posted December 16, 2004 08:25 PM         

I'm so full of things. Bursting at the seams of my mind. I want to do so much, you have no idea, and I think so much, and it's just... I see the top of the mountain, and it's this place where I want to be, and where sometimes I can see so clearly, but at others, usually when I'm around people that make me feel like a toddler, it's completely out of view and I feel like I'm at the foot of Mount Everest. I feel like a genius, but then when I'm around real ones I see that I'm really not and that I'm more of a clumsy fool. My words are weak when I don't feel secure, and I look like a helpless little girl who doesn't know anything about the world. And I want to. I don't want to be 'anyone', I want to be. I've understood that the only way I'm going to make any sort of mark on the world is by being new, and by being me, a human being, not some sweet drape. I've always noticed that the most interesting people in life are the ones that have had the most personal problems. Isn't that something? They have so many conflictions, and it builds up so much character in them. I hate people who are just nice, but not in the sincere way (most of you are ). I love people that talk straight. They don't give you any bullsh*ting. But I also hate people that are so freaking dramatic and think that life is a constant switchblade fight. Grow up, dumb*ss, the only person that's making your life difficult is yourself.

People just have to be what they were meant to be and stop straying off from the path so much to false idols that they think are going to give them happiness when the only path is the easiest one, that to yourself. We're robots. My generation freaking makes me want to visit a vomitorium, I hate it. We're mass consumers in every meaning of the phrase- all we want is wantwantwant, no time to stop and think and remember about those around and we all just die and it's horrible. No one's learning, and I want them to, because they don't WANT to. See? There's the want again. Why don't I just not care, and go onto my own enlightenment and live off in some peak in the Himalayas? Because I can't do that, what's the purpose if I don't help a change? Imagine there's no countries, and no religions too- why do we have to Imagine? Because we're such lazy f*cks that aren't able to think anything greater than "oh, a sweet song." Thinking has totally lost its meaning, and schools do nothing but waste their time beating things into people that are never going to learn and killing those that already know and that are miles ahead. They degrade the few real teachers out there that do live up to what they were meant to be. No one does anything new anymore, because we're done with thinking about no ideas unless they'll earn us a lot of cash or trim our wastelines.

And I'm so freaking arrogant, it's disgusting.

Okay, your turn now =).

posted December 16, 2004 10:49 PM         

I think I know what you're saying, though. It's almost a feeling like having all or most of the pieces to a puzzle, but no box with a picture to figure out how it all goes together. And it does seem sometimes like the ones who "know" things are the ones who are the most ridiculed. That's one reason why I like Lindaland so much... it's a place where I can find other people who "know" as well, and lots of people who know so much more than I do.

I find it difficult to find people who deal with life in any depth. Like they live for today, they live for their paycheck, they live for the wedding, the 2.5 kids, retirement, then death. And that's life! And these people usually find me a little bit "crazy." My friends love me, but they all think I'm a little weird for my spiritual/astrological/philosophical beliefs and the way I live my life. They find me eccentric. But really I don't feel eccentric. I've always wondered to myself, "Where are my people?" I think I've hit the jackpot here!

So, I suppose in keeping with the original topic, if I have a rant, this is what it would be: for those who don't know but think they know so much better to leave me the h*ll alone to live my own life. I don't interfere with theirs or make judgements. But I'm an easy target for people who like to judge because I live just a little bit outside the "norm."

posted December 17, 2004 01:14 AM         

Also I helped my BF go from Atheist to semi spriritual and treat puppies better (don't ask), and just had a deep discussion with Roommate leaving her very inspired and inquisitive..she may be joining us (which was a synchronistic happening for me Not that I want followers, I told them not to believe me unless it felt right and I didn't pressure them. I like to think of myself as an inspiration to others and part of progressive thinkers of this New Age. Let's join together and spread Love and Light to the world, who can resist that? Sorry its my Leo passion for giving advice rearing its head in the wrong forum...back to ranting 1 2 3 and go..LOL

posted December 17, 2004 02:07 AM         

I'm really sick of people who never take responsibility for their own actions, the perpetual victims!! When you hate to see them coming cause you know it's gonna be another "poor me" story. Have had to make a few hard choices as far as friends go due to this, finally had to decide they were just pulling me down, then had to deal with their hurt and sense of rejection, "See? Life's doing it to me again!"

I'm also very upset that my nearest dearest psychic friend is for some reason in the thralls of an abusive man. She's left him numerous times in the last year, (so I hope she's at least making progress) but always ends up back there. (Alcohol's also in that mix) Why can't she see? I'm losing my best friend to awful negative forces... So afraid for her soul...

Must be some heavy karma there, I've always seen her as one of the most spiritually evolved people I know. I guess I'm the most angry with those malignant entities who dare to hurt the ones I love, to exploit their trust and vulnerability for their selfish ego boost?

I'm the most at the greedy politicians and businessmen who don't give give a cr*p about our planet's and children's future in their mad lust for power and monetary gain!!!

posted December 17, 2004 02:45 AM         

right now I am so angry, hurt, scared at how much power I see some people exude over others on purpose to get whatever sick satisfaction out of it they want. I am constantly watching things turn for the worst in my house. I live with my parents still. They are both abusive in various ways. I've done A LOT of research on this. And the more that goes on here, the more I research the more I just cannot handle how these people KNOW what they are doing!!! ANd it is intensely scary and incredibly hurtful and can leave scars so deep. i'm talking more about verbal/emotional/mental abuse than physical. I can't even imagine why someone would walk around the house full of people they are supposed to love and be bullying, arrogant, egotistical, overbearing, and be incredibly sarcastic and mean just to begin another arguement because the person gets satisfaction out of it in some way. It's incredibly sickening.

I'm also completely angry that I now have to change my goals from having a solid foundation to work on changes in my life towards what I really really want bad, like potentially going back to school to focusing all of my energy on trying to find an apartment ASAP to get away from them(and trying to find a full time job ASAP). I know some people could say I should have already done this as I'm 22 years old, but I just got back from college so I'm starting over pretty much.

Abusive behavior is just simply the most disgusting, disturbing, frightening thing I've ever had to experience in this entire world.