posted June 02, 2003 04:51 PM         

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. The current apprenticeship of the productive forces demanded a new social class of chickens, capable to cross the road.

BLAISE PASCAL: Who knows ? The heart of the chicken has rights that the own reason ignores.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

CARL JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

ALBERT CAMUS: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road …he transcended it.

FEMINIST: To humiliate the female-chicken…he was typically macho, trying to convince her that, while female-chicken, she will never have enough ability to cross the road.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain.

SARTRE: It is a mere fatality. The existence of the chicken is in his freedom of crossing the road.

NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you.

STOIC: The chicken crossed the road because it is a necessary event. It is the destiny. It was already foreseen by the universal order of the cosmoses.

PHILOSOPHERS OF THE SCHOOL OF FRANKFURT: It is a mediocre subject imposed by the mentors of an art of masses that transformed the image of a chicken in one more product of the cultural industry.

SCHOPENHAUER: To try to flee of the boredom and suffering that it is to be alive.

NEWTON: Chickens in rest tend to be in rest. Chickens in movement tend to cross the road.

LUDWIG VON BEETHOVEN: Eh?

GEORGE ORWELL: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

THOMAS DE TORQUEMADA: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

A PARANORMAL: We all know that he crossed the road. However, the chicken didn't make it with his material body. The phenomenon called bilocation made possible that his astral body transcends the physics laws. He - for wanting intensely to be on the other side of the road - was capable and has the ability to do bilocation while walking down the street. Scientific Researches already proved that that is possible.

CHRISTIAN: This is a mystery that only God can answer.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies his own chicken nature.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road. "And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

JESUS: Have faith in my father and He will show you the truth.

GOD:I told him to

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

MR.SPOCK: It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.

PRESIDENT CLINTON :That depends on how you define "road".

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

A TYPICAL POLITICALLY CORRECT PERSON :Don't blame the chicken! Society is to blame. The chicken did cross the road, but he or she was merely a victim of this racist, bigoted, sexist society. We are all to blame, for failing to provide... [blah, blah, blah -- ad nauseam]

THE CANNEL 7 (WSVN, Miami) NEWS TEAM :In a story you will see only on WSVN, a young homeless chicken crosses the road in Citron Beach for the very first time... The orphaned chicken is hit by a speeding car and is thrown sky high... Authorities are still trying to pick up the pieces. At the family's request, the chicken's remains will be used to make chicken soup for the orphaned chicks...

JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it #!&%! wanted to! That's the #!&%! reason!

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

THE SPHINX: You tell me.

posted June 02, 2003 05:07 PM         

But none of those reasons ever occurred to me. I just thought Foghorn Leghorn was chasing her. Perhaps Freud is right.

posted June 03, 2003 02:27 AM         

Let's add more!

JAMES BROWN: 'Cause HE FEELS GOOD!

posted June 03, 2003 11:10 AM         

Onde o tido sido? Perco-o!