posted April 06, 2004 01:35 PM           

The words play over and over in my head. A friend was attempting to convince me of the correctness of his perception, of the rightness and objectivity of his way of thinking.

It's this need to convince, this conviction presenting itself as reason which causes me to pass on without stopping. So sure is he of what cannot be, that he has inadvertently become tangled in the snare of what he believes MUST be. If I do not stop to weigh his words, I'm at least given cause to pause. I pause not to consider the validity of his point of view, for that I have already done. What would move has come with me, what wouldn't has been left behind. No, I pause to ponder my own perspective, to know the nature of my own conviction (or lack thereof.)

What DO I believe? Anything at all?
What DO I know? Anything that's true?

What appears to some as belief, is but the current passing through of passing currents. It is where this thing called "I" has come to be at the moment, nothing more. There is no point around which belief can center itself, for in me, such a thing is hardly allowed to be. There is only this: What I seem to understand now.

What past is there? Bring it to me and surely you must be God Himself.
What future is there? Show it to me and truly you will be called Lord. Thus the state of what I "believes" is present now and only now.

What DOES "I" believe?
At first it seems that the answer must be "Nothing at all."

What belief there is in me is like wind, ethereal and inconstant. There seems no form to it. Yet even the wind is either pulled from before, or pushed from behind.

What is it that I am drawn to? The only answer that comes to me is: Truth.
"How is it", some will no doubt ask, "that you can know what is true?" My response would be that if you must ask the question, you have either never seen truth, or did not recognize it when it presented itself to you.

What then is Truth?

It is that ONE sliver of actual knowledge which pushes me constantly forward:

There is ONLY God.

Someday, perhaps I will believe that fact as I know it. Until then, belief remains but the wind upon which my words, thoughts and deeds will continue to be blown.

posted April 08, 2004 12:59 PM           

If you were an atheist and you were to ask me, "what is God" after I had stated that "There is only God", then my answer should be self-evident.

It could pose itself as a question:
What isn't God?

It could attempt to pretend that it is an answer:
God is Everything.

Or even:
Everything is God.

Understand that there is a reality which is so mind boggling that it has boggled my mind. It is the knowledge which I, and most of us simply cannot believe: There is no us, I, me, you, we; there is only God.

Imagine that my finger had come to be sentient. Imagine that its self-awareness had obliterated its direct knowledge of its connection to me. Imagine that it was incapable of sensing me directly through its normal senses.

How would you explain to that finger that it was, in fact, not but part of a greater whole? That it was not an individual entity, but a finger?

Furthermore, how do you think it would react if, for a fleeting moment, it were able to GLIMPSE this truth? Do you think its self-awareness would willingly march off into oblivion...embracing its non-existence?

I know that it wouldn't. It would refuse to believe what it knew..that it does not exist as an individual entity. It would go back into its old, comfortable mode of thinking about itself as separate. It would RUN like hell, fighting tooth-and-nail for self-preservation.

Understand, that the minute I believe, truly believe, what I know..."I" ceases to exist.

Yes, it's a paradox. Yes it's practically unfathomable. Yes it could drive a person quite literally insane. My ego is in denial at this point and is clinging to its old comfortable modes of thinking. But it's even more sinister than that.

See, my mind KNOWS how the spirit came to be in control (the event which brought about the 6 hour glimpse into the reality of our existence.)

It knows what it is that it must do to relinquish control to the spirit and regain that bliss. (And it is the MOST blissful, wonderful experience you could ever feel. Better than any physical sensation that you have ever felt...guaranteeed. It is, quite literally, heaven.) But see, the mind doesn't want to relinquish control anymore. It only allowed it the first time, because it had NO idea what it would find on the other side. (Yes, bliss, but also its own eradication.)

So now, it is trying to bury the spirit. It lies, steals, eats like there was no tomorrow. It indulges its impulses and feeds the dragon within. I am quite literally consuming myself spiritually. I am becoming more and more like that material from which this mind and body sprang.

Sometimes I find myself doing these things, with a smile on my face, and tears begin running down my cheeks. The spirit screams inside and its sadness manifests itself on the outside in the form of tears.

How can I demonstrate this knowledge? I cannot. You can only prove or disprove it to yourself. There is no magical formula outside of spiritual endeavor that will bring you to know reality. You must make one leap of faith: that it COULD be true. You must believe that meditation and reflection upon God MIGHT bring you to know something that you could not know otherwise.

You are not asked to draw your conclusions, only to begin your investigation, truly begin it, by taking up practices which are conducive to spiritual understanding. (Exercise, meditation, vegetarianism, suppression of ego, truthfulness, embracing brotherly love and unity.)

If nothing happens, well then, by all means, feel free to condemn spirituality and God as a load of malarky. Still, there is only one sure way to know, and that is to try.

As for "belief" which moves and that which doesn't:

Belief which moves does not rely on the context of the beliefs that surround it in order to stand. It stands alone. An example might be this: I believe that something shouldn't be considered false without evidence that it is false.

An example of a fixed belief, or one which relies upon surrounding beliefs might be this: I cannot believe in a God of whom there is no evidence.

This belief relies upon the belief that all evidence has been gathered. This is, of course a false assumption. It's not that the first belief is not correct. Perhaps there IS no evidence of the existence of God. Yet, to believe that at this point is dependent entirely upon another belief.

Understand that because the former becomes a belief due to its basis upon the latter, it cannot exist apart from the beliefs which support it. It is fixed and tends to fix our perspective in one place.

Those beliefs which stand alone are useful and generally hold true under the light of scrutiny. They move with history and with our understanding. As our experiences change our perspective, these beliefs move with that perspective, and are quite often bolstered.

Sometimes we hold beliefs which appear to stand alone, yet upon finding them patently false, we learn that there WAS a dependence upon supporting beliefs that remained hidden to us until experience revealed them.

I enjoyed your questions very much although, again, I'm not sure that I was capable of answering them to your satisfaction, or even correctly for that matter.

Love,

daf

posted April 08, 2004 09:45 PM         

Regarding another event you alluded to: the "6 hour glimpse". Please elaborate. It sounds as though there is more to that story but I suppose you held back in the last post, given that this is a whole other topic altogther and I imagine you could go on at great length. It may appear that I am prying but really I am just thirsting for knowledge, whatever I think that is. (Again a topic for another post).

When you spoke about smiling all the while crying, knowing that you are in a sense betraying what you believe in for the sake of carrying on with practical, "safe" life, I can relate to you. Lately, it seems that every action I take is subject to immense scrutiny. When I find myself lacking ("lacking" being defined as my spiritual self taking a backseat to material concerns), it seems that the only real solution is to "give it all up". Roam the earth aimlessly, forego any material possessions. But then, there it is again -- the mundane matters of food, shelter, etc. Maybe I am just too scared to see how far I could get along just "winging" it. I haven't quite yet worked up the guts to just chuck it all. Strange sentiment, for a Pisces. Damned Taurus moon must be to blame...

And one last thing. I am currently reading "The Alchemist". The circumstances under which I came to do so are quite telling but I will get into that another time. If you've read it, you will know what I mean when I refer to our dialogue as a sort of "omen" (as far as I am concerned, anyway). Much of what occupies your mind is also on my own (if I may be so bold as to take ownership for a moment here ... I can hardly help it when the idea is built into our way of speaking at present)... and having had the opportunity to discuss and share ideas with you has certainly opened up a few doors of perception, to partially steal a word or two from William Blake.

Oh, last thing - promise. You refer to God almost as a person or entity. I was raised Catholic and am familiar with this way of thinking. But I can't help but question if our idea of "God" is all wrong. I have been puzzling with this question at length, to receive no satisfactory answers.

By the way, what is the sign you were born under? I am curious to know. I suspect a water sign perhaps? Or maybe Virgo figures into the equation somewhere??

posted April 12, 2004 01:30 PM           

I'm Libran(12th house Sun), with a Cancer Moon, Scorpio Ascendant and a stellium in Virgo. So you're right on all counts. (My singleton Saturn is opposite the rest of my planets and is in Aries.)

Here's the chart:

posted April 12, 2004 10:36 PM         

Sun- Pisces
Moon - Taurus
Asc - Virgo
Mercury - Aquarius
Mars- Aquarius
Saturn- Leo
Jupiter - Taurus
Pluto - Libra
Neptune- Sagittarius
Venus - Aries
Uranus - Scorpio

That's 2 waters, 3 earths, 3 airs and 3 fires; 3 mutable, 6 fixed, 2 cardinal. Hmmm, a few too many fixed influences for my own good, maybe.

posted April 13, 2004 12:46 PM           

Love,

posted April 21, 2004 12:22 PM         

I'm new to this site and have been reading alot of the forums and really enjoy the topics that are discussed here. I also love Linda Goodman,and recieved my first copy of Sun Signs when I was 9 years of age,but did not read it until I was 17 years old. I had recieved 3 more copies by then and took it to be a sign that I read this book, the second book ever that I had read in my life. I would have to say that this was my first step on my path, to my core self as I call it.

Your converation on such matters really caught my eye and reminded me of another site that I Just found about a month or so ago. I have found this to be alot like what was being dicussed and his many answers to this questions at hand. I hope you find these lectures of some help and sightful as I. The site is (http://www.pathwork-guide-lectures.info/lectures/lecturesread.htm)

posted April 27, 2004 04:43 PM           

Love,