posted October 03, 2004 04:48 PM         

I called her up a bit ago, and she cried for a moment, told me her beloved cat is dying, he hasn't eaten for several days and is very thin. He's elderly, probably about 15 years old.

I asked if she'd taken him to the Vet. She said no, and she wasn't going to. That she promised the cat she'd never take him there again. I got p*ssed off, said how do you know he's dying if you haven't taken him to the Vet. This went back and forth, you can imagine the argument. She said "I hate doctors, I don't go to doctors at the drop of a hat...etc." I said "I know, you've told me that a gazillion times. But this isn't your life, it's his. You have no idea whether they can do something for him or not."

She said she doesn't need a doctor to know he's dying, there's nothing they can do for him anyway. And that when they decided on another plane to be life partners, he chose someone who wouldn't take him to a doctor. I said I couldn't believe she was fighting for him to die.

*sigh*

In some ways I suppose she's right. But I also suspect she doesn't have or want to spend the money on doctors.

But I'm angry. And at the point that I may decide to discontinue our friendship. Aries anger, by tomorrow I may feel differently. But...she's always been a negative person, and over the past year her negativity has brought me down more and more.

So the conundrum is...do I continue the friendship. I dunno. I'm probably one of the last friends she has.

Anyway, I needed to get this off my chest. I don't know what I'll do with it.

Thanks for listening, to whomever might read this string.

posted October 03, 2004 05:02 PM         

hello! I am sorry about the misunderstanding/argument/fight with your dear friend.

For the record, I am a HUGE animal lover.

I respect your friend's decision not take her cat to the veterinarian, though if it was my own pet, I would be there in a heartbeat; and I think you understand that from what you wrote!

I think it is selfish for a person not to take an ill animal to the vet, and ridiculous to compare her own desire to not see doctors to when her cat needs to see one. However, she is the cat's "owner" and sometimes we have to take a back seat to what the "owners" want and just hope that they know what is best because they know, love and understand their pets better than we as outsiders do. Frustrating as it is, you are caught in the outsider's world and you have let her know how you feel and it seems as though that is all you can do at this point.

I respect you greatly for letting her know the *right* thing to do, by the way...

I always think that I am above judging someone by the way he/she treats others, whether it is a friend, a family member, even someone as "small" as a waiter at a restaurant or as "insignificant" as a checkout person at a grocery store.

But you can tell very much about a person by the way he/she treats others, and that does include those under his/her care, like a cat... Money, and of course I am speaking as a Pisces person, to whom finances are just a big headache and dollar$ and cent$ are fleeting matters that serve to annoy, should be spent on helping others, especially pets under our care! Having a cat is a lifetime responsibility, whether it's one year or 15 years...

Whether you choose to discontinue your friendship with her is your choice, but again, I think you are fantastic to have let her know just how you feel about this situation.

Animals need us to speak up on their behalf. They can't tell us what's wrong, after all, and depend on vets to figure out the problem and assist!

I hope for the best for you, trillian, for your friend and most of all for the cat!

posted October 03, 2004 05:46 PM         

Owners do not want to believe that their cherished loved one is dying. Even if they feel it in their hearts, to confirm it soldifies the pain. The vet will tell them exactly what they do not want to hear -" your best friend is dying. "

The next thing they will hear is "there may be a chance to save them".

What does that truly mean? It means you hold out hope, you dream of some miracle cure that your loved one will be okay. In your heart you know, you know that they will not be okay and that you are just prolonging the inevitable. You feel guilty if you do not opt for heroics, if you do not spend the money on the chemo OR you go overboard and allow a 21 year old cat to live a terrible life in a cage with feeding tubes sticking out of her belly. (This was an actual case that I worked with as a tech - it was heartbreaking).

On the other hand, maybe the cat has something simple, like an obstruction that can be easily removed or an abscessed tooth that can be taken out.

Tril, maybe call your friend again. Tell her you understand her pain, but ask her if she is prepared for the guilt if her cat is only suffering from a rotten tooth and dies as a result.

Find out why she is so afraid or why she feels her cat is so afraid.

My own Siamese had Cancer. I knew she had it from her blood results. I opted for minimal care - to me it was the quality of life that mattered. I could have put Sherlock through rounds of hospitalization and chemo or let her enjoy her last few months with me. She died peacefully in her sleep. If she had begun to suffer I would have had her euthanized.

posted October 03, 2004 07:04 PM         

For many weeks now, I've been 24-hour nurse to my dog. There was a time recently when he didn't eat for 4 days. I took him in to the vet, he gave him a shot of intestestinal antibiotic, and that did the trick. Still, he's not back to his regular eating patterns as he only prefers roasted chicken and sliced pork fed to him slowly by hand, in little pieces.

posted October 04, 2004 09:54 AM         

Karen, I too try to be above judging people about a lot of things, but this one is tough for me. It may be nearly impossible to be human and at the same time be non-judgemental. Like you, my friend is a Pisces but with her Moon in Scorpio, and my goodness but she has the sting of the scorpion. Thank you for your kind words.

Pid, you may be right at least to an extent. And I personally would completely understand NOT opting for the heroics of which you speak. I don't see the good in artificially prolonging the life of a pet, when there is no quality to that life. What I don't understand is...that she has become convinced in her mind that it is cancer, and she won't take him to find out if there might be something wrong. She just says "He's old, he has cancer, I know it, there's nothing they can do for him."

Meanwhile, when we spoke yesterday, he hadn't eaten in 3 days. I can't see how letting him starve to death, possibly slowly, is the kindest choice.

Wordweaver, therein lies the rub. I don't know how to respect a decision to let her cat die like that.

I don't know if I will call her or not. I'm finding it very hard to be compassionate about the impending death of her beautiful Siamese cat...without imposing my belief that there might be something she can do for him. I may be unkind right now if I were to speak to her.

But you have given me much food for thought. Thank you all and bless you.

posted October 04, 2004 11:23 AM         

I have a friend I've been friends with for about 15 years. She considers me her best friend. I let her... but she's NOT my best friend (sounds kinda like grade school crap, I know). Anyhow... she's very very negative. Always putting people down, talking about bad things that have happened to her... never good news, never complimenting people. It's hard for me to take. Sometimes I b*tch her out for it because I just can't take it anymore. Honestly, often she get's on my last damn nerve. BUT she is one of the most loyal friends I have. She would be there for me if I called for her at any time of day (or night). She would never let me down.

That being said, I don't think it's a good idea to discontinue the friendship over this disagreement. I don't know how close of friends the two of you are... but worst case, maybe you should re-evaluate the level of your friendship. She doesn't have to be your BEST friend, nor do you have to be hers. Decent friends are kinda hard to come by. I've only got a few myself. The rest are just good time friends. They come around to have fun, but wouldn't go out of their way to help me out like my close friends. I appreciate my good time friends, BUT I just know they are not dependable. I know not to call them if I need anything because chances are they will let me down.