (scripture) if 'your eye is singly'-focused, then--- {my words} THAT is the rudder that points you into manifestation?

That 'thought' has been extremely frightening, as I know the bare-reality (without anyone helping me), is that I face literal death by being kicked to the curb for not having money or connections to Care for a proper GOOD GOOD shelter for my future days.

One of my hugest INNER triggers is that "I DON'T want to be 'a Burden' on people."

When I hear words that tell other people that they will be 'wasting' their money, that is another trigger for me...
I grew up feeling like a waste.
Not worthy to be invested in, over and over again. I am in touch with the VAST deep deep pain of not having been invested in over the course of my ENTIRE life (now 62). (And, I know on a logical level that this isn't possibly true-- this is how I 'feel' in my basement.)

I feel the lifetime ramifications of it. I never properly-learned how to thrive. I was always living on the edges of terror, being afraid of life, like I was running running running, *haha cinema* ... with the occasions of giant Indiana Jones style boulders bowling me over. Crrrrushhheddd...

Right now, those boulders are "trying" to tell me that these are my "friends" trying to catch and up to reach me and say "we've got your back!! we have 'space' for you in our Hearts!!!" ... and I keep running and running and running. Afraid to trust??? *wipes the snot and tears off face* ... I am laughing at myself, AND, I'm terrified to actually 'receive'???? omg.... HOW SILLY! and I apologize SOOOOO SOOOOO profusely...

Just-- please just help me, okay? ...
I need 'tangibility' to ground me. That's why too, I have asked for direct communications-- because I am WAY TOO MUCH 'in my head-bubble thoughts'.

AND! I DO want it to go 'in the Right Direction' for me. I am dealing with a very psychic and LOVING crowd. Please forgive me if I can't see what's in front of my face...

I know that being here has made me sick? or, I was in some way scheduled for having whatever this is in my body?

I go back and forth between feeling well, and feeling HORRIBLE, depending on what's going on IN my environmental-bubble. It's BEEN complete distraction. And, I don't want to be 'away' from the internet. Virtual worlds ARE my REAL world. It's what DOES give me Purpose. Listening, meetings, writing, Inspiring.... Describing.

This is an "aside" now------

You know....
I keep being reminded of a semi-lucid dream I had had, where JESUS-Himself "appeared" in front of me, and I both KNEW it, AND, I kept slipping-out and thinking 'oh, I'm having a dream, and IF this were a dream, then I would interpret seeing Jesus as ~such-n-so.

AND THERE HE WAS! And each time I perceived Him, I'd slide and NOT-perceive, and he was LOVINGLY throwing His head back, laughing AT me with so much Love and being in Delight of me...

I'm CERTAIN that He would Know that I would kick myself over and over and over again to NOT have FULLY come into LUCIDITY 'in' that dream/Moment, to Focus and Crystalize, and to HAVE a Direct Communication from Him. ....
{Same disconnect-thing happened when I believe I had a direct encounter with an angel while up at Wheaton College at a Writer's Camp in the early 1990s. --- She had 'clouded over' on her visage, and told me I was 'hiding my light' under a bushel... I went back to my seat, snapped out of it, looked for her--- and she had gone.)

I've often criticized my self over both those moments---- and it was as though I were under ~weird Anesthesia, in the process of awakening, and in a twilight space, liminal, that I couldn't help.

Maybe in 'twilight' you can see and perceive things that regular reality blocks from you. (My H6 Sun Gemini.... squishy-squaring Neptune-rx Libra in my 10th house.)

(humor) Jesus!!!! Come back here!!!!! I need to talk to You!!!!
Yet crying serious-- (oh brother!!! sheesh)
*harps*
'What is it you WISH from me????'
I am at your Feet and humbly at Your Divine Service!!

Okay.
I'm back.

I think one of the reasons I have had trouble 'choosing' a career is that 'hole' I had growing up, that I cannot fill-in myself, because I have NO reference for it? This is BRAND NEW.
I wish now that someone had helped me GROUND my Talents. All the many-forms of it~~~ whoah! I'm not only a walker on the planet, but I walk the liminal places?

*again, I think of the reading someone else 'paid' for me to have with a renown respected psychic in san fran. (But I had no real recognition of this at that time.) late 1970's/early 80s.
My friend who provided the funds was there, and he asked her WHICH of the Muses I channel. She looks up in surprise and said "All of them"... She channels ALL the Muses.
And she said how unique I was-- that in this lifetime there were no barriers to me. That I could jump every hurdle {I add, IF I avoid distractions along the way}. I had the ABILITY to jump. To quantum leap. To 'go all the way'....

*also reminded of the kirlian photographer lady, who also said I had a rare destiny, and that I had 'helpers' evident in the photo, that were present. IF I couldn't find my tribe/group/destiny... to just relax because *they*/it would come to me....

*I had an echo of that last Wednesday... it was surreal.... for me to not struggle so much. That I am a *good thing, to be FOUND*.

Have again been in the throes of realizing how 'learning' became 'missing' (fell in the cracks, parents/teachers/mentors) and I lived my life 'feral' in the black-spaces in so many ways. What needed to happen FOR me, in my early life, never occurred-- people always 'assumed' I had it, that I had everything I needed already--

That entire part of my life-existence went into a fold in space, a black hole? A cosmic darkness or fog?

Again,
I have a hunch that it was from not having been invested in, personally, by either of my parents, and my siblings. (H3 intercepted Pisces). (If I 'had' to put it/reason "outside" of me.)

I can't operate on empty space, that wasn't provided at the time I needed to learn to 'thrive' life; instead, life had me terrified, and non-stop running in blank air.

Coming back to my post....

The Robert Masters interview, AND other things that happened--
INCLUDING the Movie Lucy 'exploding' onto my reality, just like some of the ACTUAL metaphysical lucid dream sequences I've had.

*ref... my "Pink Tiles" Dream that was probably a Kundalini experience I had that woke me up around dawn on November 17, 1980 (living in Orinda Calif, or Antioch?).
<I will have to find that post-page and leave a link here for that, later.>

I "saw" and "experienced" that LOVE is what holds ALL molecules together... and that LOVE is the Basis of Everything...

I leave the LUCY movie here... to view.
My 'pain' experience from Masters' interview, in Beautiful syncopation with LIFE and the Universe as I experience it....

(topic) "I Feel Everything" (Lucy (2/10) Movie CLIP, 2014, *graphic, surgery shown very briefly*) [3:15] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTGuyNnJJFs

And, here is an IMPORTANT really really cool part of the movie that helps bring 'I feel everything' into better context (if you haven't seen the movie yet-- it's a really metaphysical movie!!!! love it! haha)

(topic) Turning Idea Matter Existence-- the issue and key operation of "TIME" (movie Lucy) [5:55] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT2bxhNjxUM

So.....
(ADDING!!, that I know this is not true.)

On Sunday.. entire day. I was in the delicate raw throes of pain (emotional), that echoed and traced a thread of my entire life *till now*). I felt worthless. I felt uncared-for. I felt the etchings of pain of abandonment, and that I could 'never be enough' for anyone in my life.

This was the song that fit the Tender hours of the day then---

(music) Unbreak My Heart! (Tony Braxton, lyrics) [4:34] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65CfnXUwv1o

So... It was an 'interesting' experience for me, to have slowed down my hamster wheel, trying to get away, and get away, and get away-- and instead to in-the-body face the pain.

My God---- Life, so delicious and exhilarating, yet sooooo soooo much pain engulfs our experience.

The other thing that began the 'trigger' to the breakthrough was an event in our locality where some teens "allowed" and even took VIDEOS (posted on FB) of them mocking a man who was DROWNING in pond/lake, and TELLING them that they did not have to 'help' him (and they chose not to, and the man died, in SPITE of his CRIES for help).

I saw this as the negative side of age of Aquarius--- that people can be sooo disconnected from their 'humanity' that they feel they have "an option" whether to involve themselves or not, when it comes to life and EVEN preventable needless Death?
.. *Prayers for the family of the man who drowned, and for the teenagers, and for the relatives of the teenagers; and FOR my locality and the impact on the psyche here.*

Again....

I know and semiRealize that there are folks who would LOVE to help me with whatever problems I've been having.

I can't seem to QUITE GROUND that this is real.

I need to just "accept it dammit" ... that I have "friends" and they WANT to help!!!

I just want to do the Right thing....
*slipping....*
I need this to be REAL. ~~~ whoah, harrrpsss!!!? ROF... laughing,

*Jesus, Shakes His Head, rollseyes, and STILL Loves me JUST the Way I Am???*

Thank you to those who are still considering me a Part of Their Lives. Not letting go...

*God, Give me and Others SUPER SUPER Grounding Clarity on what to DO" --

I am hyperaware of my faults and life time of failures,
AND a wonderful clarity within me of HAVING worth.

Sometimes, I think I forget The Good -- inner and outer.

*posting this, without PROOFREADING...
You know how Plucker I can get. ... *

Sorry for any lack of clarity?? ... *LOL, oh sheesh!!*

positive song later-- after I hit the tielonol bottle!!

I have my volunteer job tomorrow too-- in case I don't post my song right away.

posted July 24, 2017 06:49 PM            

.... One of these days.

(music) Beautiful (The India Arie) [4:05] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOfhbLn8fw8

Healing Hearts....

posted July 25, 2017 09:47 AM            

Someone had found the video and began to re-circulate it (in yt) back in October 14, 2007.

India Arie herself explains the spirit and Spirit of this song before she performs it.

She says that she didn't write it as a song directed towards any one 'person'... She expresses that it was written, composed, and Offered as "a Prayer to God, to the Energy of Love, to come and Bless" her life.

(music) Ready For Love (India Arie) [4:48] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mXjg4q8VTg

- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/India_Arie

October 3, 1975

Sun-Pluto in 9+ Libra
Virgo Moon
Merc -rx 22+ Libra
VENUS 29.22+ LEO
Mars Gemini 25+ (tVenus coming to conjunct right now)
Jupiter-rx 21+ Aries
Saturn Leo 1+
Uranus Scorpio 1+
Neptune Sag 9+
NN 22+ Scorpio/SN 22+ Taurus
Chiron -rx Aries 26+

NN conjunct Sappho Scorpio 18+

Toro 12+ Sag
Pandora 13+ Libra

Ceres 15+ Gemini
Juno ~20 Leo
Pallas -rx ~24 Pisces
Vesta -rx ~21 Pisces

Sun-Pluto sextile Neptune
Jupiter sextile Ceres & Mars
Uranus Scorpio sextile Venus Leo 29+

Neptune conjunct 433 Eros ~6+ Sag