posted February 07, 2020 10:08 PM            

I got into an enlightening conversation with a doctor that suddenly made a lot of what I read and researched make sense. Doctors are no longer in charge. They're independent contractors. Wall Street owns the hospitals, and they put profit over patient care. Sometimes they own the insurance companies as well, other times they're buddies. In a system as byzantine as their tax shelters, they work out behind the scenes deals. What this ironically means is that the less you need the insurance the more likely you'll get what you need. On the negative side, your insurance often dictates what kind of care you get, and like those who own the hospitals--not to be confused with the doctors and other staff working there--is also profit motivated, meaning you're much more likely to get a "death panel" situation in the privatized system than a public one. To make it worse, these are SHORT term profits rather than long term since people's careers are generally dependent on what they make THIS quarter, that is in the next 3 months, or maybe an entire year if they're a tad bit more reasonable, as opposed to running a sustainable system.)

(Also, some corporations like to hold healthcare as a benefit which means they can pay less, again there may be direct or indirect via stock options links between the corporation and insurance companies. I believe this is why the USA is almost unique in not having healthcare plans like the vast majority of civilized western nations who recognize that people in agony, sometimes in need of emergency medical care, are in no position to shop around or bargain. They'll jack up prices like crazy that won't work in other nations, not even Japan where they don't cover people for the most part, but DO practice price controls on care and medicine. Only one has been busted for it, and that was because he was stupid enough to brag the government couldn't stop him and practically dared them to do something about it--in an election year--after he jacked up a med by about 700% IIRC that people would die without.)

It's a byzantine system and for reasons not good. It's why we're told we have to think positive over and over again, because it won't come naturally where reality is negative!

I shared this in another thread, but I'll quote a different part this time on why I think it's relevant here:
http://www.northcoastjournal.com/humboldt/the-whistleblower/Content?oid=16241609

quote:

---

"I really wanted us to fit into the system," she says. "I didn't want to come in there acting like some kind of big shot. About six months in, I went to the administration and asked, 'How are we doing? Are we billing correctly?' They didn't know. They didn't know how we were doing."

While Ervin says she now can point back to those unanswered questions as an ominous sign, her first real frustration came with staff turnover. Receptionists, nurses, medical assistants — she says the hospital had a terrible time retaining any of them.

The biggest issue, she says, is the hospital didn't pay a competitive wage. Ervin and others interviewed for this story say nurses at Mad River are paid more than $10 less than their counterparts at St. Joe, who are unionized. The impact of this pay disparity, they say, is that Mad River serves as a training ground, repeatedly investing the time and resources to get a new nurse up to speed only to watch them leave to work elsewhere. This in turn leaves the hospital to rely heavily on traveling nurses, adding to the steady turnover of staff.

The turnover that frustrated Ervin was also apparent to her patients, several of whom told the Journal her practice changed after she made the switch to Mad River. The patients say they quickly came to miss the familiarity of her small practice.

---

quote:

---

For her part, Ervin says the real trouble began in late 2018, when she volunteered to become the hospital's chief of surgery, a role she took on in addition to her work in the women's clinic. Shortly after assuming the position, Ervin started to hear from hospital staff who were frustrated with some surgeons' refusal to use the hospital's electronic medical records system.

"I didn't go to them," she says. "They came to me."

To be sure, Ervin says the system — CPSI — was a headache. When the hospital purchased the system some years back, she says administrators asked a handful of the hospital's most senior physicians which of three systems they preferred. Ervin says she was told the answer was unanimous: Not CPSI. Nonetheless, she says administrators chose CPSI, the cheapest option.

While some electronic records systems include prompts — essentially an artificial intelligence function that will suggest billing codes, procedures and follow up instructions when you type in a diagnosis — CPSI does not. It's clunky, she says, and more difficult to navigate than others.

But in Ervin's mind, that in no way made it OK for surgeons to simply refuse to use the thing, instead leaving nurses and other staff to decipher their handwritten notes and enter them into the system after the doctor had gone home or moved on to their next patient. That was inefficient and — she says — dangerous, leaving too much room for error. After all, she quips, have you ever tried reading a doctor's handwriting?

But it wasn't just the electronic side of things that was lacking in some cases. Ervin says some surgeons' handwritten notes were inadequate for today's reality in which insurance companies require every chargeable service to be documented in a patient's file. If a physician fails to justify a patient staying another night in their chart notes, the insurance company will refuse to cover the night, Ervin says.

"Sadly, it's a game you have to play with insurance companies," she says. "All these little things matter."

---

I'll spare you the outrageous things I've seen, from inside the hospital to patient dumping the dying at homeless shelters that are full (the reason someone sent me that article I just shared to show some doctors are fighting back) since this is "your" thread, but it's really bad.

Beyond that, there is far too much dependence. A solar flare of significant power (like one that messed up many radios or telegraphs on Earth in the late 19th or early 20th century) could radically alter our society and cause massive destruction. But it's profitable to upgrade systems and make them dependent on future upgrades, so profit trumps common sense and now we're so vulnerable (though I've gotten many good computer components for free because they were just thrown out for the next "better" thing). You should see how paralyzed communities were during our PG&E blackouts in California...I'm not a Luddite (at least not yet), I just think a tried and true system should be available as backup. But again, profit is the virtue to trump all other virtues, even love (since you're supposed to marry a doctor or some such, prince in more metaphorical stories, and the like, or for some other shallow reason).

I'm reminded of this comic:

And then beyond that...we must be positive, we must say how happy and grateful we are, we must be glad for what we get and ask for more, and--above all--never, ever tell the truth. Truth would destroy our society faster than a huge solar flare. When we say "be yourself" we mean "conform." When we say "love yourself" it typically means buying yourself something. When we say love makes the world go around, we mean love of money (and sex) makes the world go around. When we say "tell someone" we mean "shut up, or at least tell someone who has to keep it private." When we say "fight back" we mean "don't." Basically, there's what we're told to do and say, and then how, if we want to get ahead in this world, we really act.

Movies and shows promote values that the writers and producers clearly don't believe in or practice themselves.

That's just the way it is. And just as people have talked for decades on how the levees in New Orleans needed to be upgraded against hurricanes and then had the gall to act surprise when it was flooded and somewhat destroyed, so it is with the environment, with the likely inevitable solar flare that will paralyze our society, and so on. (Speaking of which, the wealthy can, through very cheap insurance like about $100 a month back in 2000, managed by FEMA, be allowed to build mansions in dangerous zones and the taxpayers had to rebuild their mansions every few years, but the poor in New Orleans were SOL, many of them having to flee the city, even those who paid more in insurance to insurance companies. That's something else that seems almost unique to the United States among civilized western nations.)

And there's something else from my own life that happened recently that has joined another day in making me think humanity doesn't deserve to survive. Something to do with how the homeless are handled and how a case fell apart, in part to because of how whistleblowers are treated.

However, I've been talking about this with others for awhile...unfortunately, some of the best voices are dead (though my mom is alive who said, probably rightfully so, that the letter I wrote and sent to a hospital administration was probably read by a lawyer and then thrown in the trash when they realized they weren't in danger of being sued just yet--which reminds me of the two times I reported something bad, one to a fish food place and the other to a Fred Meyer's, and both were defensive until they realized I was just giving them a headsup, foolishly trusting them to do the right thing, and in both cases they did not until it was on the news). I'm still talking with a few and maybe I can regain some positive feelings for the human race as a whole rather than just a few select individuals who rise above the lies and hypocrisy and corruption of this world. I WANT to believe in the goodness of humanity, but at the moment I just can't. Not anymore, beyond a few individuals, most of whom are dirt poor because their values are not profitable and so are scorned by the world.

It's possible I might take that (very limited) world tour I've always wanted with saved up money and then just drop out of society (whether on the family farm or something even more drastic is unknown to me, if I go that path, refusing to partake in a world of lies, insanity, and hypocrisy masquerading as idealism, justice, and values). Or maybe I'll crawl through this dark night and volunteer again (literacy, this time, surely THAT can't disillusion me).

RWBY is an anime that appeals to my higher self (don't laugh, back in the 1940s, Superman really did beat the KKK despite being an imaginary character, such characters inspire many people to be their better selves), but not too long ago I dreamed of putting some people after me in rose thorns and told Ruby (an inspiring character) on a screen, "I'm sorry." Because I don't think I can live up to her idealism any longer.

posted February 11, 2020 06:52 AM            

(music) And So It Goes (Billy Joel, 1989) [3:53] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHO6a2H-pqY

P.J. Thank you. I sincerely Value the time and emotions you put into the response above.
Ongoing convos active in George Price DivDiv thread too. We'll probably ping back and forth.

posted February 11, 2020 11:06 AM            

{cropped}

John Denver has a rather chilling and VERY apropos intro (spoken message) to this song.

This song was from the year Chiron was discovered. (Was my last year in college.)

(music) I Want To Live! (John Denver, 1977) [5:41] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSeg9f6QpcU

posted February 12, 2020 11:09 AM            

There had been 'folks' {outside LL} that had been making promises to BE there for me. They considered me a part of their group (for years), and were supposed to have come through. They had been reading my posts {especially, e.g. Good Performed} for YEARS.

I gave them good ideas (from what I've been doing here) that some have monetized. I THOUGHT that "I counted"... especially in that they have been using my presence, my posts.

And I love their souls. Love each one.
They have KNOWN about my situation for a LONG time.

Not ONE of them have reached out to me.

Health-problem with Kryptonite-Woofers is reaching a new level, a kind of 'crisis point' now?

It was a RED flag over these past days, where I had been considering that MY LIFE is worthless. That I don't belong on the earth anymore. … THAT's NOT WHERE I want my MIND going right now...

The FACT that NO ONE responded, is a demonstration to me of how much they do NOT VALUE MY LIFE. They wanted my stuff, but not the 'author' of it.

The shaking going on is just making me raw all the time. It's affecting me outside the apartment now too.... Dangerous. I was trying to cross a street, and LOUD cars began a dizzy~sense. I had to grab onto myself. I could have been hit by a speeding car!!

THIS is what other-people "think" of me.

They used my stuff, then left me behind.

Anyways... I called a senior resource place. They will have one of their persons call me in three days.

I need another place to stay, where *woofers* and gnarly fridges and muscle cars are kept at bey.

My BODY needs some healing time.
I think if I had a GOOD PLACE, then that would BE the BEST medicine. I had had another good day. My head's pain had muted down NICELY. I didn't even take tielenol or anything. It was a GOOD DAY...…..
Then SHATTERED!!!
Next-wall's drug-friends came, and the *woofers* went UP!!!!! (I wonder if they have a kind of flop house there??) Even Rm wonders 'how' they rack and sleep SO MANY bodies in a small 2 bedroom.

The woman who is there .. was outside playing her speakers. It could be heard for a FAR distance. She had them in the tight tiny cove of our two apartments, then there are end-units that shape our building like a "U". That 'cupping' makes sounds reverberate.
.. I went outside twice to ask her to lower the BEATS part of her sound. She said she uses very-small speakers... but they are JPL-technology. It fits in her hand. She moved it outside the 'cove U' and "beats" were much lessened. But it was still LOUD. Interfered with TV. … Rm. Does nothing. HE could complain to Landlord, and doesn't.

So, twice this week I was SCARED. I thought I'd have to go to an emergency room, because of health!!! because of *sonics*.

And all this week, and during a LOT of weeks, --
I realize I have NO ONE in my locale, who is in my corner, who has my back, who 'knows' me. I'm scared of losing my independence by a health-event. That would be the most-terrible thing.

And, Rm wants 'no' responsibilities for the caring of another human being. That's JUST 'his way'. Over the past 12 years, I've seen coworking long-time associates call him. One was 'alone' {without people in her life}. She suddenly had the diagnosis of advanced lung cancer. She called him in an upset moment, for some listening support. But he is not capable of giving-that to another person. He (I think ?honestly) cannot. I privately anguished for that woman. She died. But I still think about her. *bheart*

Found out yesterday that someone I 'thought' I could develop a friendship with, is now diagnosed with one of her main organs failing. She will need an organ-replacement. She had lost half the blood in her body (while on Christmas vaca). She has good insurance, a pension, quite-rich daughter, and a family-network. She's got great neighbors that help her out too. --
.. I can tell that she would want to narrow the number of persons in her life, to 'just' her immediate circle.
.. That has removed a 'potential' friend I had. The ONLY one... Oh well. I wish her WELL. I hope her organ-replacement and surgery comes through with fantastic ease, corrects her problem, and lets her live 30 to 40 more years AT LEAST! .. *Heart*

So.
I'm not looking great! oh my.
Body having problems.. but my DEEP INNER SPIRIT is Love.

I'm disappointed that NO person came through for me. That's actually VERY saddening to me, at this point.

Like I said... I deserve and WANT to be ALIVE.
THAT is my FIRST priority.
I do not LIKE that the non-response to me makes me 'feel' as though I was used, and 'worthless' to others. I do not LIKE the place internally I go to with my mind, regarding THAT.

*breath*

Mercury is turning retro at end of the week.
That's probably when the person from the 'seniors' will attempt to call me (by telephone).

My mind has been going over and over and over this 'situation' here for a long time. It's like 'which piece' can I/ should I fix 'first?'

It ALL (for ME) comes down to 'place'.
Everything (for the way I am, as my own human) comes down to good lodging, good rest-- AND a good friend or two to talk with, to dream with. To reciprocate with.

Part of what upsets me now too?
Astrologically, I'm pinched.
Chart will remain that way for a handful of years.

There are MULTIPLE warnings that I might trust 'the wrong people'..THAT makes me depressed~~ *laughing, through tears here*.. *ha~*
Still in good spirits DEEP within.

This is BLIND Faith now.

Since others have abandoned me,
then... it's BLIND Faith.
I'm scared for my physical self, because there ARE bad-people out there, in 'helper' type positions. I've encountered that TOO well, in my life.

When you come from a background of having been abused, your 'antennae' are screwed up.

I am having a splay of Chiron aspects.. squares and sextiles, and trines and oppositions.
My natal Chiron is Aqua 5.19 retro.
Stellium in Capricorn is marching towards it.
Trines my Sun Gem 7+ at the same time.
Trines my MC Libra 2.50.
Trines Hygeia (and Harmonia) Libra 7+ H10

Oh! RE Coronavirus.. I've been looking at those asteroids. Again, so amazing.

Hygeia.. is now moving forward in late Taurus.
There's a constellation of stars there in {western} late Taurus early Gemini, that relate to health .. and (in my chart..)an asteroid related to 'infection control'.
The infection-control asteroid has been transiting through last decan of Scorpio now.

Cool.. 'infection control' trines my Moon Virgo 24.56, trines my Ceres Cap 25. Transiting, it enters my H12 scorp. I have it natally in my 6th-Taurus, where Gem Sun is.

I've had my eye on transiting Hygeia for a long time. She turned to go retro on top of my Sun, and turned direct in Taurus. {I could talk about USA Chart, but, I need to take a break, and something for my head now!.... wooo weee. *sonics*}
She is due to return to her point of retro in 7+ Gemini..
Maybe that virus incepted at Hygiea 2+ retro in Gemini.
Infection-control asteroid in Scorpio is approaching OPP with Hygeia Taurus direct right now.
{uck! I forgot my research-materials.. they are 'somewhere' here in my files. I NEED to take that break.... ohhhh my. *shaking*}

It's so mixed... that on one hand I can have a sense of being sooo powerful, so solid. Yet on the other, there are some broken places. Those broken places are my bridges??

Ah.. just checked it.
Transiting VENUS in Aries in my H4 now.. is 5.39. My Hyleg is 6.25 Aries... and 4029 Bridges is Aries 6.41.
Venus is a health planet for me.. being ruler of 6th{taur} and 10th{libra}, as well as being placed in my 5th{Taurus} IN Taurus.

I like the 'feel' of Mercury in Pisces a lot. Always have. Swimming in water.. heh! Amphibious Merc! Boat-planet too?.. crossed the river Styx, and went back and forth, when other's were not given that Crossing ability. Pisces, watery Styx energy. For sure.

Okay. GOTTA Go.

(music) ???? song later perhaps
Post without Proofreading.

ADD--
Didn't see your response above, Randall.
In early 1970s, I had worked in a high quality Health Food store. We would grind grains for bread-making, etc. Had a wonderful reading library! (as we sold 'text' books on health and alternative healing).
We had John Denver music albums playing constantly. I fell in love with his music then.
We had a cowoker who was in training to become a Naturopath.
We'd have parties, and this man played an AWESOME acoustic guitar. Fabulous!

This is the song I loved to hear him play most!

posted February 14, 2020 02:20 PM            

I'm grateful to the personal cheerleaders I've had when I go to my physiotherapy folks.

*~
I'm in a lot of distress and pain today.
Scary symptoms.

I called over to my volunteer job boss and superboss earlier this morning.
|Edit| These had offered to be contacts for me in case of emergency (in the past years).
This morning, for the first time, I called to ask them if that is "for real."
.. that if anything 'happened' to me, would (superboss) please 'oversee'/direct what is going on with my care (if incapacitated medically), and mostly, to make sure I'm being treated well.

It's been proven that people who are in (hosp) medical care, who have 'outside people' interested in their life, get BETTER CARE than someone who has no one asking about them.
Some staffs (unfortunately) NEED that sense of oversight accountability to "motivate" them to work Rightly on behalf of the patient/client--
better chance that they will try to do their best.

|Edit| I need a big Angel (in a body), with a strong arm of influence IF needed.

They know that I contacted the elder affairs people, and that I'm "supposed to" have representatives from there to call.

It's too bad I'd have to leave here.
I get along so WELL with my neighbors (except I 'resist' the woofy ones LOL).
The landlord here LIKES me. NONE of those want me to leave.. I'm a good influence here.

But I have no control over what woofies do to me.
They had been told, over and over again.
And still... there is no consequence, so, they really would be required to have a conscience in order for them to have mercy on me.
And there's a HOUSE-full of them. Too many people thinking that *they* are each *the exception* to the rules.

Really as far as my financials go, THIS was an ideal situation, not just for me, but for Rm.

And.. this place (as it IS now) has been making me ill slowly slowly slowly slowly for an incredibly long time.

Please say prayers that I stay safe,
and that some kind of remedy comes through for me for this situation.

I've been on the verge of maybe needing to visit emergency room? I will hold off on that until the last seconds. Will push self to NOT go.

I might need to go to next wall to BEG them later tonight if they ramp up their systems again???

If I go missing, … well … , I'll try to contact Pearlty by text.

Oh!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day! to All.

(music) You'll Be In My Heart (Phil Collins) [4:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ZHlp6atUQ

===================================
ADD..
# GU2.0 forum post
Feb 14, 2020
916 America asteroid transit
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum26/HTML/004548-6.html

posted February 17, 2020 11:44 AM            

On my last visit to pain doc, he prescribed something else for pain. ..
I laugh because folks GO there and TRY to get drugs from the docs. I go there and RESIST taking any kind of med. In the past I've had some really awful side-effects.

I resist anything that alters consciousness 'artificially'. I have chart features and transits, and Music as my Bridge for spirituality.

The other day, I was feeling so horrible, and 'found' some really inspirational music, and it was sooo profoundly effective in getting me to center and find that 'good' place inside.

Had found also a piece of website quoted somewhere that had questions geared towards people in physical pain-situations. It was part of Dignity therapy for folks in hospice.
.. Basically, it SHIFTS the person from earth-body attention, to more towards locating the "Purpose" for one's existence.
.. When things go WAY too gnarly here, I try to SHIFT towards that, instead.

Questions (quoted)
• What gives your life meaning, worth, or purpose?
• Where do you find strength and support?
• What inspires you?
• How do you like to be thought of?
• What are you most proud of?
• What are the particular things you would like your family to know or remember about you?
• When was the last time you laughed really hard?
• Are you frightened by all of this? What, in particular, are you most frightened of?
• What is the meaning of this (particular) experience for you? Do you ever think about why this happened to you?

So. The new drug helps to 'smudge' the acuteness of pain in the body. It doesn't remove the pain (obvious when time for next dose is near). It just makes it more to where I can distract from it.
.. The pain is STILL being triggered by things on the OUTSIDE of me. Like I said, sometimes I get these very-small breaks from sonics, from HUGE airport jets climbing or descending (every 1 1/2 minutes for hours at a time)...
Those small little periods of time can renew my Hope.

Chart info also says NOT to over-extend and over-stress, NOR to be overly optimistic about what I can do.
.. That's actually really really good advice.
.. I have a part of my self that wants to press all the time, and say GO GO GO. Take on things and say THIS 'I can do'.

It's maybe more important that I keep equanimity, and to say that I'll always DO the BEST I can. That's just the 'way' I am. I may have 'limitations' that need allowance. But mostly, I have an Excellent Spirit within me. I want to 'feel' like I'm contributing to things LARGER than I am, even if in a seeming insignificant way.

I guess that's the most positive about me.
I might not do things 'perfectly' but my spirit is a Good one. People value 'just having me around' as a presence. They overlook things, because of that?

So again.
I am so grateful to those who have been giving me feedback. Some of you just 'have a way' of doing it that enables me to open to it.

I have had some incredible wounds, and painful betrayals in my life. It IS hard for me to think that people won't abandon 'at that next corner', at the next shift of the moon, or ~whatever.

I had seen descriptions in my chart that say a person with my features need to know that they can express what they feel and the 'power' behind their emotion, and still BE intact afterwards!!! *smile*

I've gotta get ready to go to an appointment.

Today the Sun in Aquarius is on my P.of.Friends.

posted February 18, 2020 10:48 AM            

Peanut oil is easily absorbed INTO the skin. You could make yourself a plastic bottle, mix it with almond extract, and maybe some Rose glycerin. Good for moisturizing after shower. Don't need much.. a little goes a long way. You'll learn the ratio to use as far as the additives go-- add only a 'little' of those to the bottle too.

I think he said that this is a good preventative against arthritis in later life? (but I haven't fact-checked that)

(music) Worth It (Fifth Harmony, The Fitness Marshall, Dance Workout) [3:43] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOkBrurM9G4

So. Definitely praying that things work out for me. {{Engulfed here.}}} Can't accomplish without the outside help of others. I have to take my day in small 'wins' at a time.

Had a cool experience a few days ago.
I was at the bus stop waiting to return to central station, to take connector bus home.

Started talking with a black-dude. He told me he is a pastor of an Ethiopian branch of Christian religion. He had beautiful jewelry adorning his wrists (especially). Told me he is a Jewelry Crafter ..

We were in a conversation about how 'not knowing' can limit us.

I asked if he participates in Craft Fairs.
He said he used to, but now is wanting to go online to sell his things.

I was able to give him TWO Resources to contact. Told him about a local town in this grander vicinity that caters to Black Artisans. Also said that IN that town, I think there is a mentorship program for black entrepreneurs. They look to promote those.

The man started thinking about what I had said, including that 'what you don't know' can limit you.

He now has two excellent leads.

When the bus had reached central station, we had parted ways. Then... I saw him come to me again, from across the facility, Blessing God that he had met me that day.
{I'm a caucasian woman, who knew of opportunities for a black man.}

Found out his birthday is October Libra {crafts, arts, adornments}. And!, that he was MY age (I was surprised).. so we have similar outer-planet synastry.

The Moon was in Libra that day, and approaching "OUR" Neptune Libra at 25+ when we met.

I was so glad to have uplifted him...
Gave him new ideas.

posted February 19, 2020 11:32 AM            

They drew up a Living Will, and a few of them will help make decisions in case of medical emergency. The language used in that legal instrument was truly touching.

It's official now (and before Merc went retro).
Will be officially signed and witnessed, just after the Moon goes into Aries, crossing my H3aqua into H4aries.
I have health asteroids there!, and a legal one too.

Makes me want to look at burial/remains insurance now, for these. I'll wait to do that sometime in March.

Elder-affairs has not contacted me yet, but they are a 'part' of funding the Living Will instrument.

What to focus on next, will be a relocation for my health's sake.

I pray that God will 'manage' things for me, from that 'other side'.

God Loves me, and the BEST in Mind for me.

Thank you for those who PRAY for me.. *hug*

I ask for Guarding-Protections right now, and that I have FAVOR among people who network and will work 'Good' towards me, as I will bridge into Better Situations, and Health Recovery (from the battering I've received here for years!!!).

And after that time of recovery--

I have SUCH a sense and intuitive BELIEF that GOD isn't Done with me YET!!

I have a sense inside, that there is MORE for me to DO in this World.

Thanking God in Advance
for Excellent Favor Surrounding me,
and Surrounding those
who work towards Good on my behalf right now.

Open my Eyes, Lord.
Inspire me with Words for others.

Thank you Lord, for your using me as an Instrument of your Love, and your Peace. Continue to Fill me.
Protect me-- and those who read and pray-- free from fear..
Give us a Keen Discernment Lord.
And where I or they have gaps,
may there BE OTHERS who come Stand in that Gap,
FOR and WITH each one.

Enable us to Do great things --
Give my group effectiveness on this Earth.
Help us to provide what is needed AT this critical time.

Let us know who each other is
in the real world.

posted February 28, 2020 11:27 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
(doing the best I can)

---

posted March 02, 2020 05:07 PM            

I hate feeling like crap there.
Been starting to have those visual migraines lately.
Hard~scary to manage in public with those.
I stumbled trying to board the bus one of those times.
Hard to predict when it's going to happen.

At my job, at least, I already-know the patterns. I can have faith that my fingers will type correctly. Just have to be more careful to check my work... slows me way down for a time.

Finally got a call today from the senior organization. There's supposed to be someone else who contacts me in around two or three more weeks. (yay, after Merc goes direct).

I sort of have sincere doubts for what will come of it.
There's a severe housing crisis. The waiting lines are YEARS long for 'funding' people that can't afford it.

I don't NEARLY draw enough money, even on govt funding.
The 'senior' places I could wind up in, could be in even worse shape than THIS.
Really...
Financially, with costs nowadays..... *smh*

The woman on the phone said she really felt sorry for me, to have been abandoned by my children, and family.

I more than her. I try to keep those thoughts to a minimum. Not having anyone there to fend for my life is terrifying. And to have the 'full' realization of the 'losses' I've had would maybe plunge me into a depression at this point.

Even trying to 'figure out' all these medical company interactions????

I was "supposed" to have hooked up with a neurologist to be checked by now. I can't get the various DOCTOR offices to Communicate with each other.

Each one claims that it's the other's responsibility for referrals needed (even though.. it's Medicare Original!).

I'm the one that needs to 'receive' services, and I am left with all these offices NOT wanting to do 'whatever records' thing they need!! I'm left in the middle-- hurting really badly at times, trying to make-sense of it all. The 'pressure' in my HEAD "from" all of this is also a source or "trigger" for more migraines each time. When the migraines kick on-- my head just fuzzes. Can't keep things straight! .. oh gosh. *smile*

So---- Forget it!.
I'm NOT going to see a neurologist (because of all this).
Which means, right now the physiotherapy can't happen anymore.
The eye-doctor wanted me to fulfill that before my next appointment.. that's NOT going to happen.
The nurse-practioner's clinic-nurse-assistant from the 'place' that is supposed to be my regular doc.. called this afternoon to arrange an appointment (in April) for "ONLY" going over judging the Nexium (stomach pill) I take; the PharmD Plan's 'formulary' insist I try OTHER company drug instead!

The government-required pharmacy D-Plan is charging me $16 for the prescription a month. It USED to be $3.80 a month for 30 day supply. To pay over the counter, I'd have to DOUBLE the number of pills I take from that box. Buy multiple boxes. .. Puts the price well-over $50 for OTC?? (The other pills don't work. I WENT through testing ALL the different ones, over a long period of time. THIS one is the FIRST one that really ever worked. I take the generic brand.)

It's STUPID to have to fight these medical morons!! {awww. Be nice, Mirage!! … LOL} No. It's hard being nice when they DO those kinds of things, and my head feels horrible...}

At least REALLY TRULY, I'm a good scout-- up till NOW??

I'd LOVE to have a tribe/friend-group I could be with, work with. I NEED people in my life who are "interested" in my success.

I've had a LOT I could give, over these years.

I've just lacked actual real-person support.
And this grows scarier, the more tired I get from having been so 'beat' up..hahaha literally *sonics*. My head can't deal with things from all that. It hurts.

I need loving folks in my life..

I'm a VERY independent person.
I want to feel 'included', welcomed, cherished..
and useful!

I was trying to think of song.
This one is a little schmaltzy but--
(really.. I'm not 'needy' as this song comes across.. but it's a sweet song).

Here's a really interesting video about the origin's of this song-- how it came to be written.

(music) Someone to Watch Over Me (George and Ira Gershwin, Michael Feinstein) [5:46] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AB0meoWk1VA

posted March 02, 2020 08:43 PM            

Florida has a reputation for insanity and callousness, among other things. It's not a good place for the elderly unless you're wealthy.

Still, I'm surprised there isn't a community center or other place for the elderly to gather (unless they've shunned you for some reason since sometimes they're as bad and petty as middle school).

The system is probably designed to get you to quit it. Sneaky ways to get people off of any kind of welfare (unless you're wealthy, of course, in which case the taxpayers will be required to foot the bill to rebuild your mansion every few years if necessary, etc) are common in conservative states.

Though sometimes it's just incompetence. I did tell one pharmacist that the reason they don't respect their credentials is because they can't do their job right despite having a computerized system. She said she had a lot of stress and people to handle, and I said so do I, as a volunteer who isn't even getting paid to do it, and I'm correcting her pharmacy's simple mistake while the lady she wasn't getting the meds for had a shattered hip and was under doctor's orders not to walk. Life isn't just about her and her problems. (Usually I'm not like that, but sometimes I snap.) But I do think that was genuine incompetence rather than trying to get her off the welfare system as many other states will do in a passive aggressive, gaslighting way possible (same type of dirty tricks as gerrymandering).

I'm reminded of Commander Adama's speech here:

Do we deserve to survive?

Not everyone who supports the idea of mass extinction does so for either for one's selfish benefit or for the sake of the planet. Some do so because of how terrible virtually all of us are at one time or another, how many of us are terrible a lot of the time while refusing responsibility--and yet fearing the karma to the come (which leads to fear, arming one's self, xenophobia, etc). While it's a brave question, do we deserve to survive (as opposed to want to survive), not many can honestly (not even silently within themselves) can tackle it. (I read some articles yesterday on this very theme, though odd when one who feels she can't talk to her husband who she loves can talk to the media, which I have to say doesn't sound quite right to me even if her points were otherwise very sympathetic...)

I recently had to deal with a lot of upsets (while also physically sick) and the common theme in my dream was getting "the world" out of "my house" as it was infecting me, my very soul. And with that, a sad if wistful song I love:

Illusion

A perfect song to follow it up with (by same band):

Carry You

Oh well, I could share songs that share your pain (like Everybody Hurts by REM among some really hardcore ones compared to that one), but just some positive ones here:

Fight Song

x

People Like Us

x

This was one of my grandmother's favorite songs:

The Last Unicorn

As for me, I need humor. Sometimes its gallows humor. While some frown on it, it's actually one of the healthier coping mechanisms. If I didn't laugh at the world I'd drown in my own tears (and the tears of everyone else) and have ended my life decades ago. So with that in mind, here's a song just for fun, sometimes I listen to when I need to pick my spirits back up (though it doesn't work for everyone):

The Beast of Pirate's Bay

posted March 04, 2020 09:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
. . .
As for me, I need humor. Sometimes it's gallows humor. While some frown on it, it's actually one of the healthier coping mechanisms.

If I didn't laugh at the world I'd drown in my own tears (and the tears of everyone else) and have ended my life decades ago.

---

I resonate with that!

Pixie.. please forgive me for not immediately responding to your reply. I spent Time with it. I read your words carefully, over and over again. I listened to all the songs-- at least twice. *smile*

If I can say this... I feel your hurt; I recognized some of those songs as ones you've used in other threads we took part in {People like us}.
You and I have been in some generally similar places.
I deeply admire HOW you were ABLE to Survive what you went through.
You're definitely strong.

We have both tried to be community workers, in our ways. We have encountered and identified corrupt people, and fought the 'system' pretty-darn hard. We both have done advocacy-- good, on behalf of others. Volunteers hey-hey.

I have 'held space with you' (in the ethers) for these past days.

You are the smartest person I know here at LL.
So smart, and so wise, and practical.
You care.
You're an excellent excellent writer and researcher!! ..
You're a role model as a kick-ass warrior!!!! *dude*

You've been a kind of "sister" to me here.
I Care very much about what's going on.

I hope the coronavirus bug stays AWAY from your doorstep.
(Please keep me/us posted. … I know you say you've not been feeling well. I hope insurance is adequate and not an issue for you?)

Yes, we've talked about gallows humor before. Other folks {non-LL} criticize that, but I've always loved it. Stress-release. Clears things somehow.

I like your Granny's song.
And actually... that song conveys an important message.

EVEN "if" we are the last-ones who would dare to WANT to believe that things could get better, then "we" still have Purpose, Pixie.

I really do know that the world as it is right now (in the news)-- shows evidence-(almost) that we are descending LOWER on that evolutionary scale.
So much hatred and violence, threats!

When I see those things on the news, (if I'm quiet and still), I can pick-out these teensy-weensy tiny screechy capillaries of branching terror that seems to belie everything heard--- world events, politics, are going out of control. Going the wrong way?, until it swerves to the next-new thing! .. oh my.
That's when it's GOOD to have some kind of spiritual practice.

Theme of your dreams .. getting the world OUT of your House. Oh.Yes!.For.REAL.

Get that mess OUT from under your roof!!

(music) It's The End of The World (R.E.M.) [4:03] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY

Like I heard someone say..

"Don't lose Hope in hope."

Unicorn... I'm Alive, I'm Alive!

(music) I Hope You Dance (Gladys Knight, 2012 skater) [4:01] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YonlJfxk4Rw

posted March 05, 2020 02:32 AM            

I should point out I don't come here that often, especially not end or start of the month. I came tonight because I found an image I knew would be of interest to some people and then checked this thread. Had it not been for that, it might've been a few days (maybe this weekend) before I got back to this thread.

I know some here are fast to delete their posts. 9x out of 10 I never saw it before it was deleted. A thread I started had a couple of deleted posts and I asked someone if they saw it, and sure enough that person did. Going by what the other person said I have no idea why such an interesting post would be deleted, but maybe my not answering right away (since I hadn't even seen it) made them think I was "disapproving" or something, I don't know. I probably would've commented had it still been up, though I don't always, and that's not normally meant to be a snub, either.

posted March 05, 2020 02:46 PM            

Take ALL the time you need..
No pressure here at all.

posted March 06, 2020 11:44 AM            

It can help us get through whatever we're facing. A good laugh, or being able to switch lens to see things through another perspective, can help bring creativity into the matter or situation.

*~
Today is Friday.

on
Sunday, March 8th, 2020
- http://www.internationalwomensday.com/

Happy International Women's Day!

(music) Gotta Be (Des'ree, 1999) [4:00] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pO40TcKa_5U

~
(music) I'd Love to Change the World (Jetta, 3 young women's artistic dance impression, 2017) [3:12] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GYV0D4cRmg

posted March 07, 2020 06:13 PM            

March 9
Was the passing of my paternal grandfather (b. 0-1 Taurus Sun), d. March 9, 1963, ~6:20pm ET.
He was handsome and very charismatic. He was the central STRONG HUB of the very large extended family. He had been one of 24 siblings. (yes!)--My great-grandfather had married a widow. It created a blended family of 12 + 12 children. {Farm, in Quebec}.
Immigrated to the USA, to help build the railroad system.
Died in his early 50s.

He became my Scorpio Grandmother's husband. Family parties were huge and memorable. The comradery and fun was outstanding. They would go to the trouble of renting banquet halls to be together several times a year, plus any wedding celebrations. Big Thanksgiving, then Christmas was the BEST-- For Christmas, the halls were decked for-sure. And Santa would arrive, bringing Gifts for each child. These were presented in ceremony, one child at a time, with grands seated in folding chairs, around the lighted decorated Christmas tree.

I remember him vividly. I spent time coloring with crayons in a book on the table in front of him, while his eyes seemed trained upon me. This was a few weeks before his death.
.. His passing was the first emotionally-impactive memory of death I experienced, 2 months before my 8th birthday.

{Okay. I won't delineate transits, even though I'd like to. }

March 7
is the anniversary of the passing of Paramahansa Yogananda {Hindu guru}.
- http://www.astro.com/astro-databank/Yogananda,_Paramahansa

In my college years, during young 20s, I bought his book. Autobiography of a Yogi. Read a little each day. His teachings increased my understanding, love and devotion of God.
.. I had never practiced yoga,
but I learned more than several of his songs/chants and sang them in my spirit, or right out loud during walks, or in empty church chapels. The spirit of these were in my 'Heart', singing to God, filled with devotion. His spiritual song-prayers have been a treasure for me in this Lifetime.

(music) When Thy Song Flows Through Me (Phil Jones sings Yogananda) [5:34] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLBh5OxEqQY

This was the first song of his that I learned--
Wonderful soaring imagery-- Uplifting.
God in Everything.

(music) O God Beautiful (Yoganada himself, singing) [5:52] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjcqdiQRTJ8

lyrics
O God Beautiful, 'at Thy feet'* I do bow--

In the Forest... Thou art 'green' {quality-of}
In the Mountain... Thou art 'high'
In the River... Thou art 'restless'
In the Ocean... Thou art 'grave' {depths}

O God Beautiful, at Thy feet, I do bow--

To the Serviceful... Thou art service
To the Lover... Thou art love
To the Sorrowful... Thou art sympathy
To Thy Yogi**... Thou art bliss.

* ('The Earth' is God's footstool)
** (the worshipper, devotee)

Have a Good Evening.

Oh... Don't forget--- USA turns TIME CLOCKS ahead ONE Hour!!!! at 2:00 am tomorrow Sunday, March 8.

2:00 a.m. EST becomes 3:00 a.m. EDT