posted October 15, 2003 05:31 PM            

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He
took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One

day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and
before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly
in his direction with the obvious intention of having
lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble
now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close
by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones
with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund
exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.

I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing
this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride as a
look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into
the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close.
That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole
scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this
knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from

the leopard. So, off he goes But the dachshund saw him

heading after the leopard with great speed, and
figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills
the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
leopard The leopard is furious at being made a fool of

and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's
going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the
monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do
now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with
his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen
them yet...and just when they get close enough to hear

the dachshund says:
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour

ago to bring me another leopard."

REMEMBER:
IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE,
BAFFLE THEM WITH BUL***IT !!

juniperb

posted October 15, 2003 06:10 PM              

A young punk gets on a bus and sits down in directly across from an old man.
The young punk has spiked green, purple and orange hair. His clothing is a tattered mix of leather rags. His entire face and body are covered with piercings and his earrings are big, bright red, yellow and green feathers.

The old man stares at the young punk as the bus travels across the city.

Finally, the punk looks across at the old man, and yells, "What are you looking at, old man! Didn't you do anything wild when you were young?"