Posts: 30
From:
Registered: Aug 2003

posted November 17, 2003 12:39 AM         

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My dad unexpectedly died last night of a heart attack at age 46. He had been a long time drug addict with about 6 months of sobriety. After all these years of risking his life everytime he did drugs, he has a heart attack when he is finally cleaning up and doing better for himself. I don't know. It's hitting me extra hard because over the years I have developed a belief that my dad was going to be one of those people who harms his body for the majority of his life, and still lives to be 70-above, because of all the time he did drugs and survived.

Everything I look at brings back a memory that my dad is involved in... such as certain areas, chairs, television shows, movies, channels he liked, everything. Songs I hear that I know he liked make me cry. I will never be the same, ever again. I don't know what else to say

I love you dad, so much. And I hope that someday we will be together again.

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Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted November 17, 2003 02:34 AM         

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 92
From: Oz
Registered: Oct 2003

posted November 17, 2003 05:53 AM         

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I feel for for esull2002. Your dad will always be with you. Trust me on that one. Memories coming back a small part of the things that will keep him alive. Your love will also keep him alive. He will be like the wind, you can feel him, you just can not see him.

I know how you feel as I lost my parents 4 years ago. If you need to talk then I am here.

Much love to you. Majenta.

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A woman is like a teabag, you do not know how strong she is until you put her in hot water (unknown)

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Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted November 17, 2003 08:59 AM         

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Posts: 2677
From: Somewhere in OZ State US
Registered: May 2003

posted November 17, 2003 09:20 AM         

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I feel your pain,I lost my Dad too(less then a couple a years ago)and I went through the same things that your going through,it's hard to settle a loss that was so close to you and all the memories that you feel is normal. Just remember one thing that you can always count on, now where ever you go and what ever you do~ he will always be with you,always in your heart,with a better understanding about things that was hard to comprehend when he was here on this Earth and in time,the emptiness will heal over to new things in your life. I beleive that!

~I couldn't let this go~

and

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Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003

posted November 17, 2003 10:32 AM         

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esull...

Your dad had a challenge to overcome, and he did it! His soul has completed this leg of the journey, and he's ready for the next one now.

You WILL be together again. (but not TOO soon, I hope)

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Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted November 17, 2003 01:41 PM         

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I am sorry for your loss.

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Posts: 730
From:
Registered: Nov 2002

posted November 17, 2003 02:29 PM         

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So sorry for your loss.
*plenty of hugs*

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Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted November 17, 2003 02:39 PM         

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esull2002, love and lite to you and your family. I know it hurts and is hard to understand why these things happen.
You will be with your dad again when the time is 'right'

juniperb

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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posted November 17, 2003 10:16 PM           

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I know that this won't make a lick of difference right now, but I once caught a glimpse of where he is - it's beautiful beyond all belief in a way that no words that I know can possibly describe.
And know that, even with that reality, he will still be around you. All those you have loved are and will be, always.

Also know that the pain that you're feeling, the empty pit in your chest and surrounding numbness, are a natural response to not having him readily apparent in front of you...and know that it will subside, given time.
I wish you a good healing.

Corri

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We will not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And to know the place for the first time.
-T.S. Eliot

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Posts: 579
From:
Registered: May 2003

posted November 18, 2003 06:50 AM         

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Esull,

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Posts: 624
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2003

posted November 18, 2003 01:05 PM         

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esull2002,

so sorry for your loss

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Posts: 770
From: Paris,France
Registered: Nov 2002

posted November 18, 2003 02:05 PM         

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I'm so sorry to hear that

*hugs*

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