Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 18, 2005 02:34 AM         

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my ex is in the city and wants to meet me..
so far he sent me 20 mails but i didnt respond to any.
he says he wanted to meet me and things like that.
he's forwarding all the mails i sent him over the years.
i feel a panic attack..
i just dont love him anymore..
i thought he'll understand it by my indifference..
i am afraid if he'll find out my whereabouts and try to meet me

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Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004

posted April 18, 2005 02:48 AM         

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Why are you scared?
You don't have to meet him.
Sounds like he really wants to, and you have moved on.
Do what you think is right- maybe tell him you don't want to see him, and that's that.
But be calm, rational and strong SweetLibra.

Hope you're ok.

------------------
"And dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"-- Linda Goodman's Star Signs

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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 18, 2005 05:06 AM         

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thanks sunchild
i am ok except for these butterflies in stomach..

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Posts: 210
From: I wanna be where you are
Registered: Jan 2005

posted April 18, 2005 06:45 AM         

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SweetLibra,

Panic attacks arise when you're not sure whether to 'fight' or to 'fly'.

Is a part of you considering meeting up with him?

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Posts: 9809
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 18, 2005 09:22 AM         

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I wouldn't go meet with him! You sound like you really don't want to. What I'm concerned about is do you have reason to be afraid of him? He won't try and hurt you or anything will he? I hope that is not the case. My ex-husbands were scary and tried to get me back, and then got really weird when I refused. I understand, I hope it helps.

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Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted April 18, 2005 09:29 AM         

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It sounds like you should stay away! My ex-got very weird when I left him. And he was scary! Just trust your instincts!

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Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted April 18, 2005 09:39 AM         

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Ditto Ditto Ditto xxx

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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 19, 2005 01:07 AM         

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today he came to my office as i feared and made a scene there
now sending harsh mails
its really mental torture

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Posts: 1768
From: UK
Registered: Aug 2003

posted April 19, 2005 08:46 AM         

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SweetLibra,
If you mean emails then I think that you can block mail from his address. Thats horrid that he made a scene at your office.

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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 20, 2005 05:01 AM         

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I cant block his email as we have to settle some finacial debts..
He's calling at my office phone (does not know my mobile number) and sending mails asking me to list out his sins for which i left him..
His reason being he can correct his mistakes in the next relationship..!
I really dont want to start a blame game.
It wont fetch both of us any good.
Seems like he wanted a reason to hate me.
Its all a very unpleasant experience for me

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Posts: 9809
From: Still out looking for Schrödinger's cat. fayte1954@hotmail.com
Registered: Mar 2005

posted April 20, 2005 07:22 AM         

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Get a lawyer to settle the financial part if you can. You are right, it does not seem like a good idea to meet and talk to him. Keep giving us updates ok?
Take care.
fayte

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Posts: 1142
From: The Ocean
Registered: Jul 2003

posted April 20, 2005 08:01 AM         

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I've had a similar prob.. it can be mental torture with the emails and the rude msgs. Whatever you do don't talk to him. You shouldn't be scared, bullies are usually all talk.. I doubt he'd do anything. It's pretty horrible when it happens. It's strange how hard it is to brake away and not give in to it, when someone plays mind games (my ex was pretty good at that) I'd try to get the financial part sorted with a lawyer like Fayte said.. If it scares you and makes you feel bad its obviously not healthy to keep talking to him, even if its just finances.. To me it's harrasment - I didn't realise that at the time, when it was happening to me.. But 20 emails and constantly bugging someone IS harrasment. If it gets to a point where he goes over your place or something I'd put a restraining order on him.. better safe than sorry

I blocked my ex on email and got a new mob no. He reminds me of jellyfish.. So emotionaly draining, seriously don't talk to him - just my opinion

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Posts: 2681
From: ohio
Registered: Aug 2004

posted April 20, 2005 10:41 AM         

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SweetLibra,

He is not showing any respect for you or your boundaries. If he has issues he wants to settle with you, he should take more appropriate measures. Just be sure that you don't let him away with nasty behavior just because you owe him money. (If you owe him money... I wasn't sure.) And don't be afraid to call the police at the first sign of aggression. And then stick to it. I've been in an awful situation with my son's father for the last 2 1/2 years because I didn't follow through the first time I called the police on his. I'm still paying for that!

Take care, and know that we are here for you. This can be a very scary situation, but remember that even if you feel helpless, you're not. Please keep us posted.

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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 21, 2005 01:18 AM         

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luckily today there are no mails from ex.
Irony is that he accuses me of cheap behaviour for not meeting him and talking to him on phone.
I dont have any feeling for him now - neither love nor hatred.
that's the reason i dont want any contact with him.
Over 3 years i gave him many chances, i was literally at his feet.
now i know its not the way men treat their women.
the first time my sag guy sat by my side whole night while i was not feeling well, i almost cried.
because all my ex did even when i was not well was insisting for sex
anyway he says he treated me as he treats himself. may be he is harsh on himself..!
i gave myself 100% in this relationship, tried everything i can.
i cant list out points for him to apply in next relationship..!
it's painful for me to revisit all situations.
moreover its not him but its me who changed..
the qualities i liked in him more or less remains the same.
but what he lacks is what i wanted in a relationship - empathy and caring..
Future_uncertain, its he who owes me money
thanks for ur replies. its really a relief to know i am not alone

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Posts: 1382
From:
Registered: Oct 2004

posted April 21, 2005 04:56 AM         

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He sent a positive mail for the first time..
i felt really happy and even thought of sending a reply.
but he gave 3 blank calls and then 4th time said "Check ur mail, dont work so hard" and kept the phone without waiting for my reply
Its getting on my nerves, soon i may start stop attending office phone calls
I have holiday tomorrow..
Going to Sag's home to meet his parents
his mom is so lovable(i am already talking to her on phone daily)

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