posted May 22, 2005 01:58 PM         

When my kids were little (2-4ish) we had issues with having fits in stores... fits over treats, or toys... whatever.

I was so fed up... it was so embarrassing. I hated it!

I went to the book store and browsed the parenting book section. This book, From Toddler to Teenager, How Not to Raise a Brat, jumped out at me. It's a pretty short book, but helpful... and a quick read is nice when you have little ones.

Anyhoo... there was a section on my exact issue in the book.

The advice went like this:

Stage a trip to the store, expecting to drop everything and leave when your child throws their fit. Take them home. Give them a consequence. Age appropriate, of course... and something to suit the crime.

So... lets say you're going to stage a grocery store trip. Make sure you only gather non perishable foods in your cart because you'll probably be leaving it. No need to cost the market money.

If it's the park, maybe you can stage an afternoon at the park. Give her a time limit. Keep her informed of the passing time. Expect her to freak out, but pick her up and carry her away when it is time to leave. If she has a fit (which she probably will the first couple times), be firm and consistent. "We're going home. Your behavior is unacceptable. We will talk about your consequence when we get there." This will give you time to think of something to suit the crime. You've gotta take out that BIG FIRM MAMA voice.

Another thing... I've taught my children they may not speak to me disrespectfully because I am their mother. Period. I have drilled this into their heads. Every time they take a tone with me, or say something inappropriate (Every Time... consistency), I get down on their level and ask them, "Why isn't it okay for you to speak to me that way?", to which they reply "Because you're my mother." Then, I make them apologize to me for being disrespectful. They must say the words, "I'm sorry for being disrespectful." Then we hug and its all over.

Sue,

What an ordeal with you little guy.

I'm pretty sure, though, that my niece's situation is not the same. Her eating issues (I'm pretty sure) stem from her dad preferring to be her buddy, rather than her father, and only offering her foods she likes... or wants to eat. There's not much discipline in her home. Although, she is a very well behaved child.

Another example of the lack of discipline (to further illustrate the eating issue) is bed time. She's a 1st grader. She has no bed time. She stays up until she crashes nightly... because, you see, she doesn't want to go to bed early. She has been late to school so many times this year that she has been called into the Principal's office and been told if she's late one more time, she will be suspended from school. So... now... when she's late, she just doesn't go to school at all. Since her conversation with the Principal she has averaged 1 miss day of school a week.

I hope that kinda helps you have a better understanding of the situation.

I really do believe this eating issue has been created within her by a lack of parenting.

posted May 22, 2005 02:07 PM         

Something else that goes with consistency is encouragement.

When she does well, especially in a trouble area like leaving the park, make a big deal of what a good/big girl she is. How proud you are of such good behavior. Not bribes, but words of encouragement.

posted May 23, 2005 08:02 AM         

Keep up the good work, slowly but surely, it will help. I went to help my friend out babysitting for the two children I mentioned in the "Anorexia/ Kids" thread. Like I said, the little girl never normally eats anything, but we cooked a mixed bag of stuff like sausage (not supermarket sausage), bacon, fried eggs, sweetcorn, sweet potato and broccoli.

Now the kids, who NEVER normally touch vegetables, BOTH helped themselves. Even though the little girl didn't eat the broccoli and only a bit of the sweet potato (and polished off four chocolate mousses and two pancakes afterwards) it was significant that she did actually take it, and she did actually eat something (for once).

The reason why? Because the food their mother serves them is boring. She has a repertoire of about 2 meals - no kidding, it's either mince and pasta or Tacos and Turkey Twizzlers. No vegetables, because they "don't like" vegetables. Then she goes on abut the hours she spends cooking wonderful meals for them, whilst in fact all she does is pop Turkey Twizzlers in the microwave for 5 minutes!! I can't honestly see why she can't prepare the same food for them as she does for herself and her husband, for a start, it would mean that she didn't have to prepare two separate meals.

The kids are bored, they have no options, no variation, this is why they are disenchanted. Also they have no discipline in other areas, it was a riot trying to get them to bed - similar to what you are saying, LibraSparkle!!!

I was feeling a bit maternal the other night - but reading some of the posts on this thread - perhaps not quite so much...