posted April 27, 2004 05:06 PM           

Sometimes I write letters that are never sent. How many, I couldn't begin to say. This is one of those letters. On a whim, I read it to my dear friend over the phone. She suggested that it be posted and I really couldn't find legitimate grounds to disagree. Here it is:

Forgive me friends,

You once told me that "to whom great things are revealed, much is expected." Would it be premature to assume that these expectations might be unfounded? Is it unrealistic to assume that the unfolding drama has been placed, at least as far as my part is concerned, in unworthy hands?

How can I possibly teach anyone about the path of self-reliance, when I myself am so hopelessly dependent upon the approbation of others? How could they find the strength which lies inside them mirrored anywhere within the weakness of which I reek?

I can hear your wise council already:
"All things will come when it is time."
"Be patient and trust in the Lord."
Wise council indeed. Good council is often wasted on fools, and my impatience labels me as their king. I have so much faith in the Lord and yet so little in myself these days.

How many times must I hear about "his truth" and "their truth" and "my truth", as if belief and truth were synonymous?

When did one's convictions, once properly tolerated, become a substitute for the pure Truth of which only a piece at a time can be glimpsed and, for now, only by a few?

A page of superstitions molded by the moments of our sensual experiences are what pass for "truth" these days. And since each experience is somewhat different from the others, the number of "truths" is so vast and varied a multitude as to make the notion of actual truth a joke among most anymore.

"You believe your way and I'll believe mine", they say.

"You stick YOUR head in the sand and I'll cover mine with dirt." And so it goes...

Meanwhile..I spout the latest of MY delusions as if it were the sum of all knowledge, knowing full well that tomorrows revelations will sweep them away, replacing black with white in my all-too-feeble mind. Still, they have not seen the signs that mark the gift of my sporadic understanding.

Why is this blessing so reminiscent of a curse sometimes?

Why was my chart marked with those signs?

Why is the numerology of my birth so branded if I am to do nothing with it but walk around with the blind in the dark, screaming into the wind?

I'm being unfair, of course. He has sent me the two of you for comfort, among others. I'm not sure if the weight of these secrets would have been bearable without you two to talk to. You know and you understand, (even if the material has been unintelligible at times, as I was able to deliver it.) How may I deliver it intelligibly? Can I? Will I?

There is a great message echoed at Lindaland by so many, yet each clings to the bits and pieces of their beliefs that are just unimportant enough to matter too much.

What IS the message?

The term for it, qiksilver, I believe, is satori. It is a brief glimpse of nirvana, heaven, Christ-consciousness, bliss or samadhi. It is not actual UNION with God, because it goes away. I believe the Sufi have another word for it...they call it a hal. For six hours, I knew it, felt it, lived it. I would know it again...permanently.

See, that's the painful truth of it all; I want it so badly that I can think of little else, yet the wanting is part of what keeps me from having it again. Six hours in heaven paid for with months, who knows, maybe years in a hell of my own making. They're right you know: Ignorance is closer to bliss than temporary bliss is.

That's right, my friend, I saw it. It's real. Jesus wasn't wrong, Buddha wasn't wrong and neither were any of those seemingly crazy swamis.

Heaven is real, and I've been there.

I believe that we can ALL get there eventually. The trick lies in following practices that lessen the body's hold over the mind and the mind's hold over the spirit.

This is not a theological notion or my personal philosophy. Nor is it delusional wishful thinking. It's as real as real can be.

Reduce desire, focus on intuition, reduce consumption, foster love in your heart and mind. Release the material things, rebuke the ego and you will find God. Walk, look, listen and learn; every moment is a teacher.

Do these things and, in time, you will find the kingdom of heaven, because it is not a resting place for the dead, but the natural home of the living.

I will try to recall everything that I did to get there, then I will share that information with you.

Love,

posted April 27, 2004 06:39 PM         

I see my self being tempted to quote you...
Don't worry I always credit my sources

Love,
Amber

posted April 27, 2004 06:48 PM         

quote:

---

Reduce desire, focus on intuition, reduce consumption, foster love in your heart and mind. Release the material things, rebuke the ego and you will find God. Walk, look, listen and learn; every moment is a teacher.

---

juniperb

posted April 27, 2004 11:37 PM         

I am aware that my truth is not The Truth. But as a wise man once said, "true piety is acting what one knows". What I "know" changes as I change and learn and grow. All I can do is follow the highest truth I know at any given moment. That will lead me to The Truth. Slowly but surely, the Mother and Father who art in Heaven will guide my steps home.

posted May 03, 2004 01:58 PM           

Thank you for your kind words. I'm sure that if you looked hard enough, you could find better words to express whatever it was that you enjoyed. If you like, however, feel free to quote anything that I write..yes, I do believe the ego would like that. Thanks

purplezen,

Thank you very much. I too wish that I could write. What I really knows how to do is talk too much, and unfortunately, I don't carry a tape recorder with me half as often as I should. So, of the volumes that spew forth from this incessant diarreah of the mind, it is only the occasional bit of corn that I am able to skewer on the end of a pencil.

Tink,

Yes..quite miserable. A friend has given me an assignment to try and take my mind off of the years of waiting that I don't wish to do.
I'm supposed to gather all of my writing into one place. What I don't understand is whether the picture that will develop is the me I was and am, or only the parts of me that I would keep. Thank you so much for your gentle words..

And you juni..are still and always a good friend..shiny & trew.

Love,

posted May 10, 2004 04:29 PM           

Love,