Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted December 23, 2003 01:23 PM         

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Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "Fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

nothing
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to described the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

go ahead (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

go ahead (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

loud sigh
This is actually not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

soft sigh
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft sigh" means that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content.

that's okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is you have done. "That's okay" is often used with "Fine"and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow"

go ahead!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

please do
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's okay".

thanks
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.

thanks a lot
This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted December 23, 2003 01:34 PM         

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I have to admit that I have, once or twice, been guilty of a "fine," or a "nothing."

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Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted December 23, 2003 01:49 PM         

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*sigh* Please do sounds so darn familiar !!

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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot

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Posts: 1506
From: The second star to the right (which shines in the night for'eer)
Registered: Apr 2003

posted December 23, 2003 08:50 PM         

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"nothing" and "please do". Though I sometimes use "go ahead" and "please do" interchangeably for both of the definitions.

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posted December 24, 2003 04:35 AM           

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Randall, that's genius! Did you find that somewhere or write it yourself? I nearly died laughing! Isn't it funny how the plain truth is often the best comedy? Thanks for sharing that

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Posts: 25287
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000

posted December 24, 2003 05:18 AM         

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Received it via e-mail (original author's name long-gone).

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"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark

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posted December 24, 2003 10:58 AM           

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It's good to know that all across the English-speaking world, women everywhere have the same vocabulary

*sighs at self*
Yeah...I've said all of those...except for the "five minutes" one - I am on time.

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Posts: 82
From:
Registered: Jul 2003

posted December 24, 2003 02:01 PM         

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hrmmmm i could always make a list of words men use.... but we all know that when a man speaks he says what he means and means what he says i.e. "yes" really does mean "yes" and the same goes for no. if a man says "go ahead" its usualy followed by exactly what the course of action taken by that man will be. It is not left to be a surprise as in: " ok, go ahead and (insert action here) if you do i'll kick your ass!" none of that beating around the bush crap. we get to the point. see if women would just learn to actualy be forth comming about exactly what they mean instead of pussyfooting around ( no no derogatory puns intended, stop trying to read too far into everything you will find life much more enjoyable)there wouldn't be a need for a translation of the meaning of female words and phrases.A man hears "go ahead" (without the go ahead i dare you tone) and he thinks: "Ok so i can go to the all out monday night madness monster truck rally with the guys this sunday" (yes yes i know sunday monday its a joke laugh... does you'r proctologist know that you are this serious? that would surely help him with solving some of your problems) bottom line say what you mean mean what you say please dont confuse your significant other leaving him looking lost and afraid and sad and confused as to why he just got yelled at and is now sleeping in the van.

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Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003

posted December 24, 2003 06:07 PM         

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Hey Scatbug...glad to see you survived Oklahoma.

Randall...hilarious.

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