posted January 17, 2002 12:18 AM         

My aunt is an extraordinary astrologer/Kabbalist/past life regression healer/tarot reader, and I've recommended Linda Goodman's books to her but she hasn't read them YET.

One time in "1993", she came all the way from Hawaii to visit my mom, dad, sister and I in Kanata Lakes, where I lived then. I had briefly heard that she was a very spiritual person, but I wasn't quite aware of the full extent of her spirituality yet.

Angelique and Osheen know exactly what "chronic depression" is like, but it's hard to explain to those who don't have it. The closest thing I can come up with is "an atonal naturality", like something out of a Stravinsky symphony.

In 1993, my aunt was the person who introduced me to spirituality, and I will always be thankful to her for that. I asked her about what she did and she told me she was a past-life regression therapist. My ears perked up. I had never heard of anything like that before.

Then, I decided that my chronic depression must have been caused by karma from a previous life. I excitedly asked my aunt to do some past-life regression therapy on me, but she refused. She said she did not want to do past-life therapy on her family members.

After lots of persistent questioning, she decided to tell me something. She told me how to recall a pleasant memory from a pleasant past life, because she did not want to do anything that would traumatize me.

That night, I saw a photograph in my memory. It was a picture of two people, a male and a female. I don't remember what the male looked like, but the female was hauntingly gorgeous. I woke up shivering with love.

I didn't know what the calm, incredibly relaxing feeling was when I remembered the photograph. It was completely different from what I experienced in my waking life.

From then on, I was convinced that spirituality was genuine. I still suffered from chronic depression, but the memory of that amazing...feeling from the memory kept me going.

However, a year passed and I didn't do anything with my reawakening. The chronic depression had ballooned to the point where I was considering suicide. I lived in Belleville now and was about to enter a new school with people I had never met before.

On a whim, I decided to buy a new age book. It was called "The Angels Within Us", and I forget the author's name. It's a book that I love. Suddenly, I remembered my aunt and the memory from my past life.

Because I had chronic depression, there was nothing I could do about the dischordant urges, but at least I had the book and the girl from the photograph to keep me from going completely insane.

My life had begun to turn around, but it was nothing compared to what happened next. It was March 16 (already a special day for me for reasons I will divulge eventually), 1995.

I was over at a friend's house playing video games, full of high energy- and I was suddenly tired. The abrupt transition shocked me. My friend asked me if I was all right and I said I was. I told him I was just going to sleep for a little bit.

I closed my eyes, put my arm on top of them, and was suddenly standing face to face with an extremely gorgeous angel. I was overwhelmed, and suddenly engulfed with the same feeling of.... that I had felt in the past life memory.

It felt like I was standing there, just looking at her, for hours. She had long, flowing black hair and a light face. I slowly opened my eyes, and discovered that only a minute had passed. My friend asked me what had happened. I only smiled and told him I was all right.

I closed my eyes-AND THE ANGEL WAS STILL STANDING RIGHT THERE. I opened my eyes and she was gone. I closed my eyes again, AND THE ANGEL WAS STILL THERE. I felt like I was in another dimension.

The angel remained there. For the next two hours, every time I closed my eyes, she was still standing there. She faded away very gradually. She lingered as long as possible, but I wasn't sad to see her go, because I knew she was a part of me.

Time passed and I started going on anti-depressants. The anti-depressants work, but I am still searching for an alternative therapy that doesn't contain all the bad side effects that medications have.

It's been a pleasure to share this very personal story with you. I'd love to know what got YOUR reawakenings started.

posted January 17, 2002 12:56 AM         

Truly, I can't remember when I started...it seems like always. I can't really remember a lot of 'who' I was before a few years ago. Strange I know

But this I do know...someday you are going to find a way (sans drugs) to beat your depression. I wonder if maybe that can only happend when you fully accept that part of you and learn to love it as much as the rest of who you are? From your posts, you seem to me such a delightful and bright being....but then again, I'm only getting to see your 'soul' and not the personna you have chosen for this lifetime

I think this is what is so great about these posts...we get to know more of the inner sELF than the outer.

posted January 17, 2002 02:24 AM         

I admit, that the first time I felt spirituality was valid was when my spirit guide contacted me in a dream and left me a name, after I had just learned about the exercise to obtain it that night. I thought it was really cool, but I also admit, that at times i was left bewildered and lost by following my "guide". I know he is a real presence, but I haven't yet learned to fully access the true guidance, i guess I have many inner voices that have been keeping it out.

Linda Goodman introduced me to numbers, and bam--it was like I was a seer from old, casting numbers and finding secret meanings to our daily lives.

Also, manifestation techniques have proved very successful in retraining my subconscious and putting another block against ego doubt and fear. Each time an event happens in physical reality that follows a thought of mine, another doubt is shattered,and the voice of my false self is broken even more. If getting your hand burned teaches you that fire can be dangerous, then having your desires manifested teaches you that the Universe really does work magically. I have learned that the more we free up space in our minds, by deleting thought garbage, we create room for more, and that's what we experience: more of everything(in a good way, mind you )

Thank you for sharing that part of yourself with us. It was touching and inspirational

posted January 17, 2002 04:04 AM         

I think I've always been at least a little spiritual, progressing along at a slow pace as I grew up ... I started to scratch the surfice of enLightenment when I became a Mom 30 years ago, but then I crashed head-on into it in a Linda Goodman book called Star Signs way back in the 80's (Nep, I love numbers and LEXIS too). Although I was very aware of uniVersal law (and the absence of it in too many religions), I think it wasn't until then that I started to *reMember* and finally became aware( = we are) of the Vastness of uniVersal magic, and really started to pay attention

I must acknowledge and thank all kNowflakes here... You have done at least as much for me as Ms. Goodman in furthering me along the path of enLightenment I have truly had a wonderful time here - and have learned so much

posted January 17, 2002 04:07 AM         

I think using tarots worked for me, as a proof of something out there. I bought a new tarot and I pulled "Accident", the day after I was driven over on my bike by a car reversing, like in slow motion, I just couldn't believe it, the front wheel was crushed, not me. Then the day after I pulled Accident" again, I thought, right, that the sequels, the guy had to pay me damages, but then I was in a bus and the window one row in front of me burst, I thought, tarot works!

Also several times I've "seen" dream-like the presence of Mary, I suppose, not like classical pictures but a blond woman a bit like Galadriel in Lord of the Rings.

And my power animal feels very real too.

I feel very much the need for protection, as I'm very aware of the lurking presence of evil spirits too. Not necessarily demoniac but "low life" or with a different agenda!

posted January 18, 2002 12:23 AM         

Which 'truth' were you referring to?
Seems there are so many in this thread

posted January 26, 2002 05:36 AM           

Broderick Welcome dear friend

My own enlightenment came when I was a teeny tiny girl, living with my grandparents after my mom's divorce from my dad. Granny more or less raised me... At night, she would tuck me up in this vast cozy feather bed, and I would always ask that she leave the curtains open, so I could see the stars and the moon. One night, I recall as if it were yesterday, I was just staring out at the stars (I can only have been about 3-4 yrs old as we didn't live with grannie after I was 5) and suddenly I was acutely aware of the Universe. It seemed like it had come into the room, and I had grown so vast that we melded into one. A voice gently spoke to me and said: 'You are part of something very big and very important. When you are older, you will Know what this is all about...'

I remember feeling so good. I was buzzing with warm and benevolent energy, and I could sense this Being of Light in the dark room, although I couldn't see it.

To this day, if I'm upset, I go look at the stars, and they remind me who I am and that I AM important in the Bigger Plan

Also, my Sandy (now in Heaven) is still working with me to give me absoulute proof of the continued existence of the energy of our loved ones... without a shadow of doubt! My book, which is being written right now, is about this very subject...

Love and blessings to us all... it's a wonderful Multiverse we live in, with many many dimensions (...my father's house has many mansions..)

posted January 27, 2002 02:46 AM         

What a wonderful topic to bring up Spiritua, I loved reading about your experiences, they touched me very much. I've also gone through major chronic depression, and your story was a beautiful one, a beautiful example of a transformative experience.

I loved reading about everyone else's experiences as well!

In my life, I don't know whether I could pinpoint one particular experience that set me on the road to spirituality, I don't remember a time when it wasn't there. It's changed forms over the years, I used to be religious (Catholic) to the point...well, you just don't want to know but...

One memory stands out though, in particular. I remember I was about 17 years old and staying by my grandparents house at the time for a week long visit. My grandfather had finished shaving or something and was sitting on the side of the tub in the bathroom, disturbed. I walked in and asked him what was the matter, he said, "I lost my ring." He meant his college graduation class ring that he never took off, one of those big clunky gold rings with a gem embedded in the middle. I glanced around the bathroom and didn't see it, he didn't remember taking it off. My grandmother walked into the bathroom to see what was the matter.

While they were standing there, I got a feeling, and without thinking I looked up towards the ceiling and said out loud, "I know what this is about. St. Anthony is being stubborn, he wants me to drop off five dollars in the poor box, he'll give it back if I give him money. Okay St. Anthony, I'll give the poor some more money. Give grandpa his ring back!"

And, honest to God, my grandfather as my witness, and my grandma in heaven, the ring materialized out of thin air and dropped *plink* onto the bathroom tile floor from the ceiling.

I laughed and said to my grandparents, "I told you he'd give it back."

posted January 27, 2002 11:12 AM           

That is some miracle... I totally and utterly believe in St Anthony. I always ask him for help in finding lost things. He NEVER fails me. NOT EVER!

I was only telling someone this morning about St Anthony - in fact I was writing it into one of the chapters in my book.

Beautiful... I know how heavy and chunky those rings are. Grandpa was lucky St Anthony didn't drop it on is head

posted January 27, 2002 06:07 PM         

gets kinda confusing too, because I'm half unorthodox, and half westernized.

I've seen some things.. I'm sure I did.. I'm confused whether or not I saw them, but I did see them.

I once saw a lavender dragon in the sky fighting an angel.. no, it was the other way. The angel was fighting the dragon. But the dragon was 'one' and the angel felt evil. The dragon felt.. wonderful. Hard to describe.
That's why I'm not fond of angels...
anyhow, that's half of the reason I'm worried about my alignment
but I've decided I'm chaotic.
Chaotic is a hard way to be.
I'm also delusional; and I know why, too.
I'm afraid to give them up; reality is a scary thing :P

But the angel was an archangel and the protector of a friend of mine
I described the angel to her and she said I was B.S'ing her,and showed me a pic that looked mainly like what I described; but I mean, it was an artist's rendering anyhow.

I'm still trying to figure out why I felt it was evil..

I've come to the conclusion that all things are chaotic. (This is IMHO, so don't tie your undergarments in a knot).
See, there's negative and positive to everything in this universe,
including charges
and positive can't survive without negative, and vice-versa
We have two different modes.. destruction/creation
we can't create new cells without destroying the cells of another living thing
(sounds harsh, but it's mainly true. I didn't say kill; it's possible not to kill anything and survive)

so it's sort of a cycle
(Again, this is IMHO)

The angels.. as far as I've seen.. try to 'get rid of' everything bad.. you know, devils, negativity...

try to live on creation only
but it doesn't work that way, you see
so the angel had good intentions
it was doing what it thought best
it wanted to destroy the dragon because it was balanced between negativity and positivity
but by using negative force, the angel rebalanced itself, thereby reinforcing the original idea anyhow.

Anyhow, I'm done.

I really saw it.. she was beautiful. I miss her. I hope she'll come back.. but no, it was a scene from the past, I'm sure.. because after it was done, it dissipated into thin air.