posted March 16, 2005 02:10 PM         

The Clean poo:
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

The Wet Poo:
You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So yo end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

The Wet Cheeks Poo:
That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water, or splash-back.

The Second Wave Poo:
This poo happens when you think you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poo some more.

The Brain Haemorrahage-through-your-nose Poo:
You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Lincoln Log Log-
The kind of poo that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Power Dump Poo:
The kind that comes out so fast, you've barely got your pants down and you're done.

The Liquid Plumber Poo:
This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poo.

The Spinal Tap Poo:
The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

The 'I-think-I'm-turning-into-a-bunny' Poo:
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splishy sounds when they hit the water.

The 'What-the-hell-died-in-here' Poo:
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

posted March 16, 2005 06:10 PM         

Ever see the South Park episode when Cartman discovered that if you shove food up your poop-shoot, you would actually poo out of your mouth instead? Then, everyone in the town thought this was a great idea, because they wouldn't have to go sit on the crapper anymore, they could just grab a bag or go to the garbage and "BLAAAHHHH" out comes the poop from their mouths? Yeah, it was really sick, but I'm ashamed to say, it was quite funny too.

Ok, if I HAD TO - mashed up with LARGE amounts of pickled beets - really vinegary and strong pickled beets.

Nah, I'd choose the other option instead. Death. It would kill you anyway. Poo is toxic, you know. E-coli, salmonella and 18 bajillion other bacteria....you'd be a goner in about 3 days. I'd say "just kill me now, ok? Thanks. "

posted March 17, 2005 06:24 PM         

If I had to eat poo..I would like for it to be mouse poo (small, easy to digest and full of grains). I would sprinkle it on strong coffee flavored ice cream and pretend the poo was little morsals of chocolate heaven.

Then I would hope I didn't enjoy it..or else I would have to raise mice for their poo...

Or I would prefer to have a cold, where I couldn't smell a thing, because then a poo sandwich would not be so bad

LMAO

posted March 17, 2005 06:27 PM         

Fine....I would eat it frozen with dark chocolate sauce (anything warm will heighten the smell..it is the little sulfur dudes within the poo..that is also why poo smells worse when it hits the toliet water...the water activates the stinkoids)

posted March 17, 2005 09:44 PM         

I wouldnt eat poo unless someone i love's life depended on it.

If I was given a poo chaser it would be a whole effin bottle of Cuervo.

My Capricorn moon makes me answer this seriously.

posted March 18, 2005 04:50 AM         

and it just split right in two pieces!