posted July 15, 2004 09:34 AM         

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
* The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary
to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
* The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
* Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
* The public buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
* You drink wine.
* You make love.
* You sleep the afternoon away.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them WorldWide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A SWISS CORPORATION
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.

Ahh the daftness.