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Author
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Topic: Rape happened!
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Dreamflake
Knowflake Posts: 82
From: Croatia
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted April 27, 2003 07:01 PM
 
In the middle of my vacations, last Saturday, I've recieved a call from my husbands's ex wife - their daughter was raped!
The man who commited this brutal and disguisting act had a weekend off from a prison, since he's serving a penalty for 3 rapings!
I won't go in details, but my feelings are so mixed. I feel so sorry, seems as she is a "lightning rod" to trouble: she used to be a heroin addict (...), has been bulimic for years now, and now this!
She'll come to us this weekend, and I don't know how to act. My husband and I are not twin souls, if you know what I mean, I would't choose him if I could choose now, and he's been a very irresponsible father to her.
Her mother is also kind of person who keeps blaming the whole world to her life.
I am telling this so that you could understand her background, and also my problem: I'd like to support her, but I'm afraid her problem is much older than this horrible rape.
It should be up to her to wake up, it always is to all of us, but how can she possibly wake up if she's living in twisted reality?Please, pray for her! Thanks! IP: Logged |
Oxychick
Knowflake Posts: 2626
From: neither here nor there
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted April 27, 2003 07:45 PM
I'm so sorry to hear all of that!But...(re: her drug addiction), rape is not somehting that should be blamed on a lifestyle-it's a sickness by the purpetraitor. A few years ago, I sat through a relationship violence counseling prgram (10 weeks) and I remember one girl who was also addicted to drugs, put herself into an unsafe place in her life and ended up being raped by her then-boyfriend's crack addict uncle. it was such a sad story... but people need nurturing. And help. Sounds like she needs someone to reach out to her and it might help her to know that she;s not alone and that whatever she's feeling is felt by so many women who fall victim to that horrifying situation. Look into some counseling programs for her while she;'s with you. There are so many people trained to deal with this...and they're free. I don't know where you live, are you in the U.S.? IP: Logged |
Oxychick
Knowflake Posts: 2626
From: neither here nor there
Registered: Jul 2002
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posted April 27, 2003 07:47 PM
I just realized you're not in the U.S. I don;t know if such programs exist in Croatia...but check out the local hospitals or other psychology group practices (you can ask them about counseling programs and they'll be able to direct you). IP: Logged |
theFajita3
Knowflake Posts: 1457
From: Sunny South Florida, USA
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted April 28, 2003 12:53 AM
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food is the only art that nourishes! IP: Logged |
Sunmeadow Glades
Knowflake Posts: 266
From: Brisbane, QLD, Australia
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted April 28, 2003 07:26 AM
The daughter needs as much love and support you can give her. She is in an extremely vunerable position and needs her family to be there for her. Be gentle with her even if she tries to shut you out. All you can do is your best. Hopefully, her father and her mother will be able to do the same.Love and Peace,
Sunmeadow Glades. IP: Logged |
Lunargirl
Knowflake Posts: 1513
From:
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted April 28, 2003 11:55 AM
Hi Dreamflake,This comes a little late for the weekend, I'm afraid. I hope it went well, or as well as it could go, given the pain and confusion of the circumstances. I have learned that in cases where I feel conflicted about giving, or how to give support, then it's best to just listen, and be there for someone, until a moment comes where I know what to say, or do. This is useful when it involves other people's relatives, especially, and I find I also learn something. I'll say a prayer for healing -- all of you, and for all victims of rape. Lunargirl IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted April 28, 2003 01:25 PM
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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted April 28, 2003 02:48 PM
Dreamflake, You are in a difficult place right now, and your stepdaughter is going through one of the most traumatic events of her life. 1) Listen to her and her grief. A part of her has just been brutally ripped away. Emotionally, that will cause a piece of her to die. 2) Let her know that this was not her fault at all. No matter what she looks like, no matter how she dresses not matter what. She did NOTHING to bring this on. 3) Let her know that the person who did this was not interested in SEX, it is about power and humilation. 4) Expect her to hate herself, her body and question why it happened. Expect her to go back to bulemia. It is something that she has used in the past to control that which was out of control. Some people believe eating disorders stem from past sexual abuse, which can be the case, but the underlying condition is trying to control one thing in your life, while you are powerless to control everything else. Bulemia / Anorexia will offer her the comfort of being able to control something in effect "it will allow her to get a handle" on her life, but it is actually a slow suicide. I don't know how to give advice on being addicted, past or present, to drugs, but I do know something about the other two events. In any case, it sounds like she is lost and feels like there is no one to listen to her. She also needs to get into some form of counseling with other people that have had her same experiences, especially in regards to the rape. IP: Logged |
Dreamflake
Knowflake Posts: 82
From: Croatia
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted April 28, 2003 05:10 PM
Thank you all, I understand I should listen to my heart.
As it is for her, unforunately she's that kind of person who always agrees with whatever anyone might say - she'll be "a good, nice, lovely 24 y.o.girl" (I'm 28) just in order to avoid any serious discussions.
I'm not sure I was too clear, but she is bulimic, and it is a problem for 2-3 years now.
Anyway, I needed to share this with you. IP: Logged |
Khamoon @-}---
Knowflake Posts: 123
From:
Registered: Feb 2002
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posted April 28, 2003 05:15 PM
I think we should send some whitelight to her... IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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