posted May 23, 2005 05:42 PM         

Ever since my marriage I have consciously suffered from thrush/candida. I don't know whether I got it from my husband, or whether it was a combination of factors, the fact that I had 3 "stressful" goings-on in my life at once: 1) getting married; 2) moving house and having to contend with living with MIL; 3) my parents breaking up the day after we got married. It could have been the fact that my husband's and MIL's diet was higher in sugar/cheese/low fibre foods, etc. Whatever - I have had it for almost 7 years now and it seems to be getting worse, I only have to eat an apple that's slightly underripe and it brings me out in spots, plus my hormones are affected every month and I have had a spectrum of problems including gingivitis and fibrocystic problems. It's like I react to the SMALLEST amount of food in my body, the moment I eat meat I get period pains (because of the oestrogen/acidifying factor), or the moment I go over my self-imposed limit of about 2 pieces of fruit a day, I start to get candida-related problems. Weird!!

I have tried absolutely everything and nothing works. Plus, I have had my problems with Mr. Aqua, which are far too boring to mention. Then again, I wonder whether the solution might lie within myself....just thinking about sue g's Dysfunctional Relationships thread over on Soul Unions.

I am a highly strung perfectionist, I can tolerate some parts of my universe being in disarray but not others, I like to have tons of control over things, some things I cannot control bother me. I NEVER ever relax, I worry about "wasting time", I'm always on the move doing something, my husband says it does his head in. If I'm not doing my artwork, I'm gardening, playing guitar, going for a walk, on the Internet etc. I have to be constantly occupied and involved. I can't do anything like watch television, it's too passive for me.

Sometimes I think that it can't be good for my health and that maybe I ought to consciously practise something like meditation, or I ought to have something of a personality spring-clean: "Go out and buy your own brand new personality" - yeah, right! Then again, I feel some aspects of my personality do need to be altered, otherwise I'm not going to make old bones. I get very stressed-out, yet there are tons of people with greater problems than me.

I do believe a lot of this stuff is psychosomatic though and I see myself heading for pastures new sometime this year. I have no idea what effect it will have on my health, except that I really couldn't imagine the situation to get even more chronic than it already is.

I do harbour a ton of resentment against my parents or anyone who has ever hurt me, whatever happens, I can never get over the hurt I felt, even if I forget it temporarily, it's always there and seeing them does no good at all, it only makes me more ill. Whatever anyone might say, they created me - and they are my parents - and I can't stand them!! Likewise, with Mr. Aqua, things are OK during the good times, but I really hate him during the bad times.

I wish I could put a lid on some of these emotions, or just rise to a higher spiritual level and not let them affect me. I feel so undeveloped in that area, and, to tell you the truth, a bit lost, I have a feeling that a certain peace of mind is beyond me. I am so un-serene it's not true - SO imperfect!! I was talking to a therapist the other day and I said that I felt in many ways I was taken advantage of because I "look" vulnerable. She reckoned I didn't look vulnerable, that I was more like steel wire!!! Maybe other people get a different impression, they don't see the huge highs and the huge lows.

I am prepared to try some sort of work that focuses on the spiritual side of myself, but I think it needs some activity (sic) on my behalf, it cannot just be a case of taking a remedy or receiving treatment, that will only have a palliative effect, it can't penetrate deeper than a certain level.

I would be interested to hear what you think!

LOL

AriesTiger

posted May 25, 2005 04:48 AM         

I have also looked into meditation and the ability to focus the mind would be a boon for me because I have to be working on several different projects at the same time, I find it really hard to get stuck into one thing. Another Scorpio has been quite tough with me in this regard and I think they are winning I feel that anyone who can teach me patience deserves a medal! Meditation would also help in focusing my mind on the here and now, rather than always thinking about the past or future, as I am wont to do.

Also, I have got to WANT to get better. I sometimes wonder why therapies are not working as well as they should, and realize that a large part of me is quite comfortable with the status quo, although it makes no sense and is not ultimately doing me any good in the long run!! The challenge will be getting better in ANY situation, as well, as I said, I don't know whether a change in lifestyle would make any difference or not.

Although I tend to like to concentrate on one type of therapy at a time, I think it would be good to switch from one to the other as I feel the need, because this is probably likely to be more in tune with my energies.

Thank you again,