posted January 02, 2020 01:47 AM            

How is it..that all comes down
to you? All you do is talk about
you!?

You live for free!?
Can't you work?
Can't you support yourself?

If you had a job, you wouldn't
be listening to the sonics!?

It's always about you.

Guess what?
It's not!

posted January 02, 2020 11:03 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ballerina:
It's not about you
It's not about me
Or her, or him...

It's about the A11...

---

posted January 02, 2020 11:53 AM            

*sonics*?
I'm grasping on TO that Hope right now Randall, that an intervention will be made on my behalf. Time for me to "receive."

There have been MANY readers at LL {even more of them who have remained unregistered}. I have a Following. Many have followed my posts for YEARS now-- especially during the "Good Performed for One..." span of years until it glitched.

I definitely know that I've been an Influencer on the internet-- for Good-- goodness and Kindness.

Even before I registered at LL, I used to do similar posts on another website, that VERY much had carried similar themes as what I've done here.

I've had a Voice, and have been consistent in my messages over the span of my online years. I always wrote knowing that I was Reaching Many Others, and Making a Difference.

The sonics (for me) are horrible every day now.
The swelling that has built up with this sonic techno-waterboarding has caused the inside of my body, my skull, to have an inflammation that leaves a 'raw'-state {with severe discomforts and at times out-right pain}.

Today, I type this post around holes in my optical visual-screen trying to read around what I'm typing. Good thing I don't REALLY have to READ what I type-- just let my fingers say my words, and with peripheral vision try to make sure I'm typing on the correct-keys. e.g. no ALL CAPS? LOL

Next-wall started VERY early this morning. My chair here has been shaking badly from vibration for hours.

She has triggered another cascade upon cascade of visual-migraines, and this one today happens to be painful.

I can have migraine that is not-so painful-- For those, All I have to do is wait them out for a while. I've learned to endure those-- like they are normal???
nooo. That's not right, because THAT's NOT normal.

The inflammation around my 'brain' (in my skull) hasn't been going down adequately now for a long time, from all of this agitation (compounded for years)?

There is no medication I can take for it--- Lining of my stomach can't do the anti-inflammatories.
And, I'm drug-sensitive. The side-effects make the docs say that my body would shut-down inner organs.

This condition (from living here) has arrested and curbed my "physical" capability ranges---
until a positive intervention {with some time of healing} happens!

Right now, I am VERY MUCH depending on safe folk-connections {that I can 'verify' and vet for my own safety} on the astral network, to help make some Great Connections for me.

I dislike feeling this vulnerable.
I NEED my physical Life and my well-being to be supported.

I'm just glad I'm a "normally" chipper kind of soul, and grateful that I can feel with my Heart, and that I can type-out posts today. Don't know how 'usable' I can be today?~~ Gotta (continue) doing some chores here, and other errands today. Then maybe later some posting around LL. *smile*

Once Again....
Sending Warm Wishes, and Much Love.

posted January 02, 2020 12:32 PM            

I came across this thread by accident. By God's will if you want to see it as such. So I felt compelled to say something.

posted January 02, 2020 08:00 PM            

Glad to see that you are 'busy'.. *laughing*, so, I'll guess that's a good thing! Hope you're Happy.

So *ahem*, God brought you to my thread, eh?! Wow, that's just gotta be a positive Omen!

posted January 05, 2020 10:36 AM            

I had set up an unused closet panel-- a vented-door-- in front of his window years ago to filter sunlight. Had other sun-blocking things behind it too, because it tends to be 'too bright' for him. The blinds don't help much, and there's no real space available in that corner, to hang curtains in front of that window. Rm has 'just let that be'. He wasn't interested in other kind of curtaining.

I stopped going into his bedroom to help him keep his things organized a number of years ago. He wasn't interested in following the pattern I set-up for him, and complained and blamed me for things. So I stopped.

There are boxes in there he should have dumped a decade ago. I offer him my muscle-energies (and organizing abilities) to HELP him, but he gets very angry at me for even hinting at something he is going to HAVE to DO. And SHOULD have done WAY before now.
So. He has a pile-up of (what is basically hoarded) junk in there that he will have to remove. I offered again this morning to assist, but he is PUTTING IT OFF some more.
Oh well???

I've gone in his room to vacuum, or to get his laundry basket for doing a wash.
Beyond that, it's HIS room and his responsibility?

So. The sonics here are so intense.
I feel kind of 'frozen'.
I-myself need to KNOW what's going on?
I have those bins of journals and astro research all around my room (neatly-arranged, of course! ..).

I feel stalled. I have good energies for wanting forward movement, and feel the PHYSICAL limitations (extreme discomfort/to-physical pains) of ALL of that right now.

I want to DO something in SOME direction, and feel trapped in a thick soup. At this time, there is no local real-humans directly INVOLVED and Actively in my personal life. Seriously, this has been terrifying.

I could REALLY really prosper with some folks intervening in a POSITIVE and uplifting "possibility-way" on my behalf.

So... the vibeys are incredibly intense.
These have been my kryptonite for years.

I will Appreciate, IN ADVANCE, All Good Thoughts, prayers, and ACTIONS on my behalf.

Thanks for reading, and Caring.

_________________
Adding .. 12:10pm Sunday
The window is boarded up now-- to be replaced next Tuesday.

And astrologically, I do 'accept' .. that this is not a time to make decisions. The sonics 'drive hard' every single day. So hard to think.

I don't have folks in my life I can ask for advice, who 'know' me, and could do that.

I feel like I'm flying blind right now.
I HAVE to Believe that things are going to be worked out.

Again, thank you for being a Part of My Journey.

Good Luck to ALL during these next weeks' eclipse and configurations.

posted January 05, 2020 12:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
Hey Mirage, just wanted to voice my support as well. I know I don't come here anywhere as much as I used to, but you're usually very supportive of people when I see your posts, especially when many in your situation would not be. It shows great strength on your part.

I came across this thread by accident. By God's will if you want to see it as such. So I felt compelled to say something.

But that's all I have time for now. I had to leave before when I first discovered this thread a few hours ago, and now must do so again. The start of the month is very busy for me!

---

posted January 06, 2020 07:20 PM            

If you can't find a Christian church to your liking, you MIGHT find the Unitarian Universalists to your liking. Like any church it varies place to place. I notice many are wealthy, and yet some can be really nice people who use their wealth to help others rather than feel superior to them. One I used to go to didn't have many I felt a close affinity for, but they hosted a vegetarian potluck in which there'd be a topic and people from a wide variety of backgrounds (which was perfect for my Libra energy, to have so many perspectives sharing ideas in a friendly way). Maybe they have something like that, or know something like that.

I have no idea what Meals on Wheels are like in your area. Some people in that are really nice but you know not everyone gets into charity for the right reasons, and Florida sounds like a hard place to get charity (as not only is the government hostile to welfare in general, but seems to like to persecute private charities as well).

If nothing else, volunteering with helping animals might provide some animal companions.

posted January 06, 2020 08:09 PM            

Outside contractor installed it. I helped.
Lots of shards of glass all over Rm's things. I cleaned and vacuumed well, and did some sorting and organizing of boxes and bags of things. Looks much more organized and neater now.

Front window's screen looked like someone tried to pry it off. It's broken. Maintenance will replace.

Helping the Glass Man brought back memories of my dad and me working on the first house I owned in early 1980s. It was a fixer-upper, and we did a LOT of work to it. I was mainly the demolition and clean-up woman. Would prepare the right-sized opening. .. Then my dad would 'frame' it. We'd work together to install the windows, and everything that goes with that.

Measuring, marking, then cutting wood for the frame would make me too nervous! Dad was trying to insist, but I wound up (as a beginner) having made some mistakes (which wastes lumber). This was a serious endeavor-- and not something like building a patio bench or wood flower box. So, he agreed to do the framing of the windows. Had I been more skilled, I probably could have done the whole thing by myself, up to needing help with lifting the windows in-place, balancing them, and nailing properly.

Demo'ed and enlarged the openings of 18 (?~22) formerly basement-sized windows, into huge twin double-hung thermal Andersen windows. House looked great!!

My dad tried to convince me to purchase smaller-sized double-hung windows-- but my imagination and vision was for BIG windows surrounding that larger-sized ranch house.

When it was finished, my dad told me that I DID make the right-decision about larger windows. It was perfect. I was glad I stuck to my plan.

I bought these all gradually, month by month, as budget allowed. Waited to catch every window on sale, over that year of time. This included the purchase of Stanley double French Doors.

I remember feeling disappointed that I was going to have to purchase the doors at regular price-- The start of the colder months and weather of winter was upon us, and this construction project HAD to come to a close rapidly.
.. THEN!, the lumber yard salesman (from whom I had purchased all those windows over the year), took me aside and told me quietly that IF I were able to hold-off my purchase one more week, then the Doors were going On Sale--- at a steep discount! Got them (and all those windows) at discounted prices.

Dad and I had to break into the solid wall of the house to install the French Doors that would open access to our side yard (where the children played). It was a bigger corner lot. Had several trees.

I worked the fallow-ground on that yard, and after a number of years, had nurtured a beautiful healthy green lawn. I worked diligently to pick any weeds, any crab-grass, pulling and eradicating these at their roots. There was an art to doing that. (All the while, I had set up a play pen with toys to have my younger baby toddler near me, as I'd work that yard.)

Flowers. Had dug-down, then arranged some healthy raised gently contoured-shaped beds. Besides having planted other kinds of perennials, I planted 750 Breck's (premium best-quality) colors of tulips, daffodils, and other varieties of spring bulbs that complemented these. Gorgeous!! People used to stop their cars to look at Spring's display in my corner-yard. Soooo pretty.
Ah!! Venus Taurus H5.

When you cut tulips and bring them indoors, placing the bouquet in water in a vase, they give off a beautiful pervading scent.

(music) I Love The Mountains (Houaida Goulli, cool vid! ..) [2:21] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LEq5sQg2IE

posted January 07, 2020 01:09 PM            

I feel in a frozen position in this moment.
The *SONICS* are strong and quite paralyzing.
I'm 'gripped' in it right this minute.
Makes me feel sooo sick.
They 'consume' everything of my life and any imagination of surviving beyond minute-to-minute at this moment.

Yes I volunteer.. AND I've had to be skipping out today.
I rarely had missed any days at my post. I accepted extra hours liberally. Was EXTREMELY reliable, until Thanksgiving this year where things at home SHOT up a level WORSE than ever.
I feel awful about it, but I had to ask for a break for a while.
Had gone to physiotherapy appoints until Christmas week. Since New Years began, I have JUST BEEN INUNDATED from sonics, from all the parties, from new people that moved in...
Really, our neighborhood is NOT as bad as some others in this region are. There are 'hoods that are incredibly worse?
But MY sonics problem STILL stands.

The place I've volunteered for 3 years, gives legal help for the poorest of the poor. They can do less and less, offering fewer services now, as they had relied on grants and hours of volunteer legal people. Those have been stripped out.

I had the community resource list, and gave out those numbers to folks we could not help.

I KNOW what's available, and what's not.
I have not 'fit' any targeted demographics.
Most of the places on the list are NOT able to assist either. They exist as organizations, but barely able to help.

I am Valuable..
I have a lot to ADD to people's lives.
"I am the head, not the tail" {scripture}

Anyways..... arg.

posted January 10, 2020 02:01 PM            

Lord, Grant us Peace in Our Day.
Protect us in these Times of Trouble.
Make Wars Cease.

Give Wisdom and Power, elevating the PeaceMakers.
May the demonic spirits of war and tempers quell--
Be Defeated.

Rise up Leaders that Work for Peace.
In Grace, Bind Us Together as an EFFECTIVE Force for Love and Peace-Holders throughout ALL Nations.

You are my Brother,
You are my Sister!!
May HATRED and every war-mongering, maligning forces be rendered impotent.
# Do No Harm

Soothe the inner-soul.

Create in us a CLEAN Heart, O God,
And Renew a Right-spirit within.

Clear-away from all influence ..
EVERY deceiving spirit,
uncover every disguised "false-prophet" from any position of influence they may hold, whether they be in secret places or in plain sight.
Let their doings fall-away and be rendered of none-effect.
Expose and crush every agent of darkness.

Bring us Light in Our Day.
Seal every door where evil dwells.
Thwart every plan of the enemy of Peace.

Peace REMAIN .. IN us, With us, THROUGH US.

"STORMS"--- and Elemental Earth Events
Keep us Safe and Protected.
Make Ways of Escape!!

Let us be Good Neighbors.
Bring out in us Liberal Spirits & Generous Hearts,
WITH an empowering of The Ability to DO Good.
Multiply the effects of our Good Efforts.
Stretch out Resources for every person, and all locations.
Let there Be Miracles.
Multiply Food, and Utilities.

Let Generosity's Effect be supernaturally MULTIPLIED.

May Love be Contagious, Solid, and Centering.

Keep Us Calm.
Keep Us Centered.
Keep Us Safe.

posted January 12, 2020 07:29 AM            

On the morning of the eclipse, Rm lost his oldest sister. She was the first of their 5 siblings to die in their group. Rm is the youngest, at 67.

She was a Gemini. The tight conjunct stellium of transiting planets in Capricorn was in quincunx to her Sun, Venus, Mars in Gemini, and opposite her Pluto Cancer. She had a Taurus Moon. Was nearing her Uranus Return in around ~4 more degrees.

He'll be flying up north for next week to attend the wake, and the funeral; and to catch-up with family.

Rm has 9+ Virgo Sun, with Aquarius Moon, and late 28+ Gemini Rising.

posted January 14, 2020 12:00 PM            

Got in touch with my v'job boss, an early Gemini.
SHE has had some physical outrageous unexpected things happen to her body (during vacation trip, and four days ago). That's scary stuff.
{And, I think I'm body-empathic to things that happen to people who are important to me. ~whoah!!! didn't expect that. Truly so amazing.}

The transiting conjunction coming closer to my Ceres Capricorn 25+ H2. Am in orb of having my Return. It's one of the most-aspected degrees in my chart. I have Progressed Capricorn Moon at 26+ right now. What a TRANSIT!! ..
trining my own Moon 24+Virgo H(9)

I've felt really slowed down physically.
Saw someone say that "Saturn's" presence in this conjunction may 'feel' that way.

Haven't been back to physio-therapy.
(Too tired??? haahahahah)
Practicing 'some' of the exercises still, at home.
Have had to reduce the number of repetitions, so that I'm STILL letting 'the body' know that 'we' are STICKING with this kind of routine. I'm compromising by LESS pressing demands on me right now, and fewer physical demands... phewwwww.

In Demetra's book, Ceres is a physical Labor stopper, hiatus.

Gently..
Still room for engaging in Random Acts of Kindness, and Labors of Love.

posted January 15, 2020 12:06 PM            

Nice to do things totally on MY 'OWN' schedule again, too. Mild sense of freedom!

Oh. During these past few weeks, I tried to contact a woman's chorus group. They hadn't responded to me a few years ago. I said I was 'ride-challenged' and if any members lived out in my quadrant of the city, I'd love to attend and come meet them.
Told them some of my singing experience, and how I had been part of the elite acapella groups in college, and in some small ensembles. How much fun that was! I have an infectious enthusiasm in those groups. I help thicken the spirit of comradery, and play.

We had a long 30-minute talk... THEN!, she tells me that there is a FEE to BELONG to the chorus.
~$50/MONTH!!! *jawdrop* .. o.m.g.

There is just NO NO NO WAY.
They also go on trips to compete in regionals, where you have to pay competition fees, your outfit, your hotel room, the transportation!!! wha?????

I asked.
Does this group EARN Money for doing performances? (short of donating their talents and time to nursing-homes, etc.)

They get charged "rental" fees for using church-facility to practice.

I said, Wha????
That facility should be "PROUD" to say they are Hosting-PATRONS of Women's BarberShop singing-- that's something to be considered really-special, to have such a group representing "our town" in these regional and national competitions!!

They do "educational" workshops too.
I asked, Does the group collect a FEE or receive an honorarium for conducting those workshops for the public?
Is the public encouraged to give DONATIONS to defray the group's costs?
……….. The answer? was no. In fact, they have "Costs" to pay, to rent those rooms, drive there, to give the "free" workshops???
Tsk!!!! They need some fund-raising mentality!! LOL.

Thing is, I then also found out that a portion of the monthly fee goes to the national-organization they are affiliated with.

Interesting. I began to see "why" they couldn't independently fund-raise, etc? This is considered "a hobby."

The woman on the phone said that if she heard of a church that needs singers for special programs, she'd be back in touch with me.
.. I kind of doubt that?, but the thought and intention was nice.

posted January 15, 2020 06:19 PM            

At first I thought it was to cover things like transportation and rent, but apparently those are charged separately. Otherwise it would need to teach singing, not manage a choir group. I guess community pride isn't much of a thing anymore.

I do know some sing at homeless shelters and the like for free, so they do exist, but because they don't charge for marketing they can be hard to find (also, they tend to be say a "retired band" or a family).

I know I mentioned when I was shunned by girls from ages 6-10. Granny tried to fix that by signing me up for gymnastics. It was a ridiculous price but she paid for a short while. But once I was past the "introduction" the price instantly went up another 50% and so she had to drop it...apparently they promote you and then charge you more because you're paying for status as much as anything...and lots of parents were sending girls there to eventually become cheerleaders (it wasn't marketed this way, it was to "learn to follow directions" and "physical fitness" and honing determination, and then they'd try to guilt you into paying more and more to keep you in or you're "limiting her future"). There was simply no way my family could afford that.

Granny then tried Girl Scouts (I never made it past for Junior Girl Scouts) which was another scam. I'm not even talking the cookies (which I'm not actually against). But like we were supposed to get our horse riding badges, but do get it we had to do some actual horse riding. Makes sense, but they charged for a bus to take us well out of town to a horse ranch that then charged a huge amount of money for us to just be there. Granny couldn't afford it and said they were being ripped off, for less money (much of it on gas to make the trip there and back) they could drive out to her farm and ride horses for free with plenty, including myself, who already knew how. But nope, they wouldn't hear of it.

Ironically, I was a better horse rider than most (if not all) the other girls but I was the only one who didn't get a badge for it, and that contributed to exclusion even from them. (And I had badges they didn't which was stuff like sewing that didn't get cost much at all but did take effort.) There were other scammy like behavior like that as well.

As an adult a food bank I used to volunteer at got burned bad by embezzling. Part of the way he (a Baptist preacher) did it was to get the local Girl Scouts to help out which they did for free, and allowed the embezzler to make it appear grant money was going to their labor when it wasn't (now I wonder if the troop leader got a kickback...).

Well it is supposed to prepare you for the world, and it did, just not in the way they advertise (but then that's just another way to prepare you for the world since advertising is often misleading). But even I'm surprised to hear of your choir problems...that's why I often say that as far as the greater society is concerned, profit trumps all virtues and excuses almost any vice...

posted January 17, 2020 09:58 PM            

Those groups mentioned above are well-established organized and intricately networked-- after some research, I found they have have been in existence for 100 years now. Explains the dues, fees, and rules.

When I asked the woman about the group making money for itself, I wasn't aware of the international heritage of this small group. Would have never mentioned that to her, had I known. I just thought they were a semi-independent group listed on local MeetUp.

I guess it's like the ways that a franchise works; or a sorority organization that can be networked across the nation and globe; or a traditional church denomination with deep roots.

Rich in traditions, protocols, established rules? If they are a century old, then gently, maybe they know what they're doing and 'how' to do it best by now?

I should have researched them, but didn't think to.

I 'KNOW' what you're saying about the marketing, and the pressure this puts on the parents when the other classmates are in same social group. Learning to be a 'club'.

*Jawdrop* .. about your Granny having had and offered her farm with horses to ride for free. *smh* That other field trip WAS a waste of money!
.. Cool that you could ride horses!! (They always scared me. LOL. Might have been good for me to have tackled that.)

When I was in college I used to bike back and forth to campus. Parts of the ride were by agricultural fields. There were cows loose on that field. I used to get off my bike to rip big handfuls of tall fresh soft green grasses for them to eat. Their necks couldn't reach in-between the barbwire fence to get at it.

Yep. The cows became my friends. They stayed huddled together, and seemed to know my schedule. Would wait for me-- either by the mouth of the road on the way to school, or at the other end by the road where I'd appear on my way home.

There was a parallel road I took one summer during the time I used to stay as a companion for a woman in her 90s (when her children left on extended business trips).

It was a long long sweeping downhill ride. Passed flocks of sheep, and other animals.
This song would always play in my head as the wind blew my face and hair.