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Author
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Topic: The ego has taken me hostage
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dafremen
unregistered
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posted January 05, 2004 03:12 PM
It's hiding from God, dontcha know. Drove me, against my will, to get some weed then got REALLY high. I could feel the creep of the Evil One and the smile on his face as it toppled my dignity, saw me cringe and cry in the face of destiny. Sooo easy, they say as they stand in line to take their place in the pew. Sooo simple to worship God, to adore God. Ha! When he asks you to look a thousand walking corpses a day in the face and play Meeny Miney Moe with a message that could save their lives, then what? Was that YOU God? Was that you that I felt pushing me to leave that message there? Or was that the nudge of psychosis, pushing me toward the brink..playing God with a message meant for millions. Only 5000 you say? Only 5000?!! "God'll save me." He just sent you a message..were you waiting for a limousine with your name on it? Or were you just expecting him to divert the waters around YOU? "If it was meant to be, it will be." Oh...it'll be alright. Question is...will you? Hoping to get back on the Path soon. Being without internet is making it harder..being without a backbone is making it impossible. I AM NOT WORTHY OF THIS RESPONSIBILITY LORD! daf IP: Logged |
seeshells
Knowflake Posts: 98
From:
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted January 05, 2004 03:41 PM
Blessings Daf, Lighten up, We all backslide sometimes. How could we lean if we didn't make a few mistakes. It is lonely at the top. Know we love you, good and bad traits. You are still ahead of the game. Love, SueIP: Logged |
lioneye68
Knowflake Posts: 6062
From: Canada
Registered: Apr 2003
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posted January 05, 2004 04:44 PM
Daf, I don't know of one single human being that was completely without fault for the entirety of their life on earth. Do you know of one?IP: Logged |
Meili Zhiwei
Knowflake Posts: 256
From:
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted January 05, 2004 05:37 PM
*Deleted*IP: Logged |
Annie Kuzma
Knowflake Posts: 416
From: Kettering ,Ohio ,USA
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 05, 2004 06:49 PM
Hell, we are all crazy Daf! 
Don't be so hard on yourself. Indians,Spiritualist and Initates have smoked weed for years!! 
Its only evil if you make it that way. 
Don't put too much pressure on yourself and others around you, you can't LIVE UP to anyones standards but yourself.
Its obvious you can handle what you have been given, or you wouldn't have been givin it. He, They, Her whatever, thinks you are worthy, why do you question yourself. 
Hope you and your computer get feeling better.You need a BEACH!! 
------------------
Peace and Love
L.V.X. Annie
"Bind the consciousness of the denial of self-worth that says, "I am not worthy." I AM is the Name of God. To say this is to say, "God is not worthy. God in me is not worthy. I am worthless." When you are worthless and so say it, beloved, you have denied all God within you". IP: Logged |
TINK
Knowflake Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted January 05, 2004 08:04 PM
Oh Daf. My heart just broke when I read this. I have never made your acquaintance, I have no reason to think I ever will. But when a Scorpio KNOWS - a Scorpio KNOWS. And I know that you are a good man with a good heart. Even the best of us fall sometimes. Ego. It's a b*tch. I know this one. A hard battle. When we get a bit uppity, the universe has cute little ways of knocking us down, doesn't it? Please know that you are not responsible for the world. With all due respect, the salvation of my soul is dependent on noone but me. Do the very best you can to help others on the long road home, but please don't beat yourself up in the process. Some of the seeds fall on fertile ground. Some fall on rock. Some are blown away by the wind. Not a one of us is worthy. Not a one. "Desire of Him brings much hardship." Yes, Yes, Yes. Light attracts darkness. Shy and hesitating I raise my little hand, "Excuse me, I would like to know the Truth." And immediately the Legions descend. Did you expect anything different? I'm remembering the Buddha under the Bodhi Tree. The last temptation. Mara taunts him with almighty logic, "Your message is too profound for the people, the path you lay for them too arduous. Why not leave all this insanity behind and ascend to Nirvana? After all, you earned it. Anyway, noone here will believe you. Noone will understand." Hmmm. Siddhartha was a reasonable man. He almost bought it. Almost. "I think I'll stay. Maybe one will believe. Maybe just one." Now get out there and fight the Good Fight soldier! 
tink IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Knowflake Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted January 05, 2004 11:02 PM
exactly... if you touch only one, isn't it worth it? Things will fall where they fall. Some will catch your message as a brightening in their eye, a flash of something they need to pay attention to, others will not. You are not responsible for the way anyone perceives your messages... The force of will, for their own reasons, is as valid as your drive and desire to make them see. Let go and let God... I can't say anything that hasn't already been said, nor as eloquently, but I sensed the truth in what I've read, and I hope you do as well. Light and Love, Daf.IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted January 06, 2004 10:23 AM
Daf, I k-now your hurt is unmeasurable right now and my heart aches for you.  You hit the nail on the head and I believe it`s what makes us Earthlings, raw and in the buff so to speak, rather than angels. Ego. I`ve wore this one out: quote:
"God'll save me." He just sent you a message..were you waiting for a limousine with your name on it? Or were you just expecting him to divert the waters around YOU?
Why we think/cling to it, I don`t know. I have no answers, just a spiritual love for you and a k-nowing you can pass this test. In the lite of things, you are winning the battle by recognizing it and taking it on with God/dess love to sustain you. Peace Daf, rest on the faith that is truth. juniperb  ------------------
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
FishKitten
Knowflake Posts: 1033
From: on the trail of the Old Ones
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted January 06, 2004 02:25 PM
Hang in there, Daf. As Meili said, you have not lost your path. Sometimes it is easier for "evil" to make us hate ourselves than others, so that is the way it works itself into our lives. An angel once told me not to walk in fear or self-hatred, for those are the devil's ground. Everyone gets tired. A little rest, whether physical or psychologically induced by an occasional toke, is not going to erase what you know or what you are trying to accomplish. Joy is as important in life as anything else. May your heart sing and your soul find a "rest area" along the way of your path.IP: Logged |
TINK
Knowflake Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted January 16, 2004 11:28 AM
Just wondering if you are still around and how you were doing out there Daf. Please keep us up to date. A lot of people here care about you.  IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted January 18, 2004 08:51 AM
Heya Daf  I hope your silence is computer related and you`re feeling back on your path. Please check in;you have many concerned for your Elf  juniperb ------------------
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
Ra
Moderator Posts: 2078
From: Atlanta
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted January 18, 2004 01:00 PM
"I get high with a little help from my friends.
I get by with a little help from my friends.
I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends ..."You are fine, right were you are supposed to be. 
IP: Logged |
NikiSpeedy
Knowflake Posts: 345
From: NC
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted January 18, 2004 04:44 PM
Wow Daf -- Where u gettin that killer stuff anyway? Uhhhh -- Seems to me that if your evil ego REALLY wanted to screw u up, you woulda pawned something and gone for the CRACK!! Mebbe you could give yourself a break on this one? Listen to Annie --IP: Logged |
TINK
Knowflake Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted January 18, 2004 07:08 PM
You're too much Niki! Sure did put all this stuff in perspective girl.  Daf ~ I know you'll wander back onto this site one way or another. Please know that Ra is right. You DO have a lot of friends. Here and elsewhere. You can not hide from God. Bidden or unbidden, God is near. He will send his Angels to minister unto you.
tink IP: Logged |
purplezen
Knowflake Posts: 888
From: outer space
Registered: Aug 2003
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posted January 20, 2004 08:09 PM
IP: Logged |
juniperb
Knowflake Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002
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posted January 23, 2004 03:59 PM
Musta been a bigger bag than I first thought Sending love & lite to ya Daf ------------------
If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~James Herriot IP: Logged |
TINK
Knowflake Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted January 23, 2004 07:49 PM
Funny Juniperb. Daf left a few new poems in the Yellow Wax section. No one seems to now what he's up to. I don't know himfrom Adam but for some strange reason I'm concerned. Odd.IP: Logged |
spiria
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: big 'ol Tejas
Registered: Sep 2003
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posted January 24, 2004 09:36 PM
dafremen, you ARE WORTHY. i read all your posts until my eyes swim. i cannot even find the words to express how much i appreciate your posts and enjoy reading them, even the ones that make me wince. thank you for helping me out of a numb time. now i wish upon you to get wherever you want to be going, but you know what? you're already there....and you will see for yourself one day. your children are lucky to have you as a father. heck, anyone that has you in their life is lucky. you offer so much and seem to demand nothing, seeking truth all the way. bless your wearied soul and may you find rejuvenation soon!IP: Logged |
trillian
Knowflake Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003
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posted January 25, 2004 08:18 AM
Sometimes, the epiphany is in the questioning.When our belief system comes under our own scrutiny, and our own doubts, we can be led to more profundity. But it's not an easy road. My own beliefs are quite often at odds with those of daf, but I appreciate his brand of wisdome for what it is, and hope he comes back to visit us feeling better than ever.
And daf, it's not evil to get high. Many Masters, including the Indians, used beautiful God/dess-given plants to achieve altered states that led them to new perspectives. You just have to travel without fear...don't hold too tightly to what was...or what is.
IP: Logged |
NikiSpeedy
Knowflake Posts: 345
From: NC
Registered: Jul 2003
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posted January 26, 2004 08:29 PM
Ahh -- travel without fear. Thanks for the reminder. I actually have learned not to hold on too tight --IP: Logged |
Annie Kuzma
Knowflake Posts: 416
From: Kettering ,Ohio ,USA
Registered: Jan 2003
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posted January 27, 2004 08:09 AM
I always said I never trusted anyone that hasn't been High!! 
I think it helped me open up my mind!!------------------
Peace and Love
L.V.X. Annie Tesla is back!!
Check out their new CD!!
March 9, 2004
(Copy and paste)
www.teslatheband.com/Sound/Sound.aspx?friend=4235
Help me get the word out!!
IP: Logged |
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