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Author
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Topic: Survey: Women Ditch Stigma, Seek Younger Men
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WychOfAvalon
Knowflake Posts: 633
From: Los Angeles
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted September 30, 2003 12:32 AM
 
my mother's husband is more than 10 years younger than she is. My grandmother dated a man THIRTY years younger than she is for a few years. They just recently broke up, though.
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i don't know where you are now -we shared a dream of being together.. you led me to the light, yeah - for this i would like to thank you forever IP: Logged |
1scorp
Knowflake Posts: 2251
From:
Registered: Feb 2003
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posted September 30, 2003 09:39 AM
My opinion with the age thing... it doesn't matter... as long as the 2 involved are content, than hey! Age doesn't bother me, but at "this" point in my life, I don't see me going after someone younger. That wet behind the ears, punk status really eats at me  IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted September 30, 2003 12:19 PM
I must agree with the wise Lioneye and 1 Scorp.  And for the record, I am not socially repressed. LOL.... IP: Logged |
Lost Leo
Knowflake Posts: 1877
From: CA
Registered: Sep 2002
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posted September 30, 2003 01:42 PM
I'm not trying to take a shot at anyone... you all make great points... And I'm not suggesting anyone change their lifestyles or go out cheating or anything... BUT...
UNTIL... YOU can admit to people and YOURSELF, that it's "OKAY" to just want to have sex with some man, nothing more... you HAVE NOT become liberated from society's repression... Fact is, the United States is a Sex-Negative society... And for centuries men have used SEX as a way to CONTROL women... telling them HOW they should act and WHO they can act with... See what I mean, men influence society to tell women standards by which to live... one being their sexuality... 
Only since the Women Lib & the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s have the INTENSE DOUBLE-STANDARD BARRIERS be broken down for women... Just a thought to ponder...
As nearly 90% of the knowflakes are women
I could be right, could be wrong...  And I'm not just pulling this out of my arse... its coming straight from my History of Sexuality Course I'm currently taking...
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pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted September 30, 2003 02:17 PM
Just Sex? And no worries LL I didn't take it as a shot. No, not for me. I am sorry, it has nothing to do with society. If anything society is promoting the casual sex without guilt issue. To me, my body is worth a hell of a lot more than to just let someone I think is hot have sex with me. It could be my Bio background, maybe it is spiritual. I believe that when you have sex with someone your "souls" come together - this is a theory in Christianity as well as with American Indian beliefs. Those are the beliefs that I carry in my heart and have thought long and hard about. It means more to me to be with someone I care and have feelings for than the act of just "getting off". If I have chosen someone to have sex with, then they mean more to me than just a fling or a physical attraction. What is so wrong with not wanting to have sex based on lust or desire with someone that you don't know?
Do I see myself as Liberated? Yes, because I am allowed to make my own decisions without needing to verify if I am right or wrong by society or anyone elses standards.
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lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted September 30, 2003 02:45 PM
You know, I kinda admire women who adopt this modern woman eat em up and spit em out attitude about men and sex. They've overcome a ton of female instinct and societal conditioning in order to reach that mind set, so all the power to them. But at the root of it all, it would seem to me, is a loss of faith in love, men and relationships and if that's becoming the norm rather than the exception, then this is the beginning of the end my friends. Family values are what our whole entire societal structure is based on, and if THAT becomes eroded, well what happens when a bridge's foundation becomes too eroded? Not a good day for the bridge and people on it, yes?
Aside from all that philisophical profoundness (profanity didn't seem like the right word) there's another reason this attitude doesn't fit me. In my experience, sex isn't all that great the first, oh say 20 times with a guy. It becomes WAY more satisfying/enriching/enjoyable the more comfortable you feel together, and the more you get to know what the other likes.
The best sex I've ever had was within the warm fuzzy confines of a committed, monogomous relationship. Where as, my very small number of...other type sex, was never anything to write home about that's for sure. It's all build-up with very little follow through. Anyway, in 10, 15, 20 years I too may be jaded and disillusioned enough to play that hand. I really truly hope not, but I suppose it's possible. IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted September 30, 2003 03:03 PM
Well said Lioneye, I guess I would also add that the whole Karma thing comes into play. I guess it's okay when two people just want to have sex. BUT.....when the man wants more and the woman spits him out, he then becomes bitter (same can be said for the female if it happens to her). Now you have two people playing the "man-hater / hunter woman-hater / hunter" game. It creates a cycle. That is why I think it is so important to be honest with your feelings and what you want. If not, you could be the one wanting so much more, only to find out you were just the "thrill of the moment". IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted September 30, 2003 03:20 PM
Yeah!! What she said. 
But I've contemplated the other possible scenario with a younger man, that is, a real relationship, and I've decided that it wouldn't be fair to NOT explore intimacy with him simply because he was younger. So, I could realistically BE with a younger man, but it would be in spite of his age, rather than because of his age. He would have still have to be worthy in the necessary ways, just like an older man. (ie good character, sense of humor, not a bum, but have a nice one, etc)
And he would have to rawk me all night long too. (just kidding...maybe ok I'm not) IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted October 01, 2003 12:09 AM
Wow, what a topic. I am quite liberated in my thinking. I often look at men and just have the immediate thought-I really want to F*ck him. I do. Think it, that is. But the thinking and the doing are absolutley divided in my mind. The fantasy factor is enough for me. I agree that long term relationships are so fulfilling in terms of sexual satisfaction, why would I want to hmmmmm....travel elsewhere. Except in my mind, right? Because you have the passion advantage when confronted with a new man, or the potentialities involved. But the comfort in your long term honey's body...the scent, feel, way you know each other so perfectly, and can time things with precision, and pull out all the stops, knowing EXACTLY what works in a pinch, and finding new exciting possibilities. That is intense in it's own way. Passion changes though, so 20 years from now, if I am hot stuff that a young stud needs, who knows, If I need the ego feed right into my veins, I'd totally go there. (I already do, inside!)GAWD!!!! I hate boundaries. But I also need them. IP: Logged |
sthenri
Moderator Posts: 4496
From: Generic New England City
Registered: May 2003
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posted October 02, 2003 10:02 PM
Hi Lost Leo, what you are you saying is not liberated, relationships are never just about sex. Sex starts in the head with a fantasy and fantasy is free and powerful. Without the fantasy you can engage in all the sex you want you won't feel a thing, that's love for a lot of people.Since women in their forties are a known quantity, they know they can get the man, they don't need to see if they can. See, once a woman is that experienced it's like shooting fish in a barrel because most women are just not that sexually strong and aware. If she is looking and doesn't care about age, she is not looking for young or old only someone who values her and gives her what she wants, the total emotional package. Women still need the emotional connection, ever read a recent romance novel? Stil got the emotion, just a little different. Men never resist a good looking woman who has a powerful desire for him, sex has nothing to do with it. Desire does and a woman knows how to turn it on, it's tragic that desire outlasts performance but in the case of an older woman she has the desire times ten that a 20 year old has because honestly a 20 year old girl can't even say Boo to a man she really wants and show her desire comfortably. Old or young men like a woman they can feel vulnerable with. Performance is not a problem either and for all men that's a problem, young or old or at least a worry. Not with an older woman she knows what to do for him and herself. It's not about looking for sex that's not very liberated, it's about having a choice. The choices are very limited at 40 most men are gay, married or dysfunctional. It gets better and better for women and harder and harder for men every day. That's not liberation that's the physical reality. Underneath we are all the same regardless of culture or education. As men get older desire finally catches up but at that point we don't care, we just want performance because we are sick of waiting on a man to commit or have any emotion, we finally realize we have enough of it already because we had everything all along, including our finances in order too. Money goes a long way to making things more romantic in a way a man can't imagine you know? Yes being older is a wonderful thing, Oh I love not having to control myself! I don't think I even enjoyed sex until I was 30. Natasha IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted October 03, 2003 09:00 AM
Natasha!!!!!!!!!!IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted November 07, 2004 04:09 AM
I've changed my mind.I can do that if I want. I'm a women. Hell, I'm a human.  I think an older woman/younger man can love just as strongly/securely/happily as any other couple. And I'm not saying why I've changed my mind. So there  IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 10985
From: One of the billions and billions of cosmos hurdling towards a black hole :)
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted November 07, 2004 10:27 AM
I've broken in a couple of bucks ...IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1922
From: CA
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted November 07, 2004 01:00 PM
I don't think there is anything wrong w/ just having a sexual relationship. It's no replacement for true love and companionship, admittedly, however I don't personally find it to be a violation of my body/spirit, etc. I think it depends on the situation. For me personally, and I'm guessing it's the fact that I'm a Scorp and/or my Scorp Venus, I need to have sex regularly or my general sense of well-being starts to be affected. First let me define regularly: if I'm in a relationship, as often as possible, if I'm not, at least once every 60-90 days. In order to do this w/out treating my body w/ disrespect (ie; sleeping w/ whomever), I had a "friend". We were great friends, but had no serious interest in dating each other for various reasons. BUT, the sex was GREAT. So, when we were both single, every so often we would hook up, have a nice dinner, go out on the town, then come back home and have some fun. No strings attached, no expectations, no problem. We had this arrangement precisely because we are both very sexual people who weren't going to go satisfy our needs through strangers at bars or whatever. Our friendship remains strong, and our arrangement has worked for both of us, off an on for over 12 years now. We never of course did anything when either of us was in a relationship, but when we were both single and lonely, well, it worked out just great. As for younger men, it doesn't usually work for me, however I see absolutely no problem with dating younger men if it works for you. I think that there is a certain point at which the age difference likely becomes too great to be healthy for both individuals, probably somewhere around 20+ years difference, but I would still not judge say, a 50 year old woman married to a 30 year old man. Both are consenting adults, so... If I were single and in my late 30s/early 40s, and not looking for a serious relationship, I would totally seek out a sexual relationship with a younger man. It's not that men my age wouldn't have stamina, patience, technique, passion, it's just that in my limited experience, mostly living vicariously through others, the younger men are very eager to please and have a lot of stamina. The down side is that they often lack the patience of their older counterparts, as well as the technique that comes with both experience and patience. But of course both analyses are generalizations and I'm sure there are numerous examples of exceptions. The one thing I don't advocate nor understand is polyamory and/or powering through men JUST for sex. But as someone who has been judged to be bad by others because of my sexual attitudes, I would try not to judge those things with which I disagree. Basically my motto is, so long as it occurs between two consenting adults, and doesn't involve children, animals or dead people, knock yourself out, it may not float my boat, but who am I to judge? IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Knowflake Posts: 6034
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted November 07, 2004 02:29 PM
ISIS ISIS ISIS!!!   You're back  I was hoping the election being over would bring you back  K... now I'm gonna read what you said. Gawd, I've missed you!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I totally agree about casual sex. I had a "friend" before I hooked up with my hubby. The unfortunate thing about my situation was that my "friend" turned out to be one of my husband's best friends from childhood. That created awkwardness  God(dess) forbid anything should ever happen to my husband, I wouldn't have any qualms about dating a younger man. If I were just looking for a sexual relationship, it would most likely be with a younger man. Not only for the reasons you mention, Isis, but their train-ability A younger man doesn't already have his set techniques. A younger man is usually more open to taking direction... not that I would want a man that would allow me to tell him what to do outside the bedroom. IP: Logged |
sassygrrrl
Knowflake Posts: 767
From: U.S.A.
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted November 07, 2004 04:58 PM
As someone who is currently in unrequited and well, unconsummated love with a 22 year-old young man who is 17 years my junior, I can say that it isn't always about sex. I connected with this guy on a completely emotional and spiritual level, and we respect each other as friends. I love him despite his age, not because of it. I didn't set out to fall in love with someone far younger than myself. But I did and I am, and I feel that whatever ultimately happens between us, we were meant to meet in this life. ...But if an older woman wants to have a toyboy and both are willing consenting adults, then I say she should go for it. Because for thousands of years older men have hooked up with women young enough to be their daughter or granddaughter and it seems perfectly acceptable by society and nobody ever blinks an eye. And so I say the double standard should be eliminated once and for all. IP: Logged |
astro junkie
Knowflake Posts: 10985
From: One of the billions and billions of cosmos hurdling towards a black hole :)
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted November 08, 2004 12:44 PM
I wish some of the really ethnic people would post on this forum - cuz you won't believe me if I tell ya.IP: Logged |
Isis
Knowflake Posts: 1922
From: CA
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted November 09, 2004 12:18 PM
Thanks LS I missed you too IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted November 09, 2004 02:42 PM
Update: I am now with a man that is 5 1/2 years younger than I am ...Oh it is delicious...in just about every way .... 
But..he is NOT a boytoy and it isn't about sex - or else I wouldn't be engaged to him LOL But I won't complain about the sex...no way..not at all.
Hey Isis!!! Where have you been? I missed seeing your posts..I am glad your back chickie!!!!
~Pidaua IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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