posted May 07, 2003 10:54 PM         

Honestly, I have been fighting a little sadness and don't like to bring that to the board, I don't like to burden peeps with that sh*t I like to just spread happiness and joy and I guess if I have none to spread I either pretend or hide

I'm all twisted up here goes:

-I am still not used to sleeping alone, but know I am soooo lucky to be staying here with my parents by the beach paying little rent, so I feel like an a*s*s for complaining but I really like to have someone next to me!!!

-I am fiesty all the time, hormones raging, but the minute someone wants to get emotionally close (romantically, friends I let in) then I run like hell....then after I have ran away and am alone I dislike being alone-

-I haven't taken my lithium in about 2 months and have been feeling worse and worse as time goes- how pathetic does that make me feel that I should take it so I can "keep trudging"

So in conclusion I feel sad and free that I left my ex, I feel needy and antisocial with people, and I feel up and down without the lithium and about taking it.

Not that any of this is interesting, I guess I just felt like I should say something Oh yeah I am Aquarius I always have something to say Gosh guys, I'm smilin' already, thanks and love and hugs d

posted May 07, 2003 11:41 PM         

Thanks so much for your big hug, you brought a smile to my face...

I am glad that we can look and laugh at ourselves even at this time. We are stronger than we realize and I am glad we know that. hugs, d

posted May 08, 2003 12:20 AM           

You're one very courageous woman, I'll give you that!!

The thing with life is that we have our ups, we have our downs... when I'm having a down, then I know an up is on its way!!! You will get through this time and it will make a stronger girl of you yet!!

Also, remember it will take a bit of time for your body to adjust to not having your medication...you just need to let 'time' pass.

posted May 08, 2003 12:40 AM         

Thanks so much RRR That is so nice of you to say...I wasn't sure if you were upset with me for somethin', I guess we just lost touch You are right, ups are always on the way (I was going to insert a joke about ups always being there for someone who takes lithium since they are manic but I think I'm about ready to stop broadcasting that info on the internet- prolly not the smartest but what do I have to hide

Hope you guys have a good night. I'm gonna go curl up in a ball in my mexican blanket soon and catch some zzzzz's

posted May 08, 2003 12:43 AM         

Not that I'm complaining (!), but I know that because I find so much positivity in Lindaland, that I'm sometimes reluctant to express those sadder moments or concerns we all have from time to time. But it's important to stay real, and we have to be where we are, right? In all our colours. I'm glad you shared, and I send you lots of light to help you transcend this period and learn what you need to.

I once had a breakup where afterward, I didn't know what to do with my hands. They were so used to the thousand gestures of loving someone, that they felt useless and empty. But all things do pass.

And summer's almost here.

posted May 08, 2003 01:20 AM         

I understand how you feel about not wanting to "burden" anyone here when you're down, BUT...first of all, you have been one to uplift many others with your words of cheer and humor, and second, I have found out first hand that when there IS a problem, bringing it to this special place of Lindaland is one of the best things you can do to feel better quickly!

There is so much love and caring on this board; I've never experienced another like it. And in recent weeks as I've shared my problems about each of my daughters with the wonderful people here, I have been helped immensely. We all have our ups and downs...and isn't that what it's about - - give and take? When we're up, we lend an ear and words of encouragement to those who need it - - when we're hurting about something we reach out for the same...and receive it.

So please...don't feel like you have to hide when you're sad, or pretend you're fine if you're not. You deserve the same happiness and joy you so generously spread to others, okay?

Regarding your meds.: I know what you mean; if I skip a few days and don't take my antidepressant I really feel the difference. It bothers me to think the relative stability of my emotions are dependent on some little pill...yet it isn't our fault if a chemical imbalance causes depression; in my case, it's genetic. It's no different than Diabetes running in my family, and nobody's "fault"; you know what I mean?

Anyway...I hope I didn't sound preachy! I just want you to know I've appreciated the friendly cheeriness in your posts, and that it's good to be able to receive some of that back when you need it.

posted May 08, 2003 06:34 AM         

You know you're never a burden!

But sadness can be dehabilitating, can't it?

D, you've been away from that monster for so long now. Look at how strong that proves you are-that and the fact that, despite feeling lonely, you still go on every day. Sometimes we have to choose the lesser of the two evils-sleeping alone, or sleeping with a monster. I think you chose wisely.

You should ALWAYS feel like you can talk to your friends. That's what we're here for.

posted May 08, 2003 10:08 AM         

Sharing helps so much and the love and support here is unconditional so utilize it for your Elf!!

Sometimes a medication, for whatever reason, seems to be part of the choices we made when we returned here. My significant other has a chemical imbalance ( as if his Cancer isn`t moody enough) and he has to take Imipramine to keep those neurons et al meshing. Without it, he runs a hundred miles a hour on empty. It sounds like the opposite of your need, but still requires meds.. He hates them for his emotional survival & occasionally goes off them & his life becomes totally out of control. Guess what I`m saying is, if you require them to be balanced, healthy and happy; take em!! Your Elf knows your needs;listen to it

Sending love, lite and tons of happyness to you girl!!!

posted May 10, 2003 01:17 AM         

d
(but read my other new thread..)

posted May 10, 2003 01:40 AM         

Also, I will have that "chart" done for you soon

posted May 11, 2003 11:45 AM         

Maybe you can talk to your doctor about something other than Lithium, that's pretty heavy stuff. My best friend took that for years. She is doing much better on Serazone.

I know what it's like having to depend on medication, I have tried so many times to live without my anti-depressants but basically the doctors have told me that I am going to have to be on them for the rest of my life.

I hate sleeping alone also ... I'm probably the oldest person in the world who still sleeps with a Teddy Bear!

posted May 12, 2003 12:36 AM         

I am going to talk with my doctor regarding my meds. I have a lot of stuff to tell him, I really need to be honest with him, because you are right lithium is a heavy drug and i don't want to mess with it wrong, I want the doctor to know what is going on.

Thanks Trillian and Pearly and Oxy and everyone I love you all!!!

I appreciate everyone's nice comments.

One thing I love in life is coming to Linda-land