Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 19, 2005 11:02 AM         

---

I read an interesting thread on anorexia and children. This really touched me deeply cos our little boy, who is now 6, has real problems eating. We have taken him to doctors (waste of time), several different healers (very helpful), but with the grace of God and an open mind we have been helped by a couple of amazing friends.One of these women is a past life/soul recall therapist and she immediately felt a strong bond between herself and our son. She saw him in past lives having problems with his stomach (I wont go into details now,but would be pleased to go deeper if anyone wants to hear). She minds him for us at times and has formed a very close bond with him. She says he came in to this life with huge issues around finding food and digestion. Of course, I felt a bit unsure at first. Then I wrote to a woman in England who is a medium/channeler. All I sent her was a photo and a brief description of our little one. The answer that came back astouned me. She said he was living in London as a peasant boy and only got to eat one or two things, one being crusts of bread, and then went onto say that is why he is so scared of trying new foods, its a strong PAST LIFE MEMORY!! OMG there was my husband and I thinking he was being difficult and controlling, and yet in the back of my somewhat open and enquiring mind I KNEW there was more to "he is a picky eater, he is controlling you" etc etc. A couple of weeks ago, I sat with him to eat his kiwi and he looked so pained, turned to me and said "Mummy this is very hard for me" and I said "I know love, but I will help you, just take your time". To date we are getting him to eat peas, carrots and kiwi fruit. It is only with love, gentleness and huge understanding that I am begiining to realise, as with everything, there is always the bigger picture.

Libra Sparkle, I know you mean well with regard to your neice, but this is how our son was, vomitting up food, it wasnt difficulty it was FEAR, fear of allowing the body to take in different foods, this is a kind of illness which needs huge patience. I have actually seen our son looking terrified at the thought of having to eat certain things, like a panic almost. He is remembering how it was in past lives, he recalls the fear. I hope your little niece can get the help she needs. Every day is an uphill battle for us, I am exhausted, but feel like progress is being made, with kindness, firmness and understanding, and most of all LOVE.

I would be pleased to talk about this further if anyone is interested. Love and hope to all xxxxx

IP: Logged

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted May 19, 2005 12:15 PM         

---

I'm glad you were able to get some insight sue. I really hope it helps.
When I was a child, I would literally get sick to my stomach while eating vegetables. Today, I still get nausious when I have to eat them cooked. I can tolerate uncooked veggies. There weren't any traumatic childhood events that may have created this problem. I don't have any problems with other foods. I wonder if that was some pastlife trauma?? Makes me think.

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 19, 2005 01:02 PM         

---

When I was a small child, I had a babysitter who was sort of 'tough' She was old-world, and I am prety sure I received many smacks on the bottom from her too.
My mother worked up to three jobs, so I spent a lot of time in the neighbourhood, and with babysitters..
She made boiled, sludgy peppers.... a whole lump of them on my plate, and my mother never made peppers, so I didn't like them.. she made me eat them.. literally made me.. and I choked on them, going in and out.

I cannot eat peppers.. though if I miss a few on my pizza, I will tolerate them.. and when someone makes roasted peppers, I can't do it, no matter how good tthey say they taste.
I also have issues swallowing.
I have to chew my food very very thoroughly ( hence I am the last person eating) sometimes, my throat forgets how.. it should be auomatic, like breathing... but, mid-swallow, I can't remember how to finish the swallow.....
Especially when I was a teenager... I remember specific moments, in public paces, but it happens anywhere.
The ones close to me know now, that when I go 'whoa' and push away my plate, I am done.

It's wierd..
I think I choked in a past life.
My kids know... "You DO NOT choke at my table.. house rules and outside rules.. you aren't allowed to choke."
I make it a joke, but they know I am serious about it.

IP: Logged

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted May 19, 2005 01:04 PM         

---

My niece has been in and out of treatment for anorexia most of her life. She has been so very thin! Looked like a skeleton. SHe is a bit better now. She is 24 now. I will have to send this to her. Thanks Sue.

IP: Logged

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 19, 2005 01:15 PM         

---

Thanks guys for your comments, keep em coming. Isnt it great that we are living in such enlightening times and at last children are being treated as human beings. Ive heard some horror stories about food and discipline and Pixie your story made me realise how we are affected by our childhhoods. One woman I knew made her son eat porridge every day, he hated it, resisted with a vengance, but she still persisted. Guess what, when he was 21 she sent him for an allergy test and he was ALLERGIC to the stuff. She later trained as a healer and became a Reiki master, a wonderfully powerful woman. Very gifted, very psychic, very Taurus. When our son was small she minded him a couple of times and after the second time she looked me straight in the eyes and with such conviction said "you NEVER hit or shout at this child, you will have to find another way". When he was old enough to speak he said to me one day when I was shouting "Mummy please dont do that, it doesnt work, it scares me". OMG her words came rushing back to me.I am so lucky to be drawn to such gifted people - I have, with much struggle, been able to gain an understanding of our lovely, but challenging child. I am so grateful for the love between us. When I took his details to a very talented astrologer, she said to me "this is a very serious child, very sensitive, very gifted". She then went on to say that the compassion between us was huge and when he became a man, we would be very good friends. When I see the way we have evolved as humans, it makes my heart feel good - L O V E is everything. Our son has at times brought us to our knees, but when I look at him now, I can see such beauty and strength - for all his quirks and difficult ways, he is a wonderful human being and the problems have brought us closer together. I can hear him singing now, maybe one day we shall sing in public together, now wouldnt that be something??? Love and compassion to all and thanks guys you are all a gift xxxx

IP: Logged

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted May 19, 2005 01:22 PM         

---

Sue, he is also blessed to have you!

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 19, 2005 01:50 PM         

---

I wonder why today, of all days, you chose to tell your story.
Remember my daughter and I?
I am almost too exhausted, physically and emotionally, to tell this, but i need to....
Well, today, we went to the park, and when it was time to go ( I even gave her an extra five minutes) she ran away from me... I was calm, and I told her. realy, it is time now.. she ran away to the other side of the park, *after kicking stones at me and yelling.. completely disrespectful*
Finally, when I told her I was serious, it was time to go, she rebelled and hit me through the bars of the play structure she was on. I picked her up and carried her, telling her loudly not to hit her mother.
She proceeded to struggle, punch, kick, hit nd scream ( and bite) all the way home, treating our neighbours to a wonderfully demorallizing show.
She anted to go to the store, and I told her no way, it was straight to her room, no treats.
Every time she would struggle out of my arms she would ' run away to the store '
I am so exhausted.. and she wouldn't stay in a time out, she wouldn't stay in her room, he weould follow me around, clinging and hitting and throwing things at me....
I told her it was in her best interests for her to let me be away from her.. I couldn't handle it...
I am seriously so sick of this, I can't even discipline her, it takes more effort than I can handle, so I just keep being her punching bag, until she is tired or remorseful enough to stop.
My husband called this time, and heard ( and I reported) what she was doing.
He knows.. but she is different with him.
I never wanted to be the kind of person who says "Just wait until your father gets home" but I am.
I can't even describe it to you accurately.
Who even cares.

IP: Logged

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted May 19, 2005 02:28 PM         

---

I care Pix! I battle with my daughter all the time! Yesterday she stuck her tounge out at me when I told her she had to go to her room. I barely stopped myself from slapping her face. I need nanny911

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 19, 2005 02:46 PM         

---

I can't hit.
I've tried the whole smack her bum thing, it just makes it worse.
She is violent with me, and I am not violent back.. it takes all my energy just to restrain her.
M<y husband was on the phone with me.,. he said "just spank her bum and put her in her room, end of story"
(he heard her rage though, I don't know what he was thinking)
But there is nothing I can do.. She won't stay in her room, when I pick her up to put her there, she bites me, struggles out of my grip, freaks out in general, and then will get up (kicking me all the while) and thow things at me when I try to leave her presence.
Today she followed me everywhere....
I'm like.. Yes, I hear you, but there is nothing I can do for you.
Leave me alone and stay where I put you and then when you calm down we can talk....
What am I going to do when she is a teenager?
She has zero respect for me.
None at all. She just doesn't listen. Which is a major issue when we cross the street even. Respect is needed.
Trust is needed.
Oh man.
thanks for listening.
I am so dried up right now.
Thankfully, I have work tonight, so i will be away from it.

My hubby had sympathy.

IP: Logged

Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004

posted May 19, 2005 03:40 PM         

---

Oh PixelPix, I STILL, loathe that I am left with the '... father home...' last ditch effort, for just the sound of peace for 10 seconds... left to wonder why that respect for Dad, is not there for you...? I know and, completely understand, where you are b-( Description is unnecessary and, for what it's worth, I Care

Much Love, Light and, Strength to you PixelPix.

~ geminstone

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 19, 2005 03:54 PM         

---

Thanks again

IP: Logged

Posts: 931
From: Southeast Florida
Registered: Nov 2003

posted May 19, 2005 05:27 PM         

---

This is probably unrelated, but pixelpixie, your post reminded me of when I went to school in Spain. I went to a public school, and like most schools in Europe, we had the choice of staying at school for lunch or going home. I had to stay at school because my grandmother didn't want to have to be home everyday at a specific time to watch me when I came home. The lunches at our school were HORRIBLE. Purreed vegetable soup, fishsticks, runny eggs with weird little sausages, thick lentil soup with god knows what inside, chickpeas with gross vegetables, etc- it was healthy, but not what most children or people in general prefer to eat.

So, that wouldn't have bothered me- except for the fact that you had to eat all of your food or you would stay in the cafeteria until you finished it (recess lasted for two hours afterwards). The teachers would force-feed us kids that stayed behind, some nicer than others about it- but either way, you weren't allowed to get out of the dining hall until your food was gone. It was awful- I still remember in graphic detail days when they would serve this awful fish that tasted so much like fish, and I hated and still hate seafood. And to my knowledge, they do this in most primary schools in Spain.

IP: Logged

Posts: 3396
From: Here, there and everywhere.
Registered: Jun 2004

posted May 19, 2005 06:02 PM         

---

I'm definatly not the parent of the year, but...
Pix, you are very strong willed, perhaps your daughter is the same way. Maybe, just maybe there is some egos batteling here. Can you at all think of turning a bad situation into a funny one? Instead of a battle of wills? Maybe she wants a reaction from you. I'll try to give you an example. I know in the heat of the moment you aren't thinking along these lines...
Daughter acts out, kicks screams, yells, etc.
Remember her emotions are seperate from yours. Could you say something along the lines of, "You know who you remind me of? You remind me of that tazmanian devil on TV."
(Try to do your best impression of him, arms flailing, roll on the ground, really act it out, and laugh at the same time.)Don't mock her. She will see you acting out in public and probably think it's funny. Especially if your attitude is good. When you feel yourself start to boil over a situation, announce that you are putting yourself in time out. Leave the room, get your sh!t together. Occasionally my son and I have a battle of wills. It's not fun for either of us, so we agreed to take timeouts when we are angry and give each other time outs when we think the other needs a break. We usually end up laughing, because he's my kid and I know he's right! We call truce when we don't agree and talk about it later. Find ways to empower your daughter so that she doesn't feel like you are always right and she is helpless because you are the adult. But most of all remember her feelings are not yours. I hope I didn't sound like a know it all. Be prepared for those incodents before hand. Think of creative ways to deal with her anger before she gets angry, when you are calm. Tell her "when we go to the park, we go to have a good time right? Well, do you think that our arguing makes it fun for either of us? Maybe we should avoid going to the park, we don't want to get angry with each other do we? (matter of factly) Oh, you dooo want to go to the park, hmmmmm, is there a way we can agree neither of us is going to throw a fit when we have to go home? OK. I promise I won't kick and scream if you don't kick and scream, pinkie?
Yeah, I know sounds like trash huh? Well I have always raised my son to not expect his mom is going to act rational, or normal. I get more silly in public than he does! Today he thinks I'm cool, because other moms are like, dead.
In the begining I took parenting too seriously and It literally made me sick. When I let go of some of the control, I was able to see how I wanted my son to be the poster child for good behavior. Children mimic behaviors of the people around them. Even if your intentions are in the right place, your expression of that may opposite of what you intend.

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 20, 2005 01:12 AM         

---

Thanks for the advice.
It was well thought out and came from a good place.

IP: Logged

Posts: 468
From:
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 20, 2005 01:46 AM         

---

excellent book, i have yet to find, but listened to an in-depth interview with the author:

Unconditional Parenting : Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

by Alfie Kohn

worth a peek...i know my son and i need this book!

IP: Logged

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 20, 2005 04:34 AM         

---

Dear Pix, I really feel for you. Our son never hit or punched, but when he was between 2 and 4, he was a bloody nightmare. I have noticed the last few weeks he is becoming so much more reasonable and even says things like "sorry Mummy if I keep asking for things and making you running around after me". I am sure your little girl will change for the better. Like someone said earlier about battle of the wills,both our son and I and his dad have strong wills, but I have to remind myself that he is only a child and as soon as I changed my attitude and it is a VERY different approach that I use compared to lots of parents, it WORKED. A friend once said how in the name of God do you have so much patience. Well by nature I DONT - but I pray a lot!!! I dont know Pix, I feel so sorry for you, can feel that exhaustion in you, like I said before, our son almost brought me to my knees, so close to "giving up" on life. I feel with him, and it may not work with all kids, when I show him that I love him (I tell him lots of times a day), he becomes so much more reasonable - of course he is a boy too, the relationship is different with sons and moms isnt it? Oh dear Pixie, can I suggest me sending the little one some reiki - is there a pic on MSN, I could try if you like pet, it might help..............let me know sweetie...........I also feel you need some mothering - are you getting that from your Mum - I hope so??? Love to you and family Sue xxxx

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 20, 2005 11:13 AM         

---

Thanks saffron...

Sue.. I am seeing my mommy tonight.
*I hope you have a geat time singing and dancing tonight as well, I'll tip my glass to you "SLAINTE!"*

I worked last night, but my husband said he took away her videos and explained to her that she would get them back if she stopped behaving this way toward me.. she was good with it, as she was remorseful, and understood.
It's a pasive parenting at this point when she is like this. It is always over the small things.. a typical visit to the park.. I even gave her guidelines... like "we will go in five minutes, so be aware" but she gets to the point that she completely ignores me. Completely. Of course, my voice ges stern, I try to assert authority, but she doesn't respond.
I will get to the point that enough is enough, and I am firm... but still calm. I just say no, that is it, it is time. I explain every process to her, I don't take it for granted.
But she won't listen, won't respond, and it is over the tupd every day things.. it is defeating, and I am at the point that when she gets into one of her 'moods', there is literally noithing I can do but make sure she doesn't hurt me or herself too much.
There is no way to handle it, and I have approached it over the years ( few years, but many episodes, unfortunately....) with humour, tact, compassoin, anger, hurt, I have explored seemingly better ways.. but really, all I can do is ride the storm and wait for it to pass. She is difficult.
But she really is a sweetheart.
She has a bruise on her kneee and her arm today.. and seriously.. I didn't TOUCH her!
I restrained her and carried her as she wiggeled out of my arms.. but I am battered today.. bruises, bite marks.... scratches.
It makes me feel awful, as I can't stop it.
I am calm about it.. I approach it with a sense of here we go again, batten the hatches, pull arms in , be prepared.. as I know this will be one of those days.
I am not a bad parent, my son has had an entirely different view of me than she..... she is just difficult.
hmmmmmmmm.
Hopefully, this will pass soon.
*still waiting after 4 years*

IP: Logged

Posts: 1007
From: Golden, CO
Registered: Nov 2004

posted May 20, 2005 12:33 PM         

---

Hey Pix,
I wonder if, maybe, giving her some kind of an activity that serves as an outlet for the aggressive side, would help. Something like karate or tai chi. Not only do these teach one how to protect themselves but, they moreso, teach one self disipline. Plus, kids ultimately, really enjoy it usually. Maybe it would be a good ' Mom and Me', way to spend time together and, bring more quality in that time.... I know that these things can be viewed as ' fighting' but really, the lessons are not about the best ways to kick someone's a**. Tai chi, I know, is not. It is, basically, stretching and moving with balence and breathing.... it just so happens, that with this calming behaviour, anyone trying to assult you, essentially, kicks their own a** Anyway, I don't know how you feel about this kind of activity but, just a thought....

Be Well

~ geminstone

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 20, 2005 12:52 PM         

---

Thanks!
That's a good idea!
My son took karate for a year, and I loved going.. and yes, it would be a wonderful outlet for her as well.....
We've had a good day together, I think yesterday was a release, and today is a good one. Firm boundaries were set, and needed to be.
I am hoping this lasts a while.

IP: Logged

Posts: 468
From:
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 20, 2005 01:40 PM         

---

this album, by sinead o'connor, is so profoundly beautiful -- Gospel Oak. like nothing i've ever heard. it has at one and the same time, helped me with the mothering thing, and has helped me to 'feel mothered' -- loved in a way i never knew. it touches your soul in a way you wouldn't expect. her voice is so ethereal...please listen if you can!

here are the lyrics to 'This is to Mother You':

This is to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you
This is to be with you
To hold you and to kiss you too
For when you need me I will do
What your own mother didn't do
Which is to mother you
All the pain that you have known
All the violence in your soul
All the 'wrong' things you have done
I will take from you when I come
All mistakes made in distress
All your unhappiness
I will take away with my kiss, yes
I will give you tenderness
For child I am so glad I've found you
Although my arms have always been around you
Sweet bird although you did not see me
I saw you
And I'm here to mother you
To comfort you and get you through
Through when your nights are lonely
Through when your dreams are only blue
This is to mother you

IP: Logged

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 20, 2005 03:21 PM         

---

Thank you, that was beautiful!
I can only imagine those words put to her voice.. I have always admired her spirit and convictions and truth... I should listen to her again.

IP: Logged

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted May 20, 2005 05:40 PM         

---

I Love that song, Saffron!!

IP: Logged

Posts: 4050
From: The Boundless
Registered: Mar 2003

posted May 20, 2005 06:57 PM         

---

Pixie

Saffron or Juni might know this--perhaps there is a Bach Rescue Remedy for children. Or maybe they are not recommended for children. I've no idea, and have no advice, as I am not a mother. But I wish much love to you and your family.

IP: Logged

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted May 21, 2005 06:17 AM         

---

Hi Trillian and Pixie, yeah there are several bach flower remedies for children, our son took one for nightmares (rock rose), but you can get them for almost any "mood" - try them pixie, they worked for us! xx (holly and vine come to mind, just popped into my mind???)

IP: Logged

Posts: 5378
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted May 22, 2005 08:51 AM         

---

Hi Pixelpixie,

Sorry to hear that you are having some serious growing pains with your daughter. Have you ever watched SUPPER NANNY show on TV, I really think she knows her Stuff and she addresses such issues as yours and many others also. She also has a new book out and its really wonderful tool also. She really helps so many families with these kind of behaviours. Hope you find sometime to watch the show or get a copy of her book. It really works wonders.

Solane star

IP: Logged