posted May 13, 2004 08:04 PM         

Ever since I was a child, as far back as I can remember, I have had "moods". These "moods" (I do not know what else to call them) seem different from what I perceive as normal emotions. They are a complete coloring of my emotional self, much the way every hue in a photograph is changed by the addition of a colored lens to the camera. The feelings seem akin to nostalgia or deja vu, and carry with them a sense of importance, as though I am not aware of something that I should be aware of. These feelings are also very strong, and overwhelm anything I might have been feeling just prior. There are several different moods, each distinct and recognizable (though I have never thought of naming them or cataloguing them in an orderly fashion). When one comes over me, there is a feeling of "Ah, THIS again!" They are usually, though not always, triggered by something external. (Perhaps the ones that seem to blossom from nowhere are actually triggered but I do not recognize it?) One trigger is a certain type of sunset, the kind that makes long shadows and causes windows to appear as blinding sheets of gold light. This occurs especially when I see long shadows thrown upon the grass. Another is overcast, cloudy, gray days -- rain optional. Another is the freeway at night. It is difficult to describe the moods themselves, for they are wordless emotional experiences. The nearest words are bittersweet, melancholy, nostalgic, mystical, and wonderment. But, and this seems important, I do not experience them as negative in any way. In fact, I enjoy them. But what do they mean?

posted May 13, 2004 08:37 PM         

The Light exists in all things.

I can't help you interpret your 'moods,' but I would say continue to be aware of them, try to bring them closer to the surface for better understanding, more clarity of purpose. You are the one who can best understand your own self. What do you think your moods mean?

posted May 14, 2004 03:59 PM           

You might start looking at the people that you are coming into contact with shortly before these moods manifest themselves. It is quite possible to "catch" a spiritual bug.

Love and light,

posted May 18, 2004 01:53 PM         

Yes, it's difficult to describe. I have always assumed I brushed up against a "memory" of something from somewhere else. I feel like me, but I sense it's not necessarily this lifetime. It's never been scary, though.

I once asked my Mom about one of those "spells", and it really shook her up. It had happened while she was about 5 mos pregnant, and she's NEVER talked about it. But I hit it spot on. I guess I WAS there.

I don't pursue these particularly. The scenes stay the same, and don't change much, so I assume (yes, I know what it means!)
it's not a lesson, per se, just a reminder.

And yes, I am a water baby, too, for whatever it's worth.

posted May 18, 2004 03:12 PM         

These slides were very brief, just a second in time. And they afforded me only a glimpse into what I perceived to be a parallel life. People were different, the lifestyle was different, I didn't really recognize anything. It was a poorer life than my own. Nor did I recognize myself, I guess I acknowledged something that seemed to be essentially true about this little 'mini-vision.'

Was it real? Couldn't tell you for sure. It didn't particularly appeal to me to try to see further into it.

posted May 27, 2004 03:02 AM         

These are just some of the feelings and emotions that those who are REALLY CONNECTED experience. I know exactly how it feels, cause I feel it too. I felt those so called moods all my life. We are not alone.

Please read Emily Dickinson's selected poems. She writes most extensively on this very theme. Read the following:

There's a certain slant of light.
A light exsists in spring.
The souls storm.
The Master.

Sometimes the soul stirs us in very mysterious ways.

posted May 27, 2004 10:48 AM         

A facinating string! .."bittersweet, melancholy, nostalgic, mystical, and wonderment." !!

Fantastic words to describe it

It's so interesting to me too because I have these strange 'moods' too about certain places / times.. some are dejavu - like.. with me it's whenever I'm around old grand buildings (rare) but even when I see them on TV. The gardens, the atmos in the rooms.. residual energy and 'memory' maybe it is them that create the moods? Like I was there before in a similar circumstance. I always have a twinge of heartache and innocence with that too - like in Gooberz when Linda describes the beauty of the storm - ooo.. storms too..

When I was about 3 / 4 / 5.. I had what I used to call nightmares because I couldn't describe what they were. It was kinda when the darkness seemed to oooze around me when I went to sleep and make me slightly dizzy. I was awake but used to wake with a jolt.. Oh my you've just made me remember something else..

Let me gather my thoughts (at work y'see) and will get back to ya. Gia, liked the Mastercard of the Soul thing - I'm a sucker for good descriptions since they fail me most of the time.. too much of a feelings person!

Sp x

posted May 27, 2004 11:47 AM         

Paras, I read carefully what you shared in the first post and the words "nostalgia or deja vu" resonated with me strongly. I too, have had this experience periodically; beginning in my childhood around the age of 6 or so. One of the earliest, and most recurring triggers for me has been a cool Fall day at dusk, being outside alone with Nature, listening to the leaves rustle as the wind carries them to the ground. There is no "sunset" as it is overcast, but not rainy. The crisp, yet not cold air has a distinct scent, not unpleasant. Again using some of your words (very accurate ones I might add) I simultaneously feel melancholy, nostalgic, mystical.
I enjoy them too, and do not perceive them as negative.

Oh, I like sunny Fall days too...the fresh clean air and brilliant colors are invigorating to me; just as a sun-filled, flower-scented, birdsong-dominated Spring day is inspiring to me. They make me breathe in deeply and smile. But that's surface emotion. The day(s) I described earlier ^ stir(s) something much deeper within me, yet AT THE SAME TIME still(s) my spirit. I don't know if that makes sense; it's the only way I can describe it.

I have pretty much always felt that when this happens (and I only described one that is prominent), I am having a past life memory. It is a "feeling" that goes beyond emotions; more a knowing and sensing that just IS...that I'm connected with something/someOne (?) VAST. Even while I may have that feeling of melancholy, I feel a quiet kind of awe, too. Hey! I just realized: M-E-L-A-N-C-H-O-L-Y has ME and HOLY in it. Food for thought.

Anyway, that is just my take on it. It's possible that any/all who experience and comprehend whatever this is, could perceive its meaning in their own unique way; and perhaps that is as it should be, as evidenced by all the fascinating other responses I've read here.

posted May 27, 2004 12:57 PM         

What Paras had reminded me of is a bit strange to describe, but isn't a one off, so thought I'd describe it and see if anyone gets it..

When I'm sleeping I sometimes get - not as much as when I was younger (teens) but still occurs - a 'dream' which is very real about me fighting an evil - thing / presense, and it takes over my dream with dark feelings, not images, just a horrible sense of being trapped - and the only way to release myself from this is to pray. It's not like I think about it either, it's something I start to do, always Lord's Prayer, then Hail Mary repeatedly, then I'm unstuck.

Once when I've woken with a jolt in a cold sweat, having 'dreamt' about moving in my sleep, the alarm going off and my dad calling me to wake for school, but none of those things had happened since I woke at 6am to silence and in a different position.

The odd thing was that as I woke I was shivering violently - not from cold, but it was like extreme pins and needles surging through my body, and literally shaking me awake for oh.. some minutes, and as waking I saw a huge light with hands parting for me in all different colours to reveal the sun, moon and stars..

This did happen - I know it wasn't a vaugue dream since I was awake - and the shivering / shaking awake thing whilst waking happens alot, specially when I have the dark dreams..

I would appreciate any suggestions, or experiences to that! Odd I know but I've been inspired to say what's on my mind in Lindaland! 18:00.. it's that time again!..

Thank you!

posted May 27, 2004 09:57 PM         

I suspected that my experience was not unique, and I am glad to have heard from you who also feel these deep stirrings.

Thanks for the tip, Dafreman. I will keep it in mind. But it really seems that these feelings are connected to the Earth or to the atmosphere rather than to people.

Trillian, your experiences are so specific... and seem to me so interesting... how you could not feel an urge to explore them further is beyond me! The curiosity would eat me alive.

Gia, when you quoted Emily Dickinson -- "there's a certain slant of light" -- I felt it! That is it, exactly! I suppose I will have to find and read some Emily Dickinson. I never have before.

posted May 28, 2004 01:30 AM         

Everything is connected with everything else. Everywhere. We live in a multi-dimensional space. These dimensions are indeed very REAL although, they are not normally seen or felt continually with the exception of perhaps a few. Interesting to note, remote viewing training is changing that and infra red technology making SOME of it more visable.

Our brains construct objective reality by using interpretations of frequencies from these projected dimensions. Things manifest, are felt, seen, or heard when these frequecies vibrate in a similar fashion to our own. Sometimes it's good stuff and sometimes it's really bad. On a positive note, it is not possible for something bad to take hold of you for long, or in a permanent fashion unless you somehow match it's frequency constantly. It can try, but it's rare.

Twin Lady, you were spot on with your lexi. It also has H O L Y N A M E
We must think about how the HOLY communicates to MAN - ONLY through our feelings and emotions. Lots of clues to guide you.

Paras.

This is for you.

There's a certain slant of light,
On winter afternoons,
That oppresses like the weight
Of cathedral tunes.

HEAVENLY hurt it gives us,
We can find no scar,
But INTERNAL difference where meanings ARE.

None can teach it,
Tis the seal of dispair -
An imperial affliction sent us of the air.

When it comes, the landscape LISTENS,
SHADOWS hold their breath,
When it goes tis like the distance
On the look of death.
---------------
I hope you enjoy reading Emily. I'm a great big fan.

posted May 28, 2004 02:26 AM         

Noted you were another fellow Brit.

I'm a Saggi girl too. 12.18.59 - born in Athens Greece - not sure of the time but have a feeling it was the wee hours of the morning. I'm the only one in my family to be born in Greece - yet another really weird story.

I now live in California after spending years travelling around living in other countries. I love the mountains of California and I guess the natives are friendly enough.

I did fly back last summer for eight weeks. Had a fab time visiting my old haunts, and scoffing my face with scones. Thank goodness it's only once a year!

Nice meeting you. Good luck with the move.

posted May 28, 2004 07:47 AM         

How ya doin' today? Kinda a relief that someone else had the same thing - even tho' it isn't pleasant. However isn't it cool finding people can relate - I hope you're more at ease with this. I for one, am very glad you posted this!

I'm not sure what sign you were, soz if it's in another thread, didn't catch it x x

==========================================

Gia!

You're so insightful in the way you write. I believe that everything is connected (one) too, and find signs to prove this (to myself - since some won't always see it)! I love the Emily Dickinson quote and love finding parallels in poetry, whether the writer knows it's there or not!

Always good to know of a Brit on Lindaland! Sounds like you have a fab time, travelling - true Sag style!

I am from everywhere - and kinda want to live everywhere too. I'm mixed with Spanish, Dutch, Polish, Irish amoungst things and was born in India (in the wee hours too methinks). My g'dad was in the british army over there and subsiquently some of my family was raised there, although I came to England at a few months old. So many weird stories in my life!

I'd love to go to California, my uncle lives in San Fran at the mo and keep meaning to visit - will have to let you know if I do!

Thanks for wishing me luck with the move I will post how that goes on Tuesday.

Don't get me started on scones - used to live in the country (Gomshall near Guildford?) and loved going to the mill there which did exquiste cream teas!!

Are you originally Greek then? I'd love to know your 'weird story' when you have time!

Ooo it's lunchtime and makin' myself hungry.

Bye for now!

Sp

posted May 28, 2004 01:03 PM         

Gomshall Mill. I used to OWN it. I actually owned the lease for years, but also managed the whole place before that for years too!

I could tell you stories about Gomshall Mill that would make your hair curl on end. I converted the office upstairs into a studio apartment to save me the journey to my house which was about an hour and a half away in Rye.

Special, I saw things and experienced stuff at G.Mill right out of a Stephen King book. My goodness even the local fire and police were scared to go into the place alone. They'd wait outside until I'd finished. Got to say with the exception of once, I never felt personally threatened in any way. I always felt quite safe and knew I could keep it in control by simply not allowing IT to control me.

One night the alarms went off in the wee hours of the morning. It happened all the time, however just in case of burglars I went to investigate. I stood in the upstairs store and watched stock flying about the place on it's own, teddies, books, stuffed animals, flying over my head and everything. Ever seen a huge stuffed elephant doing a pirouette in mid air? It was really quite amusing. The police guy looked at me in a total daze. I'm not quite sure what he wrote down in his report. I think just false alarm.

In the kitchen, the coffee pot would make coffee on it's own. I sure could use one of those right now. It was so convenient. Funnily enough, it would stop doing that on my days off. Everyone would complain that it only made coffee for the boss. I swear to God I'm not exaggerating it.

Just for the those who don't know, Gomshall Mill is a converted water mill built over the Tillingbourne river. The old mill is well over a thousand years old and still standing intact. It is one of only five in the world with TWO INTERNAL water wheels inside that still work. Well one didn't at first but we restored it. The mill is mentioned many times in the ancient Doomsday Book. Remember the television programme 'Tomorrows World' Special? Well some of the crew were with us throughout the restoration process.

It's very haunted. We found the skeletons of two children under the big wheel shaft. It was run by monks in the dark ages who used children from the local poor house to do the work. Hard work, grinding corn using enormous stones that are stiill in place today. They were treated badly. I helped as much as I possibly could. They were either thrown, or they fell down whilst been chased. I could never get the whole story out of them.

I had prayers said for the kids and just left them where they were. They are both fine. I know cause they followed me home once and we had a long chat. We often heard the children crying, but after we made the upstairs store into a toy shop we'd hear lots of giggling and laughter too. I miss it so much. I had great clientel, Eric Clapton, Cliff Richard, just to name but a few.

As for scones, yes we baked thousands of them every week in our own baking kitchens. Mandy was our baker and she was wonderful.

Small world isn't it? Glad you liked our cream teas. Gomshall Mill is owned by an American style restuarant chain now. Shame. It's not the same. Keep thinking I'll buy it back one day if ever I go back to the UK. It's the only place in the world I'm emotionally attached to, otherwise, I have no roots.

I was born on a British military base. My father is Greek. My mother was having emergency heart valve surgery during my birth. Not common in 1959! I was born at 7 months, actually induced to try and save my mothers life, and according to my family I was born absolutely dead. I was taken to a mortuary where they left me alone for hours. When they came back to view my body to say goodbye, they found me miraculously alive. Years later I would visit an indian holy man who kindly did my vedic chart. He told me later he checked it three times cause he was certain some kind of mistake had been made. I told him nothing at all about my weird birth but he knew I was born dead. He then concluded God sent back for a reason. My hubby says it's to drive him nuts!

Please keep in touch Special.

Love & blessings,

posted June 03, 2004 11:43 AM         

So many coincidences have happened recently - I almost expected it!!

Sorry I have't replied but been so busy with work and the move I've only just managed to log in properly!

So amazing you used to own Gomshall Mill!!? I loved it there - the gift shop and everything.. you know I think about it I think you did speak to us once - my dad speaks to almost everyone when family was visiting - have this faint memory of talking to management about something - good! When we were eating??.. Oh but it's been ages since we used this posting so will make sure you know about it before I go on!!