posted January 12, 2004 06:41 PM         

He's had a few "girlfriends", but they never seem to last long, and according to his sister, who is a really good friend of mine (being that she's a Pisces and we compliment each other ) says he treats all the girls he dated really mean after they break up. She doesn't want me to go through that and get that hurt. Thinking that way gets me so darn confused... I'm physically and mentally attracted to other guys, but for some reason, I never experience a soul connection the way I have with Tony. I see him as strong and aggressive, yet very obviously vulnerable; a little boy in ways, but sensitive and a bit impulsive too.
We got so close on the visit in late April 2003, then it seemed he pulled back quite a bit when we visited in August 2003. My mom says people usually pull back in love relationships after any intensity, but they come back. The world seems determined to attempt to distract me from staying so attached, but deep in my heart, I feel our time together is coming soon. I know it'll sound silly and dreamy, but I can imagine raising kids together and being with him for the rest of my life, not wanting any other guy on all these four levels.
His sis, my good friend also said there's a harsh temper side of him I've never seen. This family they're both in is a large family composed of many adopted sibling groups and non-related individual children. We've know the whole family since July 1999. The sister I'm friends most with is not related to Tony by blood. So, you see, Tony, and his older sibs, were in foster care really little (he was 2), and placed with his now-adoptive mom (and her husband who is now deceased) when he was almost 3 and his sibs were 6 and 9. He's still living at home at 16, older bio bro is 18, and out of home due to some abuse-related behaviors he manifested and oldest bio sis, 21, (not the one I know) is married with two little 3 year old girls not by her husband. And the "sister" I'm friends with has only been with this family since she was 10.5 years old (she's now 17.5), and therefore never had the early sibling experiences with most of the older kids in the family.
The "sister" is a really sweet, but over-burdened (by her Leo adoptive mom) with home and child-caring responsibilities, Pisces w/Scorpio rising and Virgo moon. We are kindred souls and have bared many of our deepest depth thoughts with each other over the 4 years I've known her and their family. She is over-touchy to any form of teasing and his jokes can be a bit biting at times, but I've learned if I show that it hurt me, he appologizes. She reacts less visibly than I do and internalizes the offesne then broods over it.
She and one of the other girls there, back when we met them, were the people who told me that they thought Tony had a crush on me cause he was talking a lot to me and following me around, teaching me pool, and just hanging out (he was 12 at the time and I was 13.5). At that time, I was still obsessed with a Scorpio guy back home, so I sorta fluffed the idea off.
But over time, Tony and I have mutually deepened our connection, and through playful teasing, diescussions of music groups in common, and genuine mental/physical tangible interest, we both seem to acknowlegde the attraction/bond, but seem unsure how to go further.
I always get a strange vibe that I can see the vulnerable goodness in him like no one else can cause I feel he reveals a different side to me than he does the rest of the world, less tough, and I know he sees a different side of me than most others do as well.
Well, to put it in perspective, there's a vicious, biting verbal anger side of me he's never seen, nor the times I throw things across the room or down the stairs. We all have our ways of expressing anger, but it doesn't mean we show it instantly to every person we know. He got to know recently on our August 2003 visit, due to some misunderstandings, that when I'm hurt inside, I curl up and cry. And I can definitely gurantee most of my so called "close friends" at home have rarely in ever seen that part. We reveal ourselves to others over time.
And then in September 2003...since I got a cell phone for my b-day, I used my 5000 weekend minutes to call my "soul sister" friend, whose bro is Tony, and after talking with her for a few minutes, Tony bugged her enough that she put him on the line, and after we'd chatted for a while, he mentioned again how he hoped to see me soon and right before he gave the phone back to his sis, he said "Miss you", and I said it back.....oh... I hope this sudden change of tone in our relationship is permanent. It seems to be such a growing warmth, that just appeared out of nowhere. Well, not exactly nowhere, but progressing more like it did back in last December and April. And not a direct result of anything I did that different last time I saw him in August 2003, other than the fact that I heard from an unreliable source (one of the new 12 year-old girls in the family) that he didn't like having us visit and wished we would go home(which I think now was his way of expressing hurt, since I, after getting the impression that he was ignoring me, ignored him). My reaction to that was deep soul-piercing hurt, which culminated in me curling up in a closet, crying. After the misinformation was straightened out with help from one of his other sisters, and he appologized, he treated me a bit like I was made of glass, became extremely sensitive to my easily-hurt nature. Also, he gave me a hug before we left. Beyond that, nothing different than usual.
And yet, all this time since we came home from that visit, I've felt a progressively more intense romantic feeling for him (and comparing our biorhythms has always indicated we are on the exact same vibe).
Around October 2003, Well, aside from the already-mentioned phone call with his sis where he requested to be put on the line , I've called his sis (who's a soul sister to me) twice, and both times he was the one that initially answered the phone. Once, he sounded sorta tired, the second time, last night, he seemed more pleasant, but I can't tell what's going through his head...
I'm so sick of hearing all the negative comments people make about sun sign Geminis though. I heard a Gemini astrologer friend of mine say that Gems only want what they can't have, and once they get it, they will lose interest... That seemed so negative.

So, what do you think, FishKitten? What's your take?

posted January 12, 2004 09:02 PM         

quote:

---

Say what you really feel, not what you think Tony wants to hear.

---