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Author
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Topic: Where Nice Guys' Place
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proxieme
unregistered
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posted November 17, 2003 11:03 PM
Ok, I can't get to sleep yet.I got to thinking after posting my last bit on the TWAFD thread: Why is it that Nice Guys do so often "finish last", especially from adolescence through early adult hood (mid- to late- twenties), at least as far as females are concerened?
People may talk of this being a myth, but I've seen it time and time again from both sides - that is, I've seen girls that I've known actively seek complete jerks (usually while professing to want a "nice, sweet guy"), as well as nice guys that I've known completely shat upon by girls that they've fallen head over heals for.
I mean, those aforementioned girls (and, yes, they are girls and not women - even if they're in their late twenties) will begin something with one of the sweetest guys going, and then proceed to tear him apart emotionally. They'll ignore him, they'll take him for granted, they'll dismiss him, or sometimes downright verbally abuse him, and then that once wonderful male becomes the very jerk they they seem to seek. *shrugs*
I don't get it.
Aaand now I'm too tired to elaborate any further.
Do ya'll have any thoughts on the matter? IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted November 17, 2003 11:26 PM
I guess I'll take this as an invitation to impart some Cappy wisdom. It's not that women like jerks or that they don't want to be treated nicely. It all boils down to attraction. Men base attraction (at least in the beginning) upon physical looks. Though looks may matter for some women, attraction for women is at a deeper gut level. Women have no control over who they are attracted to. It's not that they are attracted to jerks. It's just that the jerk types know how to create attraction in women. Nice guys tend to be predictable, clingy, smothering, and wussy. They try too hard to impress women through gifts and being tool agreeable and end up doing the opposite by coming across as a wuss that the woman can control. Women are not attracted to wusses. Period. Women want men who act like men. A nice guy who learns this can still get the girl, and so they don't always finish last, but by far it's the jerks of the world who know how to create attraction.  ------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
proxieme
unregistered
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posted November 18, 2003 12:56 AM
Heeeeellp meeeee....
I caaaann't geeettt tooo sleeeeeep.....
Teach me to eat ice cream b/f bed.Re: your post:
www.askmen.com?  I mean, I can see that side of it, but I've also seen some girls really actively pursue jerks and/or consciously attempt to turn "nice guys" into something else.
OK, I've really only seen my sister do the latter, but then she's a twisted Virgo w/ a Scorp Moon. j/k...kinda. What about us gals that are anomolous to your theory, then? What accounts for us -
heavy Pisces placements?
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majenta
Knowflake Posts: 92
From: Oz
Registered: Oct 2003
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posted November 18, 2003 06:52 AM
My girlfriend openly admits she can not stay with guys who treat her nice. She ends up breaking their hearts everytime for someone who ends up breaking hers. Go figure.
I am pisces and the one guy who I really like is not a jerk and he treats me like a princess/sister. That is the problem. He can not get over the sister-like relationship and says it could never work. My time might come. At 17 though, I'm not too fussed.------------------
A woman is like a teabag, you do not know how strong she is until you put her in hot water (unknown) IP: Logged |
trillian
Knowflake Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted November 18, 2003 09:51 AM
Randall makes some good points on attraction--but I would say it works both ways. There are some nice guys who are attracted to some not so nice women, too.Throw in Karma and Astrology. What creates attraction? Who the heck knows! But if we are here for the drama of karma, we are inexorably drawn to those we need. What we do with our energies, is up to us. Astrologically, there are lots of things that create attraction, whether ultimately positive or negative. I won't even get started on that!  proxie, I don't think your question will ever have a definitive answer that will be satisfactory. 'Cause in this life, we get what we need, whether we understand it or not.
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proxieme
unregistered
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posted November 18, 2003 09:54 AM
I know re: the answer...
that's part of the reason I asked it.
I love hearing people's opinions on something with so many possible diverse, and yet viable, answers.IP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted November 18, 2003 11:12 AM
I've often wondered about that myself. Personally, I don't dig the "bad a$$" type of man, never have. I've always gone for the quiet type, the self contained, studious and shrewd type. I like them to be the strong silent type, but not a friggen thug. And not silent when we're alone together. Someone who is selective about who he opens up to. See, I think women like to feel that they'll be protected by their man, because deep down,the whole object of the game is to procreate, which is a process that leaves females quite vulnerable. We know instinctively that in order to bare children, we need to be able to be dependant on someone, someone who'll go out into the world and fight for our survival, 'our' meaning our baby and ourselves.
So, the more aggressive, more resourceful, more determined, more impressive, more intimidating, more competitive a man is, the better he will probably be in that fight for survival. Now-a-days, life isn't as hostile as it use to be, and women really don't physically need men to bring home the bacon, and fight off dragons or whatever threatens them anymore, but the instinct is still there. And ideally, we SHOULD still be able to just focus on baby, and not have to worry about slinging hash to pay the bills. Then there are those girls who just LOVE the challenge of trying to tame a savage beast. Like a beauty and the beast story. But, they're not really looking for a mutually enriching relationship. They're looking for a human prop to play out their ego drama with. IP: Logged |
pidaua
Knowflake Posts: 7314
From: Schweinfurt to Grafenwoehr all within 6 months LOL
Registered: May 2002
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posted November 18, 2003 12:18 PM
I think it depends on what we define as a jerk. I know women that would think that Mr. Leo is a jerk to me at times, but in actuality we love to challenge each other and verbally spar. We never call each other names or hit below the belt, but we do like to get a spark going. Maybe that is the way with a Leo and Sag.It wasn't like that with the Virgo guys I dated or had as friends. It really upset them and there was no bantering or playing. At any rate, I have also know "nice" guys that are really jerks in disguise. They try to act so sincere, but you can see the anger seething below. Then it starts to seep out and bam, they become a jerk, but they hope they already have the lady by then. I have experienced that on my own and watched my other friends go through it. For me, that is why I need so much time with someone. I have to be friends first, for a while and I watch their every move (not like a stalker LOL) but I listen to how they talk to people they like, hate, love (family) and how they deal with strangers. I have known some people that come of kind of gruff, like Mr. Leo, but who is really one of the sweetest men I have ever known. I watched how he treats animals, his family and his friends. He is loyal and honest. He's a nice guy. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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