posted June 29, 2015 08:58 PM            

I hate to write in short-hand here, so if I do, please don't be insulted Fewer words can mean less info and more room for misunderstandings. I want to avoid that if/whenever I can, okay.

In a very friendly and affectionate way of care here, what I see in you so-far is a person who got really really tripped-up and torn-apart by an unfortunate experience while seeking spiritual guidance from humans who run a religion that may not be a good fit for you.

Now you need a corrective-emotional/spiritual experience. Going back to those people is done & over... You need to balance the cold-objectivismists (~whatever, *smile*) with a 'meet-and-greet' with a warm and all-inclusive personal Loving God. (Its polar opposite, in a way, for you.)

Maybe the cold-objectivists could have rejected you for voice-issues? I just want to kindly-affectionately offer that you, and the voices, can find softness and comfort in the Son/Sun's spaces.

You didn't get to have your initiation into the religion you were first attracted to. (sorry sad)... With God/Jesus, you don't have to wait on a person to like you and approve of you and initiate you. He already likes you, approves of you 'as you are', and waits for you to open your deep-heart. You do this privately, without anyone knowing.

For me, when that 'initiation' happened in my dream-turned-experience, I was soooooo filled afterwards that I couldn't help spilling out what happened.

(But my reaction was unique! Just as an aside, I'll tell you this part:
I was normally totally repulsed by the pretty-boy uber-conservatives with the expensive 15-piece suits and slicked hair gold watches, but ('for me') I got the notion -(which I followed through on) to go visit a specific* small church I had seen down the road from where I once lived)- to ask to speak to someone there to only-simply describe in words what had just happened to me during the night. (I had zero expectations or plan of ever seeing him again... ) ---The first minister I saw was slickdown prettyboy who had NO INTEREST in hearing anything I had to say. The feeling was mutual!~ But then this other minister came, an older guy with pudgy-round belly*.)

Back to the story....

In the dream I was space-walking haha, and this minister*-type was walking towards me on similar plane. He was suggesting to me to Ask Jesus into my Heart.

{*Surreal~? 'the man' I saw in the dream, was the same man I got to see at that little-church... spooky~spooky. yeah, things like that happen to me!}

IMMEDIATELY I had that feeling of 'instant-revulsion' to the idea, and pushed him/the idea away. The dream continued as I thought about my own religious background in RC church. I had cantored at one time, which placed me in the inner rails of the altar, where the tabernacle is -(consecretated communion hosts were kept).

I recalled feeling the warmth on my skin during rosary prayers with my Libra grandmother, then while cantoring and feeling warmth in nearness to the tabernacle.
(There were lots of times I was 'feeling God' in Nature as a child, but I'm talking about what happened in this dream right now).

I began to see/feel "contrast" of the empty-void inside, and the warmth I had felt in the honey of His Presence on the outside.... and I Decided right then that 'I want that'. I want that. "I want that!!!" At this point in the dream, I was down on my knees and elbows, and from the bottom of my being and innermost core I cried out with the deepest cry I had ever cried: I want that! I want that! ... Then, I could see the energy-dynamic of the cry I just made. I saw like a long long hallway rug suddenly getting flipped on one end, that sent a wave through the carpet, which reverberated out in Space! I witnessed the planets and the stars all SHAKE with the ferocity of the cry I'd just made: I want that! I want that!....

It started to happen. The Presence of the warmth outside, came into me INSIDE. I was in a feverish-asleep/awake state... and there was a giant Hourglass with sand on the top that began to trickle into the bottom below, and it was as though I was being filled. I was the one being filled. I felt lifeless, puny, a discard, an empty dying 'thing' ... and over the next hours into the actual dawn and towards noon, I was being filled. By the time it finished in-filling, I felt a JOY I had NEVER so-completely felt. It was like my own inner nuclear-generator. It has never gone out, never gone cold. There have been times where things were darker for me, but the inner-nuke was still there. Sometimes our 'Senses' are blocked from 'feeling' what is going on deep in our soul. But it NEVER ends. That Love is Eternal.... And it is Immortality contained inside every mortal second that goes by.

'You' need that kind of initiation, Ayelet. I was around 32/33yo when it happened. I've been in churches, Out of churches..... But "Church" is always inside 'this' temple of my body and being.

If you can't find initiation with a human guru, try asking God-Himself, boldly. (We have permission to do that.)

EVEN if you go to a human guru to be taught about chakras, energy-management enhancement ~whatever, when you know God on the intimate level I've described to you?

heh-heh... You like my songs. Let me let you 'feel' and hear the fantastic meta-words in this one. I really LIKE the way you 'get' me when I leave some of my spiritual urls. (Thank you for that~ what a relief.)

And you can make your own decision.... It may be an extra way for you to give voices more comfort, if nothing else. The idea is to become more comfortable within your own skin. (And I want to add here, that I am not 'enlightened'? ... I'm a normal person, who has had some experiences that goes a little-beyond your everyday religion. I don't glow in the dark or anything. *grin*)

When things are on Earth, as it is in Heaven!

posted June 30, 2015 05:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ayelet:
I take from each religion I encounter what is right for me, and have my way of personal spirituality.

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Question: You talked about your teachers giving initiations. I looked up the religion you spoke of, and found it's the same type of cult that Leonard Cohen had belonged to. (I listened to several hours of Mr. Cohen's describing his experience at the home/ashram he entered for several months as a monk. I feel enormous DEEP respect and love for that man!...So deep and authentic! I'd love to look into that man's eyes some day. Loved his song Suzanne, love his soul!!)

Isn't zen-buddhism 'generally' like an organized religion? Like Hinduism generally is too? When you look at the bones of it, aren't they based on a hierarchy, and follow strict protocols/structure, like the catholic organization? I mean, there is the main leader, then all the teachers, the monks, the devotees, the laity? Instead of saying monastery some say ashram?

posted July 01, 2015 04:34 PM            

And thank you so kindly for your response. ... Heavenly Teachers.... are a Blessing and part of Spiritual line of Heritage.

(I just found that you deleted everything. That's good.... Love that Edit-Button.)

posted July 01, 2015 06:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ayelet:
Mirage, I have deleted almost all my messages. You are invited to do the same. Love, Ayelet

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O thanks!... but I don't mind people knowing my testimony... It played a major role in me becoming who I am today.

I don't know if you caught my story in other places about my meeting an Angel at a Denny's Restaurant in Wheaton Illinois in early 1990s? ...

*briefly* I was getting ready to fly back home after attending a writer's conference. I went to grab some creamers for my coffee, and this 'little-old lady with a tight little hair-bun' (and knitting-stuff in bag next to her, oh yes, cliché?) looks up from a Bible, her face bright with delight looks at me and says~ 'O! You're on a Mission from God!' .... Then in another moment she clouded, and said 'You're hiding your light under a bushel...'

I was so stunned at what she said, that I mechanically walked back to my table and sat down. By the time I came-to, she was gone from there.

You see, just before I got up from the table to get the creamers, I had been deeply-fervently asking God, What am I supposed to 'do' with my life?

That's happened just as I was about to be given a scholarship to attend Bible school (intensive full time half-day in-person classes)...

Aside: (I had put a special $50-offering into our Bible-study Wednesday night meeting. Just as I put the offering in the bucket, the preacher says 'I think there's a special-anointing ON the offering tonight'... And the being the hilarious-person that I am, I outloud responded, 'O yeah, and I came ready for it!' ...

Little did I know that The Universe took that money, honored it, and multiplied it in heaven. During that season, there was a 'suddenly' that happened where supernatural gifts of money and time came into my life. My housing costs were a surprise gift covered by former Boss and his wife. Someone else apart from my 'religious' life who wasn't aware I was going to need a sitter, spontaneously offered to baby-sit my youngest before Kindergarten in the mornings. Someone else in the congregation stepped up and bought some of my required books $50~worth (which covered my initial-offering in the bucket).

This was the first-year of a two-year program, but unfortunately was the last-year for that school, as they closed it. (I was extremely blessed to go when it was college-level quality program.

...So!, I was richly favored and blessed to have studied all the foundational courses {pentecostaltheology} on the Bible, learning how to 'study' the Bible and break it down to original meanings. .... I was hungry, and it fed me. Then incredible-catastrophes hit, worse than the first waves. I 'needed' to have 'that level' of teaching and faith-training available for me to weather that storm.... Coming out of it, it took my interest in astrology to draw me back out of a terrible pit and back into the world. Astrology only-further whet my appetite for Mysteries and seeking God's Face. I learned the 'mechanics' behind our Heavens....

How can a person not worship God with all their Mind Heart and Being when they look up at the sky (day or night), or even when they look into the stars in another Human Being's eyes....for GOD made them ALL.

I wish I would have bored into that restaurant-Angel, asking her questions about 'what it was' God really wanted from me in my lifetime. (I have a sense of mourning concerning that.)

I would love REAL Clarity in my Life's Directions. There is fog, there is real-reality (and the doomy thoughts that accompany that) and the sublime realms.

You know, sometimes the philosophy of 'objectivism' can unknowingly "feel" rather as 'reject'ivism' especially if you have a tender Heart.

Angels are not just etheric, but sometimes they can actually manifest in materiality. ~spooky? ohhhh yes.

If it weren't for His Grace, I wouldn't be alive right now. (And I'm not ashamed to share that.)

There are a lot of songs with this title, but 'this version' is the one I like best (and was the only one I could find right now). (TDJ is my favorite motivational-preacher right now, so you have a double-blessing in this song. The Choir was recording an album.)

posted July 03, 2015 09:02 PM            

When I looked into vocations in the chart, I had already (not knowing astrology) touched the array of fields of interest.

I was born with many talents and abilities, but from the very very beginnings, I never obtained a 'safe' and secure-enough foundation in life nor the nourishing long-term unconditional-relationship I needed in order for them to be developed.

A person needs to get anchored with a 'father' or a 'mentorship' in their life. Guess it's like having the planning help and 'covering' for your life, like a gardener.

Feels as though I've been running scared for my almost my whole life now. Like there's no where to feel physically planted and safe on this earth.

I guess I developed more spiritually as a result. This would be what gift I feel I have... but feel incredibly isolated otherwise now. Tried to reach out, and scared that my life won't get unstuck in time for me to plant a new small garden for the future.

posted July 03, 2015 09:46 PM            

Ayelet..... Did you want to stop writing me messages? I barely read your comment, went to respond, and in the time I took to write above post, you deleted your comment~~ !!

Please don't make comments to me that you feel you must immediately in a breath's time erase. ... I LOVE that you want to communicate thoroughly and well with me. .... But geewiz~~ Could you perhaps write posts in a way that feels "safer" to you?

This leaves me in a blind lurch when you do that. And you know that I am not a "whole Quote" person like others on LL are. This kind of jack-rabbit deletion can tend to want to make people whole-quote the things you write. ... Which would get in the way of our communications with each other. It's a "trust" issue.

POSSIBLITY~~ is that
your 'skittish' feelings (besides your coping with having shared personal things, which I appreciated the honor of that share).. is that right now 'nerves' are being rocked by astronomical tensions in the air. (When you're "a Sensitive" you feel it stronger. ...But knowing about it could help you deal with it in advance. Gives you heads-up so you can brace or deflect, or transmute 'what you sense'... ) You're going to be "okay"! ~~ It's 'not' just your 'sharing'... it's the 'fear' energy in the air, and anger volatility for people in general (will be building, too).

Sun-Mars is in sensitive Crab (skittish) sign of Cancer (then Mercury to join, which will add more sensitivity.... Mercury in Cancer gets "feelers" like antennae or cat whiskers... picks up on every little nuance of things). THESE are opposed by Pluto. Big confrontational stressors for every single chart across the board.

That 'scared' feeling you're having inside (or even outer jitteriness, and some level of temporary insomnia) may be from these energies.

Super-inspirational ideas are happening to some. Write these down, Ayelet!... Write them.

Be cool... We're all experiencing parts of that, so you are not alone, okay! (It's not just-you.)

If you want to talk about it, good. But I beg you... Please leave your post UP at least a few weeks, or until month ends, or page turns. ....

Your Mars Gemini(?) is deleting too fast?!! ...

posted July 04, 2015 10:39 AM            

I am being "afflicted" right now, if that is the term, by transiting Pluto and Uranus. They are opposing and squaring my venus. But I cannot yet tell what would be the long term consequences. Pluto also transits conjunction my asc. Very intense time, but mostly in an internal way. The weight of Pluto is crashing, pretty heavy. I am experiencing "death" in many ways.

My Moon-Mars conjunction is in 18 degrees Gemini. It makes me impulsive sometimes, but They are squared by Saturn, which is my ruler (asc). That, along with cancer sun, prevents me from being totally impulsive. I am careful. Yet I love to communicate. Sometimes it clashes.

Can you write about some of your talents? Perhaps you may find yourself being able to invest yourself in one or two. Concerning the father's foundation, you may use your spiritual connection to "our father in heaven". I also understand you need the nourishment of a safe and unconditional love. I wish you to find that. But, you know, you may pray as if you have already received. In the meantime, one needs discipline in order to develop any skill, much like a gardener needs to water his plants regularly. You may dedicate yourself to developing your talent no more than an hour each day. That may be a good start. And an hour can be a lot of time, even if it may grow later to more than that.

You can always start afresh. Can you share concerning placements and aspects which may spread light on this issue? And I think you are right: When it seems to you there is not much action in the outer world, it may be, and probably is, that the person makes enormous progress in the emotional/spiritual bodies/realms, and is not yet aware of it. So you really may prepare for a more fulfilled present, meaning the future.

posted July 05, 2015 03:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Like rocking the babies in the nursery.

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posted July 05, 2015 04:36 PM            

He didn't even get me a card for my special milestone birthday... even a belated one. Last night I almost missed watching televised fireworks for 4th July, because he was angry that I wanted to change the channel to that. He's an ignorant man. Treats me like 'maintenance' janitor, not appreciating my work. In fact it 'annoys' him for me to clean in his presence. He wants me here for his comfort, but if I try to hum/sing express what I think, he either completely gets angry or is not listening one bit. If he walks in from work, and I have a religious program that had been playing, he seethes...then makes life SOOOOO miserable for me. The times I've seen him closest to violence has involved MY interest in God. ...... How can a man swing into that kind of strange lightning-violence inside him?....It has been a 'challenge' for me NOT to immediately react to him in that. I've stood my ground (but at an emotionally racking cost).

I am treated more as a 'thing' than a person here. And everything's all cool as long as I 'act' my part, and let everything be happy happy dreamy dreamy for him. ...but it's part of this chronic bad dream of my life.

I'm basically a very very strong person, with much resilient nature. And when my body is getting all these clues of hearing turning into icicles(lite) inside my nerves, and I feel the knocking of beats from my 'hoods intensive woofer-systems inside my bones, and now visual migraines and headaches from ~whatever, and the STRESS of thinking that 'this' bothers HIM that I complain, or that he sees I can't do things for him because of it?... Well, . It's "weights" on me. .... I've had some remote 'promises' of help that I've been waiting on. .....selah

I don't know if I said this to you before Ayelet..... My convos with you (and a couple others) have approached a level of closeness that I've wanted, but had no way of manifesting here appropriately in my life. I don't want to feel like a burden on people. I've reached out for help sometimes was greeted with that kind of weight and burden-response.

I am like you, as far as liking to be private, and have a kind of intimate rapport with people... And in a way, isn't it a shame that I haven't been able to cultivate those in my regular life. I'm an incredibly VERY deep person, and I don't come across those kinds here... the kinds who would REALLY REALLY DEEPLY understand my Soul.

I'd looked into some like psychological counseling before, and it JUST does not 'suit' me. haha My ~weird is maybe just a wee too weird for people who are not Soul level Evolved beings.... and oh-wow when those misperceive what you just said. I loved hearing something about Robert Hand (the astrologer)... that he wrote an essay on 'What NOT to say to your psychiatrist' LOL. I have been metaphysically aware and bent since experiences in early teen years. I've had religious experiences that if I told *them* they would want to medicate. When *they* ask if you think you have special abilities?... And I want to tell them that I see things other people cannot (~I see the human aura... discovered that at an esp-intro class I went to. I didn't realize other-people can't see it. It's like 'just backgrounds' to me.)

So anyways..... I've hogged your page here. I APPRECIATE you soooooo much.

I know I say things about myself, my past experiences, interesting stories about my life. But when you asked me a CURRENT question, that touched me so incredibly-deeply. And helped me 'contrast' the LACK OF INTEREST and caring that I get HERE at home.

THANK YOU so much for helping me. You're bringing Reality much closer to 'where I live'.... I'm an awesome being Ayelet. I have so many talents and possibilities.... that just weren't recognized then cultured by people who CARE about me, who actually want to know.

So here I am, Dear Ayelet. Speaking to you from my isolation, my pain. And I thank you so much for *being there*.... You've done Good towards me. .... And that's the ultimate mission on earth-- Being a Friend, and offering a shoulder (posting-page) to cry on....

Yeah, I'm a mess today. A tired-mess after all the parties here. ... But I have a Happy Heart.... soggy tissues, but Happy Tears as well.

{{{{{ }}}}}

posted July 06, 2015 06:15 PM            

I wish for you to have many deep, profound relationships in your life. I think the relationship you have on the web are also part of your life, and I see how much you give from yourselves in your posts. It is a loving energy, and it is coming your way
If you are a sagitarius asc you are optimistic, so you know for sure that this is true.
I thank you also for being there.

Would love to hear more, when you feel like it, about your dreams...

Good night Good dreams

P.S.
My beloved grandma told me some saying that she heard and loved. I don't remember it accurately, but I'll try: "Always have a smile for others, but never let anyone else take your smile away from you." Or something like that. (I should better ask her and come back to edit, if needs).

posted July 07, 2015 12:31 AM            

When I was in support-groups before, (without them knowing that I could see), I had extra-insights. (When they were lying to themselves about something, it showed up.-- That's how I keep track of my own denials-I see them in the mirror!)

I never kept up with it. It would make an interesting idea to do among friends in a cozy setting.

In psychology I think it's a really good tool to have, or to learn and cultivate.

I discovered that some attendees who had received my handouts (step-instructions) began teaching my methods. It just 'shocked' me when I found my work being used. (~geez, I feel ancient right now.) It's another contribution I gave to society in my days. I've already had pieces of me 'dispersed' all over the new-age community-- and it resurfaced again maybe a few years ago. Makes its rounds! ~So I guess it's as you said before, that I have already touched people's lives.

Also, with the Bible school I went to?... I helped create~compile 7 "Study Guides" (my notes with the teacher's) that went all around the world.

Started when students in Nigeria requested notes (from video-taped classes). This teacher was from New Zealand and they had a hard time with her 'accent.' So she noticed I took good notes in class, and asked if I wouldn't mind her copy-printing and sending my class-notes to these students.

The African students were so pleased. Said they were able to preach straight from my notes, and wanted more! That's when the teacher and I got the idea to create study-guide, collating her notes with my notes on her lectures. And these guides went global~ around the world to various satellite schools in the network.
(I was sooooo incredibly humbled when I heard that! Even now, down to the pit of my soul... just makes me want to cry cry cry. God HAS used me. I might not have become the preacher/teacher like the others, but I provided them with what they needed to do their job.)

Ayelet, mutual loving-energy here
I appreciate everything you said to me. ...I will observe and keep more distance, yes.
And thanks on your other feedback and support.

I have an appointment with a neurologist (nerve-doctor) tomorrow about my hearing-nerves and back-to-back visual headaches (unusual for me). Fourth of July parties here were outrageous... I think my ears are still shot-traumatized! LOL

So Good night Good dreams to you too! Reminds me of this old song....